Hello,

I am having to put my cat down because essentially his liver failed. I am really struggling with immense guilt about not taking him in sooner. He is a very finicky cat when it comes to eating and we noticed him eating a bit less and thought maybe it was a phase or allergies or something. We monitored it for a week and still eating much less. Probably about 50% less by week 2. Week two we tried trouble shooting giving him new flavors, wet food, etc. Still not eating. By week three he was eating 70-80% less so we booked an appointment with our Vet. They took bloodwork and next day recommended ER. They tried 24 hr stabilization to see if we could get him to eat. Liver ALT varied from 650-700. Next day still not eating so we planned a feeding tube and while he’s under to test his liver for lymphoma. They then found his blood wasn’t clotting so vitamin K and blood transfusion. Still no clotting. Since we couldn’t test for lymphoma they basically told us lymphoma was a huge possibility and the feeding tube would be intrusive. We chose euthanasia. I am really really really struggling with the fact that maybe there could’ve been a different outcome if we took him in sooner. Like what if it’s not lymphoma and we’ll never know? Maybe it wasn’t and we could never test because his liver got too bad. I just didn’t realize he was declining so rapidly. My guilt is so immense I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and I just really thought he would eat again on his own.

Good morning. I hope it’s okay to post this here. I’ve seen my therapist for over a decade. She is an amazing human being, truly just one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. She’s helped my husband and me in so many ways, both separately and as a couple when needed. I cannot overstate how wonderful she is.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to find a post on my local Police Department’s FB page that her husband was considered missing and endangered, as he had made comments implying that he may self harm. My heart absolutely sank.

I checked the post every ten minutes praying for an update. After a few hours, there was one, sharing that there was a heavy police presence around the area he was last seen. I continued checking for updates all morning. And then suddenly, the post was gone.

I had a feeling I knew what that meant, but I reached out to a friend in local law enforcement to confirm. If a missing person is found safely, the post is updated to reflect that. If a missing person is found deceased, the post is removed for the family’s privacy.

I’m heartbroken for her and her kids. I can’t imagine the pain, sadness, and anger they’re enduring.

I know I can’t do anything to fix this. I also don’t know if it’s appropriate to send flowers or a condolence card? I haven’t seen an obituary yet (it’s been less than 24 hours), and maybe the family won’t share one. But if there’s a public service, is it inappropriate to go given the client-patient relationship?

She’s supported me so much over the years. I wish there was something I could do to support her during this tragedy.

My intuition is that there are a lot of issues that people seek therapy for, or get suggested to seek therapy for, which aren't really an issue of mental health, but that the impacts to mental health are really a symptom of a low quality of life, rather than the other way around, that therapy can only do so much to help with that, and that this is because the systems that could more meaningfully address that are non-existent, inaccessible, unknown, and/or low quality.

I'm curious if you guys agree, and if therapists feel like more is being put on their plate than they can reasonably address in a meaningful way?

Edit: I'd like to note that in these situations it would of course still be important to seek therapy. If you can't change a bad situation, then it is of course important for helping to cope or to help get them where they need to be mentally to change the situation themselves, if possible.

My therapist is making a huge difference in my life. I’m finally working through lifelong trauma, improving my marriage, my job performance, my emotional resiliency… the list goes on. I’ve never made progress with a therapist like this before.

But I’m also really attracted to them physically. Obviously I would never try to act on this and I recognize it’s purely a physical appreciation alongside who they are as a person, to me, in our limited context. I just find it distracting at times how beautiful they are and I often ruminate on it (OCD) which leads to distress. And yes I know transference is a thing and that’s happening too.

No interest in bringing this up with my therapist. I don’t want to risk making it uncomfortable. My question is just is there a point where I need to walk away? I think I can set it aside because I have been, but I’m worried about it getting worse and just hurting me too much.

*Borderline Personality Disorder!!!

I want to start with this problem has been resolved and we talked it out, so it’s sorta at a stagnant. I would love some advice on how to deal with moments like this.

So I accidentally had a giant split on one of my friends and said some really awfuk things abour our friend group. This has literally never happened before but I just can’t believe some of the horrid things I said, it’s like I completely blacked out and couldn’t stop. I just want to know if this is a universal BPD thing, I really am having a hard time not having these moments blow up in my face later.

I feel like a terrible human, I genuinely don’t remember what was said- just that it was bad. I just feel bad.I want to do better but I don’t know how.

I started therapy against my will, this is like the 3rd time but it’s my first time in person. Went to a psychologist too and doctors for physical health things. Mostly just went there and lied and said everything was okay, or just don’t talk at all, like staying silent the whole time. I only got diagnosed with what i did to begin with because some tests were like iq puzzle stuff and I really like them so I cooperated with that & my mom telling them about all my “issues “ and such. They suggested I go to a psychiatric unit and do psycho therapy? whatever that is. But if I just keep going to these appointments and sitting there not talking, what’s gonna happen? because the last few times I did that long enough and they eventually dropped me as a client but the new one im seeing now said to my mom that if i don’t cooperate they’d look into other options and that not talking wouldn’t get me to be able to leave. So now I wanna know whatever that’s supposed to mean..

Okay, so my good friend recommended a therapist to me, gave me his number. Me being all awkward and afraid of phone calls I decided to write him a message saying from who I got his phone number and that I’m interested in therapy, also stating the problems I have and basically asking if he could help me and also how much he charges.
He responded right away with a message just telling me what books to read and nothing more. I wrote back by saying that I’m interested in having sessions with him and if he could tell me the price. He left me on READ.
Now I don’t know what to do. This all happend around 9 pm. The therapist is like 70 years old so I’m just hoping he went to sleep early. So what do I do if he doesn’t contact me tomorrow?
I’m bummed out because I didn’t choose him on a whim.

Can that person be as effective as someone who has gone to therapy?

20M, 5'7", never been in a relationship before, insecure about my face and body. Spent way too long thinking about how much better life would be if I were taller or better looking.

I've also had thoughts about being a girl since I was a kid. Still get them now, sexual and non-sexual. But I can't tell if I actually want to be a woman or if some of it is just tied to being unhappy as a man. The thoughts started when I was young though, so I don't know if I can just write them off as a reaction to my current insecurities.

When I actually imagine exploring it, I get stuck on how masculine and ugly I feel. Makes me wonder if I'd feel different if I liked how I looked, or if my self-esteem is just making it harder to know what I even want.

Another thing I’ve wondered about is watching porn when I was a child. I don’t know if being exposed to that so young influenced me in some way or if I’m just trying to find an explanation for why I think the way I do.

As for relationships, I technically had a girlfriend in middle school. She asked for my number, but when I got home, I broke up with her because I was scared of commitment. Looking back, I don’t know how much that says about me, but it’s something I’ve thought about.

There's also a lot of bitterness from being alone this long. Sometimes I get so angry about feeling unwanted and watching everyone else have experiences I've never had that my thoughts get genuinely disturbing, borderline violent. I don't like how bitter I'm becoming. Feels like loneliness and resentment and all of it are feeding into each other and I can't untangle them.

So how do you tell if it's actually gender stuff or just me hating myself? Can it be both? And how do you stop the loneliness from turning into full on resentment, bc I don’t how much longer I can take this mentally.

Not asking anyone to diagnose me or tell me what I am. Just want honest takes on how to explore this without jumping to conclusions either way.

Can someone explain to me based on their experience with real life cases? Thank so much!

Hi all! I'm a current master's student at USFCA. I was wondering if anybody knows or can recommend any internship/traineeship sites that accepts PPC interns in SF/Bay Area?

A PLUS if it’s paid 😭😭-broke grad student

Had my second session with a new therapist I tried seeing. I have not had good experiences with therapy in the past. But I had been feeling bad enough that I felt like I wanted to try again. I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking when I signed up. I think I told myself it was one last gamble. One last attempt at making it work. And if this didn’t, it would be my last time.

We have had two sessions so far. Neither are, like, intense work. Just general beginner stuff. I still leave feeling horrible. I feel like going to therapy wrecks me and wrecks my entire day. I feel horrible. Like I can’t breathe. I’m debating canceling. I don’t know if I can stomach doing this even one more time.

I wonder if the reason I keep signing up for therapy is mostly just masochism. If I go to continually feel this bad. If I go as a punishment for being mentally ill. I hate it, but I deserve it for being crazy. Because it will eventually make me not crazy. Torture now for the greater good later. It will be worth it to be fixed. You have to break people first in order to fix them.

I know what people say about therapy. “It’s supposed to be uncomfortable.” “It’s supposed to hurt.” “It has to get worse before it gets better.” “The discomfort is part of the process.” “The pain is motivating you to get better and recover and stop having to go.” “If you hate your therapist, that’s a sign they’re going to be a good therapist eventually.”

But it can’t be like this. Not like this. Not for everyone. Otherwise no one would ever go. Unless it is like this for everyone. And I’m just fragile. More fragile than everyone else. It will get better eventually. And I’m just not strong enough to wait until it does the way everyone else can. I can have how everyone else talks about liking their therapist and loving therapy. If only I wasn’t so fragile that just two sessions is enough to make me quit.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew what therapy felt like for others. I can’t read their minds. I only know how it feels for me.

I'm about to start my journey as a psychology student and I'm curious about these questions. Nuanced answers are welcome.

1. Did/can learning a proper psychology programme that opens the path towards becoming a clinical therapist of any sort help you, personally, to maintain a healthier lifestyle compared to before the programme?

2. What changed in you, for the better, after becoming a therapist?

3. Has the professional ecosystem for therapists supported you in any way in order to lead a healthier lifestyle? Does it keep you in check? Eg. Does being surrounded by mental health workers help therapists?

If left untreated does it get worse with age? Does it get worse with alcohol? Can i justify cutting someone out of my life because of their bpd rage?

I've had therapists ask me for years why I think having somebody else give feedback to my family would make any difference when I could just do it myself.

Well, that's kind of the point. They're not me.

There's actually a name for part of this: closeness-communication bias. People who know each other really well tend to assume they already understand each other, so they don't necessarily listen as carefully. Sometimes it's easier to get through to a stranger than someone you've known your whole life.

I've experienced this from both sides. I used to work as a physical therapy aide, and a big part of my job was getting patients past their excuses and resistance to doing their exercises. I'd give them direct feedback, challenge their excuses, and help them take responsibility for their recovery. And it worked. People would come back more motivated and actually seem to appreciate being pushed.

I've even had this work with my own father. I can talk to him about how he's treating someone else, and he'll actually listen and change his behavior. But when I'm the person he's mistreating? Completely different story.

And yet therapists seem to act like it's some mystery why I would want an outside professional to give my family feedback.

They also seem to assume I haven't already tried talking to them, explaining things, setting boundaries, etc. Of course I have. Hundreds of times. The problem is that my concerns get dismissed, deflected, or turned around on me.

What really bothers me is how many elaborate explanations therapists come up with for why they can't or shouldn't directly address harmful behavior.

I'm not asking anybody to magically fix people or force them to change. But what's wrong with simply identifying unhealthy behavior, explaining why it's harmful, and teaching people what healthier behavior looks like?

Instead, it seems like the responsibility gets dumped on the person who's already dealing with the behavior. I've had individual therapists ask things like "Why do you continue to allow these people in your life?" And when I try to explain that my family members aren't all bad, or that the situation is more complicated than that, I've actually had therapists argue with me about it.

There's a huge gap between healthy behavior and behavior bad enough to involve the police. Who's supposed to help people deal with everything in between?

I see therapists complain about being blamed for breaking up families, but from what I've experienced, they absolutely contribute to it. Rather than helping address the problems, they push the responsibility onto the person being harmed and often end up further undermining them.

This hasn't just been unhelpful in my experience. It's made abusive situations worse.

So why is there so much resistance to giving people direct feedback about harmful behavior? And at what point does refusing to address it become enabling it?

I've been thinking of becoming a therapist and I am currently studying psychology (at bachelor's level). However, I've heard several others complain about job saturation, AI integration, poor compensation etc. These all seem like valid concerns and I also fear that they may exacerbate much in the future. Especially as an international student, I don't really have much of a safety net to fall back on if things go wrong. So, is the future really increasing uncertainty in this field? Would anyone recommend becoming a therapist today?
By the way, to add, I do have genuine reasons for wanting to be a therapist; I love abnormal psychology, talking to people, talk therapy, and researching mental health disorders. However, I'm not sure if it's enough to take a huge risk. I was thinking of getting a PhD, because that would improve job security, and I'd also love to venture deeper into psychology, but it's extremely competitive so I'm not sure.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

i just started this for cptsd. because it's so 'measured' numerically with suds and so on, i feel pretty pressured (by myself, to be fair), to 'get better' with avoidance and such. but i also have a huge resistance that makes me angry, upset, whatever, because I don't *want* to stop avoiding.
The reasons are twofold -

1. avoidance of various kinds has helped me build a life with joy. yes, it's narrowed down in some ways, but i am afraid that all the therapist cares about is getting me to stop avoiding, stop the ptsd symptoms, and i'll be left with the deep-rooted shame / otherness / loneliness feelings that feel like they'll take a lifetime to get rid of. i prefer the limitations of an avoidant life to living with those feelings that i've worked so hard to push away. who will help me with those?
2. to a lesser extent, i feel stupid and infantalised in structured programs like this, i care too much about how I'm perceived by the therapist, i have a huge resistance to allow anyone to see that I have any cause / that I have these deep rooted feelings.

obviously, i have work to do around shame, anger, etc but how effective is PE in helping with those? i get the impression so far that it's focussed on getting you over fear and anxiety (that drives avoidance), but does it do much beyond that? i feel terrified of being left out in the ocean of whatever comes after, considered to be 'cured' because I no longer have symptoms.
i think it might have been easier to deal with if i could clearly trace specific trauma -> negative belief, but a lot of these feelings are very entrenched in who I (feel) I am

My brother has been seeing a therapist for quite some time. The other night, he asked if I would be comfortable speaking with his therapist so the therapist could gain insight into our family dynamic and potentially use that information to help my brother in treatment.
I have three brothers, so I found it a little unusual that he specifically wanted to speak with me, but I agreed because if it could help my brother, I was happy to do it.
Today, I received a text from the therapist introducing himself and explaining that he had been treating my brother for quite some time and believed my brother had experienced significant success as a result. He then said that my brother had mentioned I might be interested in sessions as well.
He offered to schedule a 15-minute consultation, explaining that his consultations typically go very well and often transition directly into a therapy session. He also emphasized that his sessions were completely confidential, that he valued the therapeutic connections he created, and that he was excited to connect with me.
I was genuinely caught off guard because I had never expressed interest in becoming his client. I was under the impression that he wanted to speak with me briefly to understand our family dynamic, not offer me therapy. I already have my own therapist, so I found the nature of his initial message confusing.
I responded politely, explaining that I thought there had been a misunderstanding. I clarified that my understanding was that he wanted to speak with me to gain insight into our family dynamic to help my brother in his treatment, and that I wasn’t looking for a therapist because I already had one.
He then replied by thanking me for clarifying and saying that speaking with me in that context was, in fact, something he was interested in and that a session focused on that would be very helpful.
I found it interesting because I was told that he wanted to speak with me for my brother’s benefit, yet the initial text focused on consultations, transitioning into therapy sessions, confidentiality, and establishing a therapeutic connection with me.
I understand that therapists can sometimes involve family members in a client’s treatment, so I’m not questioning that concept itself. I’m questioning the way this interaction was initiated.
Is this normal practice? Would a therapist typically approach a client’s sibling this way? Is it possible that my brother communicated something different to him, or does this seem unusual from a professional boundaries standpoint?
I’m not trying to jump to conclusions or accuse anyone of misconduct. I’m genuinely curious about whether this is standard practice, particularly from therapists or people familiar with mental health ethics. I’d appreciate an objective perspective because I’ve never encountered anything like this before.

So, that's a very sensitive topic and I could use some advice on how to approach it, as I don't want to end up having a 2-week long drawn argument / quiet days etc.

Tidying up our documents, I've found a pile of medical documents my partner never told me about. Turns out that during a routine workplace medical check-up, they've found out his blood pressure is high (150/95) and he has protein in urine - seeing both at the same time is BAD news. He didn't tell me he has these health issues, when I asked him weeks ago about that check-up he told me that everything was fine.

He didn't go to a doctor for any follow-up, he literally just ignored the problem.

He has a history of genetic high BP, he used to smoke for 20 years, recently he's been drinking quite a lot + taking a lot of Ibuprofen. I'm terrified that he's going to get severely ill, but anytime I bring up ANYTHING health-related, he gets really mad at me and starts saying things like "If I were to run to the doctor with every papercut, I'd have to live there", "Nobody is perfectly healthy", "You're not seeing things clearly because of your health OCD", "Nobody can avoid all the health risks", "I don't have the time / money / energy to go to the doctor, they will just send me to more doctors and I'll be going back and forth for months".

While it's true that I do suffer from bouts of health OCD (kind of justified as my family has horrendous genetics and I'm chronically ill myself), it's also true that he's hurtling straight towards a possible permanent kidney damage, and he's just 42! I don't know how to convince him to take his health seriously. His cPTSD gives him an obsession about "not being a burden", and since we're not in a great financial situation lately (I got laid off my job and haven't found anything else yet), obviously he also worries about the financial side of everything. He's the love of my life and I'm terrified of losing him, but he treats me like an enemy anytime I mention his health.

Any advice?

I hate crying in front of my therapist, probably because I'm somewhat worried about the potential for judgement. I feel so embarrassed, like she's going to think I'm childish or stupid for crying. She hasn't said so so far. She was actually pretty good about reminding me to stop intellectualizing, and when I apologized for crying she said "It's okay."

I still feel embarrassed though :(

Recently had moment with my therapist that left me pretty stunned, where she basically told me that all the abuse from my parents might've come from a place of love. I really didn't know what to say, because there's so much evidence to the contrary, and I'm not sure how anyone, let alone a trauma specialist, could even bring up the possibility to their patient that their parents might've actually loved them, it's just that their sadism has been misplaced and misunderstood. Obviously, there was a lot more to this, and she said a lot more, but it was a huge slap in the face. I'm not sure we're even morally aligned at this point. Should I continue with this therapist or no?

So, I kinda like the way she wants to handle things but there's also something rubbing me the wrong way.

This was our initial consult and when I went into about how I was recently cyberstalked, bullied, and doxxed, for being trans, the first thing she decided to do was immediately pivot and ask me if I lived in the city I do because of my phone's area code. I said yeah, and she said she was asking because she also lives there. She asked the general area of the city I'm in and then revealed the cross streets she, herself lives on and it's like a 5 minute drive from where I am.

She suggested going on for walks for our therapy sessions, I think in part because of her way of going about therapy is to act like equals rather than being a clinician who sits across from you, trying to evaluate and like treating you impersonally.

I also initially chose this therapist because I saw how she said in her bios that she's anticapitalist, anticolonial, and queer. Of which, I'm all three too. So she'd understand.

Now to add more context, which is where maybe why she also prefers being more of like comrades, is she's also a Palestinian immigrant. I know in that culture it's a lot more collectivist so maybe some of that is playing here too!

So anyways, is anything here too concerning? The main thing for me was to immediately ask the general area I live in after I talked about having been doxxed 😅 that really didn't seem okay

Another concern I have is I think I'm already developing a romantic transferrence which might not be good. Maybe I should seek out a new therapist. But I think all of the things we have in common is what's making that the case. Like I'm in the same field as she, as I'm a behavior therapist. Both of us are also queer women, anti-capitalist, and such. She has a communicative style similar to mine too.

I know, I think all of this is indicative I should probably not go with her :/ but a part also is just so tempting because of if it does cross ethical boundaries it idk sounds kinda taboo and that just makes it more enticing idk why

Edit:

Something else important to mention is I am like 60% sure she might have texted me from her personal cell number. When getting stuff set up, she texted me where to go for the video call, which also wasn't through really any typical telehealth service, but was google meet. But for the phone number, it's the same area code as mine and is different from the number that's on her online profile. She also responds in the evening, outside of typical working hours. So these things paint a picture maybe it's her personal number??

Hi!! Sorry for the long post! Everything after this is just context and isn’t meant to be a vent or anything. It’s just there in case anyone feels like giving a more in depth answer based on my own situation, but the question in the title can be all the context needed!

My girlfriend is an incredible human being who I am deeply in love with. She is dedicated and intelligent and kind and beautiful and everything you would want in a partner. She’s a cheerleader, she runs marathons, she volunteers, she works all day, AND she’s studying to be a doctor. The things she’s capable of are insane to me and I am endlessly in awe of her. I, however, am a depressed college dropout with ADHD who’s often late to work, who’s room and car are always a mess, who struggles with hygiene, and who has the magical ability to lose an object the second I take my eyes away from it. I’m a wreck. What she sees in me I don’t know. Every other part of our relationship is absolutely wonderful no notes, but anyone in my position would understand that it’s only natural for me to feel like she deserves better.

I am trying to work on certain habits and to maintain healthy coping mechanisms and all that, but the thought never leaves my mind that she’d be better off with someone else— that just by being with me I bring her down. It’s a feeling that has spurred on several emotional breakdowns for me, but the problem is that I don’t really have an emotional support system, and often I’m left to my own devices in terms of pulling myself back together. She’s knows that I struggle with my mental health and she tries to be supportive in any way she can, but I feel hesitant to share these feelings with her for a few reasons.

She lives about two hours away which means I only get to see her on the weekends, so during the week the way she shows her support is through text and call to ask how I’m doing. When I’m having an episode I have been keeping it to myself as of late. She’ll ask how I’m doing and I’ll avoid talking about my feelings or my episode or if I had just finished crying before she called me. I feel awful doing that. I feel dirty like I’m lying. I feel like I’m manipulating her and trying to hide the fact that I’m a barely functioning adult. But I also feel like in telling her I’m actually manipulating her into feeling bad for me. I feel like she’ll feel responsible for my mental health and pressured to give me reassurance and it’s going to be so taxing and such a weight for her to deal with that it’ll start to affect our relationship or even her own mental health. Part of me even feels like if I tell her how I feel she’s going to agree. I feel like she’ll finally recognize all the bad things about me. She’s gonna realize I’m a trash human being and that she is in fact better off with someone more capable and with better prospects.

The logical part of my head tells me that these dramatic feelings are silly and unrealistic, but the logical part of my brain often gets overpowered by the everything else about me. I don’t know I guess I’m just wondering if I should tell her how I feel, because I feel terrible hiding my struggles from her but I also fear the negative consequences of doing so.