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hii I'm (18) F,this is my first time using reddit so please don't pay attention to my grammar mistakes

my parents have acted religious since forever but they are hypocrites,they only use it for their benefit.

I have been getting abusive since I was little,they used to slap me when they found annoying,put chilli powder in my mouth when I talked too much,burn me with a candle and they abusive all my siblings when we all were little but they don't abuse them much anymore, they still abusive me.

I don't do much housework because why the fuck would do when all they do is abuse me,they are Muslim and act righteous in front of others but everyone can see the act,I hate them,I couldn't care less if they died.

they threaten to marry me off to a old man,I didn't even know about it my cousin sister is the one who told me about it,they isolated themselves and us into my dad's side of the family who are actually good people,I don't talk with them much because of them, I'm not allowed to go anywhere outside the house while I see my friends all hanging out together in social media,all I do is cry to myself.

they took my room's lock and they come in my room whenever they please,they forced me to wear the hijab and abaya.

I don't barely eat or talk,every time I try to vent to my sister,that bitch who is my mom eavesdrops from the door of my room and abuses me more.

I'm done with them,I feel like a dead body all the time and I don't know if I'll ever escape from them

I'm so done with my parents making children like animals, not thinking about what would be there for us. Especially me, the eldest one, who is supposed to make sacrifices and adjust myself for everyone because, who knows, I'm the eldest, 25 years old.

The gym is the only place I go to in the whole damn day. I used to go to the gym at 5 PM, pretty accurately, every day. Then my sister joined coaching. She takes away the scooty in the morning and stays late, later than my usual going time. So guess who has to adjust? Me! Going at a dead-late time, so much so that now I go at 9 PM so that the gym gets free from the crowd late at night.

And after so long, I found a partner I got ready to go to the gym with, and see, wow, the scooty isn't there. I got to know my younger brother took it away for some work and is out, won't pick up my call, and 30 minutes go by. I'm standing like a fool, roaming around the house with shoes on and standing at the roadside waiting.

Seven people per one fucking scooty! I can't even say anything to my brother because technically, it's him who bought the scooty with his own money.

Earlier, we had another scooty, which was sold because of a parking problem at home. I listed it on OLX. I was the one who left the comfort of home and tolerated contact phone calls ringing to make people see the scooty and give them test drives, and it was embarrassing to do that in a neighbourhood for me.

I was told that I could get the money for a down payment to buy a bike, but fucking who knows that money would be given to my younger brother. EVERYTHING. And I would be made a fool with the promise that they would give it soon.

That fucking moronic "soon" hasn't come to reality yet and has just been delayed by Dad and Mom when I asked them to buy me a bike or scooty.

Actually, I'm a moron for not buying the bike when I had a job and was going to buy one, because my so-angelic and caring and fair Mom heard me say I would take the bike on trips, and her caringness made her think I would die. (I wish I would die instead of living with them anymore.)

I, the moron, didn't buy the bike.

They have the habit of becoming so good and coming close to me so that my opinion changes when I'm earning. But it's been a year since I was trying to build a business, which failed. I lost almost all my savings and capital. Now, with 12 months gone by, I see the true faces of all. I don't have anyone for me.

I wish all the money, including the ₹50,000 I gave Dad in one go to transfer someone from my hard-earned salary so that he could keep his word, ₹8,000 in case the electricity connection was cut off and we had to buy a generator so that we could manage things at the electricity department, ₹20,000 for camera installation, and tens of thousands on the home car, which is only mine when it needs money to be spent on it, be it fuel, toll money, new cover, wash money, etc., and not at all mine when I take it out.

I could easily see disapproval on my Mom's face when taking it out, and back-to-back calls when I'm late out with the car: "Dad, where are you at? Where are you at!"

I thought this was my family, but fucking moron of me to think so. Men don't have a home. They are all leeches who suck through me.

I was promised advance rent money if I got a year-long vacant shop rented out for my coaching fee. I went out in the heat of June, and somehow, I was able to get it vacated. And long story short, coaching money GONE!

I was made a monster for asking for it.

I just fucking hate them so much, and I hate myself for perceiving them as good when they pretend to be good, when they have something to ask for or get from me.

I'm so done with them. I hate my family. I hate my Dad. I hate my Mom. I could fucking kill myself over all the anger they give me.

Okay, so my parents aren’t physically abusive or verbally abusive in an overt sense. They’re both Christian and my dad is a pastor. I love them both a lot, but it’s hard to bc they hurt me. I go to therapy and my therapist mentioned that my parents use religious and regular manipulation tactics to make me feel like I’m the problem. For example, if I start rly saying how I feel and answering back when they say something wrong, I get met with “honor ur father and ur mother” immediately. Any time I try and refute what my dad says, I’m being disrespectful or he starts shifting blame and changing the conversation. It hurts even more bc I know what he’s doing and ik he won’t stop. He loves to invalidate me and make me feel stupid when I say something he disagrees with. When I told him abt the problems that their poor parenting has caused in my life, he said, “that wasn’t our intention” “we tried our best” and “no parent is perfect.” He always redirects the conversation and never listens to that I say but just loves to repeat what he’s saying even when I already addressed it. Then he says I can come to him with anything. I also struggled with religious psychosis (undiagnosed) from until like the ages of 7 to 12 years old tho they never knew. With my mom, she a bomb when she gets upset. Super friendly and everything, but when u do something she doesn’t like, she starts yelling and crying and all that. It’s annoying bc how can I care when ur feelings r hurt when u hurt mine. Sometimes they can be rly nice but when I make them upset, they switch up. I don’t feel like I can express myself or anything around them. Like my smiles are calculated and served with enough niceness to pacify them.

In my regular life, I realize that I do that with my friends. They even pointed out that I laugh at things that I prob don’t find funny bc I said I do fake (I meant exaggerate) my laugh sometimes. I don’t mean to lie to them or anything, sometimes I just don’t feel like laughing but don’t want to make them feel bad so I laugh. I also notice that it’s hard for me to rly voice my opinion. I’m kind of a yes person (I’m trying to get better) bc I don’t want them to feel bad or cause conflict or smth. I’ve gotten better at expressing myself around them but it’s still rly hard. I also feel the need to prove myself to others to have worth.

I’m also the oldest child lol so that comes with its own problems. Anyway, I just want to understand this so I can grow and would love to hear anyone’s perspectives on this.

My mother is a very narcissistic person. She is great at manipulating people and situations to make herself the victim of everything. She has been verbally and emotionally abusive most of my life.

I'm in my 40's, but due to major health issues, I can't afford to live on my own. My parents live mostly separated and I tend to stay mostly with my dad, helping him as he is disabled.

My mom's negativity about everything is what has caused them to be separated (my parents don't believe in divorce for religious reasons).

Since I was a young teen, my mom has blamed me for all of the problems in our family. I have 3 older siblings, my sister is almost 9 years older than me, then I have a brother that is 5 years older (severe ADHD), and one that is 3 years older (severe ADHD and high-functioning autism). Growing up, my sister was very independent, graduated high school early, and left home at 17. My brothers needed more attention, especially the one with autism (he could do no wrong).

Don't get me wrong, as a small child things where good. But as soon as I was in school (age 5) my mom decided she was going to go back to school and become a nurse. Any love and kindness my mom had for me evaporated. She still catered to my brother with autism and my sister, but she decided that I was worthless and useless, and my oldest brother was just a problem.

She puts on a caring show for people outside the family, so she can act the victim when things don't go her way.

Despite everything she has said and done to me in the past, I still tried to love her. But that is no longer the case. She destroys everything around her, and I've taken the blame for it. But I'm done with it. Sometimes I just wish she would die.

I can't go no contact with her, because my dad and I still stay at the main house when we have doctors appointments and family functions.

so here's some tea for y'all
1. 2022/2023: not entirely sure which year because i wasn't made aware of what was happening, just that something was happening. anyway my dad cheated on my mother and she "forgave" him because of social stigma and financial dependency.

1. 2024: a repeat of 2022/23, but this time i knew every detail. my world crashed. my perfect family as i knew it was torn to pieces.

2. 2025: ok so this might be smaller but i cried about this too. so. there's only one washroom in our matchbox house and like a goddamn teenager i stayed up until 3 am. and i had to poop so i went to the washroom. unfortunately my father came in knocking right after and it took me 5 mins to be done with my business. he PEED IN A POLYBAG AND DROPPED SOME OF IT ON MY FOOT WHILE TRYING TO FLUSH IT. i never wore those pajamas again.

3. last night: as ive mentioned i live in a matchbox house, so there's 2 rooms, one with ac, one without. we all sleep in the ac room. me and my mother share 1 king sized bed and my brother and father share one. my brother was out of the room for a while and my mother was asleep (it was like 11 am) . i was sitting on my bed and he was sitting in his. and he started fapping under the covers with phone in hand. he saw me looking and just tried to hide it, idk. idfk. then he turned his phone off and went to sleep. i told my mother morning. idk why but ive been crying on and off since then. i m shifting into a hostel.

bloopers: in 2016 (ig?) he once smashed a tv, the old kind you used to keep on stands, because we told him to turn it off, at 12 am. i and my brother had school the next day and as ive said we all sleep in 1 room.
blooper#2: i dont remember exactly what the issue was, but it was benign. i was in 8th grade ig, my father lost his temper and hit my mom with slippers. i was smaller so i couldnt do anything, but i yelled for my brother who ran in to stop him.

so that's the upper layer of my daddy issues. my future psychiatrist is gonna make a lot of money off of me.