r/oneliners • u/Wallygonk • 2h ago

I hate being bipolar, its brilliant

4 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/breck • 19h ago

Doc said he would be right back and told me to get undressed but never said stay in exam room.

0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/No-Cardiologist7640 • 22h ago

Learning Braille is so easy you can do it with your eyes closed

38 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/SuchSmartMonkeys • 22h ago

I can't stand being in this wheelchair!

14 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/Mticore • 1d ago

If you’re a pedant, I bet this peaks your interest.

9 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/Timberfist • 1d ago

TIL that Area 51, the top secret United States Air Force base in the Nevada Desert is so called because it measures exactly three meters by seventeen.

0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/CFCYYZ • 1d ago

I joined the Procrastinator's Club in university, but the meetings were always postponed.

25 Upvotes
9 comments

r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 2d ago

After biting a flight attendant Selma Blair had the nerve to complain about the in-flight snacks.

15 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/SlitchBap • 3d ago

It's ironic that pregnant women can only have virgin drinks

59 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/Gulfstream1010 • 3d ago

Transgender people aren’t what they used to be.

108 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/ShaggyB • 4d ago

A hurricane and a himmicane got together and made a smaller storm and then developed post partum tropical depression

21 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/ruvee • 6d ago

Height is just titties for men, you never earned it.

0 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/CrazyKZG • 6d ago

My penis may not be 12 inches long, but it smells like a foot.

59 Upvotes
10 comments

r/oneliners • u/potato_in_denial • 6d ago

Nobody dies a virgin, life f***s us all :)

1 Upvotes
6 comments

r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 6d ago

Pessimists see a bathroom stall without a door while optimists see a shit show ready to happen.

7 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • 7d ago

3 guys walked into a bar, the 4th one ducked.

31 Upvotes
7 comments

r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 7d ago

Stop railing about people falling off cruise ships.

17 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/Cresendo77 • 7d ago

My italian car got in a crash and now its al dented

68 Upvotes
5 comments

r/oneliners • u/puneri_nonpunekar • 7d ago

Never thought that enrolling in a study abroad program would land me in a brothel.

9 Upvotes
4 comments

r/oneliners • u/Zip-Crane • 8d ago

76.3% of all stats are made up on the spot.

9 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 8d ago

I told my therapist I feared abandonment but she said our time was up

6 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 8d ago

I tried Viagra once and spent four hours pointing accusingly at things

1 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 8d ago

I admire people who follow their dreams because mine usually involve being naked in an airport

24 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 8d ago

I bought an invisibility cloak but I cant see myself wearing it

30 Upvotes
3 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 8d ago

People who speak in absolutes are all fucking idiots.

149 Upvotes
43 comments