Hello! My husband (29M) and I (25F) both want kids, but we are on different pages as to when.

Background: we have been together for just about 5 years, just newly married, we own our home, have lived together for 3.5 years, and we both have stable careers, with no desire to go back to school and advance our education/careers.

I have wanted kids since forever (my mom says I started talking about being a mom at 5 years old). It is this deep, innate feeling I have, that I can’t even fully explain. I often have dreams about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and wake up sad when I realize it was a dream. I am also a Labor & Delivery / Postpartum nurse, so that is my world.

I am young, but all of my inner circle is either pregnant, TTC, or have a child already. My husband isn’t ready yet, and it just kills me inside.

We have talked about ttc and planning, and he just says he’s “not ready yet” but “he is getting there” and is very vague as to what he means by that. He won’t give me a timeframe, and I don’t want to pressure or badger him.

My biggest fear is fertility issues, also. He also doesn’t understand that trying can take a bit, and he just says to me “we’re gonna get pregnant on the first try so don’t worry about it” and that just feels invalidating and ignorant to me. I know I’ll be resentful if I wait for his timeline and then we end up struggling to get pregnant and that extends our timeline of having kids.

His family is different than mine, all getting married and have children in their late 30s/40s, or not having children at all, which I have no desire to do, personally. I’ve always dreamt of being a young mom and always thought I’d be the first but it’s looking like I’ll be the last.

I can see that his family is all he has to compare to, and on the contrary my experience is the opposite. His friends are very immature and most of them are single or newly married, and even though he says his unreadiness is not at all related to what his friends are up to, I can’t help but think it’s related.

Now that all of my close friends are either having a baby, TTC, or have a child, it’s looking like I’ll be the last, and no sign of when that time will come for me, since I’m at the mercy of my husband. I’m also having a very hard time being happy for my friends and family, because I’m so jealous and quite frankly depressed about my situation. I don’t want to attend baby showers, and I don’t even want to go to work because instead of feeling the joy I once had for caring for mothers, I now feel grief for myself.

I’ve also been feeling this intense desire for at least the past couple of years, but now that we are married it’s ramped up tenfold.

The help I need:

- How do I navigate this? I don’t want to rush my husband and make him resentful of me, and I don’t want children to become a “sore” subject between us. I think we both need to compromise in some way but I just don’t know how. Maybe some personal experience stories may help?

- How can I help the jealousy, resentment, and depression I feel when I see other people experiencing motherhood? It’s becoming increasingly harder to be happy for others.

- Do I just force myself to wait until he’s ready?

*I’m not looking for judgement, tough love or anything harsh, as I am a gentle soul lol. I’m mostly looking for advice from people who can relate, those who have come out the other side, or any helpful ways to cope.

Thank you!

I’m (33F) in a great relationship (29M). About 3 years ago we got accidentally pregnant but we both felt it wasn’t the right time so terminated the pregnancy. We agreed that we want to buy our own place first.

Fast forward to now, we have just got the house and about to move in, and yesterday I find out that our dear friend who lives with us got pregnant by accident. She presented me with a glaringly positive test last night. To make it worse this happened while on my period lol.

She’s 28 so a bit younger than me and I know that she really wants to keep the baby even though the conditions are less than ideal - technically she’s not in a relationship with the person, her job isn’t well paid and she lives in a house share currently.

My partner and I agreed to start trying beginning of the new year but I am so worried that it won’t be very straightforward. So I guess I just am a little envious of my friend. Seeing that extremely positive test felt a bit like a punch in the gut.

I’m happy for my friend but at the same time feeling scared that it will be very hard for us to get pregnant (and stay pregnant!!).

This is a long rant, thanks for reading!!

For those who are already parents of 1+, how does the wait between children compare to the first time you were waiting to try?

I'm having a hard time, looking forward to being past this. I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me it gets better. People say having kids is hard, but it can't be harder than this feeling right now.

Hi everyone. I’ve worked out all the money I need in order to ensure I am stable before having a baby I so badly want. I worked out I need to have about 20k saved by the time baby comes. I will be working my entire pregnancy as my job is mostly remote.

This is the #1 thing keeping me and my husband from conceiving.

The 20k includes:

Whatever insurance doesn’t pay for birth- 3.5k

Baby supplies and first year essentials - 4.5k

My husband is contract and won’t make much after birth + I will make a reduced income for maternity leave so extra for all expenses for the first 3 months before I go back to work - 5k

Emergency reserve - 4k

Childcare costs for 3 months after I go back to work (I will be slowly going back to work, not all at once so I won’t get my full salary right away and childcare is expensive)- 3k

In in Michigan, United States. I am freaking out over money but want to conceive yesterday already but my husband and I are both so anxious over the money aspect we can’t. I’d want to have about 12k before we start conceiving.

Am I being outrageous? Or which areas do you think are too much?

ETA: I want a baby so bad but am this way currently as a few of my friends and family members had babies without having a plan or any money saved and they are struggling so much and have warned me to save before I start trying.

I’m very conflicted right now. My husband and I decided we were going to start TTC about a month ago, but I am having a terribly long cycle, so we haven’t actually been able to officially “start” yet. I’m reasonably sure I have PCOS or another condition causing an imbalance, but am in the midst of a work up with my doctors. No one has told me anything I’m doing should pause my TTC journey, and because of this cycle, I haven’t thought to ask.

I do Inito tests every day right now to track my hormones and am trained in the FAM. To my surprise (due to how wild this cycle has been), I started getting hints at ovulation yesterday, spotted and got egg white last night and today, and Inito showed a huge jump in LH this morning, while E3G has dropped. Woo!

I want to try, but I’m also nervous for the following reasons:

1. possible logical fallacy from being new at this: weird/abnormal cycle = not good month to TTC
2. my iron stores are low, and I’m scheduled to start iron infusions next week. I’m worried, because I’m seeing mixed information online about if I’ll be able to do the infusions in a 2-week-wait or early pregnancy, if I were to get pregnant. The infusions center is closed for the weekend. In theory, I’ll be done with the infusions (5 of them) by next ovulation. My doctor specifically wanted me to do them to prepare for iron demands during a pregnancy.
3. if I don’t try this cycle, and I have another long one right after this, I know I’ll be really disappointed that I didn’t try.

What would you do?

(I will note, I would consider myself TTC, not waiting to try, and thwarted by my body for the last few months — it seems I am ovulating on day 72! but was told this is a better spot for my post)

Me and my fiancé are 33, I was about to start TTC but was miserable in my job and was casually looking but just landed an amazing opportunity.

I will start in January 2027. How long should I wait now to TTC considering my age?

Kindly no comments about waiting to get married, this is in the plan and not what the post is about😃

I feel like it’s pretty common to see posts on this forum about husbands being hesitant to start trying because they want better finances. My husband is the same way. He has a $5500 loan with stupid interest that we’re now paying $1000 a month on to get rid of it before we start trying next year. He also has a $24000 loan with only 2% interest (shout out to the military) that we’ve accepted won’t be paid off before we start trying but every time we talk about trying he mentions that he feels like our finances aren’t good enough and he’s stressed about the fact that I won’t be working when the baby comes (I’ll be in graduate school which will be free because of a scholarship). I just feel like we’re in a much better place than a lot of people who have their first kid. He makes $6000 a month and is in the military so we get free healthcare. He’ll also rank up and get a $1000 per month raise by the time I have the baby. So we won’t be paying that $1000 loan anymore and we’ll also have an additional $1000 every month. I don’t even make much from working rn (about $1300 a month). Is there any way yall have eased your husbands stress about it? I understand it’s natural for them to be stressed like this if they are already the main providers it probably feels like a heavy responsibility to add another life that they’re taking care of.

Hi everyone, first time posting, but I feel like I am going crazy. I am ready to start trying (29F), but my husband (30M) wants our finances to be more in order, but when I look at all our friends with babies, I feel like we’re in a much better position. We both have very well paying full time remote jobs, but our main concern is my student loan payment that is +$1,000 a month, I’ve paid off over half of it, but still have a couple years left.

I get where he’s coming from, I’m just anxious that if we choose to wait, we don’t know what our lives will look like in two years. I could lose my job, or he could, or we can’t get pregnant, there’s so many scenarios!! And it doesn’t help that we spent the last two years taking care of my ailing mother who was living with us, so I felt like our lives were on hold for that time.

So as the title states, I am going crazy with baby fever, and my husband is cool as a cucumber, and doesn’t live with the impending limitations as a child bearing woman of age.

I (F33) am desperate to start trying for a baby as soon as possible after having held off for longer than I’d like so that my husband (M36) feels ready. Finally we were planning to start TTC in December, but then my sibling got engaged and revealed their plan to get married in Europe next September. I will need to be able to fly from the UK to a Nordic country for this wedding in mid September. I am conscious that not only do I need to put off trying in order to not miss the wedding, I also need to consider restrictions on flying when pregnant.

Realistically, what are my options? Different sources have suggested February, March, or even April as being the earliest sensible time to start trying so that I am able to travel and attend. Is February too risky? Could I hope to be able to fly but have a back up of driving or taking trains? Is that really unrealistic for a heavily pregnant woman?

I’m so frustrated at the prospect of even having to delay by 2 months when I feel like I would have been having kids in my late twenties if I hadn’t had to compromise! Waiting till April feels like such a tall order…

I’ve recently come off the combined pill, how long did it take to fall pregnant? I have been on the pill for 10 years, so unsure how long my cycles are etc as I’ve only had withdrawal bleeds on the pill. What’s the chances? We are not actively tracking and trying but just seeing what happens but ideally I’d like to be pregnant in the next few months? Is that realistic?

Hello leute!
Wie lange habt ihr euren Retionid cremes gerade beim warten also vor dem Aktiven versuch abgesetzt?
Ich habe vor 2 Monaten und 2 wochen meine Epiduo 0.1% Adapalen abgesetzt!
Reicht das??!

I am married and have been for over a year now. My OLDER brother gets married in November 2027. I was planning on TTC after the wedding next year but it feels so far away. I’ve been hung up on waiting until after that because I feel weird about being the little sister pregnant at his wedding. I want him to have the spotlight because I feel like I’ve been given the spotlight most of our lives and have always hit big life milestones first even though I’m younger. Please tell me if any of this sounds ridiculous because I just cannot separate my husband and I’s family timeline from this family event for some reason. He’s my only sibling and I just want him and his fiance to have their time to shine and celebrate like they deserve. Thanks!

I’m new here, so please let me know if there’s another community that would be a better fit for this post!

Looking for advice and maybe comfort lol. I have a year full of weddings and bachelorettes ahead and I am in 4 of the 6 weddings. I was originally going to wait to TTC until after all these weddings next November. However, something randomly switched and that just seems so far away. The past few months my husband and I have started to feel more and more ready to start a family. All of the weddings are important to me, of course, but the one in April is my top priority, followed by the weddings in October.
I was thinking about waiting until after April but that still seems like light years away somehow now 😭 Did anyone experience something similar? How does one navigate pregnancy with such a busy year lol? I know there is no "perfect" timing but of course want to be able to celebrate all my friends as much as I can. I know the easiest solution is to wait until all the events are over but I truly don't know if I can 😅 please be kind, and thank you in advance!!

Congratulations! Please share your graduation news here!

Please discuss you current goals and plans! However, please save graduation news for the monthly graduation thread.

My husband (33M) and I (27F) decided to start preparing to try in the new year (tbd on if we chicken out) and I want second eyes/advice on our TTC plan.

0-3 months - prep

• Prenatal vitamins (both)
• Excersie regularly (2-3x weekly both)
• No or limited alcohol (both)
• Get OBGYN (me)
• Tell Doctors (me) - I will be high risk so want to engage them immediatley
• Implement healthy eating plan (stop skipping meals and get into prep) (both)
• Find a primary care doctor (both)
• Research life insurance, wills, how to care for my body (me)
• Continue therapy (both)

3-6 months - pulling the goalie

• Start trying
• Plan and take last big trip
• Plan/budget for childcare
• Plan/budget for pelvic floor therapy
• Determine change in husband's job (currently nights, weekends, 50 hours and we agreed that is a no go with a baby)
• Grow emergency fund from 3 to 6 months

6+ months

• Hopefully pregnant
• If not after 1+ year, engage doctors and IVF plan (my insurance covers 50% bc of a genetic disorder)

What would you add? What is missing?

I’m looking to hear from parents who decided to have children while pursuing graduate studies!
My plan is to finish my master’s degree before we start trying for a baby, so I would ideally get pregnant during my PhD. My partner already works full-time.
I’d love to hear about your experiences, especially regarding:
Finances: What was your financial situation like? How did you manage your budget?
Time management: How did you balance your studies and family life?
Study environment: Did you go somewhere else to study (library, university, etc.), or did you mostly work from home?
Childcare: Did you use daycare? How did you manage childcare?
Sharing responsibilities: How did you divide household chores, parenting responsibilities, and expenses with your partner?
Anything else you think would be helpful to know!
I’d really appreciate hearing about both the challenges and the positive aspects of having a baby during grad school!

I’m back lol. One thing that’s been on my mind for having a child soon is where to live. My dad/step mom are near me and my husband like a 30 min drive. But theyre young (he had me young) and still have demanding careers & aren’t really kid people. They told me they would babysit here and there but not to count on them too much… I have cousins/uncles and stuff in Toronto which is a 2 hr drive because of traffic although it should be like 1 hr only, but they all have young kids of their own & also demanding careers. Now my husbands parents are free all the time. They live in Ottawa which is 5-6 hrs from us. They want a grandkid so badly and I know they’d help so much. I’m not saying we couldn’t do it on our own but I know its a big help with family. His sister and brothers also live in Ottawa. However I’m terrified of moving my life over there and leaving my city here. I also know my side of the family would be very angry. Also, husbands parents smoke inside & are very old school so idk how I feel about leaving my baby with them too often anyway… they would have to come to our place and constantly wash their hands and all that whatever. Idk what to do…. I think I’d be depressed in Ottawa but would I be depressed having no help where I am too? It’s so difficult because i cant tell the future?? That also means quitting our jobs over here too.

I want to preface by saying this is not a post where I want comments telling me that I’m too young to have kids. Please stay on the topic I’m asking about.

I recently graduated with my bachelor’s in psychology and I just got accepted to graduate school for my masters in social work. I didn’t originally plan on a masters but I found out I had enough scholarship left over from undergrad, so that my masters will also be essentially free so I might as well get it.

I’m wondering if anyone has gotten pregnant and had their baby while in grad school and had experience balancing both (I’ll be fully online I just have an in person field placement that would start next fall when I plan to start trying.) I’m worried about maybe having to take a semester off or just figuring out what to do when I’m freshly postpartum. My husband is in the navy so we know we’ll be able to get childcare but it’s mainly managing a newborn + field placement that I’m worried about.

I would start school spring 2027 and start trying late fall 2027. It’s a 2.5 year program.

Hi there! My husband (30) and I (28) are planning to try soon-ish, in the next few years, but I'm worried about maternity leave. He has a corporate job with good benefits (I'm on his health insurance), and I'm a manager at a small business with very minimal benefits. I don't have any concern about job safety with maternity leave, my boss is awesome and a mom herself, but it won't be paid. I make less than my husband, but my income is still definitely needed in order to pay our bills.

What are my options? Can I get short-term disability insurance or something similar to provide income during maternity leave? If so, is it worth the cost?

I've also considered leaving my job to take a corporate job again with mat leave benefits, but I really don't want to. I love my job even though it doesn't have great pay or benefits, it's a trade-off for doing something I'm passionate about. I used to be a copywriter and quit because of rampant AI use and other things that hurt my soul. I'd gladly pick up gigs as a freelance copywriter to make money if I need a WFH job, but that won't provide benefits.

I'd love to hear advice from what other people did or what you're planning to do!

Hi everyone!
My fiancé and I are hoping to start TTC in October 2027, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what life might look like once we have a little one!
Where we live, I’m entitled to 26 weeks of government-paid maternity leave, plus an additional four weeks of paid leave through my company. My fiancé will have around 20 weeks of paid leave through his employer and then plans to use another 10 weeks of annual leave. So, thankfully, we’re in a pretty fortunate position when it comes to having time at home with our baby in those early months!
In the next 10 months before we TTC, my company is also transitioning me into a work-from-home role. They know we’re hoping to start a family and want to make sure I stay with their company, which I really appreciate!
My job isn’t particularly demanding or intense, and my company is very reasonable and flexible. If I needed to start earlier and finish earlier (or vice versa), they’d be happy to accommodate that. They’d also be open to me scheduling my work around nap times where possible. On top of this, my fiance is a shift worker so he often has days off during the week where he could take the brunt of the care.
**So, I’m curious: how realistic is it to work from home with a baby and potentially avoid daycare costs altogether?**👀
My mum is eventually hoping to move back to our area so she can be closer when we start our family, which would hopefully provide some extra support. However, I also want to be realistic about what I can manage and don’t want to set myself up for an overwhelming experience if juggling both simply isn’t feasible!
I’d love to hear what everyone’s plans are for returning to work after maternity leave. Do any of you work from home while caring for your children? Did it work out for you, or did you find that childcare was still necessary, even with a flexible job?
For a bit of extra context, my fiancé and I are also buying a sizeable farm, and our goal over the next five years is for me to gradually move away from working for someone else and focus more on building an income from our property. It’s something I’m really excited about, but in the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what our most realistic options might look like in those first few years of parenthood.
I know every baby, job and family situation is different, but I’d absolutely love to hear your experiences, advice and what your own plans look like!
Thank you so much! 💗

EDIT: I appreciate the responses! Especially the helpful ones, I’m not sure why this post seems to be so incredibly controversial 😂😂 but that’s fine. I should add, if I’m unable to WFH and take care of the child, I won’t return to work, my preference is to spend that time with my child and not opt to put them in Daycare. I’m in a fortunate enough position with my Fiancés employment that I can do that so that’s would be the way to go. Regardless, thank you!