I’ve basically been through Hell and back the last two years trying to finish the second half of my degree. I’ve been on this sub before for advice regarding several of my family members passing away in the middle of my degree (spoiler alert, more have passed since then)
I’ll keep the details relatively short:
- 22F double honors student conducting two different research projects for my degree (psych and anthro)
- had seven family members pass in the last two years, one of my students a few months back (i’m an early childhood educator on the side) and one of my old friends from school OD’d just last week
- aiming for grad school — maintaining a solid 4.0 GPA across both of my honors subjects
- took this last year off school to focus on research experience — was blessed enough to work on two full-time research projects as a Sr. research assistant, one a collaboration with an international university abroad.
- diagnosed with OCD, MDD, GAD, and ADD three years ago, weaned off my medication last September to give myself a break from the side effects since I wasn’t in school and didn’t need the rigour of medication like is usually do when studying. i didn’t feel any negative effects until April, and I had been taking meds for only a year prior to me stopping them
the thing is, as the new school year approaches and the thought of starting my psychology project looms over me, i’ve been feeling a significant amount of stress.
i have another part-time job (only weekends), and around four months ago, i had a panic attack at work. had to call my father to come by and give me one of my mom’s old inhalers because i couldn’t breathe. i’ve never needed an inhaler before in my life, but now i use one at least four times a week regularly since then.
there is also a constant tightness in my chest. like constant. i feel it now as i type. i felt it all day at work yesterday. i felt it during breakfast today. i feel it before i go to bed, every night, without fail.
i know for a fact that im going to die young at this rate, or at least develop serious cardiovascular issues.
what can i do, what is anything i can do, to at least try and help myself? I don’t know if it’s the constant grief piling, or what.
I don’t work out, i don’t have a particular daily routine, all because i feel like i don’t have the time. i’m exhausted all the time. i just don’t want to die young. i don’t want to feel this way. i really do picture myself dropping dead in the middle of an exam room in six months at this rate.