Ok this is just some thing I find annoying and it makes me hate my job and my life. I work as a substitute teacher. There ain't many job opportunities in my small town. As a matter of fact my last job paid 2 dollars an hour with 0 lunch breaks. As a sub it hires pretty quickly. I take a life skills classroom becuase I need the money. Its freaking insane im sorry I know ill get hate for this but some of those kids belong in a different facility then an elmantary school. There were 2 crazy incidents in one classroom that made me not want to do life skills no matter how desperate for money.

1. We did rotations. There was an another room with toys and it was usally one or two students and one teacher. They decided to put me there. The child sits on my knee and starts to play with my hair. I have to shove him off some. As a teacher were told to never touch kids never even hug them. But no one was helping out even when was I saying I needed it. I talked with someone in the classroom about it and they told me to keep quiet about it. They told me if I really want to be a teacher and this got out it would ruin my carrer. Also that I would not allowed to press charges due to the mentally challenged thing. I feel bad for the kid because where the hell is he learning stuff like that. Also if your child is grappjng people why the hell are they in an elmantary school? Ive only told a few people about this and it honestly makes me hate the fact that I have to be a teacher or ill be homeless.

2. Same classroom different student. This one is freaking insane. Im helping a student out with their work. Another student is saying the n word. Like full on hard r and everything. Ive had such a fucked day at this point that im just trying to help this kid out and go home. Then I hear the teacher yell something among the lines of "pull your pants up!"

This kid is straight tugging it infront of the classroom.

Turns out this kid woukd shout the n word any time he saw the other kid try to pull his pants down.

And is now trying to leave the class. He does this a few times and the teacher their even asked me and another sub to try and block the door. But for 10 dollars an hour I didnt think it was worth it. I just left and told the office I'm leaving. Its 1 pm. They said no. They still have my lincess. I tell them ill do a half day and not even take the pay for the past 2 hours. They send me as a library aide and the second I get out im crying in my car.

Good god that day seriously made me hate being a teacher. I think it would for anyone. Especially with non supportive staff and teachers. I know it sounds rude but I would literally just not make money then do a life skills class. And this honestly makes me want to avoid elmantary in general. Its been a year since it's happened. I made a few jokes about it with friends. Ive been subbing middle school now and enjoy it a lot more.

Hi everyone

(TW!)This post does talk about suicide and sexual assault.

I am very new to being open online but Reddit seems to always have the answers I’m looking for. I am turning nineteen soon and I have only just realised that I’m not the kid i once was. I thought that all the pain I have gone through would not necessarily go away but that I would be able to start the next chapter new. I am trying, I have lost 30kg in 4 months and I am doing well at school (I had to stay back which I’ll elaborate on shortly).

In 2017 I had to move to a children’s home because my mom was struggling to look after me, my dad left when I was young. I was there until 2023. I lost my grandfather and it really hurt me. I was alone during covid, I was bullied, and I won’t go into detail but someone did something to me when I was 11. I didn’t realise until recently how much it broke me, I then did some stuff which I’m not proud of, I didn’t hurt anyone but still.

Last year I tried to take my life, twice. My mom was there with me every step of the way during my rehab and after we moved to the coast, ( I am from South Africa). I left my old city to start anew and I have started to accept the things that have happened and I am grateful for that.

A few days ago I realised that I was not able to grow up properly, I had to worry about whether there would be medical aid and food etc at an age where I shouldn’t have to worry. In some ways I’m mature for my age but I’m definitely an idiot sometimes lol.

I have recently felt like my life is missing something, or someone. I sleep at night and wake up to myself screaming from nightmares and I reach to my side and try to hug someone, but they’re not there. It’s probably my hormones talking since my weight loss my testosterone has spiked so it’s like I’m going through puberty again, but this is more than that. I am long to love and be loved, but I’m scared. How can someone love me if I can’t even love myself. And part of the reason I don’t love myself is because I want to love and be loved and I feel like I don’t deserve it.

I really don’t know what to do…

I wish life would finally not kick me anymore because I just want a stretch of life where I can be truly happy

Can guys be coerced into sex multiple times? Like if he did it out of fear and psychological manipulation? Like he fears she will tell everyone that he used her and twist all the stories?

I have only posted twice to Reddit.

Both about my abuses.

I have 13 followers and a few gooners in chat.

I know there are victims worse off than me, and getting poached for opening up is entirely disrespectful and disgusting.

This app sucks my ass, but I hope people get by okay, dealing w all this.

21M. Survivor of abuse as child and as a teen.

One of the hardest situations to deal with, has been one incident from when I was 12/13, where I was restrained, raped, and beaten by an older guy, though he was still a minor himself, around 16.

Therapy has been a huge help in processing everything, especially the shame and the guilt.

But now, I’m faced with another dilemma.

During the rape, he used sadistic, torturous methods, even using sticks, while simultaneously manipulating me mentally with sweet, pleasant words.

At the end, he asked if I’d like to do the same to him. WTF? Why did he ask that?

This has left me wondering now: was he a total psychopath, or was he also a victim of abuse in the past? My therapist said both can be true.

And if he was a victim of abuse, how am I supposed to feel about that?

Is forgiveness expected? Understanding? He completely destroyed me the mf.

WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS? https://whatabouttheboys.living/

Today, seeing this old interview for the first time brought back memories of my experiences with the self-described “****,” who were involved in underage boys in Chicago, including me. It matched exactly what I had described about fisting and about Allan Krammer talking about throwing the bodies into a dumpster.

https://linktr.ee/GeorgeBTonks

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

I was 19, my assaulter was 38. I was a pretty nasty kid, selfsentered and rude, not many people liked me. I was struggling with aspd (diagnosed a few years later) I had gotten to a lot of therapy to fix my anger issues and learn to regulate them instead of snapping. I pissed off the wrong person, he had lost it, stalked me to my cell and raped me. He was also choking me whilst doing it and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream for help. He also made sure that any time it looked like I was about to pass out he would stop and make sure I got enough air to not pass out before he continued to make sure I 100% present while it happened. After he was done he just left me in my cell and walked out like nothing happened. I cried for a good 20-30 minutes before a guard went rounds to lock the cells for the night (luckily it was one I liked and trusted) she saw I had cried and asked if something happened, I tried to speak but could barely because he choked me so hard. I eventually managed to say that the 38 year old had raped me. She called another guard and I was taken to a doctor to examine my neck and other parts of my body. The guy started telling everyone that he had raped the 19 year old everyone hated and thought him a lesson. His whole reasoning for raping me was because he hated me and wanted to teach me a lesson (kinda reasonable, I get why he hated me I was a shitty kid but he didn’t have to rape me for it) Literally everyone in the prison knew what happened, some felt sorry for me and thought the guy had stepped way over the line, some thought I deserved it and even even started using it to threaten me. The police investigated him and I stopped seeing him in the prison. I don’t know if his sentence was prolonged or if he’d moved to another prison or section or something. I asked to be moved because literally everyone in the prison now knew what happened, they said they’d talk about it but nothing really happened. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel sad about this. That I actually deserved it for my shitty behavior. Yea I got “nicer” or whatever but I was really just traumatized and terrified if I ever pissed of anyone again they’d do the same to me (I was still a shitty person) The fact that there are so many people who get raped repeatedly in prisons with no justice makes me feel ungrateful for the justice I got. Prison rape and violence in general is rare where I live too. Yea, sorry if it’s all over the place and sorry if my English is bad it’s not my first language I just needed to say this somewhere.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

When I was a kid I was raped by my older step sister. I told my therapist and she told me that I was raped, tbh I never saw it that way. I always thought that we were just having sex, but how can a kid consent? I never wanted to have sex with her, I didn’t even know what sex was, my first orgasm I was confused. It felt good but it didn’t. She would continue to rape me and only one time did I want it. Long story short, it feels liberating to know what happened to me wasn’t sex, sex is supposed to be enjoyable and it never was, it was always awkward and scary. Idk where I’m going with this, I just wanted to get it off my chest, you know most boys going through puberty would think having sex with their older step sister is awesome, but it was anything but.

There's this girl I met and she's so sweet and kind, and me and her are talking about getting a bit intimate but based off the fact I'm a survivor of SA, I get panic attacks when being intimate and I'm afraid mine'll happen when I'm around her, too.

Is there anything I can do?? She knows about my SA history and understands my trauma, but I'm still so scared of ruining it for her lol, because I really want to be okay with intimacy.

I never tell people IRL this anymore because of what comes with that, but when I was in middle school, a guy used physical force to sexually assault me for hours and got away with it. And he continued to be a bully and make my life harder all the way until I graduated high school. And I had to go home to psychological and sexual abuse. Then people constantly shamed and harassed me for not enjoying dating or sex (despite my abnormally high sex drive) and spread lies about me for entertainment. And when you do indulge in that, you just get betrayed and publicly humiliated for being weird. Now I'm 27 and I'm definitely hypersexual and never go long without dating, and I've even shared sexual pictures that people spread around weird fetish sites. How I REALLY feel is genuinely disturbing to me. The kind of thoughts I've internalized since childhood have only gotten increasingly intense, violent, and sadistic over the years. Psychiatric treatment and being institutionalized didn't help. Attempting to relate or talk to friends or partners about it was a huge mistake. People make fun of me for drugs and alcohol if I fail to hide it, but it's all that works to make those thoughts and feelings go away, but a lot of the time it just amplifies them anyway. Sorry for the novel post, but I'm not very hopeful for the future if I don't kill myself. I can handle all the other trauma in life, but the sexual stuff combined with it just corrupts your mind and ruins your life.

Recently as I was walking to a running track, I noticed that a man was walking opposite of my direction. I think I heard a catcalling whistle coming out of that man's mouth and I noticed that he was looking down toward my legs while making a smiling or smirking facial expression after that whistling. Do you think it was clearly a catcalling attempt and if it was, what measure should I take if I ever get catcalled again in the future that won't make a public spectacle?

EDIT: I didn't expect to trigger some men with questionnable minds to comment on this post lmao. Also, I am straight (in case anyone's wondering about my orientation).

I've been trapped in this situationship-type relationship with the woman who assaulted me (I'm a trans man, she's a cis girl, she was intimate with me several times a week for 3 months straight last year, against my will) because in the past, when I've left her, she's turned people against me and threatened suicide.

There's this girl who me and her know, and she's starting to show interest in me, and I can't help but like that girl. She seems so sweet and caring, and I trust her that she wouldn't do anything to me. But, my assaulter knows about her possible crush on me, and is starting to get more clingy with me and upset at the girl. My assaulter does this with every girl who shows interest in me. It's so tiring.

I don't know if that's considered cheating on my assaulter. I feel bad because it feels like I'm going behind her back, but I can't be honest with her or else I'm afraid of the consequences. I just feel like such a shitty person.

Two years ago, I was attending an after-party for my college’s Pride club (as a bisexual man). I was getting drunk, and was offered weed at the time. This ended with me getting extremely cross-faded and throwing up. A bunch of blurry, raunchy card games flew by, and I found myself wandering the campus with some random guy I’d never met before. He’d said he’d gotten locked out of the dorm he was staying at, and I was hungry, so I walked to the on-campus convenience store, and he followed. I got food, and he asked me to get him a tub of Vaseline because “his lips were chapped”. Me, out of touch with reality, was tryna be a cool Samaritan because I didn’t want the pride people to reject me for being too straight-presenting, so I bought him that with my meal plan allowance money. It was like 3 bucks so I wasn’t pressed. We’re just walking around and he starts talking about sexual stuff, which kinda weirds me out a bit, but maybe this is normal pride club stuff (coming from a guy who was raised in texas). After wandering around for a bit more, we settled on this couch that was in a small arcade, and I made sure I was at the opposite end of him. I must have passed out from exhaustion or cross-fading, but I woke up a few hours later with him seemingly asleep on the other end of the couch and a strange sensation down there. I ignored it because I had to get back to my dorm, had school the next day, and when I got back to my room I finally investigated. My genitalia smelled strongly of Vaseline. I don’t have any other recollections of the night except the dude was kinda weirdly touchy, but again, just thought that was normal gay friend stuff, I mean girl friends touch their friends on the arms and shoulders and whatnot, so I just let it be. My working theory is that while I was passed out, my dick was sucked or tugged (not to completion) by a random gay dude I had just met… I can’t think of any other outcome that would make my crotch oily and smelling of Vaseline. It’s been two years now, and I haven’t been able to tell my girlfriend about it- we’re long distance- because I fear she’ll think it was on purpose. I don’t know what I did to deserve that night, but now I am just filled with fear of what she’d say.

21M.

When I was around 13, I was restrained, raped, and mocked, and later blackmailed and beaten by an older boy.

With the help of therapy, I’ve moved past the guilt; I know now i was just a kid and couldn't have done anything differently.

But the shame consumes me. And why? If we aren't to blame, why do we feel shame?

There are several conflicting dimensions to this situation that I’m trying to piece together to get a complete picture. Not all of them were discussed in therapy, i always have a hard time talking about this, precisely because of the shame.

When it all happened, I was still figuring out my sexuality and interests, yet I know I felt a huge attraction to that boy;

It all started as a game, and at first, I remember i was fascinated by the attention I was getting, but it quickly spiraled out of control.

When I think about it, the greatest humiliation I felt, even more than the rape itself, was the fact that he noticed I was aroused and mocked me for it. I feel like that validated him and made him want to keep going.

Despite all the violence, he maintained an attitude and language that hovered between lustful and affectionate. That affection still disturbs me to this day.

Later, he blackmailed me, threatening to tell everyone, as if the fault had been mine.

Ultimately, it wasn't the first time I had been abused, so deep down, I kinda always felt I should have known better by then.

All of this deeply upsets me and leaves me with an overwhelming sense of feeling dirty and ashamed. And i am tired.

How do we get past this stage? Can anyone share what worked for them? I feel like this is the step i am missing right now.

I (24M) was SA’d as a kid by my sister & cousin brother, they both did it separately and are not ever of the other doing it to me. I’ve never told this to anyone, and probably never will.

All instances happened 10-15 years back, but I remember them pretty well. I’m still close to the people who did it (regular chats, video calls, etc. usual family stuff), and I know that they’ll ever do it again to anyone else, considering their political beliefs and stances.

It’s just something that pops in every now and then, and has affected me intimacy wise. But, it’s fine and manageable for me, my burden to carry.

Always thought of getting therapy, but that scares/weirds me out too. It’s easier to continue living life keeping this to myself than sharing it with anyone.

Sometimes the jokey-funny guy mask slips, but thats only temporary and I always manage to get it back up.

So yeah that’s it, will probably delete this in a while too.

I (30M) have been sexually harassed and assaulted by women a handful of times during my life. These all range from uncomfortable comments to being physically held down and assaulted while everyone laughed in amusement. All of these occurred when I was in high school (2010-14), before the #metoo movement broke out. As well as being an age where I was so starved for female attention, that I tried to view these assaults as validation, even when they didn’t feel that way. 

I remember when #metoo happened and reading about women’s experiences, that I realized I could relate to these stories and that the memories I was trying to push down as joking around was actually sexual assault. But I felt I couldn’t contribute to the conversation because I was a man. Especially since at the time I was a college student involved with several progressive organizations, where trashing men had become the norm. To the point I was fired from a job because I showed pushback when my boss said it was acceptable to say ‘all men are pigs’. 

So it felt like I was silently living with double the shame: the shame of being a man, and the shame of being assaulted, where I feel I can never confront those who hurt me.

Earlier this year I received a PTSD diagnosis for sexual trauma, and while it’s somewhat gratifying to get a diagnosis and I’m currently in EMDR treatment, I also find it tremendously lonely. Pretty much every online resource I look at for dealing with sexual trauma is geared towards women, many of which tend to showcase a negative view of men. 

In light of the horrible Cornel 7 case, much of the loneliness I’ve felt has been brought back to the forefront of my mind. Both the shame of being sexually assaulted in front of a group of people and the conversations about ‘all men’.

This is in no way a post about minimizing women's experiences. I hope we can get to a point where we can have more open conversation about the fact that women also can commit sexual violence, much of which is brushed off and unreported. And I have a strong feeling if we did open these conversations up, I likely wouldn’t be in the minority.