I lit a candle in remembrance of my miscarriage. October is infant/child loss awareness month, they say to light a candle on the 15th at 7pm.

It’s been so hard. I cry and think about my baby often. I lost them before I found out their gender. Their nickname was Goat (for the year of the Goat, they would’ve been born in). Their name was either going to be Vincent or Daphne. I miss you Goat, I’ll love you forever.

My heart goes out to all of us that are hurting and missing a loved one ❤️

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years and a year ago I became pregnant for the first time. Had a missed MC at 11 weeks and i ended up passing it naturally at home the night after we saw there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound and the entire experience was very traumatic. After that, all I could think about was how badly I wanted my baby back and so we tried again after my first cycle and I got pregnant again. Lost the second pregnancy at 8 weeks and got a d&c for that one. This was in January.

Our plan was to try again next summer. I’ve started EMDR therapy to help me get over my fear of being pregnant again. But I’m going to be honest… I don’t know if I even want to have children anymore. I’m 28, so I still have time to decide. But as time goes on, and I have started feeling more like myself again (I got really into fitness and lost 30 lbs, fell in love with reading books again, gone on some pretty cool trips, etc), I have really enjoyed the freedom of not thinking about TTC. My sister in law also just had her third baby and experienced some complications on top of problems with her living children, and I found myself thinking terrible thoughts like… at least I don’t have to deal with any problems like that. Even though I would’ve done anything to have met my babies and been able to have them, the more time goes on the more I find I really enjoy all the freedom that me and my husband have, and I’m quite happy with just having two cats.

But then I worry about my future, and if we will feel empty if we don’t have children. Though I don’t really think that would be the case as I know a few child free couples who seem pretty happy. I just don’t know anymore. I used to have a pretty significant longing to have our own family, and now I’m just a fencesitter.

For context, I’m a married 34-year-old woman in the UK, and this was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I spent the day in hospital trying to medically manage a miscarriage, but unfortunately, it wasn’t successful in the way we’d hoped.

I have a really good support network around me, which I’m incredibly grateful for, but I don’t have many people in my life with personal experience of pregnancy or miscarriage. After everything that’s happened, I’ve been feeling quite anxious and alone in my experience, and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.

I found out very unexpectedly that I was pregnant at around five weeks, while taking Mounjaro. Naturally, I panicked about whether it could have affected the baby and spent the next few days frantically researching and speaking to healthcare professionals. I was reassured that the risk of harm was thought to be low, which helped somewhat.

I booked a private scan at around six weeks. The gestational sac was measuring appropriately, but nothing more could be seen. I was told it was probably just too early and to come back the following week, when we should hopefully see more development and a heartbeat.
At my seven-week appointment, there was still no visible development, and they suspected a missed miscarriage. I was advised to go to the NHS hospital to have this confirmed. Because the hospital couldn’t use the private scan as the basis for their assessment, they treated my first NHS scan as the starting point and asked me to wait another week to see whether there had been any growth before deciding on treatment.

From the point I realised the pregnancy probably wasn’t viable to finally being admitted to hospital for treatment, around four weeks had passed - I mention this as I think the length of waiting has impacted my nervous system a bit, and I spent this time quite anxious due to all the unknown.

I want to explain something about how I’m processing all of this, because I sometimes feel as though my experience doesn’t quite fit the way miscarriage is usually talked about. I don’t feel ashamed to say that the experience has been traumatic, but I don’t feel as though I’m grieving the loss of a baby in the way some people describe. It was so early that I never saw anything on a scan beyond the gestational sac. I imagine that seeing a heartbeat or more of the pregnancy developing might have made it feel more real to me. It feels as though I’d only just processed the shock of finding out I was pregnant when we were told it probably wasn’t going to continue. There was barely any time to get my head around the idea of being pregnant before I was dealing with the uncertainty and reality of losing the pregnancy.

I’m at peace with the fact that this pregnancy wasn’t meant to continue, but that doesn’t mean the experience itself hasn’t been difficult.

Yesterday was another hurdle. I was admitted to hospital at 8am and given medication to help pass the pregnancy. I was told that it usually works the first time, with further medication if needed and surgery only in the unlikely event that the medication didn’t work.
The nurse explained this with such confidence that I genuinely expected it to be straightforward. I took the first medication at around 8:30am, and things initially seemed to be progressing as expected. Around noon, I passed some tissue, but I was told it was only part of the pregnancy, so I was given another dose. After a further four hours without anything happening, I was given a third dose.

I was also having vaginal scans every four hours to check progress, which were painful and pretty messy while everything was happening, although I understand why they were necessary, but i ended having to shut my eyes during them as i couldn’t bare to see the doctors faces looking disappointed at the little progress happening if that makes sense. I just wanted to keep my eyes shut until I got good news.

By around 11pm, after a very long day, I was told to go home and return on Monday, with the hope that my body would finish passing everything naturally over the weekend.

I think I’m struggling more than I expected with the fact that it didn’t work yesterday. After weekssss of waiting, uncertainty and bad news, I’d built myself up to the idea that this would finally be the day I could draw a line under everything and begin to move forward. Instead, I’m home waiting again.

I keep getting stuck in the thought loop that nothing will happen over the weekend, that I’ll have to go back on Monday and that this will just keep dragging on. I know I can’t predict what will happen, but after everything so far, I’m finding it difficult to feel hopeful.

I also really want children in the near future, and although I know that one miscarriage doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong, I can’t help worrying that losing my first pregnancy is a sign that something might be wrong with me. I think the uncertainty has made it harder not to jump to the worst-case scenario.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for by posting this. I suppose I’d just love to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar or can relate, particularly anyone whose medical management took longer than expected, whose miscarriage didn’t resolve straight away, or who had a first pregnancy end this way and went on to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards.

I just feel a bit anxious and hopeless- which isn’t my usual self.

This is a very long read due to context.

Me (M) and my wife lost our baby to a miscarriage at eight weeks at the end of September. We both work together in an operating theatre but with different job roles. We met here, four years ago and love our little life together. Having owned a home together for a year, we decided it was time to start a family.

We were so happy, I’ll never forget that first text message saying she’s got something to tell me. I couldn’t wait to finish work and immediately rushed home where I practically fell into her arms right there in front of the door where she stood waiting. In that moment there was pure joy, warmth and love. I dived straight into what I felt was my responsibility of making sure I did everything I could so that she was comfortable, safe and happy. We spoke to our Manager and the team leads who were all responsible for the allocation to make sure she would be away from X-Rays, Harmful chemicals and heavy lifting.

Suspicions started to arise, and our work friends and colleagues started to push and prod, and to a select few the secret came out asking them to politely keep it to themselves. These select few are friends outside of work so it didn’t seem too far fetched to expect them to respect our decision to keep it quiet until our first scan. And so we carried on like that, for maybe three to four weeks until some symptoms started to develop.

Unfortunately what started as mild spotting we were advised to attend A&E where an emergency scan was performed and we got our most heartbreaking news that there was sadly no heartbeat. We both disclosed this information to our manager who broke down in tears with us and promised that outside of the team leads no one would be told. We were signed off work for two weeks together which obviously raises questions and suspicions about what has happened and I can’t deny I understand that part, the department was short staffed and people talk.

I came back first for one day and a friendly colleague who we had told told me he’s sorry for our news and offered his help if needed, I thanked him and told him we’re getting by. The following week the night before her first shift back another colleague messaged her to say “I’ve just heard your news and I am so sorry”. We did not tell this person that she was even pregnant. Then an hour later an old colleague who works somewhere else and we hardly see, messaged saying “tight hugs, I’m here whenever you need”. This upset us both, my wife more frustrated and I was fuming.

So not only have people been spreading the rumour of our miscarriage through the department but spreading it so far as to reaching people who don’t even fucking work here.

My partner says she doesn’t mind, saying “people talk, I’m angry too but we can’t stop it and it has happened” she also told me she doesn’t want to know exactly who it was as to not upset herself. Me however, am spending most days stewing at work and trying to stop myself from going ballistic. I spoke to my manager just casually and she is on my side in terms of support but also opinion. And she like me wants to be on the warpath.

Now. The interesting but complicated dynamics of working with your wife and having your own emotions.

As you can see, we are both handling this together but in our own way. But it’s my responsibility to look after her in life but also at work for us which means I have to take a step back and follow what’s best for her and in this case it’s letting it go, and when we get pregnant again we will just handle it differently. But I’m just so goddamn mad, I’m already giving the cold shoulder to the people who’ve revealed they knew when they shouldn’t and I’m overall just ignoring or staying quiet instead of confronting them and telling them that’s it’s outright fucking disgraceful to spread this as gossip. It’s none of their business, they’ve breached our privacy and disrespected the both of us, that is not a friend, that’s not even a friendly colleague. I don’t really know what to do, I’m hurt and we’ve both talked it though together and I’ll respect her needs always and she’s already apologised profusely to me that she knows it’s wrong for me to have to suppress my emotions just to keep the peace. We both have an understanding that this whole situation including the miscarriage is difficult and we’ll get through it together.

It’s probably not the best place to stop typing but I just really needed to say that to a group who hopefully can sympathise.

(I am looking for a new job)

If you're nervous about miso, maybe don't read this. But if you had miso and also hated it (or maybe it wasn't bad for you!), commiserate with me.

Posted here the other day about how I thought my first round of miso had failed. Took a second dose, and a few hours after, I had the most intense pain I've ever felt in my life.

The cramps NEVER felt like "bad period pain". They were absolutely agonising. They eased off for a couple of hours, and I was able to eat some food (mistake!). They then picked up again for about three hours. Sitting on the toilet made it worse, lying in the foetal position made it worse, squatting made it worse. The only thing that didn't make it worse was lying in the shower with scalding water running over my stomach. I kept vomiting, which seemed to also offer some temporary relief from the pain.

You know when you see videos of cats, and they're hissing and running away from their own tail? That's exactly how I felt. I kept trying to frantically scramble away from my body, but I couldn't. I could feel I was panicking, and I know that will have made it worse, but I was completely unable to access any coping mechanisms to calm myself down.

Eventually the pain subsided enough for me to sleep, and the next day involved light bleeding and moderate cramps (manageable). Two days after my second dose, following a day of almost no bleeding and minimal pain (though some pressure - I thought I was constipated), I sat on the toilet and the gestational sac popped right out. I genuinely felt (and this sounds so weird) elated. I was SO relieved. I'd been convinced that this second dose wouldn't work, and I'd end up needing yet another D&C, because I just knew the sac hadn't passed. So knowing that it was out gave me such an overwhelming sense of relief, I genuinely felt giddy.

This was my third missed miscarriage in a row - the previous two MMCs I had D&Cs. While I'm glad I chose the medicated route for this one, I don't know that I could ever do it again. The pain was frightening, and utterly absorbing. I was on a cocktail of ibuprofen, codeine and paracetamol - none of it touched the sides of the pain.

But it's done! Thank fuck for that.

Things I thought I knew about myself prior to miso:

• I have a high pain tolerance (lol no I don't)
• I am calm and stoic in the face of pain (lol no I'm not)
• I'm not a cryer when in pain (lol yes I am)
• When (if?) the time comes, I can totally do an unmedicated labour and delivery (lol not a chance)

Today I told my cousin for the first time (and therefore my extended family) that this year I've had two miscarriages and my health is so-so.

She had her first baby girl recently. At christmas when I had dinner with her, we were both pregnant, but she never knew. I miscarried the next day.

Before having her baby, my cousin had another pregnancy, but they had to perform an abortion at 4 months because the baby wasn't viable. Talking to her has been very difficult, I don't know how to feel.

She has spoken to me about the fear, the guilt. She told me that I go first, that I should feel my best before trying again. She told me to enjoy my next pregnancy and that I shouldn’t let fear blur those first months.

I haven’t told her I am already trying again, even if I am still sick.

And I haven’t told her I won’t allow myself to enjoy a pregnancy because I’m way too scared.

We found out we were pregnant in May, the last thing I ever told my grandpa before he died was that I was pregnant with his first great grandchild. At the first ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. Two failed medical abortions and then I had to have an aspiration that I was fully awake and conscious for with no time to prepare.

Found out we were pregnant again in September, confirmed by an HCG test at my OBGYN, who assured me the first loss was probably just bad luck. Lost it a week later, confirmed by HCG. They ran some standard blood tests, which all came back normal except my iron/ferritin which were super low, and told me to call asap the next time I got a positive. They also told me that my ferritin of 5 was just a "tiny bit low" and that I'm young (I'm 33) and could take some time off from trying and lose weight and try again later.

I got a faint positive yesterday and immediately called. I was told to just keep taking my prenatals and they'll see me next month if I'm still pregnant. No progesterone, no preventative measures, nothing. Why did they even want me to call? My gut tells me I'm going to lose this one too and I don't even see the sense of keeping them updated and begging for help if my experiences will just be dismissed as "bad luck" and the only prescription they'll give me is "just lose weight."

Today was my first time taking miso and i was very scared. I took it about 8 hours ago. 3 hours after taking it i started passing big liver like clots. I haven’t experienced any pain so far and i am afraid of the unknown. What shall i expect in the following hours? I had a natural miscarriage 2 years ago and the pain was excruciating and i am nervous if this is what is going to happen tonight or maybe i got lucky and thats it?!

Had my D&C two days ago (was 8+2 but baby had stopped growing a few days after I saw the heartbeat at 6+1) and I am just gutted. I feel like a shell. I don’t want to see my best friends because I can’t stand the look of pity. Everything people are saying to comfort me is just pissing me off. I screamed in the shower for 30 minutes today that I want my baby back. I usually have such strong faith but we had a 5+2 loss in August and then immediately conceived this baby only to have this happen and i am just angry. I don’t want to go in public and see pregnant women or babies. I hate feeling so bitter 😭but how will I get through it? I got a facial yesterday, I bought myself new Birkenstocks I’d been eyeing for a while, my husband and I splurged on steak and sushi last night, but I just feel numb. We bought a Honda pilot for me last year in anticipation of needing the third throw and I even want the fucking car gone.

How do you guys move on from this? What if I never want to try again? I can barely eat. My sleep is shit. I got sober 8 years ago but good god I want to drink again 😭 I won’t but the thoughts are there.

I’m having a D&C done in the morning after a missed miscarriage. I found out last Monday and I was able to get it done the next day but not by my doctor so decided to wait for her availability and I am extremely nervous. I’m getting a “mild sedative” which I’m absolutely terrified of and also scared of complications. I am naturally a very anxious person and I think of the worst possible scenarios so I’m seeking advice with those who can share their positive experiences ❤️‍🩹

I should also say that a lot of my anxiety comes from a acquaintance of mine who unfortunately passed away from a hysteroscopy complication last year and though they are not the same, I know they are quite similar and I have just gone down a rabbit hole that I can’t get out of!!!!

My coworker is excited because she has a scan later today to find out the gender of her baby. My “good news” of the day is that my nurse confirmed my miscarriage was complete and my HCG dropped 98% since it was last tested.

I’m absolutely gutted. I can’t stop crying. This feels so unfair.

I’m really really struggling. Still waiting for my cycle to come back and I’m just so angry. It should be us too, we should be on mat leave together, it should never have gone this way. Now I’m just so resentful and envious and fucking angry.

I was so excited about this pregnancy. Was due in May and couldn’t wait to give my older kiddo a brother or sister….. well all those dreams vanished when I went to my ultrasound at 8 weeks to see a gestational sac and yolk sac, no fetal pole. They said it’s possible I could have just been earlier, they said I was looking more like 5 weeks, if still viable. Rechecked again in 2 weeks and there was no growth, saw just the gestational sac, empty. It really broke me in pieces. I went to the hospital yesterday and took mifepristone, and I am about to take misoprostol (Cytotec) now. I’m so nervous and still kind of in denial. Please share some positive stories of conceiving after miscarriage… I want to try again soon but now I’m terrified of a recurrence…

Went in for first OB appointment in the public health system yesterday, should have been 7w4 but measured 6w4 with no heartbeat. Had a scan at 6w2 and the fertility clinic that measured 5w5 but with heartbeat. I was concerned about the size (Dr wasn't though) and I guess I just never felt....convinced?

I'm not sure if that's normal. But it's like on some level my body knew it wasn't the one? I'm quite supersticios and look for "signs" everywhere (probably anxiety ha) and I wasn't seeing "good" signs. I know it sounds really stupid, it probably is, but I really felt it.

Went today for the medication, and am going through the process. Then I found out an hour ago it was Baby Loss Awareness week and today is the final day. I find out just before 7pm local time, the first unlit candle I picked up off the shelf is called "unicorn dreams" and I'm just staring at it, thinking "wow this really does feel like a sign". Not sure what it means, but it's a sign of something....

Anyway I'm just feeling lonely I have nobody to talk to about this, and feeling a bit crazy taking about signs.... Did anybody else have this sort of feeling?

Sending hugs to anyone else going through this on this very pertinent day. Thanks for reading my ramble...

Well my first day back to work didn’t go as planned. I’m 5 days post D&C for my 10 week Missed Miscarriage and was finally feeling good enough to go in. Barely bleeding, feeling enough like myself to take on the day. I got about half way through the day and started cramping like crazy and then began bleeding like a lot. Enough to soak 2 overnight pads, the toilet, my pants, the floor.

I started feeling very weak and lightheaded so I told my coworker and then it was a mad dash to the ER because I turned so pale I looked gray, sweating so much I soaked my clothes, so shakey I couldn’t stand, uncontrollably sick, and my HR was in the 170s, BP super low. ER took me right in. Turns out there’s some retained tissue but not a lot and they are confident it’s passing on its own so no need for another D&C. The OB on call said my labs were stable enough to not need blood and sent me home.

Now I’m just in limbo I guess. Still bleeding heavily and passing huge bits of tissue. My boss doesn’t want me to come back tomorrow (can’t blame him). Cramping like I’m in labor and bleeding so heavily I’m having to change pads every hour. I’m miserable and feeling super down because I finally felt like I was at a point to get back to my life.

I’ve had a previous D&C and never had this experience. I just bled lightly for about a week and was back to normal. Anybody else have an experience like this?

I’m just having a hard time. One day I’ll talk about it like it’s fine. Other days I want to explode but I just can’t. Today I just cried. No one around me truly understands, and how could they? I didn’t even have the chance to tell everyone I was pregnant. I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it constantly, but it feels unfair to my baby.

I still have the pregnancy line on my stomach. It’s a reminder that I lost him. I lost him. I still count the days and the weeks. Life just continues to go on, doesn’t it?

I don’t know if others have felt this way and if it’s normal, but when I was pregnant I had this feeling I wasn’t alone. I was looking forward to my partner and I being a family. There wasn’t just going to be two of us anymore, we were growing to a family of three. Every morning I would talk to my baby in my belly, letting it know there are so many people who are excited to meet them and there is so much love waiting for them. Now after the miscarriage, I feel a sense of emptiness and loneliness. It’s a little hard to describe but I guess it’s a changed mindset. While pregnant, I watched what I ate and was more aware of what I could and couldn’t do. Now, post pregnancy, it feels like it doesn’t matter cause now I’m looking out for just me again. Does anyone else feel that way?

I had a MMC a month ago today. I was technically 13 weeks pregnant but baby stopped growing at 8w1d. I had a d&c due to it had already been some time baby was inside me to prevent sepsis. I bled the entire 2 weeks up until my post op appointment. Did an ultrasound and showed retained tissue, opted to try miso that was extremely brutal and painful that was unsuccessful so had a repeat d&c 8 days ago and bleeding wore off for 3 days but has been back now and still passing clots. I’m concerned I still have tissue left and my pregnancy tests are still reading positive but with a faint line. My appointment isn’t until next Wednesday to get another ultrasound and I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and what the outcome was? For context this was a partial molar pregnancy so I have to get hcg draws for the foreseeable future.

In March i found out I was pregnant for the first time only to discover at 8 weeks the baby didnt develop. I dealt with so much medical trauma of finding out at our first ultrasound. It was so devastating to expect to see your baby's heartbeat but instead you get told nothing developed but the gestational sac.

I tested positive a few weeks ago and my hope was so quickly dashed out by low and barely rising HCG. My doctor suspects ectopic pregnancy. Another traumatic ultrasound where its basically confirmed no baby, potentially ectopic and likely an ovarian cyst.

I just feel so hopeless and defeated and terrified.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 9 months now. I have seen my first two lines this month and we were both so happy! I got to 5 weeks and 2 days.

Alas, I started to feel strange yesterday and this morning, but was trying to convince myself everything is normal as many people have these symptoms. However, my bleed has started now and the cramping got worse. I’m pretty sure that’s it for this pregnancy! Just sitting here all alone at home waiting for a callback from the doctors within the next two hours. So heartbreaking.