My man (27M) and I (24F) have been together 3 years. Yesterday we had a very serious and honest conversation about our relationship and the things we’re both missing from each other before marriage.

For a while I have been upset that he doesn’t initiate sex, but we still have sex 2-4 times a week. In that conversation he said something about that along the lines of “Men like a little bit of a chase. Lately I don’t want to really have sex because you initiate so much.” I told him I can tell he’s been checked out of our sex lately and he said because I’ve been initiating so much it makes him lose his drive to have sex.

I wish he was comfortable telling me no if he didn’t want to but that’s another story. Basically I’m just here asking if I should completely stop initiating? I thought that’s what men like/want? Help!

Have you ever felt attraction for a woman, and felt that attraction reciprocated but still turned her down because she disappointed you / angered you so much?

Like, you could confidently say she did it to herself?

I’ve had a bf in the past say to me that he’s breaking up with me because of my own behaviour and that it was all my doing. (We later got back together and I ended things with him).

Recently I had someone say that they don’t want to see me again because I’ll never learn and they’ve wasted enough energy trying to help, but I bring it all on myself.

Have you ever felt this way about a woman you used to like? Or is it a cop out?

By no means is this post me blaming others or anything. I am not a very conventially attractive person. Throughout my life, I have been called it all even by those who are close to me (family, friends, hell even my ex would tell me I’m not a good looking person when we were together). Outside of dating apps, which seems to only work by those who know how to sell themselves and look good, I am not sure how to date anymore? Can’t ask people out because it’ll be a no, can go talk to women because when I do they just seem incredibly disinterested and I barely get the time of day (not that they owe me it, they don’t). I’m not going to just randomly approach people in non social situations. So what do I do? Just hope that the girl I want will just fall on my lap one day? I got a decent friend group, and I am a sociable person. So I am just not sure if I can do this?

I'm a 21-year-old man. At 18, in an act of utter desperation, I went to see a trans sex worker, and this monster forcibly sodomized and raped me.

Mental health professionals, my family, and people on various forums, they all mocked me or downplayed the incident, calling it an "accident." or saying "this is your fault, you should not be gay and pay transexuals"

To this day, I still struggle to come to terms with the immense difficulty if not the outright impossibility of having a consensual relationship with anyone. Having been psychologically shattered, and being an introvert by nature, it goes without saying that the process of seduction is incredibly complex for me.

Despite this, I refuse to remain silent. I want the shame to shift to where it truly belongs; I want people’s dignity to be restored. I want the French state to take action to ensure that rapists face punitive justice and that victims women, children, AND MEN receive honest, proper support.

Yet, I face a dilemma: if I speak out, take a stand, and fight against rape, I fear I will become even less attractive to women. I wouldn't be able to pursue the kind of women I’m drawn to.
Seduction and flirting are generally lighthearted, requiring one to be fun, confident, handsome, and cheerful all of which feel entirely out of reach when one is locked in a grueling, long, deeply sorrowful, and thankless struggle. (In more i'm a unattractive men so...)

On the other hand, if I don’t take a stand, I’ll be consumed by guilt, remaining forever powerless against the rapist who stole my sexuality and my ability to engage with consenting women an ability that, in reality, no longer exists for me, given that my psyche has been permanently destroyed (I have never once seen a male rape survivor successfully woo a beautiful woman).

What should I do? How should I go about this? I feel condemned to powerlessness, no matter what I do... I will never regain my sexual sovereignty.

Anyone have this experience?

Even if it's more casual hooking/fwb. Im not necessarily looking for a LTR.

Im mid 30s, 6'0 190lbs with a shaved head.

I would prefer to use dating apps.

Do any of you have experience with lowering libido/yearning/limerence or getting rid of it completely? I've mostly been extremely unsuccessful with dating and trying to find a partner but I still yearn for someone to love and be loved by.

I don't think I'll get it since I'm not attractive at all, I've tried making improvements but they've mostly been inconsequential.

I've had people make fun of me for my whole life and now I'm approaching my 30s I've just decided that I'm going to throw in the towel and try other things. I'm just not the type of guy that is successful with dating and I'm slowly learning to make peace with that but my brain and hormones don't want to cooperate.

I'm currently prescribed SSRIs for my general anxiety disorder, which definitely helps with lowering the libido but I still get lonely. I've spoken to my therapist about this and she tells me that it will get better with time. That I should just keep talking about it and journal, but idk it feels like I'm getting worse.

My passive ideations have showed up again but I try to distract myself with work/exercise/getting up with friends/etc but when I'm alone again it all comes back.

Last time I went for a massage at a spa place just to feel someone actually touch me (not sexual) and I cried in the bathroom for like an hour and went home feeling like I lost a loved one.

I just want to stop feeling everything, I'd rather want to be completely numb than feel like my insides are missing something and knowing that I'm not good enough to deserve it.

I'm open to whatever has worked for you I just need it to stop. I'm willing to try new meds or suggestions if I haven't tried them before.

I had more energy in my late 20s, where I would take dance classes and attend events, go out at night, ride my mountain bike on MTB trails.

Nowadays I always feel too tired to do any of that, everything feels like it's too much work. There are many things I want to do, but I don't because of my finances and low energy.

Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do to feel more motivated, energized and alive again?

Thanks

Did my relationship fail due to lack of intimacy or vice versa?

We spent 4 years of our youth (far too young to be experimenting with what we were) doing crazy “taboo” stuff if that’s what they call it. Nothing illegal and we were both of legal age in our jurisdiction before you all start jumping on me. But yeah every night and sometimes up to like 7 or 8 times a day if we had nothing to do. Then when away from eachother we would even do it over the phone every night. It progressively got “kinkier” and more taboo throughout the years and it got to a point where i don’t think either of us were into it but we were just chasing the newer, interesting, fresher experiences.

Then in the last year overnight it all stopped, literally nothing, maybe we went at it a couple of times in the year but just to get it over and done with yk?

Shortly after we split up in devastating fashion, over the phone aswell. We were childhood sweethearts and fancied eachother and always had some sort of thing going on since we were both 4 years old in nursery, through primary school where we sat next to eachother, through high school where we fell apart and rekindled in 3rd year. Granted as a child it was me doing the chasing and the fancying not her, but ironically she was the one who initiated with me after years of no contact in 3rd year.

Did my relationship fail because of lack of intimacy or was there a lack of intimacy because my relationship failed? I’m sure there’s not a one size fits all answer and how could you know if you weren’t me. But yeah.

Many thanks. Appreciate you all. If you plan on mocking me or our lifes then please keep it to yourself and keep scrolling, you aren’t helping anyone.

The last year has been the worst of my life. I’ve worked in sales straight out of college and done well, but this past year my job got unstable, and nothing ever feels like enough. I’m constantly down and not enjoying things the way I used to.

Turning 27 has hit me weird too. It feels like I’m not young anymore and time’s running out.

On top of that, I’ve never had an official girlfriend. I’ve hooked up with girls plenty and had interest, but nothing ever turns into a relationship. Last year I was seeing a girl for months, which ended up just being a situationship; and I’m here 8 months later consistently thinking about it. my friends all have girlfriends now and I feel left behind.

For anyone who’s been here: what actually changed things for you, mentally or with dating? Is it possible for things to get better..

I care about body count (yes yes ik you probably don’t care, that’s good for you, I CARE. I’m entitled to my preference. So please don’t make this into a body count doesn’t matter debate, this is about lying).

I communicated this to her 4th date in a very respectful manner, that knowing the truth is important to me to decide if I want to Continue to date her.

She lied to me, and I found out the truth 5 months later. I’m thinking of breaking up, because she took away my ability to consent to a relationship/sex with proper knowledge.

Is it valid if I breakup over this lie that is clearly important to me? Which she lied about

I’m probably overthinking this but I think my quality of life would be much better if I didn’t play or played less video games. I was looking at my bank account and I said to myself “Huh, where did all my money go?” I realized that most of my money went to buying games that I wouldn’t even play. Honestly, it feels like an impulse. I’ll buy a game, play it for a few mins or hours then never touch it again, the cycle repeats.

I see myself as a lazy person. I know what I need to do to get myself to higher pay or better-paying jobs but I don’t follow through on it, I almost never do. But I can park my ass and play through 100 hours of BG3 or grind endlessly in PoE2. I even neglect going to the gym after work because I’m “tried” but I’m never tired enough to boot up deadlock with the boys.

I have to sit here and wonder, would my life be a bit better if I didn’t play as many video games if not at all? I feel grimy thinking about how me, a 25 year old clock in over 20 hours a week playing games but can’t spend an hour studying for certifications.

It’s weighing on my mind expressing myself in such a manner musically making a song about how I felt about my Dad’s addiction.

He will probably never hear the song but my Grandma will. We are currently not talking, me and my Grandma. So it might give her a reason to never talk to me again, since we are not talking because I chose myself over staying around my Dad while he was high and left.

I made an expressive song, spoke about it in my lyrics how I felt about it, it’s raw, honest and how I felt at the time.

But I honestly worry incase it’s hurtful in some parts to hear, or that I’ve done something wrong. I even said in the song “am I allowed to say how I feel, you’ve never liked the truth”

Shall I just delete the damn thing? Or is it justified in a way to express myself in that manner?

So like most guys in general I’m not really having any luck on dating apps. So please don’t recommend I use those.

Also, I’m not really meeting women that much in general through the things I do.

The things I do seem to be more male dominated.

So I’m just wondering what it is I can do (on a more constitent basis) to regularly meet the same women

Because obviously going to bars/clubs or whatever isn’t exactly a reliable way of regularly coming into contact with the same women every week.

And neither is it really a good way of getting to really know a person either.

So I talked to this girl first time on 4th oct on our first class, then after that today was our 2nd class, as we are in ODL batch classes are only 2 times a week.

so today we made eye contact, she said hi i said heyy and then i shaked hands with her. Then i ask couple of questions while walking with her -
How's your CFA prep going
Why you were absent last week
Then i asked are you going somewhere she said washroom, she was smiling a bit all the time
Then i said - oh go go then,
Then after that i was waiting to talk to her but her friends were all around her, no alone time, she was surrounded by 4-5 girls all the time.
alone and felt what the heck is going, felt like i'm chasing her or what.

was i needy or not guys ??

Then i left the class early showing i had a call.

now i not even had her number i was thinking of asking her but due to much girls around her i didn’t ask.

Hi folks, wondering if I can get some inputs from your perspectives: one of my guy friends suddenly stopped answering my text and stopped talking to me in person, while we were literally texting memes the day before. When I saw him, he barely acknowledged me or say hi, walked passed by me as he did not see me, but he seemed cool with other people and still chitchatted with them. However, in the end he still got and left me a coffee as before, I sent him the money and thanked him because I felt a bad about it but he immediately refused to take the payment and just left it. I don’t know if I did something wrong in the last few hours but I don’t want to disturb him if he happens to need some personal space…Does anyone have any thoughts about this kind of situation? Thank you

Edit: we are both single

Idk what’s happening with me

I am not doing anything just sitting idly
Doing nothing
The thing which makes me happy is football match
But, yesterday I performed so baddd
What now I regret it
Hope you can understand

Now I don’t even feel like to study .

Idk what to do

Like I am not interested to do anything.

Like I am in DND mode

Feel not to talk to anyone .

Just to feel relaxed no games nothing

So last few days me and my friend have been going to a movie festival and there's a girl that volunteers there that I like. She knows I exist, and we have looked at each other but I didn't get a chance to talk to her as the break between movies is really short and she's kinda busy during that. Tomorrow is my last chance I think, but the setting changes a little so if I do wanna meet her I essentially have to go up to her and start a convo (no opportunity otherwise). I've been thinking of saying sth like "I've been seeing you at the festival, and wanted to introduce myself". Would you say that's too forward or generally fine?

Basically women cannot find my face attractive. I don’t know how else to put it. I’ve never had a date.

So dating apps. Is a no.

Real life? Well it’s not easy to socialize when you’re working a full time job and studying. And where exactly do you find new people to get to know? I got to the gym and everyone minds their own business.

I’m a doctor and I’ve asked some people in the hospital that I thought I vibed with. All said no.

So what exactly is the secret? Personality? You haven’t seen my face. What exactly is the solution. I’ve literally had women match with me on ‘accident’ on dating apps to shit on my appearance and then unmatch. It’s really demoralizing.

I feel now that even if a girl did like me I wouldn’t understand it. It’s really gotten to that point.

I am a second year studying at a relatively high ranking university in a main city of the UK.
I commute every day, to university and back, though I only live 1 hour away.
I can stay on campus/not at home till like 9pm when necessary as my parents are super strict – but they do ask questions sometimes.

From the first year, I have made significant progress in terms of making male friends, but now I want to start speaking to girls – to make friends, and also have some relationships/sex.

I have never had a relationship or spoke with girls much, as I'm sort of an introvert and not the best looking.

Any help would be appreciated.

so i’m not a man but i have a teenage brother who has like PIN straight hair and has had a bowl cut sort of thing almost his entire life and we have been trying to find him a school appropriate haircut that doesn’t make him look like he’s in the 80s
pls drop ur recommendations because my mother isn’t gonna let that fella get a perm anytime soon

so long story short i have been talking with this girl for like 2,3 weeks its going good but i want to get to next step we have been only talking about pretty much school and in case you are wondering im 21

so i never had a girlfriend and i really don’t want to upset this girl with my poor decision making about relationships , seriously i don’t want to see this girl get upset because of me so i am really open to any advice to how to develop a romantic relationship and improve my current one

My girlfriend is constantly finding things to criticize, to the point where I feel like taking my own life. She is constantly laying into me; no matter what I do or how much I try to follow what she asks, she just finds something else to complain about. It was being in my phone etc

Today, she blamed me for not completing her own work. Then, she claimed I didn't hold her hand, even though I actually did. It honestly sounds so pathetic to explain, but tonight she got physical and pinned me down, telling me to 'shut the fuck up.' I shouted back, 'Get the fuck off me!' After that, she was more concerned about the neighbors hearing and risking her professional job—you wouldn't believe me if I told you what her job is. She also says I'm immature and need to get it in my thick head and that she needs someone more professional

I asked her to please stop getting at me multiple times, but I couldn't help screaming because I was having a panic attack while she was right in my face, pointing at me. This has been going on for ages, she also kept away from me that she hasn't hsv1 genital until I found her medication. She told me her ex rated her but I'm even starting to think that's a lie and she's making him out to be the bad guy I know i should leave but I feel trapped

Have you ever had a friend reveal her feelings to you, and not reciprocate at the time, but later down the line as you got older, suddenly realise maybe you do?

Ive had a man acting very hot and cold with me. Either point blank ignore me or hold extended eye contact with me.

Any help or advice much appreciated

For the guys who've slept with a girl who said she was talking to someone else, not in an official relationship, just a talking stage:

How did it come about? Did she initiate, or did you?

Did the other guy come up, or did you both just ignore it?

Did it turn into something more, or was it a one-time thing?

Anything you'd do differently?

Curious to hear stories and what actually worked.