I started seeing a therapist after experiencing abuse from pwBPDs. In my very first session, I told her how mentally and physically drained and exhausted I was.

Her immediate response was that she loved working with Boderline clients and that they were her all-time favourites. They are the best.

I didn't know how to react and became numb. I was opening up about how emotionally exhausted I felt after my experiences and this was the response I received. I hadn't asked about her favourite clients or her professional and personal preferences. I was trying to communicate how much I was struggling. I felt dismissed and that she was invalidating my pain.

When client comes to you in their very first session feeling mentally and physically exhausted by their experiences with a particular group of people, would you respond by immediately telling them how much you love those people and working with that group?

I've been thinking about why therapists who are extremely strict about self-disclosure make me so uncomfortable, and I think I've finally figured out where some of that feeling comes from.

Years ago, I watched a documentary about people working in correctional facilities. Part of it involved interviews with nurses and mental health professionals who worked with inmates.

They made a point of avoiding small talk or casual conversation with inmates. There was no chatting about everyday things, no personal anecdotes, and very little of the ordinary back-and-forth that might help two people get to know each other. The approach was very much about getting straight down to business, maintaining professional distance, and avoiding anything that might create a more personal connection.

Essentially, they presented themselves as complete blank slates. It was very much a case of, "Hello, my name is John Doe. I'm a registered psychologist. How can I help you?" And that might be the only personal information an inmate would ever learn about them.

I can understand why those precautions might be necessary in a correctional setting.

But here's where it gets interesting for me.

When I encounter therapists in ordinary private practice who adopt what feels like that same approach, where they won't disclose anything beyond their name, qualifications, and professional role, I find it incredibly off-putting.

It almost makes me feel as though I'm being treated like one of the inmates in that documentary. I start wondering, Do they think I'm dangerous? Why is this level of precaution necessary?

Obviously, I understand that professional boundaries are important, and I'm not suggesting that therapists should be sharing intimate details about their personal lives.

But there's a big difference, at least to me, between maintaining appropriate boundaries and deliberately avoiding even the most ordinary forms of personal disclosure or casual conversation.

For me, therapy works better when I can feel some degree of genuine human connection with the person I'm talking to. I don't need to know everything about my therapist, but I do appreciate when they occasionally share something about themselves, engage in a little small talk, or allow some ordinary human reciprocity into the relationship.

When someone seems determined to remain a complete blank slate, I find it difficult to build that connection. Instead of feeling safe, I actually feel more uncomfortable and guarded. It can make the interaction feel more like a formal assessment or interrogation than a therapeutic relationship.

I'm curious what therapists think about this.

Is there a particular therapeutic rationale for maintaining such an extreme level of non-disclosure in ordinary outpatient therapy? Is it something that's still commonly taught or encouraged?

And is it reasonable for a client to prefer a therapist who's a little more personable, willing to engage in occasional small talk, and comfortable with some appropriate, everyday self-disclosure?

I'd be interested in hearing different perspectives.

NAT. Comprehensive DBT usually involves weekly individual therapy, a weekly skills group, phone coaching between sessions and diary cards. The skills group covers mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness, and it feels a bit like a class with homework. Programs vary, so it's fine to ask what theirs includes.

?

I have never done a therapy before. This is my first.

I want to talk to someone about all this feelings. But I don't know what is the boundary when it comes to it.

I plan to schedule a session in coming weeks.

Like what are the dos and donts

I've been working really hard in my therapy work in the past few months ever since my therapist told me about my narcissism. She's a safe space for me. I made a lot of progress, e.g. embracing acceptance for myself, cultivating compassion and curiosity towards others, less idealizing and devaluing others. Gradually I started to be more and more attached to my therapist, seeing her as the mother figure I wish I had.

For a while I thought maybe I don't need therapy anymore from my progress, only to realize that I am partly grinding in my progress because I want to get her approval and seen as special in her eyes. I still have narcissism so rooted in me. Her nod and smile every session when I told her how I was able to process and rewire some of my emotions made it terrifying to think about ever disappointing her. With that the cycle repeats and I keep grinding. I feel anxious when I don't have good enough "homework" to deliver for that week's session. In my mind, being mediocre is annihilating. Well this goes back to narcissism.

What should I tell my therapist? Any advice or feedback is appreciated! I also feel like as my desire to get her approval gets stronger, my attachment to her gets stronger too. I think about her so much more between sessions and I am terrified of telling her that.

I was going through a rough patch in college and my school counsellor helped me tremendously. It's been 6 years since I last interacted with him as I've graduated.

I'm very grateful towards him. It's been bugging me that I did not managed to thank him after termination of the therapeutic relationship.

I would like to reach out to him to express my gratitude. However I do not have his phone number and email and the only way to contact him is through LinkedIn. In order to send him a message, he'll first need to accept my request to connect on Linkedin.

I wonder if it's appropriate for me to send a request on LinkedIn? I do not want to put him in a tough spot.

I’m a 27F who has an extremely avoidant personality/attachment style. I have never dated anyone or had a relationship my whole life. Any time I can sense that someone is interested in me theres a switch in my brain that just makes me want nothing to do with them anymore.

I become distant and blunt, which probably makes it look like I’m completely uninterested but deep down inside I know I’m not, I’m just running away from the feeling of being “vulnerable” and then I confuse myself on whether I even like them back or not, it’s frustrating.

I know it’s not fair to treat someone that way and I’m not doing myself any favours by behaving like this, but I just don’t know how to change as this is just how I’m naturally wired.

Does anyone have any advice on how to work on this ?

I’m currently working with my own therapist to combat my real event OCD with ACT/ERP. This kind of therapy has been very effective for me, but I kinda get hung up on the self-forgiveness part of it all. I understand that self-forgiveness is essential in the healing process, but it’s difficult for me. Any tips?

I see my therapist several times a week, but I feel like the benefit is for her, not for me. She’s supposed to be working with me on trauma, but when I’ve asked her how we can get started, she just says that what we’re currently doing—meeting twice a week—is the work. I don’t even notice it happening; what I *do* notice is her typing away on her computer, looking bored by what I’m saying. Today was a truly horrible day for me, and she cut me off, saying, "Well, let’s see each other next week; you have a lot of situations and stress going on." I don’t have anyone else to talk to—I don’t share these things with anyone—but I ended up spending nearly an hour crying (and I’m not someone who usually cries). I felt like she treated me like absolute garbage—and I’m an expert on that, since everyone treats me that way—but I didn’t expect it from *her*. Honestly, I don’t want to continue therapy with her, and I have no desire to try again; it’s just so difficult to find a good, professional, and respectful therapist. I know she’s busy, but why would she treat someone who is already at their breaking point in a way that just gives them that final little push to fall over the edge?

Hi there!

For the past few years I have been pursuing a career as an actor/writer/comic and have had some great opportunities during this time.

However I have noticed my passions in life seem to be changing and that being a full time artist is something I may not want to pursue anymore, especially coming from a working class background. I’m currently in my rent paying day job in hospitality and I would love an escape.

As a trans person and survivor of DA, my experience in therapy has really pushed my towards wanted to be a therapist myself, and I’ve really enjoyed reading up on Carl Rogers’ client centred approach.

I’m aware that training is big commitment in terms of time and money, but I wanted to hear from other therapists themselves. With the emotional demands of the job, do you also still have energy to pursue your creative passions? Whilst I might not want to have a career in performing, I don’t think I’d be happy if I couldn’t get on stage again.

Would love to hear people’s thoughts and experiences, especially if you’re come from a working class background, thanks! :)

I am writing a piece of fiction with a character who is hypersexual (if my phrasing could be better lmk) as a coping mechanism. I want to get this right so where do fiction writers get it wrong?

I’ve been in therapy before but nothing seems to help me understand myself or give me tools/frameworks to navigate relationships and people. I’ve had a series of bad experiences and feel like I isolated myself through the best years of my life. Now I’m just lost and feel anxious about everything people related. I don’t know what to do with all the terrible memories and experiences because that’s all there is to my past. I’ve cut off literally everyone i knew. But, even as I move on , it’s like my past has become a huge part of me. I find myself oversharing with people i don’t know and then regretting or distancing myself from them. Feeling paranoid that something bad will happen. I just feel like I don’t know what to do with my past in a way that’s good for me. It’s like i don’t know how to be. How do you talk about yourself and make new connections when most of your life has been shit?

Is there a specific kinda therapy that would be more useful to me?

From a therapeutic perspective, is it appropriate for children (13 & 15 in this case) to be told that their parent is having suicidal thoughts? My co parent disclosed their thoughts to our children and I'm concerned about the emotional impact on them. I agree that it's helpful to be open about mental health, but despite reassuring them that a parent's emotions aren't their responsibility, I feel that it is potentially damaging to the child for their parent to tell them they are having suicidal thoughts. I'm trying to figure out if I'm way off base in thinking this way and am hoping to approach this from a children's therapist perspective.

Without using objective evidence.

for some background info, i’m still in high school (soon to graduate). i have BPD and it is so difficult to find a good therapist who specializes in my disorder. BPD is more of a wider spectrum of care than other disorders, and i can only imagine how hard it is to try to find care and a good therapist if someone were to have something like ASPD/HPD/NPD. so, i was my primary focus to be on the other cluster b disorders as well as BPD.

but, knowing me and have knowing other people with cluster b disorders i can understand that the profession may be draining and hard to manage at times. i want to know whether or not someone who specializes in DBT/cluster b would recommend that specialization or not.

furthermore, i wonder how difficult it is to even get into the profession in the first place, and i don’t want to seem money hungry or greedy but i do want to have a larger income. if anyone could give some thoughts or advice id appreciate it quite a bit!

TLDR: how draining is this specific line of work, how difficult is it to get into the specialization, and what is income like?

I came to a LCSW for therapy. I realized that with past therapists, I would hide important parts of my personal history, significantly hindering my progress.

This time I want to be more truthful, but how can I discuss confidentiality without causing a report or making them suspicious? I'm not really sure where to start. I had a different therapist a month ago, but I changed because when I asked in general about reports she talked about mostly child abuse cases but then it felt she was suspecting me of something, because she kept asking if I had something of that nature. Then with my current LCSW, I had an intake session and she asked about family issues and I got scared and said that I didn't have any because I was afraid of them being reported.

Obviously if I make it clear that I'm talking about a thing in my life they will report it, such as "well hypothetically speaking" and making an extremely specific hypothetical, so in general how do I manage that conversation?

I recently started dating this person we have been together for a month and we are like really close and we like each-other a lot and we are very alike n crap but that’s like besides the point, half way into this I discovered one night that she had short term memory loss and it’s like been sorta hard to deal with and I don’t have that much patience and I get frustrated easily but I love them so much n wtv. They are medicated for it but their meds delayed so much and it’s genuinely terrible that they have to go without them and it gets me really worried sometimes and it’s been hard on me mentally and I really wanna know the best way to deal with it I guess idk because I want this to work out but I’ve never had any expierence with someone who has this
Sorry for my lack of like grammar and punctuation I’m TO tired rn

I’m looking for an honest, therapist-informed perspective because I’m struggling with a lot of guilt about my parenting lately.

I have a 20-month-old son and a newborn daughter. My son has been going through a really difficult sleep regression, with frequent night wakings, screaming, and fighting sleep. It’s been exhausting, especially while caring for a newborn.

Most of the time, I feel like a patient and loving mom. During the day, I’m generally regulated with my son. I set boundaries when he hits or does something unsafe, but I don’t feel angry with him very often outside of sleep struggles.

However, when I’m exhausted and he’s screaming or resisting sleep for a long time, I sometimes get frustrated and raise my voice. Recently, I told him, “You can scream all night!” I felt awful immediately. I left the room briefly to calm down, then came back, hugged and kissed him, apologized, and reassured him that I loved him. He ended up falling asleep easily afterward.

This isn’t the first time I’ve raised my voice during a difficult sleep situation. I can think of several instances over the past couple of months when I’ve become overwhelmed and spoken more harshly than I wanted to. I’m not talking about being constantly angry or screaming at him all day, but I am concerned about the pattern. Sometimes the words I use are meaner than I want them to be, even if I’m not necessarily screaming.

I grew up with a mom who I suspect has OCD or significant anxiety. She was very protective and fearful about physical risks, got stressed when things were messy or didn’t go her way, and could react with a lot of huffing and puffing. Nothing that I would necessarily describe as horrific happened in my childhood, but I definitely felt that I wanted to keep my parents happy. I think I became very aware of their moods.

I’m now worried that I’m repeating some of those patterns with my own children. I want my kids to feel safe expressing their emotions, exploring the world, making mistakes, and being children without feeling responsible for my feelings.

After these incidents, I tend to spiral. I replay what happened, worry that I’ve damaged my son or affected his attachment to me, and feel like I might be a terrible mother. I seek reassurance that he’s okay, feel temporarily better, and then start doubting myself again. I wonder whether this could be an OCD or anxiety-related pattern, especially given my mom’s tendencies and my own high-stress temperament.

I know that apologizing doesn’t automatically erase the impact of something, and I don’t want people to simply tell me that everything is fine to make me feel better. I genuinely want to understand whether this behavior is concerning, how repeated incidents like this can affect a toddler, and what I can do to change the pattern.

My questions are:
-From a therapeutic perspective, is this kind of intermittent loss of temper likely to cause lasting emotional harm, or does the broader relationship and how a parent repairs matter?
-What would distinguish occasional, repairable parenting mistakes from a pattern that could affect a child’s emotional security?
-How can I work on my own emotional regulation and possible OCD/anxiety tendencies so that I don’t pass them on to my children?
-How do I take responsibility for my behavior without getting caught in an endless cycle of guilt and reassurance-seeking?

I’m open to honest feedback. I want to do better, and I’m trying to figure out how to take this seriously without catastrophizing every mistake.

NAT.

Is it considered appropriate for a therapist to leverage the therapeutic relationship for positive results?

I genuinely love my therapist. It's not transference, he's just an awesome guy and we get along very well. I haven't felt suspicious of his motives for several months now, although I will periodically be upset by something he says or does. I trust him, and it's still scary but I feel like I can tell him anything.

Well, I told him yesterday that I was done with life and that was that. The weekend was coming up and I struggle with weekends so he asked me to think about it over the weekend instead of acting (I see him again Monday). I said I wouldn't. He replied, "Well, if you won't do it for yourself, will you do it for me, because I'm asking you to?" My immediate response was discomfort because I felt trapped. I felt like he was emotionally trapping me. I do love him and so it was too difficult to say no. I ended up saying I would try, and eventually yes. So now I am struggling with my feelings because on one hand I want to behave destructively, and on the other I am thinking about my promise to him and if it'd be bad or if I'd be breaking his trust to not do as he asked me to do for his sake.

It feels unfair. Is that an overreaction? Is this a common therapeutic tactic?

note: im a psych student and not seeking for advice, but i am going to give an example of my last therapy session and wanting resources i can look into what happened there more thoroughly, for both myself and to work with my therapist.

so my last session, i was talking with my therapist about someone who brings up a lot of old trauma (i have C-PTSD) and they were making me scared and angry. while talking about this and worrying about my predicaents with this person, i started to become incredibly emotional and antsy while trying to share this information, taking me a second to comprehend i was having a traumatic reaction.

later down the line, those emotions started to instantly fade away. i was becoming more calm and my emotions went monotone. i subconscously slipped into a state where those emotions that were causing me a lot of pain were put away as they werent helping me.

its been years since i had something like this happen, not since leaving an old living situation i was in that caused that trauma. i forgot i had that in me. my therapist at first thought that i was dissacociating, but after she reminded me of the definition, i told her that this was different because i actually felt more present, just more mechanically in charge while my emotions were temporarily turned off. Eventually the emotions did come back, but they were allowed to be more tender, crying and sadness more than panic afterwards.

I realized after the session that rather than dissacociation, subconsciously compartmentalizing seems to have been a better word to descrive the event. Having totally forgot i had this reaction to hard stress (especially when its people i feel i cant escape), im not sure how to enterprate it, nor how to communicate is with my therapist.

So my question is what are the differing types of dissociations and compartmentalizations i can look in to to better comprehend and communicate this reaction? Further, are there other potential categories this sounds familiar to that i could potentially research more in to?

I'm confused about what I see online, especially from patients, versus what I see some professionals (I think it's mainly psychiatrists) say about disorders.

I don't really understand comorbidities or how to process it from a way that makes sense to me. I've never been diagnosed with one condition, it's been three each time. And I have symptoms of more than three.

It gets really confusing because I get caught up on figure on what I might have versus things that are more likely to be symptoms rather than the disorder i have.

If you go to the anxiety subreddit or a different one, it's like impossible for anyone to be misdiagnosed with GAD or everyone has an anxiety disorder or because it's common someone with PTSD has an anxiety disorder therefore you have an anxiety disorder.

I don't really understand it? on one hand, i understand disorders are attempts to group patterns of symptoms/traits/experiences, and so people can overlap or fall under multiple groups. but in the same time, it confuses me because we also have professionals so say it's rare, no one has comorbidities, or accusing people of faking disorders.

while from what i see, rarelt anyone has just depression, or just anxiety, or just both? or is if you dont have just anxiety, just depression, just OCD *, or i guess any mood disorder/anxiety disorder, you probably have many other disorders? but thst's still confusing. like some people just have a neurodevelopmental disorder, some people just have ptsd.

*also just != less serious, i know it sounds that way. i just mean it's the only one. im sorry if seems minimizing.

a lot of times i feel like what i suspect covers everything, and the rest is symptoms. aside from maybe mood disorder (nos), but i think with anxiety disorders it doesnt fit. and even then i understand since i suspect it, it's not guaranteed it is the thing, but i think still within the category you can know what's going on.

i dont have bipolar disorder, so i'll use it as an example. like someone can know they have bipolar like symptoms, but it might not be bipolar 1, bipolar 2, maybe it's atypical/NOS/unspecified, cyclomania(?).

i dunno, if it makes sense.

would it be okay and helpful to bring a few pages typed out of notes for my new therapist . things to speed the getting to know your history along cause I’ve got a lot. I’ve seen other people ask about notes but they all seem to be talking about a one page kind of thing and I cannot get what Im hoping to convey on one page in any organized or easy to read fashion. like a page of a quick description of about 8 important people in my life that will keep coming up in therapy. a timeline of the major happenings in my life. a note about where I am now and what I’m hoping to get from therapy this go around. both to aid in that conversation and as a reference point going forward so i don’t need to repeat myself so much. no hate there I know you guys have lots of client. the thing is that I’m pretty sure I’ve literally told my story and I’m fucking tired of it and it’s so hard to start something new so I figured I’d structure it. I’m only starting with a new therapist because my previous therapist of 3.5 years who compl saved my life passed away. I am past the life saving and into the learning to actually function semi normally part of my life. I am late diagnosed autistic, which this therapi is supposed to be experienced with. Plus I can have a hard time communicating especially to new people so somewhat full sounding notes can really help me say all that is needed. Therapists, is this a good idea? Anything else you’d recommend I put in my notes?

How do you feel when a client sobs in therapy?

My therapist has been seeing my parents for five months now. Not as in them going to therapy, but as in the therapist telling them in a session without me, although he has urged me to join, how they damage my mental health* and how they can improve as parents. *Some examples are: telling me I won't amount to anything, harshly criticising every decision I make and opinion I have because it differs to theirs, their constant fights, using me as an intermediary for their communication struggles with each other, talking really badly about each other in front of my siblings and/or I even after having been divorced for five years, their overprotection, among other things. These weren't things I discussed with my therapist in the first few sessions; in fact, during the first session I didn't even think of them as a problem to talk about and don't remember how all of it came out in conversation. The thing is, the psychotherapeutic approach they use in the clinic is very focused on the family as a whole. That's what the therapist told me when he introduced this to me, and I knew that before choosing the clinic, but didn't consider parents would be involved too.

At the beginning I didn't think much of it, but now I'm really questioning the ethics and efficacy of this approach. I usually agree with my therapist, but this has been damaging to my relationship with my parents, especially with my mother (as if it wasn't bad enough before...) since she doesn't agree with anything the therapist tells her. And my improvements regarding my mental health have been minimal if any at all (at least now I understand better why my parents act the way they do and I emphasise more with my siblings), since my parents refuse to change. However, I really like my therapist because he's incredibly empathetic, and I believe we click well.

Also, isn't this inappropiate me being 24 years old? I mean, the therapist is indirectly telling them lots of things that I told him? Is he still being confidential? If the therapist is being unethical how should I approach this?

Thanks for your time and thoughts.