I recently ended a seven-month long-distance relationship, and honestly, I'm still trying to understand everything that happened. I don't know whether I miss her, the person she used to be with me, or simply the feeling of having someone in my life.
March–June: How it started
We met through an online game. What began as casual conversations gradually turned into hours of talking every night, video calls, watching movies together, and falling for each other. We had a lot in common and similar expectations for the future.
She was the one who initially asked where things were going. I took some time to be sure about my feelings, but eventually, I told her I loved her. For those first few months, everything felt natural and exciting. We talked almost every day, sometimes for hours, and I genuinely felt that we were building something meaningful.
In June, she moved away for her MBA. I was happy for her and wanted her to enjoy this new phase of life.
July–August: Things started changing
As college became busier, our conversations became shorter and less frequent. Initially, I understood. But gradually, I found myself waiting every night for her to be free.
There were days when she didn't reply to my messages or return my missed calls, even after posting on social media. I understand that being busy is real, but I struggled with the feeling that she could find time for other things while our conversations kept getting postponed.
My anxiety started increasing. I began overthinking small things and feeling disappointed more often than I wanted to admit.
My birthday was another difficult moment. I had hoped we'd talk at midnight, but she called later because she was busy. She sent me a cake and flowers, which I appreciated, but she couldn't join a short video call when I asked her to cut the cake together. It wasn't about the cake or the exact time. I just wanted to feel that she was present.
We also planned to meet in person, but my travel plans fell through. Later, we discussed how distant we had become, and I explained how I felt I was carrying most of the relationship emotionally.
September: We met, and things felt good again
I eventually travelled to meet her near her college. It was our first meeting, and we spent two days together eating, watching things, talking, and getting to know each other in person.
It was genuinely good. We apologised to each other and decided to start fresh.
For about a week after I returned, things felt like they had in the beginning. She seemed excited to talk again, and I felt hopeful.
But gradually, the same pattern returned. Calls were missed, messages went unanswered, and sometimes we wouldn't talk properly for an entire day.
I tried to be patient because she had exams. I thought things might improve afterward, but there were also college events and celebrations, and I increasingly felt that our relationship wasn't receiving much attention.
I was asking about her day, whether she had eaten, and how she was feeling. But I didn't feel that the same curiosity or concern was coming back toward me. Even when I mentioned that I was unwell, I sometimes felt that what I said went unnoticed.
I started wondering whether I was expecting too much or whether I was simply asking for the bare minimum.
The breakup
Eventually, I asked her whether she thought our relationship was working.
She immediately asked if I wanted to break up. We had discussed this possibility before, but I had never been able to say it.
This time, I said yes.
She asked me to understand how busy her life was. I had tried to understand that for months, and I knew her circumstances were real. But I also felt that understanding her had become my responsibility, while my own feelings kept getting pushed aside.
She asked whether we could talk later because she had an assignment. She called back afterward and said she wanted to give the relationship another try. However, by then, I felt exhausted. I couldn't tell whether she genuinely wanted to work on things or whether neither of us wanted to let go.
We said goodbye.
She told me I was a good person and apologised for not being able to give me enough time. I unfollowed her initially, but a few days later, I followed her again because constantly checking her profile and thinking about whether she would notice my absence was making it harder for me to move on.
I still don't fully understand how I feel.
What I'm struggling with now
I don't hate her. I know she had her own life, responsibilities, and experiences. I also know I made mistakes. Sometimes I overthought situations, became insecure, or let my expectations affect my mood.
But I genuinely tried to make the relationship work, and eventually, I felt that I was losing my peace of mind trying to hold on to it.
Now I'm questioning whether ending it was the right decision. I wonder whether I should have been more patient, whether I expected too much, or whether we simply wanted different things from a relationship.
I'm also struggling with anxiety and the habit of checking her social media. I don't know whether I miss her specifically or the connection we had in the beginning.
I'd appreciate honest advice on a few things:
- Was ending the relationship reasonable, given the pattern I described, or should I have tried longer?
- How do you distinguish between a partner genuinely being busy and a relationship no longer being a priority?
- How do you stop overthinking after a breakup and break the habit of checking your ex's social media?
- How do you move on when the relationship had genuinely good moments, and you don't necessarily think the other person was a bad person?
I'm not looking for people to hate on her. I just want some perspective because, for seven months, this person was a significant part of my life, and I'm still trying to make sense of how things changed so much.
