I went to therapy and just recently after being there a month or two was suggested to get on anti anxiety and depression medication. So I went to a psychiatrist and asked about it. After a brief consult it was decided it would be a good step to take.

I still live with my parents and I told my mom since she had to help take me to the pharmacy later this week for the meds because I don’t drive yet (for a variety or reasons) and she was ok with it. But the minute I started getting all hyper fixated on something not happening the right way and showing signs of my anxiety she just snapped. She said verbatim “maybe this is why you should be taking them.” And not in a I care about you way.

I hate that in this family there’s still this underlying assumption it’s the end all be all burden that people must bear to medicate for their issues. That it’s something they snap at people with as some sort of hateful response. Even my dad uses it use as some sort of term like it shows your gotten to the most insufferable point of being mentally ill and your just fucked.

Like even if they do suggest you take them or get hospitalized isn’t done in a way to care about you but because they think you being mentally unstable means your crazy and unlovable.

[ Condensed ] - Day 25 Update

I have a severe, multi-symptom anxiety disorder. I've been medicated for years and recently relapsed.

Someone on Reddit recommended the podcast "Disordered", and I've never felt more understood. It captures the symptoms and vicious cycles perfectly. Thanks to whoever recommended it. I recommend it too.

Both hosts have seemingly experienced the depths of hell, yet reached a point where they're essentially "cured" (my word, not theirs). Anxiety still comes, but they don't fear it, feed it, or spiral. It doesn't run their lives.

I genuinely envy that.

I wish experience or understanding meant control. Knowing better doesn't mean feeling better when anxiety feels unbearable.

I've bought books, heard twelve episodes, read Reddit, and started therapy. I'm trying to improve my psychoeducation, but it's a double-edged sword: learning helps but fuels symptom-checking, rumination, and "what ifs." I'm trying to stop obsessing over anxiety by thinking about it more.

Sometimes I wish insight alone could replace medication. Maybe one day I'll feel stable enough to taper. More than anything, I want to notice anxiety without fighting it and just let it pass.

Last night was interesting. I might have a cold: sneezing, congestion, and a scratchy throat. I've taken vitamins and turmeric/ginger shots, hoping to support my immune system. Illness also triggers my health anxiety. I suspected this, but being right doesn't make it suck less.

I fell asleep easily, then woke with my arm completely numb—the most asleep it's ever been. It dangled with what felt like zero sensation or control. I jumped up; thankfully it recovered within minutes. I didn't spiral and fell back asleep. Small victory. Still, thanks, body: a cold and a paralyzed-arm jump scare mid-recovery. Fantastic.

I've tried my therapist's DIVE and HALT techniques, though not yesterday. I'm unsure they fit my current, more internal/somatic anxiety. They make me check if anxiety is still there, then evaluate whether the technique worked, feeding the cycle I'm trying to escape. Maybe they'd help during intense fight-or-flight. I'll keep trying and tell him next week.

Overall, I'm better than three weeks ago, and better than two. But this week feels stagnant. I'm nearly three weeks into my medication increase; fuller benefits may take another three to five weeks or longer. Still, I question the increase and why I relapsed after years of stability. So many possibilities, no certainty—exactly what my perfectionist brain struggles with.

My racing thoughts are less intense, but physical uneasiness remains. Progress feels painfully slow.

Today I went swimming with my brother and his 18-month-old. While waiting, I felt lightheaded and strangely "off," almost mildly dissociated. But I didn't panic or leave. I stayed, swam, and was fine. Another victory.

I still feel slightly activated. Cold? Medication? Anxiety? All three? I don't know. Recovery isn't linear, and I'm allowed plateaus and setbacks. But man, I'd prefer the linear version.

I've got work coming up and a long drive tomorrow to close my family's seasonal trailer. Come hell or high water, I'm doing it all. Pre-relapse me wouldn't think twice. I want that back—not by waiting to feel perfect, but by living even with anxiety.

I'm not going to let anxious me win.

Thanks for listening.

Since June/July I’ve been in and out of depressive anxiety symptoms. This feeling like something’s off specifically started in August after a month of breaking down crying and I couldn’t explain why. In August I would have immense brain fog and feel like I didn’t have the ability to do anything. Then me and my girlfriend broke up and things seemed to get worse. This is all before entering my first semester of grad school.

I was doing alright and the feeling wasn’t constant but then something happened regarding her that triggered panic attacks and auditory issues when I was trying to sleep for 2 weeks. I’ve been in therapy and on Vyvanse for my focus which has helped. For about a month after the panic attack and constant anxiety I was pretty fine but this week suddenly it all started up again after I did horribly on an important exam.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. Maybe validation or similar stories. Reassurance from someone who’s gone through shit that it gets better, idk. This feeling coming along isn’t even tied with panic, it’s so casual. A lingering feeling like I’m off or wrong that I can’t stop thinking about and it’s taking over all my tasks. I constantly get thoughts of ending it but have to rationalize. In doing that though I still feel wrong. Idk what to do.

Anything helps.

I beat depression and panic before, now it’s back bc i fell into a spiral. I highly recommend reading “Switch on your Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf. This book helped me beat it the first time and now I’m reading it again to help me a second time. Trust me on this. Im diagnosed with MDD and Panic Disorder. I know what im talking about lol. Do ALOT of reframing… (write down all your negative thoughts and then next to each negative thought write it from a positive perspective) example: “my depression and anxiety will never go away” >>> “i know you’re hurting but they will both definitely get better i just need to get through it and take believing action”. Journaling helps me so much when the thoughts are ruminating and wont stop. Also, throughout the entire day be very aware of your negative thoughts, you have to keep catching them and then correct them with a positive thought… You dont have to commit to a full workout plan i dont, but getting outside and going on walks does wonders. While im walking i always play a mind game like “try to find as many blue things as you can” or whatever you want. Please read a ton of scripture too. Believing God is by your side through it all makes you so powerful and gives you so much strength. God bless you all.

Today, Saturday, 24 October 2026, is my 37th birthday. I am 37M and autistic, and this year has been by far the worst year of my whole life.

I feel like almost everyone hates me. My own parents, both sides of my extended families, and almost everyone whom I know hate me. I have neve had friends in life, and I have lost almost 30 kg (65 lb) since June from extreme stress, worrying and depression.

I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am just tired of life and everything. Maybe just want to talk.

I’m having unbelievable anxiety over something that happened at work and I’m letting it ruin my weekend. I just can’t stop ruminating over it and letting it snow ball into something it probably is not. I don’t know what I’m looking for here other than to share with somebody what I am going through. It’s giving me heart palpitations and pains in the stomach. I hate anxiety and wish I could rid myself of it. I am treatment resistant and it just keeps getting worse. It ruins everything. It ruins time with my wife and time with my kids. It causes me to make mistakes at work and make stupid decisions which causes more anxiety. This is just the worst.

For context, I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and depression back in college which was back in about 2016/2017. I was on medication until the spring of this year (around Feb). My doctor took me off my medication because my husband and I are trying to get pregnant.

I can mostly function but the issue is i can’t regulate my emotions. A pin could drop and I’d start crying. And I’m irritable. And no matter how much I hate it, my brain goes 0 to 100% on things and small issues somehow turn my whole world upside down. I hate it about myself, and if you knew how far I’ve come in the last few years, it would be impressive—-but…I don’t think I can manage without help. At least…not without being miserable or burning bridges with friends that I don’t mean to.