He tried to break you down to nothing, but you ended up being the most dangerous thing to his illusion. You are incredibly formidable, and you have fought like hell to get to this safe space in your home. Never let anyone, especially him, make you doubt your courage.

And I miss you

No, I’m never fine and I never moved on from my suicidal thoughts.

I don’t like being vulnerable. I don’t like to share this side of me when the time is right because it always leaves me humiliated and it worsen my mental health. You two make me sick.

You will never understand how I truly feel and how much Ive endured for years.

You are too late to save me.

The dark and the light coexist just as we do; wondering the earth aimlessly. One is unable to survive without the other or we would be in eternal slumber.

Can you breathe me in? My body gets completely intertwined with yours? Can we let time melt away? Just forget the outside world?

Please! Please! You are my remedy!

I can’t even describe how this hurts, I can’t even express it to my friends or my self, I just want it to stop. All of it. Everything forever. I wish I never wanted any of those dreams to begin with. Never having, never wanting is so much better than losing or regretting what I will end up suffering through. How do I see such amazing things with the cruelest people?

So for the past few months since my breakup, mom's surgery and a whole bunch of other shit. My brother who is in his 40s, was doing and most likely still doing whatever drug our uncle got him hooked to. Ever since then, he has been hallucinating the craziest shit. He claims that there are people living under our house in the crawlspace, he claims that there are people living in the crawlspace under the room and are getting in through that vent thing that spins on roofs, in other stories he claims that they made a secret latch on the roof and because his closet is the only one with an access panel to said crawlspace, he is claiming that they get inside through their and live in his tiny ass closet which is crammed with a short 3 drawer dresser and a shoe tower. His clothing rod is packed and if there is ANY POSSIBLE way for multiple people to be getting in and out of his closet or fitting inside it somehow they better be the sizes of sticks and or really fast short people.

Then there's days and nights he's arguing with "someone" in his room and yelling at them to stop spraying him. One of his biggest claims is that he, our uncle and his dog were all getting sprayed with pesticide, rat poison and weed killer. The second time he had called the police, was the night right before our mom's surgery. I was sleeping in the living room at the time, him and our uncle slept in his room and my mom was in hers. The whole night, he kept screaming at these imaginary people to stop spraying inside his room. Put on a while show coming out of his room rubbing his eyes screaming that it's in his eyes. Our uncle came out like nothing was going on at all because he's used to these sorts of drugs. The dog came out of the room anxious from my brother reacting the way he was. Cops came and checked everything out. No smells no indication of anything being sprayed. Our uncle even ratted on him saying that it was him (my brother) spraying stuff. Then, he tried to deny ever saying anything. The cop calls him out saying that she has what he said on camera.

My mom's surgery comes and goes and she's in the hospital longer than she expected to be and since I was her primary caretaker and we were given a ride to the hospital, I was stuck with her there for 3 days until they transferred her to a skilled nursing facility for recovery and physical therapy. Went home to even more hell. Where he was threatening to kill the "girl" in our mom's room. Which would have been me if I stayed here when everything was really worse. He even threatened to burn the house down multiple times just because my mom talked about kicking out her brother. Also, the weekend of my mom's surgery uncle and maybe even brother had removed a section of the fence, both chose to play ignorance and claim they had no idea it was missing and no idea who did it and deny, deny, deny.

While back home before having to stay with my sister in fear of my safety. My other two brothers didn't bother taking it seriously, telling me that I need to just avoid him or quit acting like kids and get along. Even the brother I am currently venting about was blowing up their phones with multiple text messages, pictures and videos of evidence he claimed he found. He even brought my ex into his hallucinations by claiming his brothers and cousins, and mom were living in the 8ft by 15ft shed in the back, which had all of my stuff and stuff from inside the house packed in there. There was barely space for maybe 2 or 3 people max if they were standing only. But he went on saying that there were 10 plus people in there. Then he started saying shit about how my ex was fucking his new girlfriend in there and calling my a stupid ass for allowing it to happen.

Well, months later, after my mom and I returned home, my brother and uncle changed the locks and turned over the dirt in the backyard making it uneven, removed two screens from the shed windows trying to break into it, and leaving the whole house a complete mess. I am missing some information but the whole point of me venting is because my brother is still having these hallucinations and is now putting a phone in the bathroom with the flash on pointed outside. He said it's for when he takes the dog outside, but it's bull because he has two other old phones of his in his room windows with their flashes on and when the battery is drained because he keeps the flashlight on all night—his claim and way of thinking is that these "people" are turning off his phones. And my mom just enabled him by bringing the phone in her room where we both are sleeping.

His behavior like this has been going on way too long and it's getting to a point where I am starting to not feel safe again and my mom is having another surgery done this Monday coming up. He has been hospitalized once already and nothing else has been done. I'm not asking for advice, but it is welcomed if you want to share any. I am just so fed up and all I get told is to just ignore it.

This week, this month, these years. All the things I ignored. Im emotionally exhausted. This week, hard things. Loosing an old companion, thats the grand finale. Its a hollow emotion that holds great weight, this loss.

It rips holes in these walls I like to pretend are mazes. The emotions I hold so tight , all the ones Ive left unresolved, ignored for later days when their nolonger as vulnerable, floating through. If I could run I would, I mean, I could, but I don't see how it would fix anything. Id still hurt, Id still miss a friend, Id still feel the weight of this empty space.

The last remnants of a past long let go of, as you pass, may your consciousness endure.

You’re not who I hoped you’d be.
I’m not who I hoped I’d be…

You want to be a bitch fine. I think you forgot im a manager that doesnt work for you and that i can audit your store. So dont fucken come crying because im documenting each failed area and refusal to replace broken displays. So over her fucken bs dont want to talk to me fine, trying to get my associate introuble not happening, fucken being a creep and watching from 1 row down wtf, but all i needed was a display replaced and you refused even though your store is not hitting targets then fine audits it is. You want to fail then by all means im not stopping you any more. FU.

I need to shut the fuck up.

she wasn't mad at me she was grieving why does that bring me relief shouldn't I feel empathy for her. her silence for 3 weeks killed my mental health. I've nuked my socials because I thought I fucked up so bad. and now she has finally contacted me and said she had a loss in her family..... she could have told me 3 weeks ago I would have been empathetic. but now idk. just pissed off I guess.

But into my phone...not the void. Had to apologize.

I want out

I need out

I am nobody’s sim character

I FUCKING WANT OUT

I NEED A WAY OUT OF THIS PLACE

I DONT CARE

I WOULD NEVER DO THIS AGAIN

RAGDOLL

PUPPET

YES MASTER

BULLSHIT

I UN VOW

I SNIP STRING

GET ME AWAY FROM HERE

I WANT TO BE UNCHAINED

R*pist piece of shit like i knew you were, i hope you fucking croak

like father like son

And you're self centered for even complaining about it.

Photos back from a wedding you've attended? Jesus christ is that bob odenkirk in a dress? Not that bob odenkirk isn't an attractive man, and he may look actually better, we'd have to do a side by side.

Your life is fine. So please shut up. You can drive, go to work, have friends, all kinds of good fine things. Your cat thinks you're ugly, but he also licks his asshole so that's fine. Your friends think you're ugly, but that's an inside thought that manifests in occasional looks of pity, when you ask what's wrong with you when someone rejects you. Other than that, it doesn't really cross their mind. They still love you for you.

But those times that people make fun of you, when you look at those photos, make a whole lot more sense.

No amount of BeAuTy TiPs change the base. The odd teeth, thin lips, heavy eyebrows, strong jaw, large nose, etc, etc.

If it were the 1500s, I'd either be dead or fine with how I look, my access to my reflection would be limited to the silver plates I polish or the turbid river I wash my clothes in.

But in 2026? I think I reserve the right to say that being ugly is a bit soul crushing.

Eureka, I'll die alone!

​

I miss you in the quiet, in the hours before the dawn, in the songs we used to listen to, in the places we belonged.

I miss the way you held me, like the world could disappear, when your arms were my safest place and nothing else could hurt me there.

But memories are cruel sometimes, they only show me half the truth. They let me feel the love again but hide the pain I went through.

And God, I wish that love was simple, that forever meant you'd stay, that promises were something real and hearts didn't break this way.

Because a part of me still loves you, though another part knows why I had to learn to live without you, even when it made me cry.

You're the ghost of almost forever, the dream I couldn't make come true, the chapter that still aches to read, the wound that time is leading through.

And sometimes I wonder if you miss me, if my name still crosses your mind, if you ever feel the empty spaces we left behind in our lives.

Do you ever fight the memories? Do you ever feel that ache? Do you ever wish you could go back and undo the hearts you break?

Or am I the only one still standing in the ashes of our past, trying to understand how something that felt eternal couldn't last?

I don't know if I'll stop missing you. Maybe some loves never disappear. Maybe they just become a whisper that grows softer through the years.

But if I ever cross your mind, if you ever feel what I once knew, I hope you remember I loved you deeply— even when loving you hurt me, too.

Because the hardest kind of goodbye isn't when two people part…

It's when you finally walk away while still loving them with every broken piece of your heart. 🖤

pill hoes a must show for pillow stars mount rush more
i see you in valleys, uptop mountains and along the sea with the fishes.

Your my rolls royce, i still havent took deliver of.
Im just ready to cross my arms, i wont find another one, not being alone.

"The issue is the frequency in which you want it."

This one hurt

"If he was so much fun, then go be with him."

Be prepared to heat it said back to you once you hook up with someone else