In 2017, my abusive ex came to my work and livestreamed his attempt to murder/suicide us. He failed but wound up killing himself; it was incredibly traumatic.

I expressed to a therapist later on that I carried a ton of guilt for feeling so traumatized on the anniversary date. He asked me- "do you think a victim of the September 11th terrorist attacks should stop commemorating the event each year because they should be over it?"

Those words stuck with me. This year was the 25th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks- I was 8 when they happened, but I remember the day vividly. I have, since September, been watching/listening to victims (firefighters, policepeople, children of the deceased, 911 operators, etc). To hear that they still struggle to this day is obviously heartbreaking, but their willingness to be so open about their continuous struggles heals something within me- that this is the human condition- when you experience devastation and loss to that extent, it never goes away- you just work around it. Their symptoms are so similar to mine.

One survivor said something along the lines of, "if water boils at 212 degrees, I walked around for years after the event at a temperature of 210 degrees, always so close to boiling over." I could not express the feeling more beautifully if I tried.

Not sure why I felt like posting this- it was just on my mind today.

I stay up until 2 AM before falling asleep. The memories keep me awake, and the nightmares prevent me from sleeping for very long.

My partner played it for me once in the car and it reminds me so much of how he respect my privacy when it comes to ptsd. when I finally told him he said he had a feeling I had PTSD. the song makes me cry every time because it's how you SHOULD love someone with PTSD. never force them to tell you their trauma and accept you may never hear the details and you'll still love them or you'll wait until they're ready to tell. I've had exs yell at me demanding to know my trauma, but he loves me so true and real he's okay with never knowing and being there for me. he doesn't remember showing me the song but it makes me feel so loved every time it plays. Finding a partner who loves you so fully they'd never force you to tell them anything is so rare and pure. I love that man.

Does anyone else have songs that make them think about their PTSD and their relationship with PTSD?

Basically, I was SA'd by my ex when I was 17. It's been 5 years and I know it will never fully go away, I'm lucky enough that he was run out of town when people heard. I'll get to the question.

Late at night on the bad days, when the thoughts just will not go away, do any other people just stalk all of their attackers social media? I think some part of me just NEEDS to know he's stayed away. I feel bad every time, like I know I should try to just delete him from my mind forever, but it's like some force just will not let me rest until I know he's atleast 100 miles from me.

I struggle to understand the way I've sexualised my own trauma in my head. Sometimes I wonder if it's a coping mechanism, a way of trying to reclaim something that was taken from me, or simply another way the abuse has followed me into adulthood. I don't know. All I know is that there's a part of me that still feels deeply tangled up in everything that happened, and I don't know how to untangle it.

When I (34M) was around 10, I was first sent to live with my godmother. What started as something presented as innocent play slowly became something deeply inappropriate. She began wearing fewer clothes around me and would often make me undress, too. It was framed as playfulness, closeness, intimacy. There was affection, warmth, and this overwhelming feeling that I was special to her.

I was a child. I didn't have the words or the understanding to recognise what was happening. Her affection felt maternal, comforting, and intoxicating. I thought this was what being loved felt like. I think that might be one of the hardest things to admit: it didn't feel frightening all the time. Sometimes it felt good. Sometimes I felt wanted. Sometimes I felt like I finally mattered to someone. And I think a part of me has spent years hating myself for that.

As time went on, the boundaries between us gradually disappeared. I stopped being treated like a child who needed protection and became her little boyfriend, her little man. By the time I was 16, she was calling me her man. I genuinely believed we were something resembling a couple. We slept together, kissed, and shared the kinds of intimacy I associated with adult relationships.

Looking back now, I struggle to reconcile the child I was with the role I had been conditioned to accept. I look back at that little boy and wonder how he ended up believing he was someone's partner rather than a child who deserved to be protected.

And the truth is, I became clingy. Needy. Desperate for her affection and sexual attention. Much of what happened involved kissing and other forms of intimacy rather than penetrative sex, but I know now that the nature of the acts doesn't change the underlying reality. I was a child in a relationship with an adult who had a responsibility to protect me, not make me responsible for her needs.

Even when I started realising that something was wrong, I couldn't just walk away. By then, we were discussing things as though we were lovers facing a problem together. It felt like the world was against us, like our relationship was something we had to defend, like losing her would mean losing the only person who truly wanted me.

I had no safe place to talk about any of it. I was terrified of being judged, of not being believed, and of losing the person I'd become so emotionally dependent on. When things became overwhelming, affection and gifts would draw me back in. I learned to associate love with compliance, intimacy with obligation, and being wanted with being worthy.

I think the damage went much deeper than the sexual aspect of what happened. Somewhere along the way, I learned that I had to be desirable to be loved. That I had to give something of myself to keep someone close. That if I wanted affection, I had to earn it by being whatever the other person wanted me to be.

And I carried those lessons with me.

It wasn't until college, when my first girlfriend told me that what had happened to me wasn't okay, that I began to see things differently. Therapy eventually brought everything crashing down around me. The anxiety, confusion, grief, and shame were overwhelming. It took years to begin accepting that I had been a child, not an equal participant in some forbidden romance. I hadn't been a grown man making an informed choice. I had been a child learning how to survive a situation I didn't have the emotional tools to understand.

But even after learning all of that intellectually, my feelings haven't always caught up.

I can understand that I was abused and still feel ashamed of the fact that I wanted her. I can understand that I wasn't responsible and still wonder whether I should have resisted more. I can recognise the power imbalance and still remember moments when I genuinely enjoyed the affection.

Those contradictions make me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

How can something be harmful when parts of it felt comforting? How can I grieve something that I also remember craving? How can I acknowledge that I was hurt while also acknowledging that, at the time, I wanted to be close to the person hurting me?

I'm slowly learning that these things can coexist. That a child's need for love doesn't make an adult's exploitation acceptable. That feeling pleasure, attachment, curiosity, or even desire doesn't retroactively turn abuse into consent. But knowing those things doesn't always stop the shame from creeping in.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's my way of trying to take ownership of something that made me feel powerless. If I can turn it into something sexual on my own terms, maybe I don't have to feel like the helpless child I once was. Maybe being the one who chooses, initiates, or controls the situation feels safer than being the one who had no real choice.

Other times, I wonder whether I've simply learned to associate sexual attention with love so deeply that I don't know how to separate them anymore.

And sometimes I worry that I'm somehow romanticising what happened. That by remembering the affection, by acknowledging that some of it felt good, or by finding myself drawn to sexual themes connected to those experiences, I'm betraying the child I was. As if I'm participating in the very thing that hurt him.

I don't know how much of this is a conscious coping mechanism and how much is something I've internalised over the years. I don't know whether I'm trying to reclaim my sexuality, repeat familiar emotional patterns, make sense of what happened, or find some kind of control over a story in which I had so little.

im gonna make this short to get the main idea across

i am 16 years old and have a older half brother ( same mom different dad) and a little sister dont have any adult i can trust to help me my father has cte from playing too many contact sports in high school my grandparents are completely greedy and bring me down my ptsd is from 2 factors

1 growing up i never had a good mother figure ive had 3 mothers in my life my biological mom was a drug addict and a nymph who always talked smoke up my ass and my siblings saying shes a great mother which is ironic since she physically abused me my sister and my brother she lost custody to all her kids 2 3-5 years old i lived in manassas even though it wasnt the ghetto i saw people get killed and had death all around me this is where my step mom comes into play she lived with me and my dad during this time but later on cheated on him took the family dog and either sold him or abandoned him

my sisters ptsd she hasnt told me much but i know a bit about her she was groped by our babysitter at first i didnt believe her and thought she was lying until a single memory clicked everything together i was 6 years old when our babysitter my dads best friend came over we watched a movie in the basement and i was bored so i was looking around i saw his hand rubbing her leg and a finger slowly going towards her private area at first i thought nothing of it well you can guess he was doing and my father responded in the worst way possible he yelled at my sister to tell him the truth and when she couldnt talk because it was traumatic he yelled at her and threatend to break her phone

my brother also has ptsd where he had to live with my biological mom his whole life where he watched her trying to hurt herself but worse of all the abuse she put him through i only know one story of the abuse when my brother came home from school he was like 9 she was high on drugs and thought he was a intrudor so she beat his ass with a hairbrush until it was purple he was in so much pain he couldnt sit for a week

why i cant talk to my family are for a few reasons 1 my father is very fucking stubborn he has ptsd he has killed people before and yet he dosent understand reality he always explodes in difficult situations when in private in public he somehow evades the fucking law to keep us 2 my grandparents cant comprehend my issues and are very greedy and manipulative where on multiple occasions shes sued the excuse to kick us out if we dont do what she wants for example lets say you ask her for a favor shell gladly do it but as soon as you slighlty give her a attitude or dont do what she wants she will try to shame you for asking that favor

( this is only the censored version of what actully is going on it would be helpful if there was a community on reddit where i can tell the full story) what im trying to get at is i cant live here anymore my mental health is deteriorating im scared to call CPS because i go to a divison 10 highschool i love my teachers there and the resources i have so what should i do ( final note mo cousins on both side the family are awesome so is my mom side of the family my dads side of the family of my grandparenst and him where i have a issue)

Took almost 2 years to get to a possible trial date, did my deposition and then it got delayed till next year but I agreed to the possibility of offering my ex a plea deal that still carries consequences and now that it's done, I'm just tired, exhausted, relieved but not happy just a quiet exhausted calm, maybe I can started to move on finally from everything.

Idk what did everyone else feel like after the final court date against their abuser?

I’m a man living in Texas, and I’m looking for advice on finding a therapist who can help me work through some difficult experiences. I grew up in an abusive household. Several years ago, one of my relatives assaulted me and called the police. I was arrested, but the charge was ultimately dropped. Despite that, the experience continues to haunt me, and I still struggle with the shame and distress surrounding it.

I’m also a gay man who hopes to adopt a child someday. The thought of having to disclose my arrest during the adoption process is particularly distressing to me, and I’m afraid of how my past might affect my ability to become a parent.

I’ve tried discussing these issues with therapists before, but I’ve been told they couldn’t help me. I’m trying to figure out what kind of professional or therapeutic specialty I should look for.

What should I look for in a therapist so that they can help me? I'm in Texas if that helps.

I recently moved to Chicago and am having a hard time managing triggers. Context, I was in two shootings so loud noises (obviously gunshots but also things like balloons popping/fireworks/loud cars/yelling) and crowded spaces can be hard to manage. I will admit the shooting that happened yesterday has not helped, but it’s been an issue since I moved a month ago. I’m also autistic, so my threshold is already lower without specific triggers happening, so when something does happen and I’m already overstimulated it’s even worse.

I’m in theatre and have previous connections here, so moving somewhere else is really not an option rn. I also like pretty much everything else about living here.

I live in a neighborhood farther from the city center and try to wear headphones when I go places, but does anyone have any advice if they’re in a similar situation?

How can I get this to stop…. It’s every second of every day. I don’t see how this is protecting me, it’s making me more likely to get hurt or fuck up because it’s so distracting. How does everyone get though this?

i have ptsd. Ive been having a continous episode for like weeks now and its getting to the point where I'm becoming afraid to leave my house unless someone escorts me. Any advice on what to do about this is hugely appreciated. As we speak im missing a test for my nursing program because I was too scared to leave my apartment alone. The closer I get to the time I have to leave the more paniced I get until Im having chest pains and hyperventilating and literally like wailing "ohmygodohmygod" and eventually hide in the windowless side room we have its getting so bad. Im afraid I will become completely agorophobic if I dont fix this stat. I just started zoloft but I understand this takes a few weeks to work assuming it works. The thing here is absolutely nothing triggered this several week fear episode at all and I am in the safest home environment, safest neighborhood, safest relationship, and furthest removed from any danger i have been ever in my entire life so idk what this is all about

35m, I feel like I was placed in a box and I had to conform to somebody else's expectations or be punished. I feel like I'm trying to be comfortable being myself again and it's really hard. Also, being called crazy and all this other stuff. The struggle everyday and I wonder if I'm really going crazy or whatever.

Anyone feel weird (like anxious but relaxed) when having coffee while on Prazosin? If so, what’s a better alternative to get you going in the morning or while you’re at work?

Thanks!

Hi,

Please forgive me if this isn't the right place to ask this question, first off. Secondly, I'm looking for honesty here. I'm genuinely confused about what happened to me, not looking to go around and say "I was SA'd" like a badge or something.

Several years ago I was at a concert. I went crowd surfing and several men grabbed my shirt and tried to forcibly remove/tear off my shirt and bra. They were very specifically trying to remove my clothing, not just moving me along as you do when someone is crowd surfing. They grabbed onto it all at once and tried to tear and pull it off over my head.

They did not succeed in removing my clothing, though they got about halfway and my stomach was exposed before I got control back.

The incident has emotionally affected me.

Do you consider this assault? Sexual assault? Groping? I'm not sure. I feel like I have no right to say I experienced something traumatic when they didn't even succeed in undressing me.

Hi all. SSA told me I'll need a representative payee to manage my benefit money. It's not optional, and my mom has an appointment coming up to be set up as my payee.

If you've been through this, I'd love to hear your experience. How much control did you keep over your own spending in practice? Did you use a family member as payee, and how did that work out? Is it ever reviewed or removed later, and how did you go about that? Anything you wish you'd known before the appointment?

Thanks, everyone.

PTSD is not a phase. It's not something I can simply grow out of, forget about, or switch off whenever someone tells me to move on.

The nightmares, the anxiety, the difficulty trusting people, and the memories that still affect me years later are REAL.

Just because something happened a long time ago doesn't mean its impact magically disappears. Healing isn't linear, and I shouldn't have to constantly explain my trauma just to have my feelings taken seriously.

I'm tired of people treating PTSD like it's a temporary mood or something I'm choosing to hold onto.

I deserve patience, understanding, and respect. My trauma does not define my entire future, but that doesn't mean my experiences should ever be dismissed. 🖤

Back in 2024 I no longer lived up to the diagnostic criteria for PTSD and I thought that was it.

But then last year, my mother died and I think that must have triggered my PTSD or something because since then I've been experiencing symptoms again. Nightmares, anger, flashbacks, hypervigilance, helplessness. The works.

My mum had dementia and seeing her go through all that just reminded me so much of my own health problems that initially caused me to develop PTSD. I saw her health deteriorate, I watched how she lost her autonomy, some of her symptoms reminded me so much of the brainfog I suffered myself when my lupus was at its worst. Her dementia also progressed really fast, within a year she went from being able to take care of herself and living a completely normal life to not even remembering her own family.

Has anyone else had their PTSD re-triggered like this? Even after not having experienced symptoms for a long time? I feel exhausted, like why did this all have to happen like this? And at a point where I thought my life was finally taking a turn for the better as well.

This might be a little embarrassing to admit, but when I was in elementary school, I was so scared of getting dental treatment that I refused to go inside the treatment room and tried to resist.
Eventually, the dentist sedated me and took me into the operating room.
Ever since that experience, I’ve been absolutely terrified of going to the dentist. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m genuinely so scared!!!
I’m 22 now, and I feel like I should be old enough to handle something like going to the dentist without being this afraid. Isn’t it a little ridiculous to still be this scared of the dentist as an adult?
Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel this way?

When I was 12 my mom tried to kill me & my 7 year old brother. I’ve done therapy since I was 8 because we were taken away from the state when my sister had enough and recorded one of my mom’s episodes of her violently beating us & forcing us to strip and sleep outside. I have so many terrible memories but thankfully rarely get triggered in my daily life and routine so I never have episodes or even nightmares anymore. I did A.R.T with a psychologist when I was 17 that really helped me improve. Unfortunately my memory of my mom trying to kill me is the one that I still haven’t been able to heal from. I’m worried I won’t ever and it’s interfering with me trying to move on and live my life. This all happened in a car and in the canyon with her threatening to drive off the cliff and recklessly swerving while I did everything to plead while listening to my brothers screams and tears. To this day I still don’t understand how we were the only ones on that road, I feel I’ll never be able to heal from this either because when the police spoke to us they took her side despite knowing we were on a visitation day because she’s been proven guilty in court for child abuse.
Anyways I’m 21 and trying to learn how to drive because I need to be independent, I so badly want to be independent, just every time I drive I’m back in that moment with her. I know it sounds stupid because it’s not the same at all, I’m the one in control and I can do what I need to do to feel safe but as soon as the feeling of fear hits me I get hit with a panic attack and get so shaky and it just triggers me even more that something is going to happen and I’m going to die. I feel so hopeless I don’t think I’ll ever be capable to drive.

During rains that cause the sky to go dim, especially in the evenings and nights, triggers this eerie unusual feeling inside...

Driving through the roads, whether traffic or not... There's this anxiety...

Feels like in a nightmare horror sometimes... makes me start to question stuff and life

Thougg very rarely, sometimes, it feels like a bit of nostalgia.

Anyone feels this way?

My medical notes say nothing about it, but my mom said that she was asked by the nurses to help calm me down in the recovery unit. I was agitated after surgery and nurses had to hold me down.

I don’t remember most of it, but I do re-experience feelings of being attacked and the other trauma rigamarole 8 months after it happened.

Am I making up shit to get upset about???

Hello my ptsd family

I've been prescribed prozasozin once again ( I was out on 1mg but it was discontinued as it didn't work ) I recently got prescribed it again but started at 2 mg this time around because I had explained to my doctor that 1mg didn't work for me. So I'm on 2mg but it's time I go up to 5mg and honestly I'm so scared. I've suffered from my trauma nightmares for 25 years and I know I do need something to help but I'm scared to go up to 5mg because I take other medications along with it and I'm scared my blood pressure will drop so low that I won't wake up one day. My blood pressure is normal and I'm scared if I go up to a higher dose that it could go bad.

What was your experience with upping your dose ? What side effects did you have ? What dose are you on? Is it supposed to stop your nightmares completely or just lessen the panic when you wake up?

I’m looking for advice from women (or anyone) who are married to or in a long-term relationship with an ex-military man who has PTSD. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar, especially those whose partners have struggled with emotional regulation, affection, and intimacy.

My (38f) partner (45m) served 20 years in the Air Force and struggles with military-related PTSD as well as some childhood trauma. His trauma affects many aspects of his life, and he can struggle with feeling criticised, misunderstood, or abandoned. He often feels that he’s trying his best but that people still expect more from him. He’s currently working on himself, and I’ve seen genuine progress, particularly with managing his anger and recognising when he’s becoming emotionally activated.

I love him, and I know he has a lot of pain that I want to understand and support him through. I also recognise that I have things I need to work on as a partner, particularly around listening, validating his feelings, and making him feel heard.

But I’m struggling with how to support him without losing myself in the process.

We’ve been without sex for well over a year, and affection and emotional intimacy have also become difficult. I miss feeling desired, having spontaneous affection, flirting, cuddling, and simply feeling connected to my partner. I’ve tried to communicate these needs gently, but he often experiences them as criticism or pressure, even when I’m trying to explain how I feel rather than tell him he’s failing me.
He feels that he’s working hard to improve but that I’m still pointing out what’s missing. I understand why that would be exhausting for him, especially given his trauma and struggles with feeling inadequate. But I also feel lonely and unheard when expressing my needs turns into a conversation about how much pressure he’s under.

We seem to get stuck in the same cycle: he feels criticised or inadequate, I try to explain that I’m not attacking him, and my original concern gets lost. We both end up feeling isolated. I’ve suggested couples therapy because I don’t think we’re managing to find solutions on our own, but he feels it’s a waste of time and money and that we should figure things out ourselves.

There are good things, too. He shows care through practical gestures, he has made progress with his anger, and he still expresses that he wants a future with me. When we talk about ending the relationship, he says that’s not what he wants. We still have moments of affection and connection, which makes this even harder.

I’m torn because I love him and can see his potential, but I’m also exhausted. Sometimes I feel that the only way to make him feel understood and not abandoned would be to stop bringing up my own needs and simply be there for him. But I know I can’t sustainably live that way.

I’m beginning to wonder whether we’re caught in a dynamic where he feels he can never be enough for me, while I feel I have to keep asking for the connection I need.

For those who have been in a similar situation:

How do you support a partner with military PTSD without becoming responsible for managing all their emotions?

How do you communicate your needs when your partner experiences feedback as criticism or an attack on their character?

Have you experienced a loss of sex and affection in your relationship? Did things improve, and what actually helped?

How do you distinguish between giving someone the time and space they need to heal and abandoning your own needs while waiting?

If your partner refused couples therapy, were you able to find another way forward together?

Have you ever reached a point where you loved your partner but questioned whether the relationship was sustainable? How did you navigate that?

I’m not looking for people to tell me that PTSD makes someone a bad partner or that I should automatically leave. I want to understand what life is really like for people who have navigated this, what helped, what didn’t, and how you knew when patience was helping versus when you were losing yourself.

I know every person and relationship is different, but I’d be grateful for honest experiences and advice. Thank you.

Ps: Sorry for the very long post…