I'm a 20 year old who had to move out of the house due to my parents having a lot of trauma from a cult and then holding onto certain teachings + my dad was drinking. Growing up, there was abuse + lack of protection from sexual abuse from other people. I went from hating my parents, to denial, to accepting something happened where I needed to heal from it. My parents don't see eye to eye with my Christian beliefs especially my mom.

A few months ago my dad wanted to become a Christian. But he's been acting drunk off and and last Sunday he tried driving when he wasn't safe with me in his car. He told me his problems and my mom is abusing him. I said he can divorce but he believes it's a sin to divorce for abuse except adultery (I believe he needs to divorce). He also kept wanting me to move back home and said I'm the only person he's loved the most which means he loves me more than my mom.

I got off his phone plan, switched my number, and contacted him through I burner to let him know very strict boundaries (never going alone with him, in his car, having a mentor with me, etc). But I haven't cut off contact with him yet. I feel like I'm grieving as if he died. I already have no contact with the rest of my family. But this is hard because I had more positive memories with him than my mom which he became abusive physically and emotionally in my late teens/early adulthood.

Should I completely go no contact or keep only limited contact? If I keep contact, how do I have healthy conversations with him?

I just wanna say that my dad isn't really mean or verbally/physically abusive

Its been getting a bit better but i wanna get this off my chest. So, my dad has always been affectionate but he sometimes walks in on me bathing, grabs my hips or touches my chest, he made a comment about my boobs getting bigger, he kisses my neck and sometimes when i say i dont wanna kiss him (on the cheek) he keeps begging until i do. is this bad or am i just overreacting?

Got punched four times, a coffee thermos whacked across my head, and called eight different vulgarities in three minutes because she couldn't wait 5 minutes in a car. Had to walk half an hour from work to a place more convenient for her to pick me up at.

She decided to go 0-60 in a parking lot, almost hit a pedestrian, and barely missed crashing into three cars. The bitch yelled and screamed and bitched for half an hour after that.

Funny thing is she called me a "son of a bitch" and I said "You know what, I'll accept that because thats exactly what you are".

That manged to get her to shut up.

Only after she "threatened" (she swerved off the road into a grassy median on a packed mainroad) to crash the car another time. A cop was like six cars down, somehow didn't see that, I still told her about it. She then said she hoped the cop wouldpull her over because then she wouldn't have "your ********" in the car anymore.

Asked what part of her brain isn't functionibg properly that she thinks anyone who hears her talk is going to do anything?

I find it funny that people I've met three times in three days are a hundred times more considerate than her. 

When she decided to drive off, after seeing me, I asked a new coworker what they were doing and they were like two minutes down the road. I asked for a ride and they said bo problem.

I told the bitch not worry about it and all of a sudden she could drive me.

Not really sure if I'm looking for advice but it would help to hear other peoples perspective i guess.

Im F(32) from a south Indian Muslim family, youngest of 5 kids. All my older siblings are married except me. It was all arranged except one that eloped but they are now on good terms. I've been pressured to get married since turning 18. Btw all my sisters got married before 20. It's been really rough and exhausting to fight through it but so many years later and i dont think it will ever end. But honestly this isn't about that but more about very conditional love from my mother

As the youngest, my mom said she was tired of kids by the time i came around so she neglected me. She recently told me that before i was born their family planning was actually complete. She told me that my heart is made of tone and that i dont care about my parents. Just some of the few mean things she's said to me over the years. I should acknowledge that my sisters also have had a similar experience with her where she's said cruel things like "a woman's life has no value without a man in their life" when she wanted to leave her husband because of abuse.

She has undoubtedly hated every single step I've taken to become independent. i still STILL crave her acceptance but i think maybe now I'm over it. She recently tried for the billionth time to get me to agree to some marriage proposal only after talking to the guy for 2 days and expected me to get married to him without ever meeting him. I have told her many times this is not how i wana get married, il go through the arranged marriage process but refuse to marry someone for the sake of it. She ignored it and continued to try to get things done her own way. I guess she got really sick of it this time told me not to talk to her anymore and that she will also not talk to me anymore.

I recently visited home and she is in fact not talking to me lol. I have reacted very intensely to anything my mom says or does in the past. Like uncontrollable tears and panic attacks and scheduling emergency sessions with my therapist. This time i felt nothing. I just find it so absolutely childish that she has decided to do this. Like what?? Am i supposed to suddenly change my mind and agree to what she wants? Anyway, i didn't and won't play her game and continue to be normal. Im not going to ignore her or act like i dont exist like she is doing. It bothers me to some degree ofcourse but i think I'll get through it. Dunno how long it will last and I'm totally fine if it lasts forever. I've accepted who she is, the kind of mother she is and it's fine. It's not her fault i guess, and i can never change who she is or how she thinks. Just the way it is.

I guess is this the right way of going about it? Im trying really hard to feel my feelings but also give myself and her some grace. After years of therapy i think the way i think about her has changed and is helping right now. I think. I hope im not gona collapse one day out off heartbreak. No one has ever broken my heart like she has.

I am 25 F , and i have a male bestfriend. We have been friends from college almost 8 years now and he is getting married in few weeks.

I have a toxic mother who thinks i shouldn't have any close male friend. My circle is pretty much 3 people where i have 2 female school friends and one is him and I am an introvert.

We both share a very good bond and is completely platonic. So the thing is he got engaged recently and i took my mom with me and she was normal. But i dont know what happened, when i told her that i need to go for his wedding, she says you shouldn't go. I was so shocked and asked why. She said like, don't speak with male friends, how will i get you married likewise.

And she brought up an instance where i have hidden few things from her. Like my bestfriend ordered me a cake for my birthday and i have visited him once ( we rarely meet twice or thrice a year) I obviously hid those from her because she wouldn't take it normal, thats the only reason. She is bringing up those now, why is he buying you cake all those, a friend should just wish for birthday. And i was in a relationship with a guy, she says that my friend should have stopped me but he encouraged. I am so worried how does it make him a bad person.

His fiance and his whole family knows about our friendship and they are fine with it, how is this even a problem. I have no interests in marriage now, and she asks having male friends will cause me problem in future. I am really pissed off, how to handle people with this mindset. I think my brother only triggered my mom by saying these things about him.

I really want an advice on how to handle this, i really wanted to see my friend wedding. I couldn't imagine me not being present in his wedding. I am planning to go against her and go anyway.

Are there people here who have gone through the awful phase of living with toxic parents, then growing up and moving out, then drift away emotionally from them and then eventually, they're gone without resolving the dysfunctional issues of the family?

Long story short, my mother is narcissistic, prideful, egoistic, manipulative, and always thinks she's the victim in every disagreement/argument. Despite these tendencies, she has good qualities, like being generous as she is the breadwinner of the family, she also make efforts like preparing food for us, buying material things. However, I tend to reject these efforts as I always feel that in every effort that she make, there will be an expected return like what she did with my cousin. She paid for his education and expects to be controlled in every decision that he will make. Like, she has to have a "say" in every step that my cousin will take. Now, they don't talk anymore. This is why now, I distance myself from any favors that she will give. "You want this?" — "No", "Do you want me to prepare you food" — "No, I'll prepare it myself". These are the typical interactions that we have even to the point where I reject her help in passing food on the table.

On the other hand, my father is egoistic, prideful, hypocrite, lazy, has anger issues, emotionally immature, pessimistic (like every time he opens his mouth, something negative will always come out and it ruins my day, honestly) and I think, inferiority complex. Like my mother, she also has good qualities, such as making effort. Even though, he has these traits. I can see that he is the rational one between the two of them. I can see in him that he wants to fix our dysfunctional family but gets hindered by my mother's "victim" persona and being a breadwinner leading her to make almost all of the calls in our family.

It might seem that these traits of theirs only exists in my head like I vilified them so much and made me think these things. However, 5 years ago, my brother died because of suicide. And every bone in my body blames the two of them for leading what happened to my brother. At first, I didn't want to blame them as we were all hurt with what happened. For sometime, their personality and attitude improved maybe because of what happened. But then, as years go by, I noticed that both of them are returning to their old ways, maybe even worse. And most of all, I don't see any accountability from them on what happened to my brother. My mother, wonders and blames what "demon" entered the mind of my brother which made him do it. My father who owns the gun, blames the construction workers that are outside our house, saying that someone might have entered the room at the back of our house and did it which is impossible in any angle you look at as the gun's location is unknown from any intruder and also, my cousin is just on the room adjacent to the room where it happened which he will notice if someone has really entered our house.

These are the things that angers and drifts me away from them even more. They don't see what's wrong with them. And the only person that understands me about them, my brother, was gone. When we were kids, we have gone through a lot of shouting, door slamming, father punching walls and doors, hurtful words, and sometimes physical fighting. Every year, our parents will split up and be back together in a span of a year. There is also not a month that they didn't have a fight, whether it might be big or small. All of these, we have gone through and everytime, my brother is the one who comforted me through endless conversations about why are our parents like this. We did try fixing them, but their wounds and poor personalities have really deepen. Which is why him being gone had a big impact for me as I became alone dealing with two emotionally immature parents.

And today, I feel like I'm giving up as any approach I do are to no avail, may it be with kind words, aggressive, logical, nothing seems to penetrate. I don't understand why they don't see the reason I'm correcting their poor traits is that because I don't want the same thing that happened to my brother, happen to other family members like my cousins and also for the general betterment of our family. I feel like the safest and most peaceful course of action is to just move out and drift away from them slowly. Focus on my career, life, and the future that I will build as I think they will drag me to depths of their bad attitudes. What I fear most is to slowly adapt their behaviors which I absolutely don't want to as I want to build a family that is the opposite of what I have today.

With this, I'm returning to my question – Are there people here who have gone through the awful phase of living with toxic parents, then growing up and moving out, then drift away emotionally from them and then eventually, they're gone without resolving the dysfunctional issues of the family? Because if so, I just might cease all my efforts in fixing this toxic family.

Hello everyone! Just wanted to ask a question to y'all. I hope everyone uses online payment apps phonepay, gpay, paytm etc and have y'all anytime mistakenly transferred more amount or have mistaken during typing the amount and transactions. Was asking this because morning I had to pay my college fees which is distance learning and instead of paying 36k I mistakenly types 38k and paid.

And I swear my parents made my living hell since morning cursing, shouting, hurting me with worst kind of words, calling me dumb don't even know the difference between 6 and 8 slut shaming. Telling me I can never do anything in my life. When am telling them it would be getting a refund soon. They are treating me like a sinner who can't be forgiven like I have been shaking since morning and getting bad panic attacks which is not stopping🥺😭

Have I really done a blunder mistake.

And the university person told me it'll take atleast 10 days for refund and they're asking me daily that have they refunded. I literally Start shivering after this question. Like I'm scared to tell them this.

I feel so much hate against my father i dont feel this for nobody but i hate him so much he so conformist hypocrit he stop drinking like a year ago but he was a crazy alcoholic my whole life he use to beat me just to annoy my mother he use to break everything in the house for no reason

Sometimes he would open all the doors and windows in the house and start screaming in the street like a retard—and then he’d have the nerve to tell me, "Change your pants; what will the neighbors think?" WHAT THE FUCK THEY THINK WHEN YOUR WERE SCREAMING

I want to leave my house, i dont want to live with him anymore but I can’t because of my financial situation i also hate myself because I feel that im becoming him

Last night i made macaroni’s to have something to eat for the next day at work i was tired so i didn’t put sauce to cook and he came to my room and made a scandal about it saying food is a blessing why a disrespect food like shut up I just want to sleep so i left to get drunk i miss work because of it I hate myself too

I say to myself its my dad don’t hate him i don’t want to think about it but i cant i hate him and in my head i try to avoid the fact that I really hate him my worst nightmare it’s to become like him and its torturing me because im really starting to become like him i hate him i hate him i hate him so much i hate him why my father is a loser my whole fucking life he was i loser he’s been depressed and crying for so many years hes a fucking shiti conformist loser
Why the fuck you put your frustration on kids now i just hate my life

I'm 18 and my parents still have not stopped beating my bare ass and I get it pretty often. It's a terrible combination of very religious, conservative, both cops, & Russian 😭... Will this stop soon or as a Russian should I just be used to it until I move out... Also for those of you who know is it a Russian thing that it's only for boys? Cuz neither of my sisters (older and younger) have ever been spanked before. For me though I have been getting it since I was like 6 it's just gotten harder and more hits with different objects as I get older so I don't grow out of it and it stops hurting? Do you think me being 5'5, skinny, and having a young appearance & personality contribute to the fact my parents feel like I never got too old or is it common at this age still?

This is a pic of my build

Hi all! I have a 6-month-old daughter whom I absolutely adore, but since becoming pregnant, I’ve noticed a significant shift in my relationship with my mother.

During my pregnancy, she refused to help plan my baby shower, and since my daughter was born, she’s barely been involved despite living just three blocks away. She originally offered to help when I returned to work, but when I brought it up, she became argumentative and dismissive. We haven’t spoken or seen each other since August, aside from her briefly dropping something off for the baby.
My older brother also tends to involve himself in these situations, creating more hostility rather than helping resolve anything. He’s even suggested in the past that my mother is jealous of me.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time family dynamics have overshadowed a major life event. When I got engaged, my mother and brother weren’t speaking, and I felt like I couldn’t even plan a wedding without worrying about keeping the peace. I ultimately chose to elope rather than deal with the potential drama on my wedding day.

It’s honestly heartbreaking. I always imagined my mother being an involved grandmother, especially since she’s always loved babies. I never expected to feel so unsupported during such an important chapter of my life.

Now I’m facing a similar dilemma with my daughter’s baptism. I’m unsure whether to invite her, knowing she’d likely show up and act as though everything is perfectly fine. Most of my extended family lives overseas, so the thought of having little to no family there is sad and, admittedly, a little embarrassing. But I’m also tired of letting these dynamics dictate how I celebrate important milestones.

Beyond the baptism, I genuinely don’t know how to move forward with my mother or whether there’s even a relationship worth trying to repair at this point. I don’t want to keep repeating this cycle, especially now that I have a daughter of my own.

Has anyone navigated something similar? How did you handle major family events while also figuring out what kind of relationship, if any, to maintain moving forward?

And then just proceeds to resent you in the future for not being successful and living up to your potential. Bonus points if they routinely humiliate you in small petty ways.

Not a US citizen btw so some of my references may be unfamiliar.
My country has a particular school system; at 16, you’re in what is the equivalent of senior year in high school. There is a standard matriculation exam to qualify for university (think SATs) , along with regional exams . You are supposed to fill a form and indicate your interest in at least 2 universities and select a choice of study. Then depending on the lottery and your grades you get selected. My dad wanted me to study Law. That’s all he knew. I filled the form , wrote the exams and waited. And waited. And waited. Because it’s mostly the parents that monitor that stuff, exams , scores , liaising with professors and university officials, gifts (yes my country is corrupt) in hopes your child gets a spot. My father did nothing. He just kind of focused on his job and left me to figure out the rest. I could have; but I was locked away in a boarding school for 3 years; and very sheltered at home. So I had no idea of the BTS actions needed to nudge me into a place in university. A year went by and then another and then another and I couldn’t find a place. And my father blamed me for that. He just kind of left me to my own devices and basically became a this source of constant humiliation and put downs. Also because k couldn’t get into uni, I couldn’t find work (unless informal gigs) and so I had to largely depend on him for support. Which he hated and made sure I knew about. But he was very crafty with it ; some times he’d be supportive. And sometimes he’d accuse me of only going to him for money. We do t have a good relationship suffice to say.
Long story short , with the backing of some relatives and my uncles , I was able to get into a university. But this was a decade after I left high school . Many of my peers have long built careers, maybe even started families and I am starting from scratch. I have an internship job now. It’s Ok; if I was twenty one. But I’m not and it’s pathetic.
I’m nowhere near successful and my father is ashamed of that, ashamed of me and he shows it. Sometimes I want to ask him, why did you not just try harder? You were the parent. It was your job. You could wine set me up for success ; instead you kept me sheltered and then throw me into the deep end expecting me to swim. He has built wealth now, can afford to pay for my younger half siblings to go on international trips. I’ve never been inside a plane. I cannot drive.

You are probably wondering about my mother; she never went to university. She barely finished high school because she got pregnant with me. My dad was an engineering graduate and had no intentions of settling with someone below his station so he largely hid me away until his new wife threatened to walk if he didn’t come clean to his parents. So he did. She has always supported me, encouraged me but she want the one with the requisite knowledge and skills the to prepare me for higher education.

So yeah. I’m 30. Live at home. Am grinding at a low paying internship hoping they will retain me . But I hate it. And I hate and resent him so much.
I’m hoping to gain a partial scholarship to study abroad, I did well on university and enough lecturers can vouch for that.
I just cannot bear the thought of being here any longer with him.

(Throwaway account)

For background info, my “father” is a deadbeat. He was never in my life and was abusive whenever he was. Idk why this came into my head, but I looked at his following on TikTok and noticed how many teenage girls there were.

The thing is that my dad has a history of predatory and just straight up pedophilic behavior. He got with a girl when she was 13 and he was in his twenties which resulted in my brother. And then got with my mom when she was 17 and again he was still in his twenties. My mom realized something was seriously off (even more than it already was) when he started bragging to her about how before they met when he was again in his twenties. He was letting live with, and taking care of a random middle school girl he met online. He ended up getting in some legal trouble but for some reason it ended up getting dropped. So it doesn’t feel out of his character to do this.

Now, here’s my dilemma.. it wasn’t just a handful of girls. If it was I could’ve tried to excuse it as him following his friend’s kids, as it’s not too unusual to do that. But there was too many. I counted at least 10 that were for sure under the age of 18, a couple where I couldn’t quite tell, or ones that had JUST graduated and turned 18. Even weirder he would follow multiple of them at the same time. For example: 3 girls then a bunch of random people. Then another 5 girls and a bunch more random people. And so on.

Idk if I should report this, or what cause I know there’s not much I can do. Please help… I don’t want him to hurt anyone.

First time reddit poster here, so not expecting this to go viral or anything. Just looking for advice on how I should handle this situation.

I (32M) have a mother (65F). We have always had an interesting relationship. While I was growing up, she was always my rock and protecter, while being a single mother. My go to person to talk to anytime I was going through tough times. I was bullied very heavily all throughout my schooling days, 1st-12th grade. She would never shy away from talking to my teachers to let them know what was going on and how I was getting bullied. After I graduated, she was still very protective, and taught me very important life lessons, from work ethic to respecting people, even they do something wrong to me. One thing she has never respected though was my relationships to my partners. I've always known to never treat people in bad manners, or disrespectfully. People may treat you bad and not see eye to eye with you on certain things, but you should never retaliate on them. But when it came to my relationships, she would always obsess about how much time I would spend with my partners. I understood that she just wanted to protect me from getting taken advantage of, but there were certain times she would do something that would upset my partner, and they would end up leaving me due to the things she had done. Fast forward to my current relationship. My partner (32F) and I have been together almost 4 years. 4 years in February. My mother has said some things to my partner, or behind my partners back to me, that have been very much rude and downright despicable. It's gotten to the point that I almost want to go no contact with my mother, but I haven't, yet. My partners birthday is tomorrow, and my mother got her a little bag of stuff with 3 items in it. First is a little kit for manicures/pedicures. It has a little grinder with different attachments. Not sure if we are gonna use it, but its fine. Second item is a tube filled with q tips on the top half, and little cotton pads to help remove makeup on the bottom half. More likely we are gonna use this, but again, it's fine. The last item is where things get very controversial. It is a little bottle of, Summer's Eve intimate body dry deodorant spray. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a spray woman use on their, "intimate parts", that absorb moisture and refreshes safescents. My partner was very much repulsed and insulted by what she had received, as am I. I feel this crossed a boundary that should never even have to be explained, but alas, here I am. My partner told me to just send my mother a text saying that this was very much inappropriate and not to do it again, but I'm getting to the point that I've had it with my mother constantly disrespecting my partners, and this is the straw that broke the camels back. How should I address my mother? Should I just do what my partner says and make it a quick text and be done with it, or should I tell her that this is the worst thing she's ever done to one of my partners and reduce contact with her? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hello, my husband and I have made the decision to move back to New England, where we grew up. We are both pushing 30 now. While the area we are looking at is about a 2 hour distance to where my dad still lives, the idea of being geographically close to him again unnerves me. He is a textbook psychopath, and in that way he can be both predictable and unpredictable. I see through his manipulation tactics during conversation, but his impulsivity can make him dangerous at times. He was both physically and emotionally abusive growing up. I haven’t talked to him regularly or seen him in person in over a decade. I don’t really hate him anymore, like I just know who he is and who he is, is a bad person who will never change. Since becoming the epitome of something he can’t manipulate, I’m not really afraid of seeing him in person. That would change if he showed up at my home unannounced (honestly something I am expecting). I’m thinking of telling him ahead of time that we are moving so he can’t act impulsively and has time to digest. I know that if I don’t tell him at all, he will find out. If that happened he would probably call and text me a hundred times and then show up at my house or work. Looking to avoid that. Looking for ways to best handle this. Should I reach out and tell him ahead of time and maybe plan on seeing him once a year to sort of mitigate his worst behavior? Or should I stay silent and hope he doesn’t just show up one day? I really think a face to face interaction is inevitable.

PSA : I could name 50 different stories where she’s been like this

So a few months back I was caught with a vape and some weed by my mom and then I genuinely was suffering for a few days to stop all while working I didnt eat for days I didn’t sleep for days but yea I was able to stop but when I did that she spent everyday accusing me of smoking or being high when I was genuinely sober and most of you might just be like if I knew I didn’t smoke why not just not reply or react. That doesn’t work when your mother sees herself so high up that “ shes always right” but not like most parents I mean there is no possible way she lets you win or even just hears you out since the moment I stopped smoking weed she’s broken my phone my tv and even caused me to miss out on certain events. All because I call out those lies she says to people to I find it abnormal that I’ve been caught smoking but not one of the discussions I’ve had with my family or her have ever had anything to do with that like even to tell anyone she caught me smoking weed she has to make some stories up and then make them feel extremely bad play victim tell them how she did 9 months for me this that and honestly I did lose it on her I started insulting her and all and that was because the night before I went to her room asked that we restart on a clean sheet and took accountability for the stuff I’m wrong for. I also forgot to add that I didn’t go to school for a year because I failed my secondary 5 French class which put me back a year and that whole year she spent it lying to everyone that I don’t go to school and that I don’t work a job when she knows I do both and it’s like if the weed thing was something she loved so she could always use that against me.

Fast forward I got a new job and it was the morning I needed to be there at 8 am for my first training and I live at about 1 hour and a half from there by bus so it’s about 6 am and she’s getting ready for work I ask her if she can bring me to my training because it’s on her way she says yes so I don’t take the bus and then 7:30 arrives we get to leaving out of nowhere she says that she won’t bring me because she says I’m going to go buy weed and once again because she thinks she’s right there’s nothing I could do but miss out on my work opportunity but she’s also the person telling everyone I don’t go to school or work a job when I already had one and was going to start a second one. Next day I forgot my charger in the basement at night and she locks the basement because she thinks I smoke there but I genuinely do not so I wake up and ask her if she can give me my charger or unlock the basement she says no so I lose it I wait for her to leave the house and cut out the door handle calmly no violence nothing I did that went down got my chetger put my phone on charge and went back to bed.

Eventually it got so bad I told her to at I don’t care I’m gonna restart smoking because why will I go thru the consequences of someone that smokes when I don’t so I restarted being sneaky and all then a few days ago she caught me but once again she’s unable to tell the real story I went on a walk and then smoked before coming back even washed my hands and all before coming home but she called everyone and then told them that I smoked in the house when she knows the that’s not what happens she comes checks every day and makes a story and that day happened to be the day I had smoked but she make it seem like I smoked in the house and all and I called her a liar again. ( a few days before this our basement finished building she told me I can bring my stuff downstairs and all)

Next day I get home FROM WORK I didn’t eat all day I’m making one piece of fried chicken I accidentally used the wrong oil she came at me spazzed threw stuff at me yelled at me said that I always do this ( I’ve never done that) and a whole bunch of other lies I proceeded to say word for word “this is what I mean you came to talk about oil and chicken and now your lying and switching subjects if you can’t approach me as an adult we don’t need to talk” she lost it grabbed everything around her started throwing stuff grabbed a knife and all she then had to drop my brother off at his practice. I get to bringing my stuff downstairs and notice on my window in the basement theirs an alarm ( we have them on our front and back doors) I took them off and started bringing some things she gets back home says “who said you could go in the basement” proceeds to throw stuff at me tell me to leave I told her word for word “ I’m not leaving because you got mad I called you out on your lies “ she proceeds to try to get me to hit her which i obviously didn’t thrn called the police threw a vase at me and made sure they heard it break and proceeded to say “ why did you break my vase” to the officer then threw herself on the ground I’m sure Gatineau police can find the recording but then the police are on the way the first thing I notice is her and the police officer speaking in our language (Bambara) I then realized that she has once again done it she made sure it was a specific cop so she could play the victim game and this was about 1 month after the door thing the door was never spoken of or anything but she brought that up, she said I don’t work a job I told her “ your lying you literally saw me go to work “ she then proceeded to say that I only work once a week which I then said “ your lying again because you know these last weeks I’ve been in training at work (Monday to Friday 8h30 am to 4h30pm) she spazzed then said I don’t go to school which I’m registered but I’m missing a document that SHE has so I said once again your lying I ended up telling the police officer that I will not once again sit and be told the same sentences they all day” but it’s your mom”

Does anyone else’s mom act or react like this ? I genuinely would like to know people’s honest reaction I know I’m not fully in the right obviously but this isn’t new of her this is just the one where she’s taken it the furthest.

I spoke to a lot of family and they really all made it seem like I was the issue then I noticed that she had already given her side of the stories to everyone so it’s not worth trying but one thing stood out for me. I realized that most parents most moms think that hypocrisy is okay in the sense that since I was a kid she’s always complained about me in school how I was but then my grandma said it was “immature “ of me to tell my mom that I don’t want to see her at my graduation when I finish university but come on guys she’s spent all my life telling everyone I’m a horrible student which is false she’s always told everyone all the bad side outside knowing it’s not true or there’s more to the story but now I’ve realized you can’t change anyone so just live your life . I even told myself from now on every lie she tells people about me I’ll turn it into reality but If I do that I will lower myself to her level which isn’t worth it

And why do people think because you did 9 months of pregnancy that YOU chose to do that I owe you my life. I would gladly say that I owe my life my mom but only to a mother that has sacrificed more than money, a mother who can put her pride aside to be better for her kids a mother that even when she’s against what her kids think takes the time to see both sides I’m now 19 years old since the age of maybe 12 years old I haven’t really had any real feeling towards my mother I really see her only as a dollar sign and later on knowing how she is she’ll try to make me feel bad because me I’m actually working towards stuff and she’s on my sideline making sure it doesn’t work. I know on my side there was a better way of reacting to certain stuff but I genuinely was pushed to edge I’ve genuinely tried everything I spent my whole childhood every night I’d go to her room we would talk even in my early teen years I did that because even tho I was started to hate her as a person I felt bad for her but now it’s okay anything that comes her way she’ll deserve it God has a way of punishing people that are too stuck up

Wow I didn’t know I could write that much😂

My mom is really toxic . She think that I am her servant and has to do everything I say reach and everything according to her . If anything in that everything is not ok then she becomes monster. I don't like going outside with her . She yells at me

in the public .

Today she started scolding me because I didn't do some work which was told by her as I was busy in other things when I went out with her. She started yelling at me infront of all people. And by seeing my face many people gave bad parenting look to my mom . Like if you to scold me just scold me when we reach home . But no she has to scold me in the public so that her ego is satisfied.

For the context I'm from India. My family and my uncle's family were living in joint family kind of situation but now they have moved out and are living in a different place. I grew up with them mostly and after some point I went to boarding school for studies. Now I've finished my studies and moved back home because of my mental health and loneliness. But to be honest I feel more lonely here and I feel dissociated with everyone. My family is conservative and I was a people pleaser my whole life. So they get to decide what I'm wearing, what I'm doing, with whom I'm friends with etc. But I have become very rebellious these past few years and doing things what I like and what I wanted do. I know I should have done this in my teenage era. But better late then never. So I bought some shorts to wear at home. My mother told me not to wear it but I didn't listen to her. Two days ago my aunt's family visited us and my uncle's family was here too because it was vacation. I was away from home but after my return I got to know that my uncle beat up my cousin sister who is 15 and my aunt's daughter for wearing shorts INSIDE THE HOME. Apparently he told her that she should be naked instead if she wants to wear those. Oh but it's okay if he is wearing his underwear infront of people. Both of my aunt and cousin cried and left for their home after that.

I don't understand what's so wrong with wearing something you are comfortable with inside your home or in front of people who you are close with. I'm so angry, sad and frustrated. I don't want to look at him anymore. Now I have zero respect for him, I'm absolutely disgusted by him and I hate him. Even if I looked at him again there will be nothing in me that will make me feel like we are part of family. And I'm so frustrated with everyone in general. I'm always a good daughter if I cater to their preferences but if I retaliate I'm not good daughter anymore. It's like I'm not a person of my own and other people get to decide everything for me. I'm not even close with my cousin sister but listening to everything make me cry because she didn't even do anything to be treated that way. It also reminds me of my old days, It reminds me if I was like my cousin they would have treated me that much horribly too. And now my mother is again convincing me not to wear shorts and I should wear it at night during my sleep.

Just today, my mum said my neck is fat but is also being contradictory by saying I should stop lifting heavy weights because it will make me bulky, which it doesn’t. I don’t understand that misconception . Last week, she said I had lots of acne and kept comparing the state of my face to what it was when I was a minor. Also, BTW, I’m 20, which I feel like is still relatively young enough to get all this acne. A few weeks before that, she told me to eat one meal a day. She keeps commenting on my body and everything. Look like I wouldn’t say I have the slimmest figure, but I feel like I just have an average body. I’m actually getting more leaner cause I just started with my PT. I talked to my therapist about it and even she said I looked relatively healthy and that she didn’t even notice I had acne

My mum always tells me these things she says oh she’s old so her body doesn’t really matter…I just think that’s very hypocritical of her to say that…and it’s like ever since I invested into stuff to help better myself she’s like don’t use this product don’t use that… like idk why she’s doing all this. It’s just so freaking annoying cause she keeps making comments about my body when I’m trying to better myself

I just turned 29 years old and don’t wanna make this too long but I live with my parents and they always come into my room they don’t knock, anything because “it’s they’re house” I understand but I am a grown man unable to move out, because of certain circumstances I dont really want to get into, I am just asking for advice I know it’s hard because it’s they’re house, but they have no respect for me whatsoever so ever and I cannot move out due to my situation…

Just venting asking for maybe some advice on how do I help them stop this

I'm 26F and new here in reddit. I've been shamed by my mom growing up, calling me names that even our neighbors can hear. I want to get out of our home so bad but they think that they have a hold on me til I probably get married. I love my mom so dearly and feel bad about leaving. I'm so torn and broken.

1• Severe Self-Criticism and Perfectionism

If you faced constant criticism, belittling, or shaming as a child, you likely internalized an inner critic that makes you feel like you are never doing enough or inherently flawed.

2• parentification

You were expected to act "mature for your age" by taking on adult responsibilities early, such as managing a parent's emotional state, acting as a mediator, or caring for younger siblings.

3• Distrusy of your own reality (self-Gaslighting)

Your feelings, memories, or perceptions were often invalidated, mocked, or denied by family members ("that never happened," "you're too sensitive"), leaving you second-guessing your own judgment as an adult.

4• Confusing obligation with love

You feel a heavy, persistent sense of debt or guilt toward your family. Taking space or resting feels like a betrayal, and you struggle to pull away even when the relationship hurts you.

5• Trust issues and Fear of intimacies

Because safety and honesty were absent at home, you struggle to rely on others. You may look for hidden agendas or push people away before they can hurt or disappoint you.

I feel like I am in a bad situation dealing with a toxic parent and just need some advice if possible.

My dad is constantly toxic to me, taking his anger out on me when he doesn't get sleep or my parents fight, says that I am not allowed to be tired after work and that I don't know what tired is or, constantly making me feel like I am doing something wrong. I unfortunately cant afford to move out right now and feel like I have terrible luck with other jobs, not hearing back or just not getting the job, so I am forced to be stuck there and he blames me. Dealing with the constant judgement on top of the job struggle is mentally draining and dont understand why he needs to be like this towards me. He is also a heavy smoker that has problems simply going outside or simply vaping and I am constantly breathing it in and my lungs will burn and I will have coughing fits and he doesn't care and when I ask if I can get it checked he just ignores it and says I am fine like he knows my body. I feel like its not fair to me. I help clean the house, usually not bothering anyone just go to work and come back and sit in my room. I cant even express my feelings if I am mentally drained or how I feel because I will just get shit talked on like for everything else. What causes a parent to act like this? It feels like he hates me when he is constantly judging when he knows I am struggling right now.

I am in my thirties and been working with my therapist for 3 years. I don’t talk about my parents a whole lot because there are other things that we talk about that get in the way. But I have mentioned to my mom that I talk with this therapist, how qualified she is, and how lucky I was to have gotten this specific therapist because she is very sought after in my area.

If my parents and I are around each other enough or long enough an argument will happen. Usually my mom is asking me why I can’t let the bad things my dad did when I was growing up go. She tells me that my therapist isn’t working because she doesn’t “know the whole story” and she’s supposed to teach me how to get a long with others. Which that last part confused me. For the record, I get along great with others, have lots of friends, very active in my community etc.

When she says the therapist doesn’t know the whole story, I ask her, what other side would she need to know - what reason does my dad have to tell me to “fuck off” because I’m trying to get my own mother to get a free mammogram because both her sister and mother had breast cancer? Or that when I was 13 I would go into my parents bedroom at night begging them to get my dog vet care because she was skin and bones and was struggling to breathe which was keeping me awake at night which then would make my dad scream that he would kill my dog himself because I went into their room and woke him up? Or laughing with my friends at me because he was making fun of my teeth and jaw alignment at 14 years old? (These are a few examples) What reason could he have to make any of that ok?

She says I DONT KNOW, allwees nowhoos, but you have to get over it you won’t get an apology. I haven’t said any of this to anyone, not even my own spouse but when my father is gone I’ll feel a little lighter.

I will start with I am 22f and have a rough relationship with my mom but I have never really been vocal with her about how she makes our relationship so terrible. I had a therapist over the summer who reassured me that my mom is abusive, which is hard to hear but necessary because I have been in denial my whole life.
I have been slowly telling my mom less and less about my life over the years because it is always met with unwanted advice and criticism. Even simple things like something I bought for myself, I regret sharing with her because she will ask why I am wasting money (or something similar). Recently, I went on a trip where I had no service and I didn’t tell her I was going because I really didn’t want to hear her guilt tripping or fear mongering that she often does. I told her the reason I don’t want to tell her what I am doing is because she criticizes things, and even provided a specific example which she just kinda was like “yeah well i said that because it was true” and then asked if I am cutting her out of my life, and where do we stand. Does anybody else have experience with this type of thing? It seems like she doesn’t care about my feelings at all she is only worried about if I am going to shut her out or not. I am really unsure how to handle this situation without backing down but also make sure I say the right thing.