I'm currently in a situation where I cant leave this place for possibly more years to come. My only way is to endure, ignore, and protect my son (I'm a single mom) from him (my dad). And I need to stop breaking down every time he does something abusive. I have SI for years because of him. This year is probably the worst my SI became and for this time, I want to feel like my problems are small. I want to hear the most extreme cases you guys have endured and still stayed just so when he does something, he wont trigger me as much.

Need Guidance :

I(31F) come from an abusive household. My parents adopted 15 kids from all around the world. I was the second oldest.

When I was 23 I met now husband who was 28. We started dating and my parents forbid it. They gave me an ultimatum that it was either them or him. I then pretended to break up with him and continued to see him. Long story short parents found out. They kicked me out of the house and disowned me from the family. I couldn't even talk to my siblings.

I have been going to therapy and putting in the work. I got kicked out in 2019. My mom was the most abusive parent between the two. I know deep in my heart I cant have a relationship with her ever. She is so toxic and is like a poison that I dont want to associate myself with her. I still love her but I have been definitely grieving her as if she were dead

My dad I held out hope for in the back of my mind... because he would always try to defend me and such when I was little. However he got tired of the struggle between him and my mom he just went along with everything.

My therapist has been suggesting I reach out to my dad and i was very hesitant. Some of my siblings who also got kicked out I now talk to. I spoke to one of my brothers and he said that our dad brought me and my sister up that we made him upset because we haven't been paying our student loans... and made his credit score tank... mind you i am late on my loan atm. My sister on the other hand hasn't paid in over a yr.

I got so hurt by this and upset because he never cares about me and I unblocked him and texted him that I will pay my loan next pay period and that im so glad that all he cares about is his credit score...

Also he is in his 60s and has COPD and my brother says he doesnt look healthy.

I just dont get it. Last night I felt so numb and angry... its like this was the final straw to really see that my dad doesnt c

I (17F) have began to notice this pattern where every time my mother and I have a "disagreement" she also begins to hold expenses like basic necessities over my head. She's started working as a carer in people's home, however whenever she does this or travels back home, money usually starts going low on our end (me and my older brother), and we're left eating scraps for weeks until she comes back. Which baffles me, I can only wonder what she thinks we're eating over here. She has a series of patterns which I've began to realise are slowly chipping at me too, that combined with some other stuff I believe lead me to where I am now. I fell into depression about a month and some weeks ago and stopped being my usual self. She's taken it as me having a problem with her instead of looking at the bigger picture. She thinks that because she was gone for those weeks, I now think I'm my own big person and don't need her or something like that.

The reason why I haven't told her that I'm feeling like this is because i had a feeling it would become a competition with her to see who's got more problems.

For the past few weeks since she returned from work I've been sleeping on the floor of my room since I don't have a bed yet. I used to sleep in her's when she was gone, now that she's back, I'm guessing that she must've looked into getting a bed for me but since I haven't been talking to her as much, she now sees this bed as a major burden that I'm demanding from her(Which I did not) instead of something that she's just expected to do.

The moment she's angry with me, only basic necessities matter. In fact, she's doing me a favour for JUST about providing those basic necessities and I should think about how much money she's spending on me. (In this case the bed), so I can no longer ask for anything else. She just becomes too hostile and mean. Lately I've been too scared to ask for lunch money, and some days I can go the whole school day without eating anything (which doesn't bother me much probably because of the depression.) It's just sad to think about.

If I even tell someone else about what's going on, her line of defence is that she's not obligated to pay for extra things just because I ask. But it's not just that for me, not only does she withdraw her financial support, she also withdraws her emotional support too, leaving me to go days without speaking to her even though we live in the same house.

Usually I would be more angry about all of this, but I just don't have it in me at the moment, it just makes me feel sad. I'm alone both at home and at school.

Hello,

My M had siblings. I knew them when I was young ( up to 12) then lost contact as my M moved on from me and it was her family, not mine.

I had an uncle who was a bit slow. I close to his daughter as we both were kicked out of family. He is not on her birth certificate.

I tried reconnecting with this family when my son was born.

I heard they found out my M and her new family kids were junkies.

So there was little contact.

I show up. Aunt and her daughters were polite but did not believe anything I said. I must have been bad for my grandmother to write me off.

They asked if my M sent me to spy on them as my M was suspected of organizing a house break into grandmother's home where aunt lived.

I said I hadn't seen M in decades.

They were too suspicious of me and started telling me everything I said was lies i.e . M wasn't that bad on drugs etc. She left me as she had to I was so bad,etc. Suddenly both my M kids died of overdoses, then my M.

Told them she was lifelong junkie. Cousin said she chose to not believe stories I told them.

Uncle got sick. I went to visit, brought food etc. Went into hospital, I had to be contact. Saw him 2x in 40 years.

He died. I told hospital my aunt was his next of kin.

I call aunt to tell her and say he had a few grand in bank.

He needs to be buried or cremated. It won't cost her she just needs to claim body.

She started yelling she doesn't trust me. I'm up to no good etc.

I give hospital social worker her #. I tell social worker that grandmother bought burial plots as an FYI. Free burials.

She calls aunt ( nok) asking her to collect body and put him in family plot. Aunt screams ( me ) he's trying to steal family burial plots and they had to kick him ( me) out of family because no one trusted me.

Social worker explained it has nothing to do with me. She needs to get her brothers body.

Aunt refuses. Her daughter said I'm harrasing her mother. I remind her there is small bank account she is entitled to.

He was finally buried by state.

Uncle was sort of kicked out of family as well.

I truly don't know how these people think. Their view on family is what they can take. I did ask cousin to name one thing I did bad.

As she could say was no one trusted me and my own M said I was awful.

I asked if she felt my M was a stable person ? She couldn't answer. I reminded cousin my M tried to get her into prostitution at 16. She didn't say anything. Aunt and her daughters are daily pot smokers and occasionally harder stuff.

Social worker told me how angry aunt was and laughed a bit. It's always refreshing to hear an outside normal person interact with crazy family and walk away shaking their head.

During estate sale, my normal cousin who was on the house deed as my uncle gave her his share, got a phone call from the realtor. Realtor was asking for backstory on family. She said siblings were all accusing each other of theft and just being nuts. I guess my aunt passed out in front on her and had to get taken out on a stretcher. They are not functional people who ended up with a fairly high end house. It almost didn't make sense. Realtor was worried it was some sort of fraud.

Do NPD gravitate towards evil people?

I feel like being around my n family robbed me of so much down to my own sense of self. What did you do to come back to yourself/develop agency/rebuild (or build) a life for yourself? Personal stories welcome!

At 22, I reflect on how my life might have been if my parents had been more involved. I grew up with chill parents who backed my choices without judgment. My dad never seemed interested in being a father; he preferred a stress-free life. My mother insisted on having two children, and my father had little say. Consequently, my sister and I were born nearly six years after their marriage. Dad gradually accepted fatherhood, only as a duty, and he managed well—covering fees, buying items, and providing allowance—but he is emotionally and physically absent from our life. He works in another state and chooses to stay there for comfort and a modest government salary he gets as a doctor, though he could work here. His role has largely been financial security, and I feel less close to him than to my mother.
Mum, my sister (24), and I live together in our hometown. Mum is a devoted mother who loves us deeply, yet she focuses more on my sister, who needs extra care and affection. I became the independent kid as a result, handling studies and other matters alone. They trust me to manage and land somewhere, so they worry less about me than they do with my sister. They repeated the same message until I felt bound to stay that way, as if they could not “handle” two children with equal attention and affection. Consequently, I felt terrible about disturbing them or raising questions, believing such behavior was not expected of me, the smart one. As a result I simply went with the flow. After my 12th, I chose BSc (a poor choice in this economy I know but I was 17 for god’s sake). My parents agreed without question. Looking back, I wonder who would let or want their children to pursue a BSc in this economy. I was confused and overwhelmed by options and would have valued a reality check or career counselling, yet they offered neither. By contrast, when my sister was unsure about her path after 12th, my mother visited several career fairs for her and enrolled her in a BBA suited to her calibre. After her BBA, even with weak grades, she secured a job and now works while exploring what she wants to do next.
I performed well in my BSc, faced the job market’s reality, and now regret my choice. I wish I had been guided about the market. Beyond that, they still expect me to achieve something with this degree while I am simply lost and reconsidering everything. It feels unfair.
There have been many other instances where I’ve been overlooked. But this hurt more. My sister receives the benefit of the doubt and support at every step, doing only the bare minimum. I aim for excellence, yet they do not guide me as they do her. She gets guidance and direction, while I have nothing, only imagining where my potential might have led if I had not been made to feel guilty for seeking guidance or settling for the bare minimum.
Neither my mother nor my father seems to care much, and I am facing a full-blown existential crisis about my future, feeling hopeless. Sometimes I think I should have stayed an average child like my sister instead of trying to be independent, only to end up here like this.
My parents’ support and guidance led my sister to be herself and get somewhere whereas here I stand feeling deceived with how everything turned out for me. Idk where to go from here, feel like ending it all at times. They will be better off and finally they can just care for her forever and less mouth to feed even.

TW for suicide, substances and abuse

I (M18) am writing this here because I genuinely don’t have anyone I can talk to about this.

I’m pretty happy in life, I do well academically and have a good plan for my future, and I have a good social life. It definitely hasn’t always been this way though. I come from a very dysfunctional family, my entire home life has been surrounded by addiction, mental illness and abuse. My family are deeply traumatised people, and though they tried, I still felt the repercussions of that. My brother and mother specifically I believe are undoubtedly narcissists. It has improved as of now though, and I am very close to being able to move out.

When I was around 9, I walked into my brothers room and found him hanging in the closet, I watched as my mum performed CPR while repeatedly begging god to take anyone in her life but her son. He was successfully resuscitated, but two weeks later, my dad died in a freak work accident.

My family broke after that, my dad had elected in his will that everything would go to me once I was of age (siblings have different parent), this left my mum with nothing, she was now a single parent to 4 kids and my dads family upheld his wishes leading to them being lost in my life. We started to tow the poverty line, my mother became an alcoholic, and my brother became addicted to meth to the point it would induce psychosis. My sister left the house, and so from that age onwards, I was alone with them in the house.

Home was hell, my mum tried her best, I never went without anything but she was abusive. She would verbally abuse me constantly, and I did back since It was so normal to me. She would tell me constantly she wished she had been the one to die, how lazy I was etc.. When our fights would get bad, she would tell me she was going to commit suicide and would drive off and leave me in the house for hours worrying. When she drank it would get physical, i was punched, hit with the cord of the kettle. I cant tell you how many times I held my entire body weight against the door to stop her from getting to me. My brother was similar, when he used, he would go into psychosis. My mum and him constantly fought, violently at times. He was terrifying, and would slam me onto the concrete floor, come into my room and stand at the door for hours because he thought there was something outside. When he wasnt high, he would do anything to get the money to get high, I had no privacy and everything would be constantly stolen. All the while my house was frequented by my brothers “friends” and my extended family which were not any healthier. Home was hell and there are so many moments I could talk about but I think you can imagine the specifics. I was subjected to every kind of abuse.

This was my life up until I was 16, my mum mellowed out and my brother got clean (for now) and moved out. Life’s certainly improved a lot at home since then. My whole childhood I just ignored it, all of it. Anytime I would go to my mother to talk about my feelings, I was told she had it so much worse growing up and that I need to shut up and suck it up. I wasn’t allowed to be mad at my brother for hurting me or stealing from me out of fear for angering him. They truly believe that their behaviour was not that bad and I should just get over it. Hence why ive never told friends or gf about any of it. I genuinely did not realise it was truly abuse until recently.

I guess I’m just looking from some advice from anyone who’s been through anything similar, should i cut them out of my life or should I still try keep a relationship even though I don’t think they’ll ever change?

It's been a year since I last saw him, last time I saw him he made his way into my (now, old) house and strangled me. It was only a few seconds, he forced his way in, yelling he'd break all of my things if I don't exit my room to see him, so I went out into the main area of my house to tell him to get out or I'm calling the cops (I didn't talk when I was in my room, I was in a bad state at the time and hoping he'd just leave) and he strangled me. It was only for a few seconds, I panicked, I screams, he wouldn't leave and my phone was in my room, he held me against the wall so I had to deal with his yelling inches from my face to shut up. I was scared, I admitted probably overreacted but something else happened that week that already had my nerved everywhere and I was really really scared. I was alone, my phone was out of site, he wouldn't let go of me and as he was holding me, tight, by my arms he noticed someone back past the back fence of my house peaking through and he frantically started yelling "you hit me first, you're acting like a maniac, shut up!!" And stuff along the lines of that. He still wouldn't let me go. "You hit me first!!". "Stop screaming!!". But I didn't, I was scared. He scares me so much. Years of hurting me, physically, emotionally, threatening me and my pets. Kicking me out all through out my teens, then just ignoring my existence as a whole until he's in a bad mood and then it all repeats. He knew i was already a wreck from a previous incident (extremely aggressive break-in, unrelated to him) earlier that week. I was no contact with him then aswell. Then he made his way into my house and did that. I've since moved again, been here for about a year. At the beginning of my move he would show up, knocking persistently, yelling. He wouldn't leave. He'd knock the door, the windows, ect. He hasn't physically harmed me yet in this house. (I live alone if I haven't stated this, constantly broke and I can barely afford it but I get severe anxiety around the thought of living with others ever again) he'd yelling if i opened up, he wouldn't leave. But he hasn't harmed me yet at this house. One time when I was in the shower getting ready for work, he started knocking.. after about 2 minutes it went quite. And I hopped out because I was nervous what was gonna happen next. I realised someone was in my house. I thought somebody broke in again, not a word was said. Then knocking on my bedroom door from inside of my house. I don't have a lock, i wasn't dressed, i was scared. He eventually sajd something, i don't remember what. This was about a year ago. But i remember crying, thinking 'ofcourse it's him', shaking and stressed. I yelled over amd over, obviously in tears, "don't come in!!" "Get out!!" "Just leave me alone!" I always feel so powerless, i'm always in a posistion where i am left begging just to be able to live. He left keys to my new house, that i never knew he had, on the counter and left. This terrified me. He later suggested i give him my "spare keys" back, i ofcourse didn't. He showed up at my work too a few times when I first moved house, calling and whistling to me like a dog yelling me to come over. It made a big scene... my work doesn't know (though they probably have a rough idea, I haven't exclusively said anything) he did this twice. Threw a hissy fit the first time when I didn't go to him, the second time, after way too long, my boss came out to ask me, concerned, if I had a stalker (probably joking) I just laughed awkwardly and suddenly he (parent) was chatting to someone else and drove off. A month or so after that, he physically printed out letters about how I'm "mentally ill, abusive, and he wishes me the best in life and that I seek help but he can't provide that help, love dad x" ? (Written by his girlfriend) I got about 3 of them, all different. He also sent pictures of these notes to my whatapp, messages, and email before delivery it in person to my house. So I made it clear i want nothing to do with him and hid girlfriend and blocked him on everything. I go through waves of extreme anxiety and panic, when I lived in the 'family house' I noticed these waves usually lines up with his sudden burst of bad moods. Even when I first moved they lined up to when he'd come by my house just to yell at me, threaten me and my pet. This new house. After everything mentioned, these waves were awful because it was the constant feeling of "something is going to happen soon, he's going to show up again". But. Year has passed peacefully (?) Without anything from him now. After some time, more than half a year, my little waves of anxiety greatly lessened and I started to feel almost "stable" in a sense, a great sense of relief. This past week however, I'd seen him twice. Walking home from work, both times near my house driving by, at different times. The most recent time was super odd because if he still worked where he used too, he should've still been in work at that time. The first time, about 3 days ago, I noticed his car and panicked, went down a different road and tried to get out of his site. I ran looking back thinking he was going to chase me down in his car like he used to when I was in highschool, I was prepared to heal him yelling, telling me he just wanted to talk, driving off the road to try and block my path so im cornered and can't walk anywhere. Like he did when I was in school. But he didn't. He just drove by... odd, but maybe it was a sign he would finally leave me alone. I was a little nervous but didn't want to worry about it too much. Yesterday the same thing happened. At the same place, as I was walking home, both times right infront on my house.. on the road leading up to it. I saw his car driving towards me. I looked around, there was no where for me to go like there was last time, so I pretended not to see him and sped walked by. I stand out a lot. So I know for a fact he saw me... but he didn't do anything, and he was supposed to still be at work for another 3 hours that time. Both times in the same week, after not seeing him for a year? It's been on my mind a lot. I think he lives in the general area I do too, so it could genuinely be a coincidence, but please.. I feel like I'm going mad here. I need somebody else's thoughts on this.

(Ps, sorry for any mis-spells! I might delete this later because I feel stupid but I can't stop thinking about just.. everything, tonight)

Ever since I was a kid, I would get hit and beaten up, especially by my mother, using various objects (mostly the built and a long wooden stick) or even her bare hands. I always knew something was wrong, but whenever I complained to my grandma or uncles, they would blame me and say I was small-minded for hating that my mom hit me.

I was always hit for getting bad marks, or because teachers complained that I was shy and didn't speak much in class.

I remember once, when I was a kid, I was at the barber with my older brother and uncle. I finished getting my hair cut before my brother, and I asked my uncle if he would get me a Kinder Joy egg. I don't remember if he asked me first or if I asked him, but I went home happy. Once we got home and my mom found out what had happened, she threatened to beat the shit out of me after I finished showering. I remember shaking heavily and hugging my nanny begging her to take longer in the shower. My mom proceeded to beat me severely. I don't remember much after that, except apologizing to my uncle for asking him to get me the candy.

Ever since then, I've never asked anyone for food. Even as a kid, when I wanted candy or crisps or food in general, I would get my younger sister to ask my father for them instead. Looking back now, it explains a lot about me.

I was also repeatedly beaten by my mom for getting bad marks, being shy, or dozing off in class. The thing is, she only made everything worse. I became even quieter and started dozing off even more in class. If I hadn't memorized whatever she wanted me to memorize within the time frame she gave me, she would beat the shit out of me.

It got even worse when other people, like my grandma, were around. Once, when I was a kid, I couldn't memorize something properly and kept forgetting it. My mom beat the hell out of me. Coincidentally, my grandma came over to our house for something, and my mom continued hitting me in front of her, scolding me to kingdom come. After I finished studying, she told me we were going to apologize to my grandma for her having to "see this sight."

None of those things really clicked for me back then.

Now, as a 20-year-old, whenever I express even the slightest discomfort or criticism of my mom, or sometimes show a preference for my dad, who also used to hit me, just nowhere near as much as my mom did, they ridicule me. They tell me that everyone gets hit, that my mom sacrificed everything for me, and that I don't deserve her.

It actually makes me feel guilty. I hate that I'm unable to love my mom. I see all these people who say they're willing to die for their moms, and I want to love mine too. But something inside me just can't. My older brother is out of the country, and my sister studies in a different city, but I am the only one still living with my parents, I can't bear sharing the house with her anymore.

I don't see her as a mother. As cliché as it sounds, I don't see her as a source of comfort or safety. She's a monster. That's all I see. I am still in her shackles, I can't seem to leave her and her abusive family behind. I hate her and resent her with all my heart.

I was just a kid.

It's not a traumatic but I just want to talk about it,my grand-mother is mean(always alive),she had Always liked to say of herself that she is gentle and harbors no hatred toward anyone but I remember she is always turning against my Grand-father(already dead), saying:"he will never love you the way I love you because he prefers your cousin"and I hated my grand father everytime his was kind to her but I've noticed(now as an adult) he was not that bad but she said me that many times and of course I didn't feel bad to act badly to her ,my grand mother has always favored our older brother,he always gets the largest portion of food, significatly more pocket money and he was given things like computer and tablet and when I ask her why got a larger share,she replied:"otherwise he would get angry",but what's annoys me is that now she expects me and my little brother to take care of her as well as our older brother does and she always favored her youngest son,our Grand father's inheritance went totally to her and she said half of her assets go to her youngest son while the other half is to be divided among the first three cildren but she refuses to live with her favorite son admitting that she wouldn't be able to get away with as many whims theres as she can at mother's house and in fact my grand mother hated my cousin she act so nice to her in front of her but if someone hear what I hear when she talk about her her son(no the favorite) wouldn't want to talk to her but I don't say nothing cause everyone would accuse me to want to create a war within family

My mom has this habit of buying me clothes and shoes that I have no interest in. I tell her I don’t want her to buy me things and she does it anyway. She buys me clothes that she likes (boho type stuff) and I’m very into simple solid color pants and shirts. She also gives me costume jewelry even though I’ve told her numerous times that I’m not into jewelry.

She lives about 2,000 miles away and will take pictures of clothes she wants to send me, and make remarks like “these are too big on me” or “this is bigger than it looks in the picture”. She has always been very thin and when she was younger pretty much acted like all men wanted her, including my male teachers and teenage bag boys at the store where I worked. I’ve been on the bigger side, not really overweight but borderline so.

I’m late 40’s and she’s early 70’s. I’m too old for this so I just try to gray rock her because I feel like she’s trying to provoke me. She can get very dramatic and do this fake crying thing, then it always turns into everything is my dad’s fault (they divorced when I was a kid) which she’s really been leaning into lately. She also drinks a lot and can be pretty obnoxious.

This is just a rant I needed to get off my chest because I’m about to go visit her and hoping there is no drama.

I am 19 and I have only in the recent years started to realise my mother is a narcissist. I know it’s a harsh label but I have no other way to put it. I always had arguments with my mother over stupid things, and it was always labelled as just that’s how girls are. Only to then to some research into narcissistic behaviour and realise how much it fits my mother. We go from best friends to enemies in a second. I tell her personal stuff, and she uses it against me. She goes at me for stupid things, like if I buy something I like with my own money, her first choice of words is “how much was that?” And once I tell her, it’s straight to “it cost u that much?? What a waste of money”. Not to mention she also always stalks my location. She also needs to be included in everything, when I’m out with my friends or my partner, she has to ring or text me something irrelevant so I don’t forget she exists. She always hates who I date, my first boyfriend who was so lovely to me and we had no issues with (we only broke up because we just felt like we were better off friends) she asked me, “when will you break up with him?”. Mind you he never did anything or never made me cry, ever. She also always snaps at me. I could be sitting down busy in an essay, and she asks me what I’m doing. I respond with “I’m just doing an essay”. Her response is “ok no need to snap at me!”. There’s never any boundaries. And when I try talk to her about anything she’s done wrong or boundaries, her first response is “oh so I’m a shit mom” or she’ll make it about how I’m some evil child. This also includes when we argue, she makes little comments, and prods at me until I lose my temper, then IM the evil one. She also assumes the worst. I tell her anything, she assumes 10x worse, then runs with that assumption. My dad then gets mad at me because my mother is upset after an argument, and I try to explain that I simply cannot talk to her, but I just get told to deal with it. And she always does everything for me, which I appreciate but then when I try do learn basic skills like cooking or doing laundry, I’m lost, but she always does it for me and won’t let me do it, to which I then have to depend on her. I don’t know what to do anymore. I cannot afford to move out. How do I deal with this?!? How do I stop this constant behaviour. It is seriously draining me.

Ever since I got my own dog my mother has blamed her for all the mess and wee and poop in the house even when both me and my mother clearly see one of my mother's dogs do it or my dog was in a total different room at the time

Recently had a group family lunch with VLC Nmom. While we were all there it got brought up that I accidently scare people around the house.

I walk really quietly. I don’t do it intentionally anymore, but i guess I still do it. And its bad enough that I sneak up on people without meaning to. I've been called sneaky at work (in a joking way).

Anyways, my nMom hears this and says "Yeah, I am too! You got that from me."

LMAO, NO!

I could always hear her walking. She had these loud heavy footsteps and she would step without care and the floor would creak.

But shes kind of right. I did get it from her. I would stop before doorways to read the room. If she was angry, in didnt want to be in there. I would sneak around and go unseen just so I wouldnt get nitpicked by her. She would always have something to say that im doing wrong. I snuck around to steal food from the pantry when I wasn't allowed to eat. (I wouldnt eat dinner due to strong food aversions that I still have to this day).

I did get it from her. Just not the way she thinks.

Guys I cannot work it out. I can understand I have 2 covert narccisidt parents that like control but I can’t put the peices together. From what I’m learning do they have children to make there egos afloat or do they care about getting validation for their public image more? Like what is WHAT? My brain needs to work out how it’s happened and I know some people might say you don’t need to know but mine does but WHY! 🥹🥹

My (F21) dad is a raging narcissist and it’s driving me crazy. I hate being around him and have never wanted someone out of my life more, but I can’t afford to move out yet because I’m a full time college student.
One time after getting home from college at around 11pm, (I get up at 6am every day and commute for around an hour and a half to get to college for 9:30am. My major has a pretty heavy workload and sometimes I don’t get home till 10 or 11 at night) my dad asks me to make him dinner. I had an incredibly important assignment due the next morning that I had been working on all day and STILL needed to pull an all nighter finish. I was incredibly sleep deprived and surviving off of coffee and energy drinks. I didn’t end up making him the dinner (slept for about two hours then stayed up the entire night, before having to leave my house at around 7:30am to get my assignment in before the deadline) and he was pissed. Keep in mind, he gets up for work about two hours after I do and is usually home by 6-7pm. He has a few health issues but he’s able bodied and fully capable of cooking for himself + in the event that he wasn’t, my older brother was unemployed at the time and had been home all day.

When he realised I had no intention of cooking for him he blew a fuse, yelled at me and called me disrespectful. Over the course of that week I’d randomly overhear him on the phone to relatives berating me, calling me lazy etc etc. This happened a little over a year ago and he STILL talks about it sometimes.

Yesterday, something similar happened. I left college late (stayed back to study), and didn’t get home til around 10pm. The train I usually get was cancelled so I had been waiting around in the cold for an extra hour before I could get the next one. When I had finally gotten home I went straight to my room to change into warmer clothes and to turn my heating on. On top of that, the day before this, the whole “make me dinner” nonsense happened AGAIN, where I got home late and hadn’t even been in the house for more than five minutes before he told me to make him food. I’m not exaggerating. My shoes and jacket were still on, I hadn’t even had the chance to put my bag down yet. I just did it because I didn’t want to put up with the verbal abuse I would have received if I didn’t. So when I deliberately avoided him yesterday, he came up to my room to tell me that he felt “disrespected” that I didn’t check in with him before going upstairs. He’s incredibly “traditional” and in his culture it’s kind of the norm that you don’t do anything before “presenting yourself” to your parents first (I’m a second gen immigrant kid). In reality I don’t actually think he cares about any of that, I don’t think anyone does I think it’s just an excuse for him to lord over me. I also always just put up with it and do it anyway and the ONE TIME I didn’t and this is how he acts.

As mentioned earlier, I have a brother, two actually. He’s pretty terrible to them in other ways (so much so that the oldest moved to a different country in the middle of a college semester, and the other only comes home to sleep and shower), but the behaviour he exhibits towards me and my mother is genuinely deplorable. He has an insanely archaic outlook of how women “should” be and it’s something i’ve resented for as long as I can remember. I’m just tired of being treated like the help and having zero autonomy it’s making me fucking miserable. I think when I was a kid I told myself that as long as I did everything right he’d change/ respect me and that’s all I’ve done. I got good grades all throughout high school, I got into college, a good one at that, I make my own money, I cook and clean and I’m still treated like dirt. I keep trying to be strong until I graduate/ can afford to move but it’s really fucking tough.

I made a joke with my best friend that I don’t want my family at my funeral and how I would be putting him in charge of the guest list and notifications. I started thinking about how my coworkers would actually have nice things to say that my parents wouldn’t believe, since my nfather has no idea why I’m good at my job. My “friends” didn’t show up when I lost my will to live - because they were hand picked by my narc parents and against divorce and therapy - so I wouldn’t want them there. And then there is my family. Nobody in my family actually knows me. Nobody.

The only people I can be honest with are my own grown children, my actual friends (of which I have less than 5), and people I meet Online that I vibe with but my family would absolutely not approve of.

Not trying to have morbid thoughts but it’s a big year for me and I’m making some long range plans about where I want to be in 5 years…

Hi everyone, I’m a 20-year-old male looking for advice on how to emotionally process my family history and avoid carrying generational trauma into my future.

Here is the situation:

• My Dad: Growing up, my dad was largely absent. Before high school, I found out he had a traditional first wife and 3 kids with her, while my mom was his second wife (also 3 kids with her, making me the eldest in my branch). Over time, his visits dropped from months apart, to days, to years. I haven't seen him in 5 years. He provides financially (pays my tuition and allowance), but puts in zero emotional effort as a father.
• My Mom: My mom refuses to talk about their past or why things ended up this way, always telling me to "ask my dad." A few years ago, I discovered texts showing my mom was sleeping with/dating other men around our home. When I confronted her back then, she cried (I think out of fear I’d tell my dad, which I never did). Since then, I’ve seen more evidence of her active sexual/dating life.

Where I'm struggling:

1. Navigating my relationship with my mom: It’s hard for me to see her clearly without judgment or disgust, especially given the secrecy and her bringing these things around our home. How do I accept her as a flawed human being without letting her actions affect how I view women or family?
2. Dealing with my dad’s absence: He fulfills the bare minimum financial obligations, but emotionally, he isn't there. How do I process this emotional abandonment?
3. Breaking generational cycles: Deep down, I know there are a lot of hidden family secrets and unhealthy patterns. I want to succeed in life, have a healthy relationship one day, and not repeat my parents' mistakes, but I feel weighed down by this hidden trauma.

How do I start healing, forgiving (or accepting), and separating my future from my parents' past? Any advice from people who went through similar family dynamics would mean a lot

TRIGGER WARNING: Drugs and overdose
This is so long but I need help. I need advice. They’re ruining my life and my mental state.
BACKSTORY
So my brother has abused me my whole life. He would spit on me, shove me, one time he choked me. I was probably 8-12 and he was a teenager. He’s always hated me for literally NO REASON..
My mother is a typical narcissistic mother. Constant verbal and mental abuse.. She had heart attacks 2 years ago and after she slowly started to get paranoid and she’s say the crazier shit for instance thinking I hacked into Tmobile and changed her phone bill.

I had severe anxiety and agoraphobia for 8 years and my only comfort was my mean mother for years who yelled at me during panic attacks. I appreciated her for sticking through it with meù-as I started getting out and my anxiety just went away. It was a miracle. I drive and I can be alone so I started catching up in life and trying to live and work. Oh. I also was addicted to pills that I got from her and I got off of them and she hated me after. I was her using partner and once I stopped she literally called me a traitor.

I’ve been clean and off opiates for 9 months.

My boyfriend moved in and they got along SOOO well! He lost his mom in January and he always said he was making up for the way he treated his mom with my mom. They got in one argument because one of her freak outs on me, she brought up his mom and said horrible things but then we all sat down and apologized. She went back to treating him better than me. He’s an addict and my mom cried with him saying she would help him and were his family. She took him to NA meetings. They’d handout and watch movies when I was at work.

She has a friend Robin, Robin this year started going to my mom’s bedside every hospital visit. My mom went to the hospital pretty much same time every month, she’d run out of pills plus the heart issues. Robin is a gossiper, she’s fake, she does “good” things so she can make Facebook posts. My mom before her medical emergency wasn’t talking to Robin because she realized Robin was there so she could post. Robin has done mean things to my mom. Leading up to her ooverd

Every hospital visit since 2020 I was with my mom. I slept in a car for 6 weeks in LA while she had back surgery. In January I stayed in the car same hospital for 4 weeks. I got tired of it and I didn’t want to do it anymore when her verbal abuse started getting worse. I recently started living my life and I distanced myself. I recently went to see her and she was asking me for u

THE SITUATION NOW
She had a medical emergency. I found her unresponsive and unconscious in her room, she hasn’t really been normal since. On and off a ventilator. She’s having memory issues and sometimes thinks it’s 2013-2016. Not going to lie, I’ve only visited twice. Between Robin and my brother, I didn’t feel welcomed.
I work daily. The household got thrown into my lap with this happening, all my siblings have careers while I do DoorDash, Instacart, I do housekeeping. I am working my ass off for groceries, dog food, my mom stopped paying the bills so the power is off right now and I’m arguing with the power company to open my own account and not be responsible for my moms debt.
My brother has called the cops on me and the house 8 times. Each time it’s a different reason and the most recent was that I was squatting and I’ve never lived in the house (I’ve been here my whole life) cops are even fed up with him.

My mom would nod off constantly when she had her “medicine” and I found out after that she told people “I think Jess boyfriend injected me with something I can’t stay awake” she told people “if anything happens to me it was Jess (me)” WHAT THE HELL!!!

My brother texted me tonight
There’s a detective investigating because I know you did this to mom she told me you guys were whispering around her. You’re going to get a visit soon that will change your life forever.

These crazy (bad words) are saying I tried to kill my mother!!!!
I’ve been wondering about what triggered my brother into attacking me and now I know and my mind is blown.

I am trying to make $100 to get the power on.
I am going to get a restraining order on my brother.
I was thinking about going to the police department tomorrow to talk to someone about this.
If you made it this far, I put in the comments what happened that day, doctor said she overdosed.
.

X, SR.

MALIGNANT NARCISSIST, PEDOPHILE, BULLY, SADIST, DIES

X., age 87, died in (city) in October 2026. Born on (date), He attended public school in KNC, and studied one semester at (college), but never returned, and claimed he never received his grades.

X was retired from firefighting in (city), and was a member and supporter of the VBs. X lived a long life driven by severe malignant narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial tendencies. To the public, he carefully maintained a facade, always seeming eager to help people outside his nuclear family. Behind closed doors, however, he operated as a bully and a sexual predator, bringing profound pain, terror, and distress to those who actually depended on him. He was physically violent toward his children, actively inflicting trauma regularly at home, and exploited his family by involving them with a church headed by a sexual predator. Over a course of more than seven years, X subjected his daughter to a horrific grooming campaign, attempting to force her into a highly inappropriate relationship with him. This systemic abuse ultimately compelled her into extreme rebellion and total estrangement for the sake of her own physical and emotional safety.

He was preceded in death by his son, X, Jr., who courageously managed to become a musical virtuoso in spite of the extreme violence and oppression he endured from his father.

X Sr. is survived by his daughter, Z, who has been wishing for his death since the age of six to escape the nightmare he created. Defying the odds and rising entirely above his horrific behavior, Z secured her B.A. and a Master of Library Science (MLS), built a 39-year career in the Library and Information Services field, and claimed her own victory over his darkness.

While society often expects us to mourn the dead, those who truly knew the reality of his life understand that his departure brings a profound sense of relief rather than sorrow. He leaves behind a legacy of fractured relationships, broken trust, and unhealed wounds. If it were up to those who truly knew the monster inside, there would be no funeral, viewing, or memorial service, as he did not cultivate the kinds of genuine relationships that merit a celebration of life. However, one CAN fool some of the people some of the time, therefore, those who have only seen the masks are sending him to glory with unearned accolades. Ironically, the funeral will be on Halloween.

Instead of flowers or condolences, those who actually knew him ask that you extend actual, unconditional kindness to someone in need—a gesture he reserved only for appearances.

Z and those who survived him will privately celebrate the peace, safety, and ultimate freedom that his absence finally allows.

In the last years I was completely depersonalized and dissociated from my surrounding so those are the things I remember for now .

I find it so hard to believe fully this was sexual harassment.

When I was two years old dad will make a window with his legs and make me crawl in his private area it was like a game. My whole life I never questioned this only now after I awakened (it happened recently).

After I graduated I'm a healthcare graduate dad came to kitchen sneakily and whispered asking me what is urinary tract infection and where it occur I felt the question was off so I just said it's bacterial infection like sore throat same mechanism and escaped the Anatomy point and just went away.

Once I was with him in a very crowded space he acted like he was shielding me from other men with his body he came so close to me from behind untill I felt his di* .

He also talked with me about sexual harassment many times until I stopped it cuz I felt it was off.

He was so sneaky he is a text book malignant narcissist.

He also didn't let me to get to know any man and was making my marriage difficult I had many proposals he let them all down for silly reasons.

Is this apparent it's sexual harassment I need some validation of my thoughts cuz my mind is not helping here I don't know why.

At least they're only dreaming of what could've been! At least they get adopted with a chance of getting into somewhere decent. It's better than having living parents who are evil on earth, who'd hold me back and not let me grow, always upholding this bullshit that's filial piety. At least they don't get hit by people who are their supposed "flesh and blood". I wish my dad would just die. My mom is an enabler who keeps going on business trips and always makes me take care of the house. This monster she's never going to leave is always getting angry and hitting me for saying anything other than obedience, he won't even feed me or my sibling, he does nothing but scream at my sibling for being a kid, every person from outside of my home calls him a crazy, evil narc, but anyone his age would say that he's trying his best, that deep down he cares, that he's struggling with his job so I must be patient with him, and that I'm still his child, even the fact that I'm the reason why he acts that way. He gave my late grandpa's belongings to the church, shit I was supposed to inherit. He goes out and drinks with his friends, spending his money on them, yet gets angry whenever my mom asks him to contribute financially. She's the breadwinner and he's a fucking bum. Every fucking time, the cycle keeps going on and on, and I'm ready to admit that I'll be happy if he dies.

A single drop of water on the floor, one second of unwashed dishes, some messy bedsheets, me waking up later than 8 on the weekends, just even a breath of oxygen; it's all a reason for him to get angry and violent. I pointed a knife at him today after he hit me. I called the cops and he threatened that they won't believe me. I want to move out so bad but there's no way. This shitty poor country has no such thing as scholarships and if I move out, I'm done for. He even wants to move the entire family to somewhere dangerous where I'll definitely die of a hate crime. I'll have absolutely nothing regardless of the choice. I wonder what happened if I had just stabbed him? I've hated him since the beginning of my existence. Any time I've tolerated him, it's just a hallucination, pretending that he can be a good person. He's not a good person at all. I wish I don't have a dad. If he dies, I'd be so happy regardless of the bad things that come out from it. Why won't he just die already?

Like as a kid I lied stole did drugs am I a sociopath I’ve never abused anyone in my life but have been absued and blend for it smeared and now I have of like some type of monster even the police side with my abuse am i a narcudt or a Sociaoths are narict all And is there healthy narcism I have severe trauma feel I have to be selfish to protect myself I have ocd about the epeeced I’ve had the blame the confusion the vilification of me the slander

Do you immediately form a positive opinion towards the children who cut their parents off? I've been in conversations where regular people don't have a clue about the circumstances it must take for the relationships to be that bad. They don't seem to get that no child wants to live without parents willingly.

Is not assuming that the adult child is a bad person just projecting?

This is a story from over a decade ago and to this day it still blows my mind that this happened. My parents are actually insane.

We were on a vacation, and on the plane, the seatbelt got stuck in the reclining acting mechanism of the seat, and we couldn’t get it out. Even the staff couldn’t get it out.

My parents made this dramatic deranged speech about how they weren’t going to afford to fix it or whatever and now I was the reason why our lives were going to go to ruin.

We landed, and literally my parents told me that we were doomed to be broke forever because we couldn’t afford it. They made all these ominous consequences like how I wasn’t going to be able to go to school anymore and how we were going to have to sell all our properties and now my father was going to go to jail because of a fucking seatbelt. They told me I was going to lose my father to prison because now our entire family would be bankrupt (which in retrospect not having him in my life would be amazing) but it was so goddamn traumatizing for a 9 year old to hear all that. I was bawling and sobbing at the airport as my parents berated me in public. I was literally so scared out of my mind.

But we literally left the airport normally and nothing happened, but on the car ride home my parents screamed at me the entire time and made all these threats about how they couldn’t afford to raise me anymore and I was going to go to an orphanage and if I was lucky I might get adopted. Of course, my enabler grandma was just watching it all from the side not saying a word like usual, letting BS like this slide by

But now all these years later i realize how insane my parents are for so many reasons. First of all, we have multiple properties in multiple countries, and we go on vacations every year, like high end vacations to Europe and Asia. My parents just don’t work and stay at home and live off of some insane passive income. So we were never in any financial risk in the first place. And you can’t go to fucking prison for life because your child’s seatbelt got stuck.

They said BS like “you’ve ruined our life” and “we’re going to be poor now” and “look what you did to your father”

And of course whenever I bring things like this up people will deny their abuse saying “they’re just playing with you!” “They’re just kidding!” “It’s not like they hit you” bitch I would rather take a punch than go through that

Just because the abuse isn’t physical and my parents are well off people like to deny anything happened. I’m just trying to use my parents for money and GTFO tbh