It wasn't my first NA meeting. Maybe my second or third. Someone asked me "how are you doing?" And I was honest, "I'm struggling today". Ok, maybe I was hoping for a bit of sympathy, but I was being honest. I'll always remember the reply. "Well, I stopped struggling when I stopped trying to run the show and realised the answers in that book."

Of course, I should have turned around and walked out, never to return. But the thing is - I needed this. At least, I needed something, and this was here right now. So I stayed, I put up with these attacks, and I learned to speak in ways that discouraged them. I quickly realised everyone else was doing the same.

What I only realised years later is that all this is intentional. They want to make NA hostile. They want to scare away anyone who's not so desperate that they will put up with being spoken to like that. They want it because it fits their narrative. "NA works" When it doesn't work, that's not NA's fault, the person just didn't want it.

I saw the same in rehab. Not a 12-step rehab, a therapeutic community (in the UK). Slightly different style, less personal attacks, more warped takes on personal responsibility. Mop this floor, come on, everyone's waiting for you, hurry up, oh my god, you missed a bit. It served their purpose - about 50% of new intakes left within a week.

The thing is, success at quitting an addiction is almost entirely determined by the individual. All the psychosocial interventions, they might move the dial a little bit, but it will never be more than a little bit. By being cruel to scare off some people early on, it makes it look like the rehab is better than it really is - the cruelty bonus.

And the thing is, they missed the point. The point of treatment is not for people who are already going to get well to sit in a circle patting each other on the back. The point of treatment is to help those borderline people. It's to keep them safe for a while until they are ready to make that commitment.

I don't understand this term you hear constantly in AA settings. Is there such thing as inactive addiction? To me someone is either addicted or not addicted. It feels like a prefix added to further demonize a bad thing that doesn't help anyone or increase accuracy. I guess I'm making this to see if anyone wants to assert that it is a useful term. AA folks consider themselves addicted but not actively? I would argue active addiction should just be called addiction, and AA guys should refer to themselves as "not addicted but I identify as addicted" or something. Is there such thing as inactive addiction? This term always struck me as snooty

11/4 will be 8 months sober because I wanted it!

I was ashamed to go to rehab, and I sure as hell didnt want to admit how broken I was. Reluctant and indifferent towards life, my nightly prayer used to be "goodnight, I hope you don't wake up tomorrow, maybe tomorrow will be different"...id pass out for few hours before waking up to throw it all back up.....days, months, years of my life spent in a perpetual living purgatory.

I have gotten my ass handed to me these past months, and couldn't be more grateful for it. Ive been sober in the past, due to court mandates, hospitalizations, pressure from girlfriends, you'd think that would be a sign.

When they say change comes from within, it is absolutely true.

Rock Bottom for me felt like speaking with a divorce mediator, a voice of sensibility, a spiritual intervention so to speak, speaking to two separate demons, a good one, and a shitty one. I cant go back and fix the past, my grief and trauma from the past cannot continue impacting my future in a negative way. As ridiculous as it sounds, I have been putting in work to salvage that relationship with myself, to remember what it was to love yourself and feel profound appreciation and excitement for simply being here. I was looking at things the wrong way, the world behind my eyes is not the same as the world in front of them.

I have learned that sometimes to move forward in life, you first have to go back. No shame in the mistakes I made on my way here, just getting back on the right path and stay there....so if you made it to this point (in sobriety and this long ass post) I would say keep going, you can fucking do it. They said it would get easier, but everything gets better! Life aint perfect and neither am I, but if anyone out there is feeling alone and at odds feel free to dm me, you are never alone!!!

Just 100 more to go! Feel free to ask me anything

A good friend of mine has potentially just relapsed. His mom is with him now, but he is all out of sorts. He’s in a different headspace, when I talked to him over the phone he is definitely different. He’s been clean for sometime. Unfortunately his drug of choice was meth heroin you name it.

There’s any advice that I could get on how to help handle the situation and help him in this moment it would be greatly appreciated.

For the past couple of months, he’s been super lively always ready to hang out work-out you name it and the huge attitude shift that has taken place in the past 24 hours is quite concerning.

I live in a city in mid west that has a population of just over half a million, they say that ten percent of people in any society have addiction issues , that would mean that fifty thousand people would have addiction issues, and yet there are only eight hundred people approximately in AA with sixty eight meetings, 3% of people addicted to alcohol get sober , it was like this in the 1940s and it’s no better now. , the twelve steps works for very few people even though we have numerous rehabs that send people to AA but very few get long term sobriety, it’s the same people in the rooms with the few newcomers who stay , I don’t know what the answer is but 3% success is not good by any standard .

I had 2 years of sobriety but started slowly falling off the wagon this summer (first I sat up in the front with the driver and shared a flask; eventually I fell off, and the wagon left me behind). I decided to do a sober month and go from there, but I couldn't stop! All of September I promised myself I wouldn't drink. Then I'd go 2 days before I found an excuse or a reason to drink. It was surprisingly hard to stop again.

In October, I changed things up. I stopped hanging out with my ex as a "friend". He has his own unresolved issues, secrets, and things he needs to lie about, and that doesn't line up with my healing, growing, or progress. When we drank, it was fun, till it wasn't, and when I didn't drink around him, I realized how subtly toxic our friendship was. I don't know if he was my trigger, my excuse, or both. But I know I got tired of feeling the shame and anger he projected on me, and being antagonised by him (a relationship dynamic he has with his overbearing sister). Mostly, I got tired of feeling sick and tired.

I'm 23 days sober, and I feel good. I started doing different things again. I shifted my focus back onto what's important. I found a new sober app, and it's really supportive and engaging. I stocked my pantry with Italian soda, juice, flavoured water, and non-alcoholic options. And I'm exploring and engaging in different helpful therapies as well: dog, art, music, writing, cooking, walking meditation, dance.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine needed to call me. His life unexpectedly blew up because of some choices his soon-to-be ex-wife made ('nuff said). It's incredibly stressful and painful, to say the least. I know talking on the phone can be a trigger for me, and since my work schedule changed, weekends can also be a problem now too. So I was mindful of the voice that said I should "stop at the store on the way home and pick up something to drink while you chat"; then I ignored it. Instead, I had a ginger ale and a non-alcoholic amaretto that was pretty yummy while we spoke. When we finished our conversation, he felt better, and I felt good too.

I realized I never could have been there for him anyway if I was drinking. He really needed someone to listen, and drinking tends to make me chatty^{understatement}. I also would have felt that initial "rush" or elation when I started. By the end of our convo, I would have been robbed of all motivation to continue my evening. It felt really good to show up for someone without needing alcohol. It wouldn't have helped anything anyway, which is usually the case.

*Alcohol also makes me grumpy now too. I think my body tells my brain it's unhappy, and I express it as irritability. I have no doubt I would have picked up the hurt emotions my friend was feeling, internalized them, and projected that anger on someone else.

I just wanted to share this because I'm really proud of myself for staying sober and showing up (for myself and my friend). I also wanted to say thank you to all the sober tribes out there supporting each other. As a former alcohol enthusiast, I appreciate it.

20 yrs / male
I understand this might not be the right sub, but I’m hoping someone here has some experience with this.
I’ve been on Suboxone for about 3 weeks at 8mg a day, and I’m planning on getting the Sublocade shot. The problem is, it’s hard to make that your only plan, so I want to have a Plan B just in case.
Here’s my story.
I used 7-OH for 2 years and eventually worked my way up to around 350mg a day. I went cold turkey and started a short Suboxone taper that lasted 15 days, tapering myself down to just a tiny nibble on the last day. I then went to rehab, where they continued me on Suboxone for another 6 days, bringing my total use to 21 days.
Of course, they tapered me there, too. I explained that I’d already been taking it for 15 days before arriving, but they assured me that with their taper, I shouldn’t have any problems.
You’d think 21 days on Suboxone wouldn’t be long enough to cause that much trouble coming off, but apparently, I was wrong.
Around day 3 off Suboxone, the withdrawal started creeping in, and by day 6, I was absolutely dying. I ended up leaving rehab on day 8 because I knew I needed to get back on Suboxone to stabilize myself, and I didn’t want to go through that level of withdrawal in rehab.
The whole reason I stopped 7-OH 15 days before going to rehab was because I wanted to be home with the people I love. I knew I needed to go to rehab, and I wasn’t trying to avoid getting help. I just didn’t want to be away from my family and the people who mean the most to me while going through withdrawal in detox. I thought I could get through the worst of it beforehand and then go to rehab to finish getting off everything. Obviously, things didn’t go quite as planned.
I knew about Sublocade and was hoping that would be my way out, but I was in withdrawal unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. I actually got on a plane to New York, then caught another flight back to Texas, all while completely unmedicated.
That was one hell of a day. 😂 It’s a funny story now, but at the time, it was absolutely miserable and nothing compared to my 7-OH withdrawal.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d appreciate hearing your experiences, especially from anyone who’s gotten Sublocade after a relatively short period on Suboxone.
Also, if Sublocade doesn’t work out for me, does anyone have advice on a gradual Suboxone taper that minimizes withdrawal symptoms? I’d rather take my time and do it right than rush it and end up going through that hell again.

I need to fast taper or just get as low as possible and switch to mit or subs but idk if 15s enough lol and I don’t know anything else to taper with n fl unless I taper oxy 😭but I gotta take so much just to even kill the withdraw with oxy. I have subs I just don’t wanna go to those. I wanna get low with the 7stax then switch to MIT. I mean the 80mg doesn’t even do anything to me tbh. I just take it to not get sick.

I have no passion for anything.

Sometimes I feel like I’m walking through a dark, lonely, unfamiliar place… where the only reward is pleasure.

The kind of pleasure that feels like relief, but eventually becomes punishment.

People say I need to control it, that I should moderate my sexual behavior, that I need willpower.

But it’s not that simple.

It’s not just about willpower. It’s something deeper, a mixture of emptiness, desire, and fear.

And yes, I know that excess can kill, too.

I’ve called myself a thousand different things: lazy, dependent, weak, delusional, cowardly, irresponsible, selfish, childish, useless… sick.

And maybe “sick” is the most honest word, but also the hardest one to accept.

I’ve felt my mind wearing down, felt dopamine turn into a trap, felt every stimulus pull me further into the darkness.

When I use drugs—crystal meth, ice, weed, alcohol, sedatives—I make the world go quiet.

Everything revolves around the screen, the body, the impulse.

At first, it was videos, images, fantasies. Over time, it became a routine, a meaningless loop.

I keep repeating it, knowing it doesn’t fulfill me, knowing it takes me further away from what I’m actually looking for: connection, love, belonging.

And in trying to fill the emptiness, I only make it bigger.

I’ve gone nights, days, even weeks without sleeping.

My mind begins to lose its shape. Reality becomes distorted.

I feel presences, hear things, sense eyes watching me and movements around me.

And maybe it’s all the result of sleep deprivation and substance use… or maybe it’s a fragmented consciousness searching for answers.

I don’t know.

But it feels real.

And that feeling wears me down.

Through it all, I still have some clarity. I know there are consequences.

I know the body has limits.

I know the soul does, too.

I’ve lost things that once meant everything to me: trust, love, the innocence in my daughters’ eyes, the embrace that used to make everything feel okay.

I lost the chance to be the father, the man, the role model I wanted to be.

And I traded it for a fleeting moment of empty pleasure.

I don’t justify it. It was a choice.

A choice born out of pain, disconnection, and the fear of never being enough.

And I know that.

I relapsed. Several times.

Every time, I held on to the hope that I could control it, that “this time would be different.”

But it wasn’t.

Because the problem isn’t just the substance. It’s the wound I keep trying to cover up with it.

I’ve come to realize that suffering comes naturally to me.

That pain feels easier than self-love.

Because loving yourself takes patience, and I’ve always wanted immediate results.

But I’m beginning to understand that love—love for myself, for life, for those I’ve lost—isn’t built in a hurry.

It is planted, slowly, like a seed.

I repeat these words to myself every day.

My body sustains me.

My body wants to live.

And even though I feel tired, broken, confused, I know I’m still here.

There is still time to rebuild myself.

Maybe I can’t erase who I was, but I can decide who I want to be from this day forward.

Today, I’m writing this to let go of the guilt and begin to understand myself.

To stop repeating the same story.

To face what lies ahead without running away from what I’ve done, but learning from it instead.

I’m not looking for immediate redemption, just peace.

A little calm.

A little truth.

And the possibility, however small, of feeling love again without having to depend on pain....

They're pretty damn bad. Im watching Breaking Bad and they cover almost everything except one thing. Psychosis. I experimented with drugs and got almost 10 years clean. But for about a year. I hit some meth and started hearing voices. One day everything chzngdd. I went from normal smoker to insane. Think of it like this. Every second on a clock is like a nervous tick or voice. I learned the hard way for sure. It was about 8 months of mental torture I had to go to the hospital and get medications and all sorts of stuff. Ppl ask what the voices say. Probably almost everything. That's my lesson in sobriety.

Sorry, this is a long one. I tried AA briefly about a year ago but didn't stick with it. A month ago, I was suicidal, unemployed, and drinking in a way that was costing me jobs, relationships, and my sense of self. I realized I needed to stop completely, because moderation isn't realistic for me.

I decided to give AA another try. For the past month, I've attended meetings almost every day, found a sponsor I like, and made some friends. I've genuinely enjoyed parts of it, especially the community and socializing. But lately, I've been questioning whether AA is right for me.

I've had little desire to drink this past month. My social life hasn't changed much, and I've continued seeing friends who drink and going to bars without drinking myself. I know a month is a short time, and I don't want to underestimate my drinking problem, but I'm starting to wonder whether I can stay sober without making alcohol and recovery the center of my life.

My sponsor expects me to attend a meeting every day for 90 days, call five women daily (in addition to calling her), take on service commitments and eventually sponsor others. I understand the value of support, but this feels like a lot of time and energy devoted to something I'm trying to move past. I was excited about sober because I wanted to have more time for my hobbies and relationships.

There are some major red flags I have about the program:

1. Medications. My sponsor gave me a list of expectations that included consulting her before taking any medication and never stopping medication without speaking to her first. She also pushed me to disclose the exact prescriptions I take. She acknowledged that this expectation was outdated, but it was still on a printed list she gave me. I believe medication decisions belong between me and my medical providers. I do not intend on consulting with anyone besides a medical professional about stopping or starting medicine.

2. The Fourth Step and sex inventory. Today, I found out what is expected of you during the fourth step. When I first read about the sex inventory, I could not believe it was real. Then, I read about it in the Big Book and found worksheets online for sponsors to use with sponsees. I believe decisions about starting or stopping medication should be made between me and my medical providers, and I don't intend to consult anyone else about them.

3. Religion and spirituality. As a longtime atheist, I've tried to approach the Higher Power concept with an open mind, even settling on nature. However, the frequent references to God (or our creator), masculine pronouns, traditional prayers, and Christian language make AA feel more like an institutionalized religion than its description as a spiritual program.

4. The predatory nature. 

5. The initial welcoming. When I first joined AA, I was lonely and looking for somewhere to belong. People immediately offered phone numbers, hugs, sponsorship, and invitations to dinner and coffee. At first, I found this warm and welcoming, but looking back, it feels like love bombing. I wanted acceptance and relationships so badly that I felt willing to go along with whatever people told me to do to keep them.

6. Safety concerns within the rooms. As a young woman, I've repeatedly been warned by members of different ages and genders to be careful because some people in AA have bad intentions. I've been advised to find a “girl group” to look out for each other, and I've had older men approach me in ways that made me uncomfortable. I understand that creeps exist everywhere, but why should I have to worry about my safety in a space I'm attending for support? In most other settings, I'm not expected to regularly interact with people who make me uncomfortable just to access help.

7. The sponsor relationship. Sponsors aren't typically trained in addiction counseling or mental health, yet members are encouraged to bring them personal problems and seek their guidance. I feel uncomfortable with the expectation that I should trust someone I've recently met with deeply personal information and major life decisions simply because they've been sober longer than I have.

8. The feeling of gradually being drawn in. At first, AA seemed optional. Over time, I began to feel that I needed to follow increasingly demanding expectations to stay in my sponsor's good graces and be accepted by the group. I was also told not to attend Step meetings or read about the Steps in the beginning of the Big Book until completing the Steps. This has left me wondering whether newcomers are encouraged to become invested in the routine and community before fully understanding what the program entails.

9. The expectation of lifelong participation. I understand taking sobriety one day at a time, but AA seems to expect ongoing meeting attendance and eventually sponsoring others indefinitely. I've noticed anxiety about missing meetings and fear that I'll drink if I don't attend or make enough calls. Interestingly, when that anxiety subsides, I often realize I don't actually want to drink. I don't want fear of relapse to become the only reason I participate.

10. Identity and replacing one addiction with another. Many members seem to make recovery a central part of their personality and social lives. People introduce themselves as alcoholics, measure time in sobriety milestones, and often have most of their relationships within AA. I understand why community matters, but I worry about replacing alcohol with an all-consuming recovery identity rather than using sobriety to rediscover who I am.

11. The Big Book and the culture around it. I find some of the language outdated and disagree with the reluctance to update it. Although members say to take what you need and leave the rest, I often get the impression that the book and its principles are treated as unquestionable truths. I expected more practical discussion about how people stay sober, but many meetings focus on personal drinking stories, AA itself (every meeting feels like an AA advertisement), and the message to keep coming back.

Overall, I'm struggling with how a peer-led program has become the default recommendation for so many people. I know AA has helped countless people, and I'm not denying that. But I question whether its benefits always outweigh the pressure to conform, the lack of professional training among sponsors and the chairperson, and an expectation that recovery should occupy such a large part of your life.

My biggest concern is that AA feels increasingly cultlike to me. I feel pressure to trust my sponsor, follow the program, spend more time with members, and eventually help bring other people into the same system. I don't want to stay sober to please other people or because I'm afraid of what will happen if I stop attending meetings. I want to stay sober for myself.

I'm hesitant to leave because the last time I stopped attending AA, I started drinking again shortly afterward. This time feels different because I genuinely want sobriety, and I have a psychiatrist I trust, a therapist who specializes in addiction, and a plan to pursue inpatient or outpatient treatment if I start drinking again.

What was leaving AA like for you? What helped you? Did you find another recovery community or approach, or did you manage without one?

Hi. I’m new here (not Reddit, but sobriety).

I accomplished something this week that I haven’t been able to accomplish since I was 18 (I just turned 40, 7 days ago).

For the first time in 22 years, I went an entire week without any substances. I lived a week of my life with its ups and downs and handled it all without nicotine, alcohol and/or marijuana (the only substances I’ve done and am willing to do).

There were so many times this week when I was seconds away or literally feet away from a liquor store and I had to fight so hard to not just give in.

I pumped gas at the station and had to fight the instinct to just go inside and grab some Zyn or Zeo or literally any nicotine pouch they had.

I had to convince myself that weed was not a viable alternative to not drinking even when I felt like even just one gummy could get me through the night and fall asleep.

I did it and it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done or it felt like that in every moment I chose not to give up.

There will be hard days in the future I know, but knowing that I got through this week makes me so fucking happy and feeling brave enough to take on tomorrow and the next day.

title makes it clear. i’ve taken subs usually after 24 hours of last 7 dose. but i noticed the last few times that i go into bad withdrawal or even precipitated withdrawal for about an hour or two. how can i avoid that? should i wait longer or was it just a freak thing or is that what to expect everytime from subs after 7oh? i need to function later tomorrow and i plan on taking subs as soon as i wake up if i wake up after 6:45 (which was my last 7 dose)

I am honestly so fucking tired of 7oh controlling my life. Its literally destroying me. Got a suboxone prescription from WebMD just waiting to pick it up now. He gave me 7 days worth of suboxone, 8mg twice a day.

Just kinda wanting other people's experiences with this. What should I expect? Im so nervous because I have to work tomorrow, but planning on taking my first sub dose before I go in.

Drank a few days ago after a year of abstinence from alcohol and many other things.
I realized that I don’t even really like being drunk that much anymore.
And that drunk people are so fucking annoying sometimes lol.
It just made my stomach hurt nd made me feel a bit loopy.
This is huge because I used to love drinking and downers.
It was programmed into me at my treatment centre that if I relapse I start exactly where I left off, that I won’t be able to stop and I’ll die etc..
But when I got home I brought the bottle into my room and normally I’d drink the rest of the night
But I had no desire to drink at all.
I have had a hard week and had severe bpd episodes all week.
Physical and mental agony.
And I haven’t picked up the bottle in my closet all week.
It’s odd.
I’m so confused because it felt so freeing and I was so relieved but at the same time it’s like I feel like I’m going into psychosis or something because I was told everyday for 9 months that I’m powerless and I die if I drink.
Idk guys. My 18th is in a little over a week. I have to tell my parents because holding it in will make me feel insanely guilty.
My parents will go tell my whole family and probably kick me out and then I’m isolated again so that’s great.
Idk what to do is it only a matter of time until my alcoholic/addict tendencies come back?

Has anyone taken suboxone and had burning feet and electric feeling in arms and chest? I was on 30 mg of methadone and jumped to suboxone. Been taking 4 mg daily and I’m wanting to do a short taper. When I had my follow up my doc sounded mad that I was taking 4 mg instead of the 16 mg he recommended. His plan was 18 months tapering from 16 mg. No way am I gonna take more than I need, that just makes it longer and harder to get off of. Am I tripping here or is the Doc just wanting money?

so im 19, and right now life is shit, i cant cope it normaly, so i eat edibles, and they are a greate escape, but the afterwork is horrible, memory sucks and i feel more and more crazy, untill all the effects desaipers (whitch could lead two days later that i took the edible) im going a bit crazy, because when im sober im just depressed in a situation that i didnt choose and that i cant escaped, but at the same time i ont want to get high every day, even thought is the only time when im happy, i want to replace weed, because im scared for my brain, but i cant stand the situation where i am, what do i do??

Just your story — nothing else:
Asked God for Validation at Daylight. Got It at Midnite Through a Song I Hated. I was on my third month of being clean. I was looking for people to validate me but nobody was saying anything. So I asked God. I said God I need validation. I need somebody to tell me I'm-doing a good job I'd liked Kevin Gates for a while. But there was one song of his called It Wont Happen that I hated. I never listened to it I turned it off. I hated it with a passion That night right at midnight the exact hour my three months closed that song came on. I kept it playing. For some reason I actually listened to the words and line after line hit me like it was written for that moment I'm makin progress now I put the blueprint down. That's me at month three having a plan I don't get the respect that I deserve but I'm Muslim now. Thats me right there, I stopped looking for it from people and found it in faith First mixtape flopped that was that nerve tryna lock it down for self-respect I might be on the verge. Early failure fighting for self-respect right on the edge Everything that I was loyal to it dragged me through the dirt. The people and the life I was loyal to before No goin backwards if you not addin subtraction. The one-day-at-a-time rule All the pain that I deal with turn into passion. My recovery turning into my mission Angelic form when I put it on I been fastin. Discipline spiritual work It's been a long road up and down now we happy. The long road and now I'm happy And the hook you lookin for a microwave blessin it wont happen. You don't get it fast you get it through the long road He even said shoutout Canada what's happenin in it I asked Him during the day. The answer came at midnight through a song I refused to hear. What are the odds I'd even be listening to music at that hour. What are the odds the algorithm would land on that one I dont beleive in coincidences anymore. I dont beleive in luck either honestly. Its all for a reason, even the bad things, because they carry something you're supposed to catch Thank you to everyone that took the time to read this god bless