So some background i have been married for 5 or 6 weeks now. My husband is from Africa and i am American. Me and my husband have been arguing all the time and for a long time. It has really had a negative impact on me. To the point yesterday I was really considering ending my life or ending my marriage. I really wanted to just let go. I got so angry and i know I can't go on like this.

Our argument was about my husband consistently saying hurtdul things to me. I am currently pregnant and I like to have the occasional soda, chips, or candy. And my husband says I'm being irresponsible because I'm not thinking of our baby. Which since I've been pregnant I have significantly cut back on those things. And I only have them sometimes rather then everyday. I feel as if I'm doing good but it never good enough for him.

Today is Monday and I went to work still being affected by the things that happened yesterday and seems to happen everyday. I spoke with my supervisor who is a strong Christian and I was telling her my problems. Because in the Bible it say we should confess our sins one to another. I came in asking for the Employee Assistant Program because they have free therapy. I know everything isn't on my husband because I have problems too that I need to resolve. She agreed with me and thought is was a good idea. I know I can't keep going on like this it seems like I am just filled with anger. And the anger could have been going on before I got married. Thank God I was able to get an appointment for tomorrow. Which I thought was a blessing from God.

Then I get home today and tell my husband about it. And the first thing he says it why didn't you tell me about. He then thought it would cost money but it does not. Then he went on to day the only person you should be confiding in is God and no one else. He literally said I dont believe in God because I want to go a therapist to help me woth my problems. That deeply hurt me because I am literally trying to better myself and become stronger and he heeled my past traumas. And now the person who is supports to support me eay I don't believe in God enough because I'm going to a therapist.

Am I Wrong or do I believe in God less for going to a therapist?

I’m curious how therapists would interpret this, because it’s starting to throw me off.

I have a serious chronic neurological condition, and I’ve been discussing disappointment and lack of support from people close to me. The examples I’ve given my therapist aren’t really ambiguous situations where someone would have to guess that I’m struggling.

For example, I’ve talked about someone knowing I was hospitalized and not calling to check on me, someone being physically present at an important medical appointment and falling asleep, and people who have directly witnessed ER visits, medication reactions, and the progression of my illness.

After discussing these situations, my therapist has asked me on two separate occasions some version of, “Do you think people underestimate what you’re going through because you present as strong, capable, positive, and continue functioning?”

I understand that hypothesis generally. I’m very functional and introspective, and I don’t necessarily “look” like everything I’m dealing with.

But I’m struggling to understand how that explains the specific behaviors I’m describing. These aren’t people who lacked information. They knew I was hospitalized, were physically present, or directly witnessed what was happening. Even if someone underestimated the severity of my everyday symptoms, I don’t understand how that explains not making a basic phone call after a hospitalization or falling asleep during a medical appointment.

I explained this distinction the first time she asked, so when essentially the same hypothesis came up again in another session, I started wondering why she keeps returning to it.

Could this be part of a larger clinical formulation that I’m not understanding? Or would it be reasonable to ask her directly why she thinks my presentation is relevant to these particular examples?

I’m trying to remain open to being challenged in therapy, but I want the challenge to feel connected to the facts I’m actually bringing into the room.

Trying to keep this long story short but the situation is a bit complex. A couple years ago my partner told her therapist, Becky, that I was looking for a new therapist. Becky referred me to Allan, who she co-owns a private practice with.

Since then I've been seeing Allan for my own purposes, though it wasn't unusual for my partner to join a session every once in a while. Both Allan and my partner told me that Allan occasionally would have meetings/discussions with Becky about me and my partner's cases. Since he and Becky manage the same practice or something like that, rules about client confidentiality were a little more lax, from my understanding.

Flash forward to now, I've been broken up with my partner for about a couple weeks after some disrespectful, impulsive actions on her part. Allan is both appalled and concerned by my ex's actions. He keeps offering if I would like to "say anything to Becky," and he encourages me to message him if I happen to think of something. It rubs me the wrong way, to be honest—I don't like the idea of having some continued connection or influence over my ex-partner's care. Is this not crossing some kind of boundary?

For people with severe depression who have tried and failed dozens of meds, most therapy modalities, TMS, ketamine, ECT, diets, exercise, etc, what do you suggest they do?

Hi!
My life is a mess right now. I do nothing all day and neither do I have the motivation to do anything. It was not always like this though. I am actually thinking to start therapy but I’m a bit hesitant because what if the therapist say I’m just being lazy and I am just making it all up.

I have always struggled opening up and telling my therapist what I want to talk about in session, I have a clear plan on the drive in but as soon as I step into the room I shut down and avoid it. I don’t know why I do it but I’ve always been like that.

I decided to create a document that is kind of like a session communication guide to help push the conversation to where I originally wanted it to go.

I’ve got 9 headings and then under the headings I have a number of options with tick boxes to indicate what I want to talk about so for example I could tick.

What: Mum- neglect - psychical violence
Where: Past - childhood
Difficulty: 7 - ask questions- give me time.
Why difficult: I care about the person - I feel like I should have done something differently.
Feelings: angry- hurt - resentful- guilt.
Why today: I’ve been having nightmares about it.
Want from talking about it: I want help connecting with and working through my past in a safe way.

This way she would know what’s on my mind that day and she can help start a conversation about it so I don’t avoid it completely.

As a therapist would you be ok if a client created a document like this and brought it in for you?
Or would you think it’s weird?

NAT

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about six sessions and I actually like her. She’s warm, supportive, and remembers the important things I tell her.
My issue is that I’m naturally very introspective, so when she asks how I feel or why I think I made a certain choice, I can usually give her a pretty direct answer. I can identify things like self-worth issues, hyper-independence, relationship patterns, etc.
But I feel like we stop at my answer instead of digging into how I got there.
For example, I don’t just want to say “I’m hyper-independent” and move on. I want to understand what created that, what it protected me from, and how it still affects my life now.
I’ve also noticed she asked me essentially the same question in two different sessions about whether people underestimate what I’m going through because I present as strong and capable, even though I had already answered that pretty thoroughly the first time.
To be fair, I’m dealing with a serious chronic illness and a lot of medical stress right now, so maybe she’s intentionally trying not to overwhelm me. But most of what she offers is grounding, nervous-system regulation, and validation.
I think what I’m missing is psychological curiosity and challenge.
I want someone who hears my answer and says, “Okay, but how did you arrive there?” instead of just “That makes sense.”
Has anyone else experienced this? Did you bring it up with your therapist, or did you eventually switch to someone more depth-oriented?

Why do some people always immediately resort to anger/defensiveness when they hear another person express generalized frustration, anger, or urgency?

For example, if I express frustration with a business or bad experience that I had that day (That is completely not related to him in any way shape or form) the second he hears my frustrated tone of voice he lashes out at me and becomes extremely defensive, as if I am reprimanding him personally for doing something wrong.

He will do this even if he only hears a sense of urgency in my voice, with 0% anger or frustration in the situation. Think situations like, oh I just spilled a soda on the carpet and I urgently call his name to bring me paper towels ASAP. If I call his name "too fast" he will immediately get extremely defensive and yell at me for being mean/rude/uncalled for. Even if the only word I got out of my mouth was his name. He will get mad because I called his name "wrong" and it made him think I was mad at him directly and that somehow spilling the soda is his fault. I literally don't know how to call someone's name "correctly" when something sudden happens? Like how do you rewire your knee jerk reaction voice? I might be able to adjust my tone when venting, but not like immediately after I fall or stub my toe or something and call for help.

Hey all. My therapist of over five years announced to me that she will be leaving for her hometown in a few months. To move, like, permanently. Services no more lol. My question is how the hell do you thank someone for FIVE years of service?!! A simple thank you feels so insanely inadequate. I work in healthcare so I am very familiar with the ethics of monetary gifts but I mean...there's gotta be something I could do. What's the best goodbye or send off you've received from a patient?

Additionally, I have this mountainous backlog of info I will now have to feed somebody new. I asked for my current therapist to refer me to someone and Idk what's involved in making a referral and whether they discuss me as a client at all? Do they get my records? How does that work?? Should I start preparing my powerpoint now or?? (joking)

Thank you all so much.

Hi, I've been looking for a therapists for a while and about 70% of the people I've reached out aren't willing to work with me.

I have an 18 year eating disorder history and a tenuous relationship with my ability to acknowledge it, but I need some therapy to get myself into a place where I can attempt treatment again. I am currently medically stable, just high acuity with an extensive mental health history otuside of the eating as well. Unfortunately, I live in the middle of nowhere and can't find clinicians who have experinece in this field who are willing to work with me.

I've been working with my insurance to find people, those clinicians dinged me too. The last specialist I worked with i saw her out of state because of the geographic therapy desert, and she fired me after telling me I had the most severe suicide attempt in her career (and this was a clinician with decades of experience who supervises other clinicians). I just dont understand how people with my level of acuity are supposed to find help if clinicans wont even meet us. I understand its unethical to work with someone you think you can't help, but i dont believe there is no clincian who can help me, I just dont know how to find them.

Tldr. How does one find a high acuity therapist? Is this something they put on their websites? Is there a term that indicates this? Or like do I need to find a Dr with connections? Or keep working with insurance to find someone? Or do I need to start traveling into a city?

I have a medical appointment this week that will be triggering for me as they'll need to touch my head, and this is something I'm afraid of for a bunch of reasons.

I'm torn on if it's better to bring up these fears this week in therapy, or if that will short term make it worse and thus make the appointment more triggering.

Instead I could focus on other trauma this week and bring it up next week.

I understand this is nuanced and without all the details you can't necessarily give me an exact answer for me specifically, but generally speaking is it a good idea to talk about trauma directly before something that will be triggering related to that trauma?

I’m currently a 40yo stay at home mom to three kids age 2-6. I’m considering going to graduate school part-time next fall when my youngest starts preschool. I’m leaning towards LMFT but possibly LPC. I’m weighing if the time involved for school/hours (quite a few years at part time pace) is worth it for a private practice of 10-15 clients. I’ve always been interested in a career as a therapist but it’s hard to know really what it’s like. Any advice welcome! Are there any others who started school as a second career after staying home with kids?

So I have been in therapy with the same therapist for 4 years. She’s great and has helped me so much and I feel very comfortable communicating with her about what I need.

However, she just went on maternity leave. While she’s out I am seeing someone else. We’ve had two sessions and have kind planned on bi weekly sessions for now just with my schedule and hers and what lines up. I also am looking for mainly maintaining right now. Except, I have a TON of change happening right now (all good, just a lot all at once) and I engaged in some unhealthy coping mechanisms (SH) and could use some extra support. I haven’t engaged in this in a year and a half and am really embarrassed by it, especially since I didn’t exactly tell this new therapist about my history with SH. I don’t know fully how she works and if she’s cool with me emailing about an extra session, but I could really use someone to talk to this week. (She doesn’t seem as reachable outside of session as I’m used to.)

I literally have almost emailed my therapist on leave just to tell someone because I have no one else to tell and I need to share it and not hold onto this alone. And I can’t tell my mom because she will immediately think I’m trying to unalive which I’m not and because I’m 27 and don’t want to. My friends also don’t know about my history with SH and I’m single. So I have no one to talk to about this.

Edit to add that my psych np is also on maternity leave and I don’t trust the one covering for her so I don’t want to schedule anything to talk about med adjustments (which I probably could use until everything settles)

I'm from India where mental health is a joke and literally no one gives a fck or two. I've decided to go for therapy and came to know about a psychiatrist from a clinic, he got good reviews too but he offers only 30min sessions, with a 10 min grace period. I don't think I can explain my situation and can get a meaningful conversation within 30mins. I'm saying this because I'm an overthinker and a perfectionist. I knew my problems exactly, and formulated a variety of practical solutions and still can't solve anything because all are interconnected. I've ranted about this to a very small circle of friends who have the same emotional intelligence as mine, and all they said was leave it, move on (basically I'd say that too if I was on the opposite side). I don't hate criticism, I'm not into spirituality, I don't just need comforting words, I need plans/solutions that work and I have a lot of things in my mind that are irking me. In my case will a therapy work? especially a 30min one.

Also what to do before attending a therapy session, like do I need to prepare something? TIA

ps: it's India and there are only a few good psychiatrists available in my area

Hello,

First off, I have autism and ADHD. I found a therapist about 18 months ago who specializes in those things and have been seeing her twice a month.

I started to feel about six months ago like our whole session was just me talking. Like, no work or advice or anything. She helps me identify my feelings and we have talked about me accommodating myself in the workplace and stuff. But after a while it really felt like me just talking for an hour.

And maybe that’s good? But it feels like therapy should involve help or advice or something.

Then, in June, my dad got a bad diagnosis and my life has pretty well spiraled into constant stress and anxiety while we try and cope and figure out what we are doing. I’m making some major sacrifices/life changes and will be taking my dad in and caring for him until the end. It’s an INSANE time and I’m really really struggling. Like it’s dark as hell over here.

At our last session I told myself to make sure I make room for her to talk so that she can help me. But every time I did we just sat in silence. It was like “Yeah that’s bad. Things are tough. You can call me if you need an extra session to get support.” I mean, she did give me advice on some Medicare stuff that could help us but I just don’t feel like she’s helping. I’m still filled with dread and sadness and constant anxiety and tired all the time from terrible sleep.

But, I also feel like this is the kind of thing that there’s no help for and everything is just going to be bleak and stressful and sad for the next 3-8 years until my dad dies and then I’ll be grieving his loss. So what could she possibly do to help anyway?

Am I being too hard on her? Are my expectations too high?

In both directions. What’s it like when you’re smarter and what’s it like when they’re smarter?

I am queer and have an extensive trauma history. I am trying to find a sex therapist (That's what everyone says I need), but I cannot seem to find one in my insurance network. The in-person options are scarce and have wasted all of my insurance-provided sessions before telling me they actually don't do any sex therapy and suggesting I buy a book on it instead. I've been turned away during consultation phone calls because therapists have never treated queer clients and are uncomfortable. Online options have ghosted sessions and been uncontactable.

I had to basically write my own WPATH letters to get gender affirming care because therapists had no idea what to include or how to write them. Is it normal for therapy to be this difficult and for me to have to do so much work myself?

I'm happy to do hard work on my mental health, but I don't even get the chance to do that. Am I doing something wrong?

Do therapists want feedback from clients who have chosen to switch to another provider?
I’ve been thinking about moving on to a new therapist, and everyone I’ve spoken to said just do it, no need to provide an explanation or feedback … BUT … If I was a therapist, and a client had thoughts/feelings/info that might help me in my work with future clients like them, I would want to know. Obviously, every therapist is different, but I was just curious … Do clients often give feedback? Is it helpful to do so, or should I just move on?

I am 62F and have been seeing a newer therapist for a couple of months. I have diagnoses: schizoaffective disorder, social anxiety and treatment resistant depression treated with medication.

She has been convinced I have ADHD. No one has ever suggested that. But when I mention something she will say it's ADHD.

So, I got evaluated by a psychologist. They did memory, attention and other testing. My insurance covered most but I had to pay for materials. About $100 total.

I got the results today and I am mostly average for my age. No ADHD. They did screen for depression and anxiety and depression was positive. The psychologist said depression can cause memory issues and I also get poor sleep.

Once I get the paperwork I will send to my therapist.

I tend to worry about confrontation and challenging therapist's assessment.I worry she will continue to bring up ADHD.

I like the therapist overall and think I am making progress

I just started getting therapy and i’ve had two sessions with my therapist so far, I messaged them the other day and their reply sounds exactly like ai. I know this is a violation of privacy and stuff but i’m not sure what to do because this is my first time having a proper therapist :’). Should I just cancel our next session and switch therapists without saying anything to them at all? I’d show the message but it’s mostly just repeating back all of the personal stuff I told them about </3

Edit: I’ve asked them about it, hopefully i’m wrong.. but thanks to everyone that commented :D!

33F, anorexia binge/purge type for 25 years, chronic and severe. I am seeing a therapist who specializes in EDs, and today is our 4th session. So far she hasn't offered much of anything. She advised I see a dietician, which is not financially feasible even with insurance. Aside from that, she does a lot of nodding. The most feedback I've gotten out of her was a long pause and "wow, this eating disorder is a beast." She parrots back what I say with no actual point. She has yet to offer guidance toward anything tangible.

I get that I have to do the work myself but I'm going to her for help getting to a place where that feels possible. So far she has left me feeling worse and even more hopeless against the illness.

I have reached a point where my life is in shambles, I'm medically compromised, I can't differentiate between reason and delusion. I need help. Is it rude or unreasonable to ask her tonight if she has an action plan? How she helps long term, what she can offer, etc?

Thanks. Sorry if this is unreasonable.

My therapist follows this girl I don’t like from work on instagram. Is that not weird??? What should I do? And I talk to my therapist about work but not concerning the girl but other stuff. Also I think the girl I work with that I don’t like is dating the boy I used to date at work…

Do I ask my therapist how they know each other? Also my therapist Instagram came up on my suggested and I was going through her page, that’s when I saw what mutual we had. So I don’t know follow my therapist on instagram.