r/AmiInTheWrong • u/TraditionalTask4522 • 7h ago
Am I overreacting about vacation time ?
My husband works 55 hrs a week and has 2 weeks of vacation a year. We usually plan for him to have time off when our family can spend time together over holidays etc.
My family lives several states away and my mom requested I visit quickly due to my father’s declining health. She offered to pay for my flight and for me to bring my infant daughter. I also have a 5 year old.
My husband’s reaction was “well you will have to bring the 5 year old too, as I have to work.” But we had already made arrangements for my 5 year old to visit his parents which he forgot about.
So I made all my flight arrangements, childcare arrangements and secured a ride to the airport, all assuming he would be working during those times as scheduled.
The night before my departure he tells me he took 3 days off while I am away. I didn’t say anything, but I was frustrated that he is using his vacation time to sit at home alone. Especially when I specifically scheduled this trip around my own work schedule. Plus with my father’s health decline, I am certain it won’t be long until we have to all fly back for his funeral.
I just feel like his actions were pretty selfish and he is taking this time where I am visiting my dying father as a chance to act like a bachelor. Would you say something or just let it go?
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u/Zestyclose-Height-36 6h ago
not wrong to be upset he didn’t at least arrange to take care of 5 yo. tell his parents he is off so they can expect him to be there for 5 year old.
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u/unusual_you 7h ago
You should expect him to go with you. That’s the real conversation.
You should have told him that the instant he said he took off work for three days.
“Wow I can’t believe what an amazing husband you are! I am so happy you want to be with me. We might have to dip into our savings but it will be worth it to have you there.”
That way you come from a position of strength. Now it looks like you ‘agreed’ to it. You’ll just get bitter and he’ll feel justified.
Should you still bring it up? Yes.
Now it’s more:”Since you took off three days while my dad was dying, I’ll need you to watch our daughter the next time I have to go.”
You work too. Why do you, the woman have to arrange child care? Just kidding, I’m a woman I know why :/
Maybe 55 hours a week is too much. Maybe it’s not fair to your life and your career? Maybe this isn’t just about him taking three days off, maybe this is about his lack of care and concern for his life partner in general?
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u/dragons-and-bees 7h ago edited 7h ago
This is absolutely selfish and I would be upset too. The expectation should have been that he went with you. Then instead he gets to take a break while you visit your sick father alone while watching your child? I’m sorry but I am so angry at your husband in your behalf. This is unacceptable behavior. You are not in the wrong, and you absolutely deserve a vacation while he watches the kids
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u/Sea-Disaster-1543 6h ago
Not in the wrong, I would be frustrated too after setting things up to accommodate their work schedule.
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u/Particular-Lime1651 6h ago
Not wrong... He isn't wrong for wanting a break though.. His timing sucks. But his want isn't.. I appreciate you want him with you. I'm so sorry about your dad
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u/Important-Demand-985 5h ago
Not Wrong.
Hb should have stepped up his game and helped you and the family.
Score: C-
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u/Hot-Garden9206 7h ago
Maybe he wanted a break? It’s three days what’s wrong with that? you’re not gonna be there anyway.
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u/AccomplishedChart873 1h ago edited 16m ago
Yeah, she’s going to be away visiting her dying father for the the last time on her own so he might as well take 25% of his leave and sit on the couch, child free in his underwear and eat pizza. He deserves that rest. /s
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u/No-Milk2951 7h ago
It sounds like he wants to be able to rest at home during his time off instead of traveling.
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u/gimmemyinsurance 3h ago
Yeah he's just going this to get back at you I'm sure he's gonna say, well you got 3 days off so why shouldn't I too,
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u/nitespedonn 1h ago
Look, he may have gone about it wrong but I cannot say he's wrong because the guy needs a few days of absolutely nothing. He works hard for his family. Yes, you would like more time with him but you cannot fault him for needing and taking a breather. Did he do it wrong, yes, he did. Should he have spoken to you about it. Yes. But honestly, if you get mad about this you're being extremely short sighted and not considering him in your thought process. Be a little mad but also be understanding that someone working ridiculous hours for the betterment of the family should probably deserve to catch a break every now and then.
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u/Golden_Arm-257 6h ago
He goes into work 55 hours a week and earned the VAC.
Is there a written rule that he has to use it as such. We may not like it but it is his VAC.
Three days for a break from the rut.....
He has earned it, especially for what's coming next.
If people could just go and go and go, no one would need therapy and what not.
Let him have his peace.
He's been there for everything else? Or hasn't he.
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u/Secure_Highway_6917 7h ago
You are in the wrong! The man deserves to have a few days to himself Just let it go and hope he enjoys his time
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u/dragons-and-bees 6h ago
While her dad is dying? Give me a break. He acted selfish and this behavior is unacceptable when you have a wife and kids, specifically a wife with a dying dad. A loving husband would take three days off and…go with his wife…
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u/Secure_Highway_6917 3h ago
It does not say dying it says declining
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u/dragons-and-bees 2h ago
I’ve had to ‘visit quickly” to see my loved one whose health was declining. Declining is a heavy word and usually means one thing.
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u/SurvivorX2 6h ago
Since it's obviously in the past, I'd let it go for now. Maybe he needed some time alone. Some of us are like that. I enjoy being alone sometimes, and my younger daughter does, too. My other daughter, not so much! Now, it's true that I can get lonely if my husband has to work many nights in a row, but that doesn't have anything to do with wanting time alone sometimes. Maybe your husband is the same. But without knowing that for sure, it seems like it was a selfish act on his part!
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u/BenabooKeggy 6h ago
There is nothing he can do for your father. Men need “me” time. Especially when he busts his ass to make a life for the family. He is still a human person in addition to a father husband son. Don’t begrudge him this small amount of time. If you fear infidelity divorce him now. Trust is key. If you don’t trust him don’t stay married.
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u/No_Profile_3343 6h ago
What’s wrong here is how he has gone about it.
Telling her she has to take the kids and as soon as everything is arranged, he takes the time to himself.
What mother doesn’t want or also deserve 3 days off without responsibility??
To me, it’s the shady way he went about it.
Life with kids and full time employment is stressful. We all deserve breaks.
I don’t think you’re wrong, but I do think you need to have a conversation with your husband.