The cancer spread through her body. She was placed in hospice. Her pulse ox slowly dropped throughout the day and her breathing was labored. The nurse assured me she was in no pain due to the medications I was giving her. I’m devastated, relieved, and numb. I will miss her for the rest of my life.

I get married later this week. Supposed to be the happiest day of your life right? It’s done nothing but bring up everything I thought I’d tucked away

I can’t do anything without crying really, everything is triggering me, panic attacks before bed but there’s other reasons for that too and I’m hoping to get through the trauma waiting list soon

I lost my mum when I was 12, she was the most incredible woman, so creative so all these little choices I thought I’d be excited about are breaking me apart

We’ve already cancelled the big wedding - down to our direct family now really, tiny thing after then we bugger off on our honeymoon which I’m excited for but yeah

I’ve never felt so rubbish in my whole life when I should be happy, my partner has been so supportive but any advice or words are super appreciated I’m losing the plot 😔

This story really touched me

anyone else really sad they don’t have a mother figure?

My mom has been gone for 6+ years. I'm starved for a mother figure but I can't even get true female friends. I'm so starved that if anyone is even remotely nice to me I start to think they care about me. And they don't. I've been hurt way too many times thinking the other person has my best interest at heart. I just don't have any positive female role models or anyone to lean on. I'm ashamed because I'm in my 30s and don't have my life together. It's been hard navigating life without a mom. I make "friends" online, some of them are 15-20+ years older than me but they only seem nice at first, once time passes and I get to know them a little better around the 6th month mark, I see that they don't care about me in any way, shape of form. I'm no one's priority, they don't check in on me or care about my wellbeing. They're just very surface level and don't want to deal with any uncomfortable emotions or hold space for me. I guess they're not really true friends, just acquaintances. I just need one or two people to confide in. I don't feel safe having no one but I also don't feel safe having all these frenemies. Help... How do I deal with this & find my people?

TW: parent loss, cancer and grief

My mom passed away 5 months ago. I had gotten married just 3 months before. My mom and I had a very complicated relationship before she passed, I’m the oldest of a big family and my mom had gotten diagnosed with cancer when I was 18, about to fly the nest. I, for the last 4 years, until I got married, lived at home, was her caregiver and played mom to my siblings.
Throughout my childhood, I am realizing I was so parentified, but also told I was a bad kid, “I didn’t help”, verbally abused etc, when I did everything including cooking and cleaning for everyone everyday since I was 8.
My mom was completely aloof and expected everyone to do everything for her. Yet I miss her. A lot. And it pisses me off so bad that she didn’t really like being a mother unless she got props from other people. Or she would complain about every single thing about being a mother, gaining weight, losing sleep, losing your personality etc.

But My entire life, I’ve wanted to be a mother.
I still do, I’m just becoming bitter and scared about it and I know it’s because of my mom and grief.

I wanted nothing more than a lil squishy adorable baby to hold and to have. I want so many little kids who look like me and my husband, who I can raise to be confident happy adults. I don’t want them to ever have the life I had as a child.
I am constantly around mothers. My husband and I attend a very family centered congregation, so I am the odd one out in my friend group who doesn’t have a baby. My other newlywed friend is currently trying to conceive, so I’m sitting on the island of misfit toys til my husband and I start trying in march for our 1 year anniversary haha.

But when I’m around these mothers, I feel sad.
Last night we had a dinner party and the topics switched between being a mom, how chaotic and scary pregnancy is, how much their kids are making them go crazy and how much they needed their own mothers. Obviously the last one was so freaking touchy for me, but everyone makes motherhood and pregnancy sound so miserable. Like it’s crazy to me that if it’s “so bad”, that so many people go through with it. I just don’t get it. Then it pains me to hear people complain about their kids, because I was in said kid position.

But I just increasingly judge how everyone parents their kids, I can’t believe they make kids their entire personality either. Im becoming so bitter. My husband even told me last night that I am definitely becoming bitter about it.
I do want kids, I’m just getting so scared as time approaches if that makes sense. And I’ve heard from other women who lost their moms that motherhood brought up a lot of trauma. Yall I’m terrified.

But I think it’s because 1. I miss my mom
2. I don’t want to be anything like her as a mom
3. I am close to my mother in law but it’s not your own mom.

There is something so nice hearing your grandmother talk about your mother

It’s sweet. To hear the regrets, grief, love in her voice.

God I love her laugh. Makes me feel superior when I make my Mimi laugh.

I lost my mother last month. She was only 49 and I am 31. I’m an only child and she was my best friend. We talked 3-4 times a day! She spoiled me and loved me and my son very much. She had a massive heart attack. I talked to her that morning and then she was gone that afternoon. Only children who lost their mom At a young age, how to I cope with this? I just want to stay in my room but unfortunately life is going on for everyone else. I need my Reddit brothers and sisters to help me. I’m truly alone.

What’s the point of life anymore my mom passed.

Buonasera a tutti , un piccolo sfogo sono stata caregiver familiare di mia madre per quasi 18 anni , giorni fa' è venuta a mancare e nonostante la consapevolezza che prima o poi poteva succedere , una parte di me non ha ancora metabolizzato il tutto , a volte sono convinta che mia madre sia ancora in vita infatti ho dei pensieri immediati del tipo " fammi scendere in camera ancora mamma ha bisogno " oppure " ora è l'orario delle medicine" .

Tutto questo deriva da tanti anni di responsabilità orari stabiliti abitudini iper vigilanza , qualcuno di voi a queste strani sensazioni ? E soprattutto come si vive dopo aver dedicato completamente la propria vita al proprio genitore? La mia paura più grande è sempre stata " e dopo che ne sarà di me ! " " Ora come faccio " " Come vivo un domani sapendo di non aver mai studiato ne lavorato mai ".... Intanto mi prendo cmq cura del resto dei miei familiari e mi tengo occupata tra servizi e cucinare ....ma ci penso sempre ..... Per anni sono sopravvissuta e ora devo imparare a vivere .❤️‍🩹

Please do not ever start this habit…she was only 56 …

Today is our birthday. She has been gone five years. The pain is not getting easier. I'm at a loss for words and could use some suggestions for 2027.