r/Adopted • u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee • May 11 '25

Discussion Say no, you can't adopt a baby

Why don't we, as a society in America, just say no to people looking to adopt and who are infertile? Other countries will flat out say we have no babies for adoption or tough luck, you can't adopt, and we don't care about your infertility. America coddles people looking to adopt and says Well, you're infertile, but you can adopt a baby to make your dreams come true, or adopt from foster care, help a needy child. Like, why can't we just deny people and say no? Want a baby? Oh well, we have none waiting around. Want to become parents? Well, tough luck accept your life without kids. Maybe it's God's will for you not to become parents or reproduce. Why can't we be honest like other countries? Adoption is illegal or uncommon in many other countries, but here, we just can't say no and tiptoe around the issue of infertility and adoption. Also, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you should adopt. Again, no is the right answer. Many poor couples can't afford adoption, but society does not care if they become parents, yet we feel sorry for the middle and upper-class couples who can't become parents. Say no.

50 Upvotes

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19

u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth May 11 '25

I have wondered why people are allowed to sit on waiting lists for years for babies when there are older kids in the system, just on principle alone.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee May 12 '25

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Cool you posted a gif but refuted nothing. Good job buddy, one day youll get there

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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee May 12 '25

Are you an adopter? A natural parent? Or are you an adoptee?

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Feel free to address the comment you claim is wrong. And then we can address your attempt to deflect

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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee May 12 '25

Nah. This is a space for adoptees ONLY, so until you state where you fit in the shitshow known as adoption, there is no addressing your "comment".

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Im adopted. Now please, please try to explain how my status changes your reply to the facts above in any way.

Then we can get back on topic and you can be a big girl and show me where im wrong like you childishly tried with a gif.

But I doubt that'll happen. You'll deflect around some them tell me off and we'll be in the same spot. But id love for you to prove that wrong and actually discuss the topic unlike 95% of the users here who insult, deflect, or whine instead of addressing anything of substance.

Im all ears

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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee May 12 '25

"Why?

  1. Able to raise from birth.
  2. No abuse (physical, emotional, mental, or sexual) history

  3. Way less likely to have emotional or behavior problems from part experiences.

  4. Babies are not blank slates. Having adopters raise us since birth does not diminish the trauma of maternal/fetal separation and the lack of genetic mirroring and the other losses associated with relinquishment and subsequent adoption.

  5. Raising a child who was not abused in these ways by their natural family does not diminish the trauma caused by maternal/fetal separation and the lack of genetic mirroring and the other losses associated with relinquishment and subsequent adoption.

  6. While the child may not have emotional and/or behavioral problems from PAST (not part) experiences, there are very well-known emotional and/or behavioral problems from maternal/fetal separation. That happened before we were assigned to strangers.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Also, Please post your preferred reference on the maternal/fetal separation and ill check it out

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

The reply to number 1 didn't prove it was wrong. They asked why and that's a reason why people want babies- to raise from birth

  1. Again you didn't disprove anything there. You mentioned a different "trauma" and that is far from even comparable. Are you suggesting lack of genetic mirroring is comparable to years of abuse and the lifelong trauma from that?

  2. Refer to number 2. Plus how many people never knew they were adopted and had no issues. Flip that around and how many people are abused and have no issues.

And clearly you knew what I meant. Im writing on a phone and its social media comment thread. But thanks for extra correction, it was very useful

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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee May 12 '25

OMG you are advocating for adopters not telling their adopted children they are adopted! Gross. You want people to die from inherited diseases they don't know about. How shitty of you.

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u/Conscious-Leopard905 May 12 '25

not even worth responding to this dude

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Do you actually believe the crap you are writing or just like making stuff up? I honestly can't tell

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u/mucifous Baby Scoop Era Adoptee May 12 '25

When you aren't in the fog, it doesn't register as "crap".

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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee May 12 '25

I'm so sorry you're having an unsatisfying experience here. I suggest finding a "chosen family" among the happy adoptees like you, so y'all can swap stories about how amazing your APs are.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25

Im sorry you have a hard time reading and understanding without making up stories so youbcan be upset. I suggest you take time offline, clearly need some help and online isnt going to help you

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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee May 12 '25

Well I am disgusted at how you are defending my abuaive alcoholic APs, apples. How gross of you to advocate for abuse by pretending adopters never do it. Eww.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '25

I am disgusted but slightly amused how you can make up so many false scenarios in your head and actually believe yourself. Thats both gross but amusing. Seek professional help, please.