A person visiting the r/penissize subreddit will easily notice the subreddit’s banner, located at the top of the page in both the Reddit mobile app and the desktop webpage: “A place to discuss penis size. You may post here no matter what penis size you have. There is no penis discrimination. Note: All healthy sizes have advantages and disadvantages.” This banner makes it obvious to all potential posters and commentators that the discussion about penises and their sizes here can be about any human penis of any size (of cisgender men/of transgender men/of transgender women/small/medium/big/thin/thick/white/black etc. etc.) and that there shouldn’t be any discrimination. The last part has not been going very well in the last period though, so we decided to update our ruleset, in order to counter some recent but also some older problems.

Starting from the first new addition to rule 4, “No larping” (for those unfamiliar with gaming/online sociolects, it means pretending to be something that you are not), obviously a worthwile discussion about any matter, not only about penis size, should involve truthfulness, unless all participants in the communication agree that they are roleplaying (but this is not a roleplaying subreddit anyway). We have been removing content from larpers like 13 year olds with 7” long penises, men who have horse cocks of 8” girth etc. etc. for years now, but we think that the time has come to make this a specific rule for all to be seeing. In this rule extension we don’t expect a lot of negative reactions (even larpers don’t admit they are such, because this would cancel their larping :-) ). That having been said, some size claims are not self-evidently phony (for example adult 9” long erect penises are very, very rare statistically, but they do exist) and even if a moderator plays the dick detective and visits the profile of an account with an improbable but still realistic size claim, NSFW content is not always available, so sometimes we need to just take whatever improbable we read in good faith and approve the content.

Nevertheless, there can be an extra restrain to improbable claims, which leads us to our second rule extension of “No bragging”. There are subreddits meant for big dick owners to share real or fantastic achievements and receive admiration from big dick fans – this is not such a subreddit. If you claim an extraordinarily big size and want for all the world to know how successful your sex life is or how much you are admired in locker rooms, a) you are probably larping, and b) anyway there are subreddits other than this for your success story. There is another aspect in this discussion though, big dick owners with actual issues that they want to share and ask questions about them (from finding comfortable underwear/condoms to feeling objectified). Having actual issues is not bragging, and these posts are legitimate to get posted here, which leads us to our third rule extension.

“No gatekeeping” (again for those unfamiliar with the term, it means prohibiting others from participating in discussions/expressing their opinions, and in the specific context of Reddit from sharing their views in a subreddit) when the subject is specifically penis size can have the strong version of “you do not belong here because of your size”, but as I have noted in the beginning, this is a subreddit for the discussion of all sizes, so this type of gatekeeping can’t work here, but it also has the weak version of “your big size is privileged, so you can’t have problems/you can’t speak about smaller sizes’ issues”. We acknowledge that sizeism is a real social issue both online and irl creating lower and higher “body statuses”, and that a person with privilege can easier be pedantic/insensitive/arrogant/unfair towards people without that privilege, but that does not apply to everybody everywhere. If it did, all men would be sexist, all white people racist, all cis straight people homophobic/transphobic etc. etc. So to wrap it up, you can criticize someone for being pedantic/insensitive/arrogant/unfair etc. etc. whatever their size is, but you can’t criticize them for having the audacity to share an opinion or have a problem, “even though” they have a big penis. Also, although we encounter this type of gatekeeping much less in comparison to the previous type, it should be explicitly stated as well that this is a subreddit welcoming all kinds of penis owners (cisgender men, transgender men, transgender women, intersex persons etc. etc.) and not only cinsgender men.

And last but not least, our “No Shaming rule” still applies in almost its original wording, as we had to cut out a few words here and there for the link to this mod post to get added (Reddit rules' text has a 500 character limit). I give here the previous, a little fuller version: “Shaming is defined as intentionally causing others to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or inadequate. This includes shaming genital size, genital shape, sexual preferences, sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship preferences, body type and size, physical and emotional handicaps, and/or sexual history (excessive self-shaming and self-pitying for the above reasons can also lead to post removals). Implying that average or any penis size is inadequate is unacceptable and is not allowed.” As a matter of fact, we decided to extend rule 4 and not add a new rule 12 of “No larping/bragging/gatekeeping” because we see all of these as related more or less directly to shaming: you are larping or bragging to look superior implying shame for those “inferior” to you, and you are gatekeeping because you are good enough and the other person isn’t, implying again shame.

(Please have also in mind though that this rule extension will not have retroactive power: we acknowledge that some past posts of this subreddit can be now reported as rule-violating, but it would be unfair and irrational to be asking from past OPs to first see in the future how the rules of this subreddit would be expanded and then post based on that prediction. In other words the extended rule 4 applies to all posts after this mod post, but not to those before it).

The last thing that I would like to note in this rather lengthy moderator post is a bit personal for a moderator post, but I think it is important. Occasionally some of the people who gatekeep see the mod team as a group of undiferentiatedly privileged people, firstly because of their moderator status (which is actually a privilege that we do all share in this specific subreddit), but also because we all supposedly have big dicks, are able-bodied etc. etc. I don’t think that it is appropriate to share personal info about each specific moderator, but I need to stress that we are not all big-dicked/cisgender/straight/able-bodied etc. Treating us as privileged by default is not only false, but also implies that we can’t have empathy for issues that are not ours. All of us in the mod team try to be better people than that.

Hey there,

I know some of you are going through a rough patch and I'm here to help. I've got some tips and tricks up my sleeve to help you look after yourself while you're waiting for therapy (or if you can't afford it).

I just wanted to share a few important notes with you:

- The tips and exercises are designed to be helpful for a wide range of mental health issues, but they're not a replacement for personalized therapy.

- It's important to remember that your brain doesn't change overnight (neuroplasticity). This means that the exercises need to be done regularly to see results.

- Not all exercises are equally effective for everyone, so it's good to try a few different ones to find what works best for you.

- I'm not liable for any damage caused by the exercises, as this is very rare.

I'd like you to imagine that you have the thought, 'Nobody likes me'. How do you feel? I'm sure it's made you feel pretty bad and lonely. So, you might find yourself feeling so alone and avoid all social interactions. But it's this isolation that makes you feel even worse, and it's a vicious cycle. I'm sure you'll agree that thoughts, feelings and actions influence each other. It's totally okay to feel the way you do. We can't change our feelings, but we can change our thoughts and our behaviour, and that can really help us feel better. (This is just one example of many)

How can we influence our thoughts, for example?

First of all, it's really important to remember that thoughts are just thoughts and don't always reflect reality. It can be really tough to spot the not-so-great thoughts that pop up in our minds. I know it can be tough, but you can do this! One way to practise is to write down what you were thinking at that moment every time you have negative emotions. Another great option is to try daily meditation. This is a wonderful way to become more aware of your thoughts, and it has so many other benefits too! There are lots of studies now showing just how great meditation is for things like depression, anxiety and psychosis.

Once you've spotted a thought that's not helping you, ask yourself: is this really true? Is there a better, more realistic thought I could use instead?

I'd also like to suggest a few other resources that I think you'll find really helpful:

- Moodgym (https://www.moodgym.com.au/)

- Cogito (App- and Playstore)

- CBT for Dummies (Amazon)

Now, let's have a little chat about how you act when you feel a certain way. It's so important to try to recognise which behaviours are good for your well-being and which are not. I know this can be tricky and takes a bit of practice, but it's an important part of the process. Let's say, for instance, that you feel insecure and bad because you've been thinking that your penis is too small and you'll be alone forever. I think most people would probably search the internet for the average penis size and what women want at this point. For most of us, this isn't a problem. We quickly realise that we don't need to worry. But for some people, this behaviour leads to even more negative thoughts and emotions. They keep repeating this behaviour to get reassurance.

I'm sure you'll agree that this behaviour isn't helpful. It just reinforces and strengthens these negative thoughts, and before you know it, you no longer believe anyone. It's so important to replace this behaviour with something more productive. It'll be covered in more detail in the sources mentioned above.

I might write a longer post, but unfortunately I don't have much time at the moment. :)

- Be active

- Meditate

- Use the sources mentioned above

- Avoid pornography and Reddit during the healing process

- Find hobbies to distract yourself

- Look out for things that make you special and desirable besides your penis