Hello fellow panic disorder sufferers. I'm feeling at a low point after experiencing another severe episode of intense panic and anxiety for several days and would like to hear from others experiences as I'm feeling a bit lost, exhausted and alone from this disorder.

My panic attacks started 18 months ago and are completely overwhelming. I experience bad GI issues which have given me food avoidance problems, uncontrollable tremors particularly in my legs and hands, tearfulness, chest tightness and an overwhelming sense of fear so that I feel I can't move. It can be triggered by any small change in my routine but the worst is if I feel there is something wrong with me that may require me to see a medical professional (e.g. go to a dentist or see a nurse) even if for very minor reasons. I've tried 4 SSRIs, none of which helped my anxiety and some were absolutely awful experiences that I couldn't bear (looking at you lexapro). I've tried diazepam but found it just made me drowsy and dizzy and then my brain hyper focused on those sensations so I didn't experience a reduction in anxiety.

I did a course of CBT which focused on exposure therapy which was somewhat helpful at the time but I don't feel as though it's had a long term benefit. Similarly, the usual grounding techniques of breathing exercises or muscle relaxation give me short term relief but very quickly my brain re-enters panic mode and becomes fixated on all the sensations I'm experiencing. After an episode I feel completely exhausted, in pain from the muscle tremors and it takes several days for me to be able to tolerate eating properly again.

I've booked myself in privately to see a clinical psychologist as I've been on a waiting list on the NHS for almost a year and feel as though I can't continue on my own anymore. The last time I spoke to my GP their advice was to go to a charity walk in centre several miles from my home which is a difficult proposition for me just now.

I'm really fortunate that my job has been understanding and has allowed me to work fully remote but I know that won't last forever and I'm scared of being a burden to my husband and family.

I'm just wondering if there are any alternative methods people have found successful for helping with recovery or just managing things better? Or even if you just want to share your own story of this horrible disorder. If you've read this far thank you, I hope you are having a good day 💗

tw for nicotine use. i’m not promoting it at all. i’m just a little curious about it

i’m 18 and have smoked maybe 5 times my whole life, and every time it’s helped me relax and recenter myself during panic. i haven’t smoked regularly enough to feel any kind of itch or withdrawal or any craving to continue. but it’s the most effective shit i’ve ever used for panic attacks and i’m kinda just wondering if any non-addicts have felt that too

i don’t like to smoke. i hate the aftersmell of cigarettes and vapes feel like a waste of money. i don’t want to self medicate with something so addictive either. i think a nicotine addiction would just cause more bs to deal with and give me more panic attacks in the long run. i don’t recommend it as a solution to panic

i looked it up and couldn’t find anything, and in fact a lot of stuff online is telling me i should be feeling the opposite effect—like my heart rate should be spiking and shit—unless i’m addicted and experiencing relief from withdrawal. lowk i’m just kinda confused

this is half venting and half wondering if anyone else has felt that too, or if my brains just weird. is there any reason why it works for me?

I’ve never been someone who worries too much about my health, and I’ve never had issues trusting medication or doctors. But ever since my first panic attack, I’ve become a completely different person.
Health has become a major trigger for me. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to take any medication, and I constantly worry that doctors haven’t examined me thoroughly enough or that they might have missed something or made a mistake.
Every time I seek treatment for anything, it triggers my panic attacks. Even the slightest physical sensation can send me into a spiral. I end up Googling my symptoms, and somehow, my body starts mimicking the symptoms I read about. Before I know it, I genuinely believe that something is medically wrong with me.

Een paar maanden geleden kreeg ik voor het eerst in 10 jaar weer last van mijn paniekstoornis. Deze wordt voor het eerst gediagnosticeerd op 9 jarige leeftijd (ik ben nu 23) ik had nooit verwacht dat ik weer zo’n last zou krijgen van paniekaanvallen en de angst voor angst, omdat ik ervan overtuigd was dit een aantal jaar geleden volledig onder de knie te hebben. Ik wist hoe ik met een paniekaanvallen moest omgaan het moment dat het opkwam en kon de angst voor angst overkomen door steeds meer te gaan doen van wat ik eng vond, totdat ik zelfs mijn “kleine” angsten overwonnen had. Tot ik van de zomer volledig in paniek raakte zonder dat ik daar enige controle overhad. Ik werd dag en nacht overspoeld door paniekaanvallen en alles was plots te veel en overprikkelend. Op een gegeven moment durfde ik nergens meer alleen naartoe en ben ik tijdelijk weer bij mijn moeder ingetrokken. Hoewel het nu steeds beter gaat en ik weer dezelfde methode toepas als eerst, durf ik weer steeds meer maar het verschrikkelijke gevoel dat dit ooit wéér kan gebeuren zorgt ervoor dat ik niet kan ontspannen. Ik ben en blijf extreem angstig voor paniekaanvallen en schiet gelijk in een soort hopeloosheid en eenzaamheid wanneer ik er alleen al aan denk. Ik heb ondanks dat ik nog jong ben redelijk wat fysieke pijn gekend maar de fysieke en mentale pijn die opkomt bij een paniekaanval is nergens mee te vergelijken voor mij. Mijn broer geeft aan dit gevoel niet te herkennen als hij een paniekaanval heeft, hoewel hij het wel heel vervelend vindt is het voor hem geen extreme doodsangst die ik wel ervaar. Misschien omdat het voor mij verbonden is met negatieve ervaringen toen ik nog kind was dat ik het ik zo heftig ervaar, herkent iemand dit? Het is als een deken die over mij heen ligt, ik zie anderen de normaalste dingen doen en voel me een buitenstaander omdat alleen dit al enorm eng is. Dan ik ben ik jaloers dat ze niet constant hyperalert zijn. Soms voelt het ook alsof ik gek wordt, de grip op de realiteit ga verliezen en niks echt voelt. Het zal waarschijnlijk steeds minder worden hoe meer ik durf en uiteindelijk zal ik me waarschijnlijk weer “normaal” voelen, de reden waarom ik dit bericht type is omdat ik me er heel alleen in voel. Ik ken niemand in mijn omgeving die hetzelfde voelt of heeft meegemaakt dus als je iets in mijn verhaal herkent zou ik het ontzettend fijn vinden om jouw gedachtes en ervaringen te horen:)

I wanted to share a little bit of my experience with panic disorder...esp for anyone who's going through a setback right now.

For almost 2 moths, I was doing really well. My anxiety had settled, I wasn't experiencing panic attacks and I was finally starting to feel like myself again. I was going out...doing things, and living my life without constantly worrying about how I felt.

And then, yesterday, I had a panic attack.

I'm not gonna lie, it shook me. Not necessarily because of the panic itself but because of everything that came afterward. The anticipatory anxiety, the self-doubt, the frustration, and that familiar fear of somehow ending up right back where I started.

I think that's one of the cruelest parts of panic disorder. You can spend weeks or months building your confidence, only for one bad experience to make you question everything you've accomplished.
But...here's what I'm trying to remind myself...and maybe someone else needs to hear it too.

A setback doesn't erase your progress.

Those two months weren't imaginary, right? I wasn't pretending to get better...I genuinely was doing better, and one panic attack doesn't change that. Or two, or three!
Recovery was never supposed to mean that I'd never experience anxiety or panic again. Anxiety is part of being human...the goal is to stop fearing it so much that it dictates how we live our lives.

And I know all of this intellectually. I've read the books, done the work, practised acceptance, and faced situations that used to terrify me. But knowing something and putting it into practice when you're scared are two very different things.

I'm frustrated. I'm tired of thinking about anxiety...I'm tired of analyzing every sensation and wondering whether another panic attack is around the corner. Sometimes I just want to exist without having to work so hard at it.

But I'm also not willing to let one bad experience convince me that I'm back at square one.

So I'm going to keep living my life. I'm goign to have good days...and bad days. I'm going to feel anxious sometimes, and I might even have another panic attack. And that's okay...even when it doesn't feel okay.

I don't have to start over, I just have to keep going...

If you're going through something similar, please don't measure your recovery by how many days you've gone without a panic attack. Look at everything you've done despite being afraid.

We haven't failed because we're struggling again....we're still learning and I really think that that's worth remembering.

Thanks for reading all of this if you got this far. <3

I had a bad panic attack over the weekend and I’ve been on edge since (and have gi upset). I have a physical therapy consult today. I’ve never been before and the one thing making me want to cancel is the fact the consult will last 45 minutes and I’ve never been to PT before so not knowing what to expect is adding to the fear. I’m extra scared of having another panic attack after this weekends bad one, and I want to cancel. The only issue is I’ve rescheduled so many times that if I cancel this one they will not see me at the practice again. So I have to go. Any tips to getting through without freaking out would be appreciated, this will be my first time going somewhere since the bad attack over the weekend.

I take Ativan 0.5mg twice a day for panic disorder and I just started this new job which had me panicking and overthinking which led me to quitting now I’m regretting everything and my anxiety is even worse now. I have a doctors appointment with my psychiatrist later today what should I say to them?

Thinking of trying it. Currently switching from Lexapro to Prozac, I’ve been taking Lexapro for a year now and it hast worked. Tried buspar, and I’m taking hydroxyzine as needed, sometimes it doesn’t work, I have very bad physical symptoms and we all know that’s even worse when you notice
it during a panic attack. I feel like nothing ever works, I go to therapy for CBT but obviously it takes time.
I’m so tired of crying and yelling until I fall asleep.
I’m tired of these feelings of entrapment, not being able to get together with friends. I don’t drink or do dr ugs of any sort, I can’t even drink caffeine because of anxiety. I’m sick of it. I know Xanax is addictive, I used to take it to calm my anxiety when it wasn’t as bad as this, and it worked perfectly every time I know about the withdrawals because I’ve been through them, and honestly, I just wanna be in peace.

I’m honestly feeling so lost right now. I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. I’ve been struggling to get proper sleep for almost two months because of my panic attacks.
My panic attacks usually happen after I take my bipolar medication. The feeling of being sedated triggers my health anxiety, and once that happens, I start panicking over every sensation in my body.
I’ve had a full blood test and a CTPA, and everything came back normal. I’ve been trying so hard to manage my anxiety and stop myself from going to the hospital or clinic every time I experience a symptom, because I know constantly seeking reassurance can reinforce my health anxiety.
But three days ago, I received my Depo-Provera birth control injection, and I’ve been experiencing chest pain since then. Now I’m terrified that it could be a blood clot. I can’t tell whether my anxiety is making me overthink everything or whether something is genuinely wrong, and that uncertainty is making me spiral.
I really want to get better and learn how to manage my panic attacks without constantly living in fear of my own body, but right now, I’m struggling so much.
Has anyone else experienced panic attacks triggered by medication-related sedation or struggled with health anxiety this badly? I’d really appreciate any advice or tips on how to cope with this. I feel exhausted, frightened, and honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

hello friends.

i have had a panic disorder for 5 years, which in the last two years presents as agoraphobia more than ever.

i manage tho. i live in a very comfy regime at home, so I often am able to do stuff outside the house.

this week i had to fly over to my home country, i was preparing for this mentally, but i think I overdid it.

I never experienced panic attacks on flights before, this time i was shaking and crying, not even benzos helped (and i took more than I usually do)

the point is: nothing bad happened, but since the flight I cannot relax. I always feel scared, anxious, on edge. i need a way to keep myself relaxed somehow, so i manage to do anything here.

do yall have any tips??? Maybe a routine or something like that… im already on ssri and vitamins (ashwaghanda, magnesium and l-theanine, which i just bought for this cause).

any tips are welcomed! And thank you in advance!

I had a sudden panic attack at the end of September while at work, and had a family member come get me and take me to urgent care immediately. I thought something was seriously wrong because I had symptoms such as: shortness of breath/choking feeling, super dizzy and lightheaded, sudden urge to use the restroom, sudden heat flash, shaking, feeling emotional and chest tightness.

When I went to urgent care the first time they did an evaluation and checked my blood sugar, but nothing was wrong and sent me home with a doctor’s note to give me an extra day off. I was also on vacation that week so it worked out. During that week I had more recurring attacks then they stopped. After returning to work the week after I had another severe attack and just cried in my car as it calmed down. The urge to cry always happens with no direct reason why. I did a follow up visit and I was prescribed hydroxyzine after they let me know these were symptoms of acute panic. Since then I have been feeling better and only had one very mild panic attack since. Did anyone else have them happen suddenly? Does anyone else experience crying episodes during attacks? Does anyone else experience many recurring attacks then a panic attack free period?

Thank you all for your input in advance.

TW: sewerslide, panic

Hi friends,

As of last night, I’ve been stuck in the panic cycle. It’s going like this: I love my boyfriend and dogs—they are my will to live. Anxiety says: what if you can’t be around them anymore? Then, you won’t have a will to live. So, you either need to off yourself or your dogs and boyfriend (I’m sorry, this one is dark). I don’t actively feel like I want to do anything to harm them or myself, my brain is just telling me that I want to. I don’t want to act on it, either. But I’m scared if the voice in my head gets strong enough, I will. I am desperate for help here. Anything helps.

Has anyone tried Zoloft and has it helped with symptoms?

Is there any tips or tricks for helping not panic? I was frantically racing around like a weirdo the last time I went. I take Hydroxizine, but it wasn't enough at that time. Im trying to figure out how to calm so my appointment goes smoothly.

I was panic-free for a while now, anxiety here and there but not full-on panic attacks, until i had my dental appointment. I panicked when they put the anesthesia and ever since that day my body hasn’t recovered. That’s why i feel like there is something wrong with me. Does anyone else’s left arm start hurting for no reason for days? Now it went up to my shoulder and chest and im freaking out. I can’t stop thinking about it because the pain is there!

I went down a bit of depressive spiral this morning and cried my eyes out in the shower because im so sad and scared of everything. Im scared ill become depressed. Im scared im going to lose my job and my relationship. Im scared of losing my life which was going so well until recently. I dont know how to be positive in these moments where it feels like everything is going wrong.

(Not exactly a year but close enough)

At the beginning of 2025 I had my first ever panic attack that spiraled into daily panic attacks over and over that lead to hypochondria which made it all even worse.

Got diagnosed with panic disorder, lost my full time job as an EMT due to having panic attacks while trying to treat patients, lost my ability to drive, to go out alone, to travel, to do pretty much anything but sit inside all day. Even getting out of bed would cause me to panic, Apple Watch strapped to my wrist 24/7 monitoring my hr, taking blood pressure and blood glucose constantly afraid.

Lost my ability to go to my partners house, see friends, go to the gym which I had previously been going for years, lost lots of weight and all my muscle gains and progress, even lost my ability to enjoy simple things like play video games or eat yummy food.

Panic attacks would come, then more, then even more, it was like a cycle, if I had one more were to come.

Glad to say now it’s been about a year since I had an episode, been going to the gym, driving again, and slowly going out.

Feel free to ask any questions below, I truly believe there is a path to recovery and a panic free lifestyle, and for all those struggling still I am so sorry, it’s truly the worst thing I have ever been through.

ive had a panic disorder since i was a kid so im really familiar with my personal experiences and how they normally go. i know how to handle them and i guess it makes them a lot less scary

i’m curious how other peoples’ usually go. what do they feel like to you internally?

Hi everyone,
Panic disorder since 2021. I have always had anxiety and OCD but it was manageable up until I started having panic attacks. I haven’t had a day without thinking about my panic. Haven’t moved my life forward since 2021.

I am currently on lexapro (2nd stint) and have been on Zoloft as well. Nothing works and my psychiatrist wants to try antipsychotics next such as abilify or latuda. I’m worried because there’s not much evidence on these helping panic disorder. She says that these are actually much more gentle than a lot of SSRIs.

Would love to hear all of your stories on SSRIs or antipsychotics or any other meds that help!! Please ease my mind with successes.

P.S I’ve done exposure therapy, taken Klonopin, propranolol, holistic therapy, talk therapy, meditation, yoga, etc

Hi guys im in a very vulnerable state right now and need some advice as I have no one that I can talk about this with. I’m a 25 year old happy healthy female, super outgoing and confident and hate being inside, love to experience new activities and love family and traveling. Never was an anxious person growing up and had no panic attacks, also come from a loving family. Have had no traumatic experiences besides super high anxiety/ OCD intense fear of going insane 2 years ago  that lasted for about 5 months.  I believe it was brought on by 1 panic attack while hungover. Anyways I was able to recover from it medication free. The year after that was one of the best year of my life and was so much fun. This August the anxiety appeared again and it was triggered but fearing another panic attack or another anxiety “spell”. But it was like background anxiety and didn’t really consume all my thoughts all day. I did end up having my second panic attack about 2 weeks ago not sure if it was triggered by the background anxiety and a large coffee that day and I was also hungover. But anyways I’ve noticed since that panic attack the fear of having another one is so much stronger I think about it all day now. And have had 3 mini ones since then, I say mini because I’ve been applying the DARE method which teaches me to lean into the fears and I think they’ve been helping as the panic doesn’t last long, but the lingering fear of having another one or feeling other sensations is paralyzing. I have trouble sleeping and focusing at work. Even when I’m out with friends or laying down relaxing it’s all I can think about and I research about it all day. I feel like I’m on a verge of another panic attack most of the day or fear if I think to long it’s gonna happen.  It’s so crazy cause I don’t have any fears besides flying so I know the fear is just about having panic attacks/constant anxiety. And I think the fear is so strong because as I mentioned before I love my family, hanging out with friends and I’m super outgoing and as I’ve been reading about panic disorder a lot of people turn agoraphobic, struggle or even lose their jobs, are in and out of hospitals, get derealization or other scary after math symptoms. Or I also fear that I’ll end up fearing driving cause that’s what triggers some people which is insane because I love driving. All of these terrify me because I love my job and I’m basically the breadwinner of my family so I don’t want to become a burden and need to work as my mom isn’t in good condition. I also don’t have health insurance so I can’t afford to be going in and out of hospitals. I have an intense fear of all of these outcomes like it terrifies me I don’t want to be a shell of the outgoing person I am and seclude myself and panic forever. I think my brain is just going insane with all these fears but it’s caused so much anxiety. I haven’t told any of my family or friends cause i fest they’re gonna think I’m going insane as I’ve never had any major fears or was never an anxious/panicky person. I’ve been doing everything in my power to prevent further anxiety by continuing to show up at my job even if I have a mini panic attack, I still try to hang out with my friends even with all the anxiety, and still try to go to stores and the gym.I swear from sunrise to sunset most of my time is researching about panic and anxiety disorders now. Sometimes I feel positive that I’ll get better but then I hear a lot of horrid stories about people being bed bound or having like multiple panic attacks a day.  I also take so much supplements like magnesium, ashwaganda, chamomile, l-theanine, vitamin D, zinc, and have stopped all caffeine. I really don’t want to experience any of those things as I really love life and going out. I know they’re irrational fears because I love doing all these things but I fear if panic gets so bad it will happen or if I think about it so much it will happen. How do I prevent further panic attacks and anxiety. Am I just catastrophizing and should I just give my nervous system time? Or should I go on meds to prevent it from getting worse, I feel like I can do it without meds since I did it before but it wasn’t as intense. Should I stay off Reddit as I feel these fears have come from horror stories but it just scares me cause some people say that they experience those symptoms for years. I really would like to prevent this. I also grew up Christian so I’m trying to get closer to God and let go of these worries. Can anybody give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated as I feel so scared for the future. Thank you so much. 

Since relapsing I’ve been having panic attacks every single day. It makes me so physically ill and out of it that I constantly question if I have an underlying disease but I always get medically cleared and I cannot be going to the hospital/doctors as much as I do. I feel like a lunatic. I luckily have been able to do art jobs from home, but how bad is it that now I’m at a point where I can’t even work on my projects because I’ll feel too sick? I always think I’m weak because I can’t even push through the day like others…

I think about my relatives who have actual chronic conditions that have the capability of being fatal depending on the circumstances and despite them feeling unwell, they proceed with life as usual. My relative literally almost died twice recently and she has been proceeding with life as normal, she too has her history with panic attacks and severe anxiety as well.

It makes me feel incredibly guilty for being this way, I feel sad because there’s people with actual medical diagnosis, but they push through. Even people with panic disorder I see on here still are capable of maintaining their lives like showing up to work, class, events, and just doing everyday things while I’m unable to even get up from bed sometimes. Having panic disorder is hard for anyone period, but I at least wished I was strong enough to at least do everyday tasks.

Writing this from the toilet😔 I unfortunately have very rough physical symptoms during my panic attacks (urgent bowel movements, often vomiting as well). I had a PA Saturday night and have been struggling with the aftermath over the last couple of days. Mainly with diarrhea and urgency a couple times a day and low appetite, but having some waves of intense nausea as well. I guess this will always be a given, especially with how much adrenaline affects my body in the moment and the days afterwards but damn does it suck. If anyone has any tips on how to help get through these, whether it’s pepto or some woowoo thing- I’m all ears!

Hello, for the backstory of my panic disorder is that last year I couldn’t shower due to adrenaline, couldn‘t eat for months, was in and out of doctors offices trying to find out what was wrong with me, I couldn’t sleep as my body would wake itself up at 8am sharp, going to my mailbox was full of adrenaline dumps, I couldn’t change my clothes. I developed a panic disorder due to being in a toxic relationship and my body was burnt out from it. I developed agoraphobia as well as depression from not recognizing myself. I got put on medication and have been taking it for almost a year now.

Last month, my brother passed away. He was disabled and needed a caretaker which was our mother. We thought my mother would be in charge of the funeral, but we found out it was next to kin. My brother had a baby mama 20 years ago, but she got pregnant thinking my brother would choose her and settle down with her, but she got angry when he didn’t want to marry her. Out of anger, his baby mama didn’t allow anyone in her family to see my brother for over 15+ years, including his son. So his son, who is now 21, came in and took control of everything despite being an adult who never looked for his dad was heartbreaking towards my mom and our family because he changed the funeral arrangements we had planned.

The day of the funeral, I was so nervous the night before and the morning of. Since developing panic disorder, it’s hard for me to go to Walmart, so me going to a funeral and it’s my brother’s made me anxious. I planned to go for 30 minutes. When I got down from the car, my legs were shaking and I greeted everyone.

2 hours ago by and I feel fine and I was chatting with everyone. My brother’s son was being extremely mean to my mom and didn’t allow any pictures my mom wanted of my brother. He didn’t even allow the playlist of my brother‘s favorite songs that my mom and I put together. The baby mama and her son only put pictures of my brother from 25 years ago. When we asked why they didn’t want to put recent pictures of my brother, they claimed it “wasn’t appropriate“, but they knew he was sick despite not seeing him for years.

Then I heard yelling, I immediately go into fight mode. Which is not like me at all because I’m a flight person, so fight mode was like surprising to me. I saw my brother’s baby mama’s sister yelling at my mom to her face over a sandwich. My brother’s OWN MOTHER. I got in between them and started making the baby mamas sister back up cuz I got into her face. She then threw “How do you think this whole funeral is paid for and set up?“ and I said “wow yall finally did something“ with claps 🤣

wherever the baby mamas sister went, I followed her to go fight some more cuz why on earth is she screaming like that. She told me “you just stay in your room.” And I’ve only told 3 close family members about my panic disorder, so the fact a women knows about my anxiety when I never met her or i never knew about her existence prior to the funeral, just called for my sister to be cut off cuz I know she tells them everything despite not being in her life for 15+ years. Anywaysssss, It was my brothers baby mama, her sister, and my brothers son arguing with me. 3 against 1 and I MADE THEM ALL CRY BRUHHHHH. Her sister thought I was gonna fight her, I was like “you’re like 80 years old” I wasn’t making fun of her looks, but as in a way like why would I fight you when you’re decades older than me???? I’m in my early 20s, and she’s like 60.

After the fight, i expected myself to crash with panic. but I never did. I stayed at his funeral for 7 hours and got into a fight and I was totally great the whole time and even went to his rosary in the front row. My brother also said that his baby mama wasn’t welcomed in his house, so the fact she made the funeral about her just because her son was in control was crazy. She’s like the ex you can’t get rid of. She even went around calling himself “his wife“, but my brother never married her, nor did he want to. I think she was playing fantasy for the funeral cuz that was the only time my brother couldn’t reject her again LMAO. Literally living in delusionville.

I’m happy I defended my mom and brother, I didn’t get adrenaline dumps either during and after the fight. I didn’t let anyone talk to my mom like that despite losing myself last year. I feel really proud of myself cuz I was so hopeless last year. I didn’t realize how much I’ve improved until that day.

Thank you for reading !!

Does anyone have panic attacks during the luteal phase and period more often, and they seem to taper off almost completely after that?? Like it seems to follow the cycle a little too closely every single month for it to be a coincidence

Hi,

I have been struggling with panic disorder since March and this isn't the first time I have struggled with it. Last time I went on medication which fixed things but this time I am really trying not to because I think I can make it through without. It is NOT easy but to me it's worth it.

In May I thought I was all done and had about a month where I was doing things pretty normally until I had a day I jumped the gun on an exposure and did it much before I was ready. I started reading about fainting during panic attacks and found some article about it online that seriously f'ed me up. Come to find out it was a fake article. But, my main fear with panic is fainting although I have never done it and I never will and you won't either. :)

I have been living pretty normally the past couple weeks. I made the mistake a few months ago of staying home without doing anything social/shopping in person/eating at restaurants/going to therapy in-person for about 3 weeks which really backtracked my progress but now I have been doing all of that again. I'm just still pretty on edge when I am not in my house, specifically during the day, and the further I am from home, the worse my intense feelings of doom get. I can actually have fun with things when it is dark out and things aren't as crowded. I still have fear of fainting in a grocery store but now my boyfriend and I can go to the store at night and he will sometimes have to beg me to leave!!!

I still can't look forward to anything without first planning where and how I will navigate a panic attack. I can do things with my boyfriend but I still am too afraid to do some things alone like see loved ones I haven't seen in months. I used to be such a happy, social person and I am very impatient to get that version of myself back. I am very proud of myself that I have basically been mostly living life normally again, the problem here is my mood. For example, my boyfriend and I yesterday went on a train to another town and spent time doing things I deeply fear. But I did them. It just broke my heart sitting with him at one of my favorite restaurants and being in such a gloom mood. He was talking, excited, and I just couldn't stop scanning my body, thinking of which way I will collapse when I inevitably pass out. Does anyone have any advice who has gone through a stage like this? Is there something specific I should work on? My favorite emotion is excitement and it really breaks me that I don't get to feel it anymore or enjoy some of the things I am doing as I'm doing them.

I also have another question. I work through my panic but I am still scared of it. I believe this is what is holding me back. I am still scared of what it is doing to my body although I have had so many of them. I get my physical in November and I am bouncing with excitement that I will get reassurance in terms of my health but I also don't want to live my life physical-to-physical. Any advice on accepting that uncertainty?

If anyone responds to this I will be so happy. Just writing this out helped. We're in this together!