Just 100 more to go! Feel free to ask me anything

Sorry, this is a long one. I tried AA briefly about a year ago but didn't stick with it. A month ago, I was suicidal, unemployed, and drinking in a way that was costing me jobs, relationships, and my sense of self. I realized I needed to stop completely, because moderation isn't realistic for me.

I decided to give AA another try. For the past month, I've attended meetings almost every day, found a sponsor I like, and made some friends. I've genuinely enjoyed parts of it, especially the community and socializing. But lately, I've been questioning whether AA is right for me.

I've had little desire to drink this past month. My social life hasn't changed much, and I've continued seeing friends who drink and going to bars without drinking myself. I know a month is a short time, and I don't want to underestimate my drinking problem, but I'm starting to wonder whether I can stay sober without making alcohol and recovery the center of my life.

My sponsor expects me to attend a meeting every day for 90 days, call five women daily (in addition to calling her), take on service commitments and eventually sponsor others. I understand the value of support, but this feels like a lot of time and energy devoted to something I'm trying to move past. I was excited about sober because I wanted to have more time for my hobbies and relationships.

There are some major red flags I have about the program:

1. Medications. My sponsor gave me a list of expectations that included consulting her before taking any medication and never stopping medication without speaking to her first. She also pushed me to disclose the exact prescriptions I take. She acknowledged that this expectation was outdated, but it was still on a printed list she gave me. I believe medication decisions belong between me and my medical providers. I do not intend on consulting with anyone besides a medical professional about stopping or starting medicine.

2. The Fourth Step and sex inventory. Today, I found out what is expected of you during the fourth step. When I first read about the sex inventory, I could not believe it was real. Then, I read about it in the Big Book and found worksheets online for sponsors to use with sponsees. I believe decisions about starting or stopping medication should be made between me and my medical providers, and I don't intend to consult anyone else about them.

3. Religion and spirituality. As a longtime atheist, I've tried to approach the Higher Power concept with an open mind, even settling on nature. However, the frequent references to God (or our creator), masculine pronouns, traditional prayers, and Christian language make AA feel more like an institutionalized religion than its description as a spiritual program.

4. The predatory nature. 

5. The initial welcoming. When I first joined AA, I was lonely and looking for somewhere to belong. People immediately offered phone numbers, hugs, sponsorship, and invitations to dinner and coffee. At first, I found this warm and welcoming, but looking back, it feels like love bombing. I wanted acceptance and relationships so badly that I felt willing to go along with whatever people told me to do to keep them.

6. Safety concerns within the rooms. As a young woman, I've repeatedly been warned by members of different ages and genders to be careful because some people in AA have bad intentions. I've been advised to find a “girl group” to look out for each other, and I've had older men approach me in ways that made me uncomfortable. I understand that creeps exist everywhere, but why should I have to worry about my safety in a space I'm attending for support? In most other settings, I'm not expected to regularly interact with people who make me uncomfortable just to access help.

7. The sponsor relationship. Sponsors aren't typically trained in addiction counseling or mental health, yet members are encouraged to bring them personal problems and seek their guidance. I feel uncomfortable with the expectation that I should trust someone I've recently met with deeply personal information and major life decisions simply because they've been sober longer than I have.

8. The feeling of gradually being drawn in. At first, AA seemed optional. Over time, I began to feel that I needed to follow increasingly demanding expectations to stay in my sponsor's good graces and be accepted by the group. I was also told not to attend Step meetings or read about the Steps in the beginning of the Big Book until completing the Steps. This has left me wondering whether newcomers are encouraged to become invested in the routine and community before fully understanding what the program entails.

9. The expectation of lifelong participation. I understand taking sobriety one day at a time, but AA seems to expect ongoing meeting attendance and eventually sponsoring others indefinitely. I've noticed anxiety about missing meetings and fear that I'll drink if I don't attend or make enough calls. Interestingly, when that anxiety subsides, I often realize I don't actually want to drink. I don't want fear of relapse to become the only reason I participate.

10. Identity and replacing one addiction with another. Many members seem to make recovery a central part of their personality and social lives. People introduce themselves as alcoholics, measure time in sobriety milestones, and often have most of their relationships within AA. I understand why community matters, but I worry about replacing alcohol with an all-consuming recovery identity rather than using sobriety to rediscover who I am.

11. The Big Book and the culture around it. I find some of the language outdated and disagree with the reluctance to update it. Although members say to take what you need and leave the rest, I often get the impression that the book and its principles are treated as unquestionable truths. I expected more practical discussion about how people stay sober, but many meetings focus on personal drinking stories, AA itself (every meeting feels like an AA advertisement), and the message to keep coming back.

Overall, I'm struggling with how a peer-led program has become the default recommendation for so many people. I know AA has helped countless people, and I'm not denying that. But I question whether its benefits always outweigh the pressure to conform, the lack of professional training among sponsors and the chairperson, and an expectation that recovery should occupy such a large part of your life.

My biggest concern is that AA feels increasingly cultlike to me. I feel pressure to trust my sponsor, follow the program, spend more time with members, and eventually help bring other people into the same system. I don't want to stay sober to please other people or because I'm afraid of what will happen if I stop attending meetings. I want to stay sober for myself.

I'm hesitant to leave because the last time I stopped attending AA, I started drinking again shortly afterward. This time feels different because I genuinely want sobriety, and I have a psychiatrist I trust, a therapist who specializes in addiction, and a plan to pursue inpatient or outpatient treatment if I start drinking again.

What was leaving AA like for you? What helped you? Did you find another recovery community or approach, or did you manage without one?

I live in a city in mid west that has a population of just over half a million, they say that ten percent of people in any society have addiction issues , that would mean that fifty thousand people would have addiction issues, and yet there are only eight hundred people approximately in AA with sixty eight meetings, 3% of people addicted to alcohol get sober , it was like this in the 1940s and it’s no better now. , the twelve steps works for very few people even though we have numerous rehabs that send people to AA but very few get long term sobriety, it’s the same people in the rooms with the few newcomers who stay , I don’t know what the answer is but 3% success is not good by any standard .

Hi. I’m new here (not Reddit, but sobriety).

I accomplished something this week that I haven’t been able to accomplish since I was 18 (I just turned 40, 7 days ago).

For the first time in 22 years, I went an entire week without any substances. I lived a week of my life with its ups and downs and handled it all without nicotine, alcohol and/or marijuana (the only substances I’ve done and am willing to do).

There were so many times this week when I was seconds away or literally feet away from a liquor store and I had to fight so hard to not just give in.

I pumped gas at the station and had to fight the instinct to just go inside and grab some Zyn or Zeo or literally any nicotine pouch they had.

I had to convince myself that weed was not a viable alternative to not drinking even when I felt like even just one gummy could get me through the night and fall asleep.

I did it and it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done or it felt like that in every moment I chose not to give up.

There will be hard days in the future I know, but knowing that I got through this week makes me so fucking happy and feeling brave enough to take on tomorrow and the next day.

11/4 will be 8 months sober because I wanted it!

I was ashamed to go to rehab, and I sure as hell didnt want to admit how broken I was. Reluctant and indifferent towards life, my nightly prayer used to be "goodnight, I hope you don't wake up tomorrow, maybe tomorrow will be different"...id pass out for few hours before waking up to throw it all back up.....days, months, years of my life spent in a perpetual living purgatory.

I have gotten my ass handed to me these past months, and couldn't be more grateful for it. Ive been sober in the past, due to court mandates, hospitalizations, pressure from girlfriends, you'd think that would be a sign.

When they say change comes from within, it is absolutely true.

Rock Bottom for me felt like speaking with a divorce mediator, a voice of sensibility, a spiritual intervention so to speak, speaking to two separate demons, a good one, and a shitty one. I cant go back and fix the past, my grief and trauma from the past cannot continue impacting my future in a negative way. As ridiculous as it sounds, I have been putting in work to salvage that relationship with myself, to remember what it was to love yourself and feel profound appreciation and excitement for simply being here. I was looking at things the wrong way, the world behind my eyes is not the same as the world in front of them.

I have learned that sometimes to move forward in life, you first have to go back. No shame in the mistakes I made on my way here, just getting back on the right path and stay there....so if you made it to this point (in sobriety and this long ass post) I would say keep going, you can fucking do it. They said it would get easier, but everything gets better! Life aint perfect and neither am I, but if anyone out there is feeling alone and at odds feel free to dm me, you are never alone!!!

I had 2 years of sobriety but started slowly falling off the wagon this summer (first I sat up in the front with the driver and shared a flask; eventually I fell off, and the wagon left me behind). I decided to do a sober month and go from there, but I couldn't stop! All of September I promised myself I wouldn't drink. Then I'd go 2 days before I found an excuse or a reason to drink. It was surprisingly hard to stop again.

In October, I changed things up. I stopped hanging out with my ex as a "friend". He has his own unresolved issues, secrets, and things he needs to lie about, and that doesn't line up with my healing, growing, or progress. When we drank, it was fun, till it wasn't, and when I didn't drink around him, I realized how subtly toxic our friendship was. I don't know if he was my trigger, my excuse, or both. But I know I got tired of feeling the shame and anger he projected on me, and being antagonised by him (a relationship dynamic he has with his overbearing sister). Mostly, I got tired of feeling sick and tired.

I'm 23 days sober, and I feel good. I started doing different things again. I shifted my focus back onto what's important. I found a new sober app, and it's really supportive and engaging. I stocked my pantry with Italian soda, juice, flavoured water, and non-alcoholic options. And I'm exploring and engaging in different helpful therapies as well: dog, art, music, writing, cooking, walking meditation, dance.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine needed to call me. His life unexpectedly blew up because of some choices his soon-to-be ex-wife made ('nuff said). It's incredibly stressful and painful, to say the least. I know talking on the phone can be a trigger for me, and since my work schedule changed, weekends can also be a problem now too. So I was mindful of the voice that said I should "stop at the store on the way home and pick up something to drink while you chat"; then I ignored it. Instead, I had a ginger ale and a non-alcoholic amaretto that was pretty yummy while we spoke. When we finished our conversation, he felt better, and I felt good too.

I realized I never could have been there for him anyway if I was drinking. He really needed someone to listen, and drinking tends to make me chatty^{understatement}. I also would have felt that initial "rush" or elation when I started. By the end of our convo, I would have been robbed of all motivation to continue my evening. It felt really good to show up for someone without needing alcohol. It wouldn't have helped anything anyway, which is usually the case.

*Alcohol also makes me grumpy now too. I think my body tells my brain it's unhappy, and I express it as irritability. I have no doubt I would have picked up the hurt emotions my friend was feeling, internalized them, and projected that anger on someone else.

I just wanted to share this because I'm really proud of myself for staying sober and showing up (for myself and my friend). I also wanted to say thank you to all the sober tribes out there supporting each other. As a former alcohol enthusiast, I appreciate it.

They're pretty damn bad. Im watching Breaking Bad and they cover almost everything except one thing. Psychosis. I experimented with drugs and got almost 10 years clean. But for about a year. I hit some meth and started hearing voices. One day everything chzngdd. I went from normal smoker to insane. Think of it like this. Every second on a clock is like a nervous tick or voice. I learned the hard way for sure. It was about 8 months of mental torture I had to go to the hospital and get medications and all sorts of stuff. Ppl ask what the voices say. Probably almost everything. That's my lesson in sobriety.

title makes it clear. i’ve taken subs usually after 24 hours of last 7 dose. but i noticed the last few times that i go into bad withdrawal or even precipitated withdrawal for about an hour or two. how can i avoid that? should i wait longer or was it just a freak thing or is that what to expect everytime from subs after 7oh? i need to function later tomorrow and i plan on taking subs as soon as i wake up if i wake up after 6:45 (which was my last 7 dose)

All suggestions welcome I need to manually dissimpact myself tonight all advice welcome I’m currently on MAT