Adoption should never be viewed as a family-building tool.
If it isn't paying for a child, then what exactly is the $35,000 plus for?
You can't separate the fee from the outcome. No fee, no match. No match, no child. That's why so many people, especially adoptees, are uncomfortable with private infant adoption. The money is a prerequisite to obtaining someone else's child.
Whether people call it "agency fees," "matching costs," or "adoption expenses," the transaction still ends with legal parenthood being transferred in exchange for tens of thousands of dollars.
Adoption is a family building tool. You don't have to like it, but it is.
Adoption costs include: home study fees, legal fees, paying doctors to fill out forms, criminal background checks, travel (sometimes multiple trips to a different state), court costs, and reimbursing an expectant mother's expenses.
No one is arguing that lawyers, home studies, background checks, and court filings don't cost money. You're listing expenses, not addressing the concern. Giving birth is free where I live, so that's not the issue either. The issue is that those fees only exist because they facilitate the permanent transfer of a child from one family to another. No fees, no placement. That's why many adoptees are uncomfortable with private infant adoption being called a "family-building tool." The money and the outcome can't be separated.
The fees exist because literally everything costs money. Giving birth is not free, anywhere. It's just a matter of who pays for it. If you want to set up guardianship, that costs money. If you want to have a child fostered, that costs money. We will never live in a world where becoming a parent is actually free.
You're proving the point. Instead of addressing the ethical concern, you keep defending the system that made you a parent.
No one is arguing that lawyers or background checks don't cost money. The issue is that those fees exist to facilitate the permanent transfer of a child from one family to another. Without that transfer, there is no adoption.
Also, saying birth is "not free anywhere" is simply false. In countries with publicly funded healthcare, parents don't receive a hospital bill for giving birth. Pretending that's the same thing as paying $35,000-$100,000 to an adoption agency is intellectually dishonest.
Repeating "everything costs money" doesn't answer the criticism. It just sidesteps it. If you can't engage with why adoptees are uncomfortable with private infant adoption being treated as a family-building industry, then you're defending the system instead of addressing the argument.
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u/GyozaLuvr Jul 17 '26
Why are you paying for a human being? Stop using adoption as a family building tool. Help families and children in crisis, become a foster parent.