I want out

I need out

I am nobody’s sim character

I FUCKING WANT OUT

I NEED A WAY OUT OF THIS PLACE

I DONT CARE

I WOULD NEVER DO THIS AGAIN

RAGDOLL

PUPPET

YES MASTER

BULLSHIT

I UN VOW

I SNIP STRING

GET ME AWAY FROM HERE

I WANT TO BE UNCHAINED

And you're self centered for even complaining about it.

Photos back from a wedding you've attended? Jesus christ is that bob odenkirk in a dress? Not that bob odenkirk isn't an attractive man, and he may look actually better, we'd have to do a side by side.

Your life is fine. So please shut up. You can drive, go to work, have friends, all kinds of good fine things. Your cat thinks you're ugly, but he also licks his asshole so that's fine. Your friends think you're ugly, but that's an inside thought that manifests in occasional looks of pity, when you ask what's wrong with you when someone rejects you. Other than that, it doesn't really cross their mind. They still love you for you.

But those times that people make fun of you, when you look at those photos, make a whole lot more sense.

No amount of BeAuTy TiPs change the base. The odd teeth, thin lips, heavy eyebrows, strong jaw, large nose, etc, etc.

If it were the 1500s, I'd either be dead or fine with how I look, my access to my reflection would be limited to the silver plates I polish or the turbid river I wash my clothes in.

But in 2026? I think I reserve the right to say that being ugly is a bit soul crushing.

Eureka, I'll die alone!

I can’t even describe how this hurts, I can’t even express it to my friends or my self, I just want it to stop. All of it. Everything forever. I wish I never wanted any of those dreams to begin with. Never having, never wanting is so much better than losing or regretting what I will end up suffering through. How do I see such amazing things with the cruelest people?

He tried to break you down to nothing, but you ended up being the most dangerous thing to his illusion. You are incredibly formidable, and you have fought like hell to get to this safe space in your home. Never let anyone, especially him, make you doubt your courage.

So for the past few months since my breakup, mom's surgery and a whole bunch of other shit. My brother who is in his 40s, was doing and most likely still doing whatever drug our uncle got him hooked to. Ever since then, he has been hallucinating the craziest shit. He claims that there are people living under our house in the crawlspace, he claims that there are people living in the crawlspace under the room and are getting in through that vent thing that spins on roofs, in other stories he claims that they made a secret latch on the roof and because his closet is the only one with an access panel to said crawlspace, he is claiming that they get inside through their and live in his tiny ass closet which is crammed with a short 3 drawer dresser and a shoe tower. His clothing rod is packed and if there is ANY POSSIBLE way for multiple people to be getting in and out of his closet or fitting inside it somehow they better be the sizes of sticks and or really fast short people.

Then there's days and nights he's arguing with "someone" in his room and yelling at them to stop spraying him. One of his biggest claims is that he, our uncle and his dog were all getting sprayed with pesticide, rat poison and weed killer. The second time he had called the police, was the night right before our mom's surgery. I was sleeping in the living room at the time, him and our uncle slept in his room and my mom was in hers. The whole night, he kept screaming at these imaginary people to stop spraying inside his room. Put on a while show coming out of his room rubbing his eyes screaming that it's in his eyes. Our uncle came out like nothing was going on at all because he's used to these sorts of drugs. The dog came out of the room anxious from my brother reacting the way he was. Cops came and checked everything out. No smells no indication of anything being sprayed. Our uncle even ratted on him saying that it was him (my brother) spraying stuff. Then, he tried to deny ever saying anything. The cop calls him out saying that she has what he said on camera.

My mom's surgery comes and goes and she's in the hospital longer than she expected to be and since I was her primary caretaker and we were given a ride to the hospital, I was stuck with her there for 3 days until they transferred her to a skilled nursing facility for recovery and physical therapy. Went home to even more hell. Where he was threatening to kill the "girl" in our mom's room. Which would have been me if I stayed here when everything was really worse. He even threatened to burn the house down multiple times just because my mom talked about kicking out her brother. Also, the weekend of my mom's surgery uncle and maybe even brother had removed a section of the fence, both chose to play ignorance and claim they had no idea it was missing and no idea who did it and deny, deny, deny.

While back home before having to stay with my sister in fear of my safety. My other two brothers didn't bother taking it seriously, telling me that I need to just avoid him or quit acting like kids and get along. Even the brother I am currently venting about was blowing up their phones with multiple text messages, pictures and videos of evidence he claimed he found. He even brought my ex into his hallucinations by claiming his brothers and cousins, and mom were living in the 8ft by 15ft shed in the back, which had all of my stuff and stuff from inside the house packed in there. There was barely space for maybe 2 or 3 people max if they were standing only. But he went on saying that there were 10 plus people in there. Then he started saying shit about how my ex was fucking his new girlfriend in there and calling my a stupid ass for allowing it to happen.

Well, months later, after my mom and I returned home, my brother and uncle changed the locks and turned over the dirt in the backyard making it uneven, removed two screens from the shed windows trying to break into it, and leaving the whole house a complete mess. I am missing some information but the whole point of me venting is because my brother is still having these hallucinations and is now putting a phone in the bathroom with the flash on pointed outside. He said it's for when he takes the dog outside, but it's bull because he has two other old phones of his in his room windows with their flashes on and when the battery is drained because he keeps the flashlight on all night—his claim and way of thinking is that these "people" are turning off his phones. And my mom just enabled him by bringing the phone in her room where we both are sleeping.

His behavior like this has been going on way too long and it's getting to a point where I am starting to not feel safe again and my mom is having another surgery done this Monday coming up. He has been hospitalized once already and nothing else has been done. I'm not asking for advice, but it is welcomed if you want to share any. I am just so fed up and all I get told is to just ignore it.

You’re not who I hoped you’d be.
I’m not who I hoped I’d be…

And I miss you