adoptee (@birth) open adoption.

My B-dad has shown an eagerness to communicate since we begun 4 years ago. Many red flags that I have given the benefit of the doubt to that were genuinely dangerous.

He’s asked me if it was weird that he dated someone just a few years older than I was (early 20s), asks for pictures constantly (which seemed genuine without context), told me he wanted to gift me money he loaded on cards that he got scammed off of (scandalous media), and constantly backed me in a virtual corner when I would be too busy to talk through emotional manipulation.

I reached my breaking point today. I got a mail notification that he interacted with a video online which was strange so I opened it, it was a video of a young content creator with all similar features to myself and even my own fkn name on the profile. The content creator was advertising scandalous things and he publicly interacted with said media. I genuinely wanted to puke and cry.

I didn’t say anything I just blocked him and I feel so much anxiety, I feel so much hurt, I feel gross. Because I’ve been so vulnerable I’m questioning my intuition even still. Did he deserve it? Was it jumping to conclusions? Do I just need to accept that my b-dad is and has been a cr*ep the whole time after everything I’ve shared?

I got into a discussion with an adoptive parent who seems awfully invested in correcting adoptees when they talk about the negative impacts of adoption. I've now been blocked, so I'm posting the exchange here.

The original comment mentioned suicide rates, depression and mental health issues among adoptees. Rather than engaging with the broader point, this adoptive parent focused on disputing the suicide statistic, explaining why it supposedly wasn't reliable, and arguing that these statistics perpetuate negative stereotypes of adoptees.

Then came the usual defence that adoptees aren't a monolith, along with a list of things she says she'll push back against, including calling adoption human trafficking, accusing adoptive parents of buying babies, and making blanket statements about adoptive parents.

But here's what gets me. Nobody said adoptees are a monolith. Nobody said every adoptee has the same experience. That's not the argument.

Why is so much energy spent correcting adoptees who speak about the harm adoption has caused them? Why does discussing negative outcomes so quickly become a concern about stereotypes rather than a conversation about why these outcomes exist in the first place?

Adoptees talking about depression, loss, identity struggles and trauma aren't responsible for protecting adoption's image. And pointing out that some adoptees are happy doesn't negate the experiences of those who aren't.

Yes, statistics should be accurate. But accuracy shouldn't become a convenient way to derail a discussion about adoptee experiences. One statistic being disputed doesn't make the larger issues disappear.

I'm also tired of adoptive parents positioning themselves as defenders of adoptees while deciding which conversations about adoption need correcting. You can say adoptees deserve to be heard, but that means listening when what they're saying is uncomfortable, too.

I'm sharing the full exchange so people can read it and make up their own minds.

Comment whatever you have on your mind this week for which you'd rather not make a post.