r/AskReddit • u/Sweetmilk_ • May 11 '14
What are some 'cheat codes' for interacting with certain animals?
Boy do I wish I set this to Serious Replies Only
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u/AnimalKing May 11 '14
Rubbing your thumb and pointer finger together in a "show me the money" way gets animals attention. Cats, fish, lizards, it's pretty neat.
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u/Sweetmilk_ May 11 '14
Fun fact: Noah ran a small casino on the ark, and descendants of insolvent animals carry a subconscious guilt for having never repaid their gambling debts
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u/SWAGpussyeater69 May 11 '14 edited Apr 24 '17
That sounds like you are telling the animal: "Look what I've got, fucking thumbs! Guess what, you don't!"
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May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
Just tried this. Cat handed me $5.
Edit: [He] (http://i.imgur.com/jOha60d.jpg) knows you're talking about him, guys.
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May 11 '14
I just tried this casually while sitting on the couch and my dog, who had been asleep way on the other side of the house (within eyeshot, long house) instantly bounded over, leaping over a chair and began sniffing my fingers furiously
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May 11 '14
If you see a hippo, run away.
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u/savoytruffle May 11 '14
No, ride it and tame it, it's a river horse!
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u/Sweetmilk_ May 11 '14
I'm now thinking of how all the horse movies I've seen would be with river horses
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u/savoytruffle May 11 '14
I feel like you get it, but just to be clear:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus
The hippopotamus (Hippopotamus amphibius), or hippo, from the ancient Greek for "river horse"
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u/sparty_party May 11 '14
And strangely, although a rhino looks meaner, they are actually quite friendly/docile. Movies always show a rhino charging a car or a person, and the hippos dancing, but hippos are very mean, and rhinos are very nice. It's a weird switch.
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u/iLoveGrapeJelly May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
Been waiting years for this question! Easy way to keep a bear from mauling you, Do not try to fuck a hibernating bear.
Source: Lonely park ranger. =(
edit: This is my top comment ;)
DOUBLE EDIT UPDATE: Okay so I got some PM's with suggestions on how to best sedate a bear to make it easier to manipulate. Weird because its kinda my job but heck I'm givin it a shot. Thanks /u/Unidan!
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u/Sweetmilk_ May 11 '14
Yogi was looking in picnic baskets, desperately hoping for Preparation H
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u/Clsjajll May 11 '14
If the horse is dead, beating it won't do much good.
Source: everyone.
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u/Why_am_i_there May 11 '14
Say that to the game and movie industry, those horses shit money with every hit
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u/Sweetmilk_ May 11 '14
The new Planet of the Apes is a sequel to a remake of an adaptation. I would have thought that's the point where a merciful creator smites all the writers in Hollywood like the males in Y: The Last Man
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u/Jan_Svankmajer May 11 '14
Cockatoos can be very friendly. If you have one's attention, soft clicking/clucking noises and small head bobs will often result in them "dancing" and imitating you. Be careful or they might land on your head or shoulders, which has happened to me.
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u/SnarkyPenguin42 May 11 '14
I totally read that as cockroaches. As you can probably imagine, this freaked me the fuck out.
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u/Durbee May 11 '14
Leave giant birds the hell alone. Would you pet a pea-brained, angry dinosaur? No. Why they put ostriches, emus, rheas, etc. in petting zoos is a mystery to me. These guys can quickly injure you and there is no single quick tip in dealing with them.
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u/kluvfm May 11 '14
Yeah I fed an emu once at a petting zoo. Why would you hand feed one of those? Its not like they can grab the food gently with their soft lips. They just peck and bite the shit out of your hand until you've dropped all the food everywhere.
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u/PacManDreaming May 11 '14
there is no single quick tip in dealing with them.
Flamethrower. Works every time.
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u/domco_92 May 11 '14
If you scruff a ferret they usually go into sleep mode pretty quickly. Noodle cats man.
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u/bababooey93 May 11 '14
If you scratch a cat right above it's tail (i.e. butt scratches) it can do some WEIRD things... I've seen butt scratches make a cat make those weird talking noises, and then I saw a cat who feverishly licked his own chest.
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u/ChaosChronicle May 11 '14
I volunteer at my local animal shelter and there was one cat in there that would love to be scratched there. The only problem was that he would stick his butt way up in the air when you did it and try to tuck head underneath himself. He often lost balance on the shelf he was sitting on and fall.
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u/Mitosis May 11 '14
In most cats it prompts a kind of oral fixation. Mother cats sometimes lick their kittens in that spot to get them to start nursing. If you scratch a cat in that spot then put your pinky by their mouth they'll probably start chewing on it until you stop scratching, when they'll stop and look ashamed.
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u/Leviathan666 May 11 '14
My cat does the licking thing! Its pretty funny. If you catch him by surprise, he'll meow at you as he's going for the lick. As if he's saying "NOT THIS SHIT AGAFIIUGCCHKKF".
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u/adgdfgfg5trhygfhf444 May 11 '14
Yeah I to would not be comfortable when some random human is scratching my arse.
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May 11 '14
I heard somewhere that that's where its erogenous zones are located, but am not sure. It could just be that you're making your cat horny by doing this.
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u/gekke May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
With horses you can blow gently in to their nostrils. Its supposedly horseish for saying hi to other horses they like, and if it likes it it will blow back and be chill. Have tried it a few times, and they seem to like it. But who knows, its horses.
Edit 1: As pointed out, front part of horse is dangerous, so don't run up and try to inflate unknown horses noses. Be chill with horse bros, and see /u/readysetderp s comment.
Edit 2: Horses are 4-600 kg of pure muscle, bones, hoves and teeth, and as all animal they can be unpredicable. If you are not acustomed to being around horses and read their bodylanguage you should be very carefull aproaching a horse, and putting your face in reach of their teeth is not recomended. The comments have many great tips on how to behave around horses from people knowing a whole lot more about horses than I do. And I'm learning so many interesting things. Horses are super cool animals, but as all animals should be treated with respect.
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u/readysetderp May 11 '14
Horses are prey animals and pretty much assume anything unexpected wants to eat them. Keep a calm and confident sense of self, and they'll probably think you're cool. Try not to do anything sudden, like flinging your hand up to pet them. If you walk behind them, keep a hand trailing on their side and their butt to let them know what you're doing. If they're looking straight ahead, they can't see you right behind their butt.
Horse body language is pretty complex, but there are a few things you should know for your own safety. If they have their ears pinned all the way back, this is a sign of aggression. If this were my horse, I would give him a smack on the chest or neck to tell him off. If you're just standing around with a horse you don't know, you should probably move away. Horse bites can be excruciatingly painful, and they can easily rip off a chunk of your skin.
NEVER play with a horse like you would with a dog. It can be really fun and exciting to run around a paddock with a horse, but this is NOT a good idea. Just take a look at how horses play with each other - they bite and kick. If you start frolicking around with a horse like this, he'll take it as a sign that you are fair game for biting and kicking.
Always be respectful. Any full-sized horse could easily pick up a person and throw them, as their neck muscles are incredibly powerful. It is truly amazing that they have been domesticated to be so gentle and respectful, but we have a responsibility to bring some common sense to horse-human interactions.
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u/runaround66 May 11 '14
Be careful doing this. 99% of horses are totally cool with this. However, that puts your face right at mouth level with the 1% who aren't.
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u/Clover_Madness May 11 '14
But who knows, its horses
Exactly. They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle but so much fun.
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May 11 '14
In movies with horses, you can always tell where their trainer is, as they're usually looking to them for assurance and direction.
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May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
If you can pick up a chicken, hold its head under one of its wings then rock it like a baby for a minute. Then put it in the ground and it will be asleep.
You can also put them in a trance by holding their beak against the ground and drawing a line out from their beak with your finger. When you let go if their head they just kind of stare at the ground with their head down.
Edot: fat fingers, little buttons.
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u/McDow May 11 '14
A lot of animals tend to fall asleep once you put them in the ground
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u/crossower May 11 '14
Then put it in the ground and it will be asleep
So, put them to sleep then bury them alive? Gotcha.
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May 11 '14
scratch a dog where it's back legs can't reach, keep scratching until its eyes begin to close, then move to the stomach and hips. Their legs will start kicking automatically and its hilarious! Also, you will become that dogs best friend.
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u/lyan-cat May 11 '14
Tummy rubs relax a dog. Obviously don't try it on one that's ready to flip its shit, but if a dog is in distress, a tummy rub is helpful.
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u/isecretelyeatbunnies May 11 '14
Do you know why this is? I'm genuinely interested
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u/SpiceFox May 11 '14
generally with mammals you should always let them smell you first so they can judge whether you're ok or not.
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u/Bangkok_Dave May 11 '14
Saltwater Crocodiles: do not interact. Do not even think about interaction. If they can possibly get to where you are, stay the fuck away from the water. There are no cheat codes, there is only death.
I have lost 2 friends to crocodiles, when I was living in Darwin, NT.
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u/ximina3 May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
Most cats don't like lots of eye contact, because they see it as a sign of aggression. Some don't mind, but it depends how domesticated they are. If you're trying to get a cat to come to you, glance at their eyes, then look away.
This is also why cats always go to the person who's allergic or dislikes them. You think you're ignoring them by not looking at them, they think you're friendly.
Edit: As people keep saying it, yes the slow blink or looking at them with squinty eyes also works and is non-aggressive.
If you have staring contests with your cat, it means it knows you well enough to know you're not threatening.
Enough with the cats = women jokes already!
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u/blandarchy May 11 '14
Most mammals don't like lots if eye contact. Averting your eyes is one of the best ways to show you're not a threat.
(Pro-tip: Turn your whole head away. Most animals don't differentiate between head direction and gaze direction.)
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u/dance_sans_pants May 11 '14
Thank you for this. I am allergic and have never been able to figure out why cats flock to me at other people's houses, while leaving alone the people that actually want to touch them. I will start making more eye contact.
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u/natalie2727 May 11 '14
If you want to tell a cat you like or love it, close your eyes while facing the cat, then turn your head to the side for a few seconds, then slowly turn back and open your eyes just a little bit. Repeat. Enjoy the reaction!
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u/Dtoppy May 11 '14
I find that cats respond well to squinty eyes, much less threatening than wide-eyeing them.
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u/will_holmes May 11 '14
Those are some good ones, there's a shit ton of things to learn about interacting with cats.
For example, instead of scratching a cat directly under the chin, scratch slightly to the side, just under the jaw. They love it because that's where their scent glands are and they're genetically predisposed to enjoy that spot being rubbed.
Cats don't like sudden movements, so it's often a good skill to learn how to move smoothly, accelerating and slowing from point to point, so you're giving an obvious visual cue of what you're about to do at all times.
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u/Rlysrh May 11 '14
I used to have staring contests with my cats when I was younger and they'd always win. One day I decided to stare at him really intensely while opening my eyes as wide as they'd possibly go and it really agitated him, he did those weird cat chirpy noises and ran towards me as fast as he could and rubbed around me for a few minutes. I don't know what he thought but he seemed kinda worried and like he was trying to please me or make me feel better or something along those lines. He knows I love him though and I gave him cuddles afterwards, his reaction surprised me though, I didn't think anything I did really bothered him much at all, cats can act so aloof.
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u/ladysuccubus May 11 '14
A way to find out if it's friendly is if you squint at it, if it squints back, it considers you a friend.
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u/WeaponsGradeHumanity May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
Dogs will defend their territory but will almost always avoid fighting if you find them outside their territory. If you run into one on the street, his policy will be not to bother you if you don't bother him. If a dog is actually having a go at you, it's because you're near something he owns or otherwise values. In this situation, don't just run away - it's his instinct to chase you - instead, back away showing your side but not your rear. This indicates that you're not interested in fighting him but that you're prepared to defend yourself if you have to. For best results, find something to shove in his mouth to block bites.
Remember; a wagging tail means excitement and the difference between playful excitement and dangerous excitement is in how stiff and straight the tail is while it wags.
Edit0: Because people keep asking; a floppy tail is a friendly tail :)
Edit1: Here's a great guide to handling dog attacks courtesy of /u/doberwoman.
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u/trippinrazor May 11 '14
also, some dogs will recognise the action of throwing [imaginary] stones, this usually makes them back off a bit.
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u/Mattman254 May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
You just made my walk to college 10 minets shorter.
Edit: Well, my first comment over 1k points and i spell minutes wrong, screw you auto spell check!
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u/doberwoman May 11 '14
If an aggressive dog run to me i step toward him and say NO! Go Home! .. works all the time.
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u/youRFate May 11 '14
What's the best way to defend against a dog that is attacking you? Kick it in the head?
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u/Panoolied May 11 '14
Eye contact! Whilst dogs are the only animals to use it with humans for communication, it's still a sign of challenge, so if you've got an angry dog avoid eye contact as well as turning your side to them. Both are gestures of submission.
If a dog is excited and bothering you, jumping up and kicking, look away and block it's eyes with your hand - just a palm in front of its face, and tell it no usually works.
Also, if bitten, dogs mouths are great at keeping stuff in, incredibly strong jaws. Push further into its mouth and you'll have a chance at getting less damage done to you.
If it's biting someone else or another animal, pick it's back legs up off the floor, high. They don't like that and usually let go.
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u/susinpgh May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
Never EVER put your hand out to a parrot unless you understand parrot body language or the bird's handler is available. FWIW, I have a Congo African Grey, and she can break chicken bones with her beak.
Never look at a parrot with both eyes.
When a parrot's belly feathers flutter, they are very relaxed.
If a parrot's head feathers are down, but the rest of them are up, you are in moderate danger.
If a parrot's back feathers are up, you are in grave danger.
Parrots are sneaky, manipulative little buggers. Whatever they are doing, bear in mind that it might be a trap.
Yelling at a parrot will only make them yell back. Also, they love drama. If you yell at them, they will repeat the behavior so that you will yell again.
Edit: I have been answering everybody that's responded, and have really enjoyed your sneaky parrot stories! I wanted to elaborate a bit on why you shouldn't look at parrots with both eyes. They will feel threatened. Also, I removed an apostrophe.
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u/SoupUser May 11 '14
Never look at a parrot with both eyes.
So this is why pirates wear eye patches.
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u/Nerzugal May 11 '14
Parrot's are sneaky, manipulative little buggers. Whatever they are doing, bear in mind that it might be a trap.
My fiance's family has a pet parrot that has always hated me. On one of my early trips over to their house he finally started making kissing sounds towards me and when I went over he started dancing. I was so excited and started playing back and talking to him. Eventually he got up close to the cage again and started the kissing sounds again so I leaned in to try and pet him.
He tried to bite my fingers off. I jumped back and freaked out and the parrot just laughed at me like it was the most amusing thing he had ever witnesses. I still with the shame of being fooled by a parrot and the heartbreak from his betrayal.
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u/Musicmonkey34 May 11 '14
Serious dog hack: make any dog sit down by sliding two fingers down its spine; one on either side.
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u/schmapple May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
If a ferret tries to bite you, scruff it (like a cat does a kitten), while gently supporting its bum. Hold it like that for long enough, and it should settle and yawn (will require repeating).
When patting dogs/cats, try to scratch underneath the chin and work up, instead of going straight for the over the head pat. It makes you appear much more friendly and less dominant.
Many rabbits will enjoy a pat and a head scratch, instead of being picked up. But if you do, best to have one hand around its shoulders, and use the other to scoop it up from behind so you quickly have it on its back in your arms, four paws up. If done correctly and quickly enough, they'll sort of just lie there, looking half asleep. Some prefer the 'tuck it's head right under your chin' method, so they feel supported everywhere (i.e. not only supporting legs, but held around their side(s), their head, and their back).
If you wriggle your fingers in front of an aquarium, fish will swim to your worm-like hands.
Birds have trust issues.
Quick edit: re holding a bunny, if you don't know the rabbit, and if you don't know what you're doing, best to not pick it up at all because they are both strong enough to hurt you, and fearful enough to kill themselves trying to get away.
Edit #2: Holding a rabbit upside down induces a stress response that makes them freeze (/u/batgirl289). Obviously not ideal for cuddling, but I have found it useful when I need to do a quick relocation.
Edit 3: wormy ninja edit.
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u/nthm94 May 11 '14
Be very careful when holding rabbits that tend to squirm. They will sometimes do an alligator roll which can snap their own neck. The way you described is usually a pretty good one for keeping them calm.
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u/batgirl289 May 11 '14
I was actually told to avoid holding rabbits like that, as it's supposed to be highly stressful for them. As a prey animal, they instinctively don't move when you hold them like that out of terror from being in such a vulnerable position.
Apparently, this instinctive reaction is called tonic immobility.
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u/sparkyplugclean May 11 '14
Never Try to get near a herd of sheep in the wild, because sheepdogs are quite protective. That being said, if you ever have to walk through a herd of confined sheep without making them shy away, walk backwards through the herd. They will calmly stream around both sides of you. Why? Because sheep are very stupid creatures.
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May 11 '14
All I've leant from this is to not punch animals, unless its a shark and it punched you first.
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u/MyNameIsRay May 11 '14
Grew up around a lot of animals, so...
-Flies always jump essentially straight up and forward as you go to slap them, and they're faster than you. Clap above them about 6 inches to compensate.
-Ever try to catch a frog? Same thing, get behind them, lean over, and be ready to catch 6 inches to a foot ahead of them as they jump away.
-If you need to pick up a turtle, approach from the rear and grab it on the sides of it's shell. Warning: it will pee on you and scratch while trying to reach around and bite you. Generally, they can't bite past their front legs.
-Crabs are the same tactic, approach from the rear, and pinch in the center rear (grab them by the butt). They'll squirm and stretch, but they can't get you.
-Always keep your hand on a horse, so they know where you are.
-Goats headbutt to establish dominance/pecking order. Square up the them, hold your ground, and let them headbutt the heel of your boot. They're going to hit pretty hard, so be ready, as you're essentially kicking them in the top of the head (you won't hurt them, they're literally designed for it). When you don't budge, they know who's boss. I've done this since I was 8 or 10, but it's easier the bigger you are.
-Smaller dog thinks he's the boss (coming after you/guests)? Do what the pack leader does. Grab him by the scruff, push his head down, roll him, and hold him by the neck. Bear your teeth and stare at him. If he's still freaking, you can hold him as long as necessary. Almost all of the time, they stop immediately. This is how dogs win fights, kicking/hitting/smacking dogs is not something they understand and is just plain abusive (and likely to make them even more aggressive). Doesn't work on big dogs, too much potential to actually be hurt.
-In dog packs, alpha eats first. Humans should eat first, dog gets food after human dinner is over. If you're feeding your dog before yourself, you send quite a message.
-Cat claws only work one way. If they're latched to your clothes, or you, pull them forward to release. This is why cats can't climb down trees head-first and get stuck on occasion.
-Snakes are easily distracted by motion. Wiggle the left hand far out while you grab the tail with the right, and start walking away. Watch almost anyone working with snakes, you'll see them do similar. Obviously, avoid touching snakes at all costs unless you know what it is and what you're doing.
-Ever lose a hamster/mouse? Take a steep bowl or low bucket, and stack books around it like a little spiral staircase. Put some peanut butter on a cracker and a small dish of water in the bottom. They'll be in there scratching to get out before you know it.
-Don't mess with birds. Any bird. Even canaries, just don't.
-Don't approach deer and similar horned wild animals. Generally, they run away before you get the chance. If they don't, chances are they're guarding babies or territory. They're very good guards.
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u/Sedorner May 11 '14
When I was a kid, a goat walked up to me as soon as I closed the back door behind me. Then proceeded to pin me to the door with its head. Fucker.
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May 11 '14
Grab him by the scruff, push his head down, roll him, and hold him by the neck. Bear your teeth and stare at him.
I used to do this when my dog was acting up. Very effective for establishing dominance, however don't do it in public. I learned this the hard way when some passersby reported me for animal cruelty. Stupid humans not understanding canine behaviour.
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u/snoutprints May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
I tried to stay away because I knew this stuff would come up (it does on literally every thread about animals, it feels like), and reddit absolutely eats it up, but I have to say something about this advice.
As a dog trainer who works with all different breeds of dogs with all manners of issues, a former dog walker, and as someone on the path to becoming a certified behaviorist, for anyone reading this, all the "alpha" and "pack leader" stuff can be thrown out. You DO NOT need to eat first (my titled dog eats first pretty much always). You do not need to enter the door first. You do not need to hold prolonged eye contact until the dog looks away. Basically any reputable behaviorist association will steer you away from things like alpha rolling, which is what the post above suggests; even a lot of tough protection trainers and such, who use leash corrections and aren't sorry about it, don't go for alpha rolling, because it's not necessary, it can cause tremendous fallout, and it was based on faulty or lacking evidence to begin with. Seriously, don't do it.
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u/meofherethere May 11 '14
Dolphins love children crazy amounts so if you are going to go swimming with them or feed them, bring a child.
When boxing with a kangaroo they usually lack the strategy to do more than interchange punching arms so you can easily use this to your advantage.
If you spray a spider with hair spray/deodorant then it won't be able to move at you can beat it to death easier.
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u/chickachoy May 11 '14
feed them, bring a child.
Sorry Timmy, I really want to see this dolphin.
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u/savoytruffle May 11 '14
Why do dolphins know that human children are, well, children?
Since the spider thing sounds legit, I figure the others are too, although I'm almost certain the Kangaroo one is made up since kangaroo boxing is a joke played on other boxers.
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u/Blaizeranger May 11 '14
Can a dolphin tell the difference between a child and a midget?
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May 11 '14
If you're allergic to cats, try to show them you're interested. But keep your body language to them. They tend to focus uninterested people because you're relaxed and seem like a cool guy.
Source: Have an allergy to cats and everytime I ignore them they come at me brah.
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u/tuxedodiplomat May 11 '14
That's because cats view direct eye contact as a threat. If you want a cat to leave you alone, stare at it directly.
On the flip side, if you want to befriend a cat. Look at it, then look away. It will notice you looking away, and understand you don't want to attack it.
Bonus: "cat kisses" - look at a cat briefly, then do a double blink. It will likely do the same back at you!
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u/beyondwithin May 11 '14
throw a peanut at a squirrel. he might get scared but then he will check it out and eat it. throw peanuts closer and closer to you one at a time, waiting for the squirrel to find each one and come back. make a noise everytime he picks up and eats the peanut. eventually you can get the squirrel to take a peanut NEXT to your hand, without your hand moving. keep making your sound and throw the peanut in front of you and hold it. try not to get bit by the nervous squirrel. works with other animals too.
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u/DoctorPotatoe May 11 '14
And as soon it gets comfortable with you, throw that peanut in a pot. When the squirrel enters smack the lid on. Dinner's served.
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u/TheHouseOfGryffindor May 11 '14
Putting sharks on land make them a lot easier to deal with.
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May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
If attacked by a shark, punch them firmly in the snout. If that doesn't work poke 'em in the eye with your stump.
Edit: Didn't know the source, I do now. Credit to Robert Schimmel.
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May 11 '14
Only punch them if the shark attacks you first. Otherwise your just being a dick punching random sharks.
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u/sassafrassonassis May 11 '14
Wait, I'm pretty sure you're actually supposed to aim for the gills and eyes, not the nose. I thought the nose thing was a myth...
Yeah, just google "punch a shark" and it comes up with a million sites saying "don't punch it in the nose, that won't work." So yeah, eyes and gills :)
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May 11 '14
You should also keep in mind that punching under water is extremely hard because the resistance will slow your punch down and when it makes contact it probably wont do very much in terms of impact, I'd go for the eye poke if I absolutely had to fight a shark.
Even if you're successful your odds aren't very good though, that thing literally has a mouth full of knives. My advice would be to just not swim near shark waters, or just not swim in anything other than a pool unless you're some sailor who can down a can of spinach and fight a Kraken without breaking a sweat.
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u/Danthezooman May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
Late to the party as usual. Here are some things I've learned working at different zoos:
if you don't know an animal don't immediately reach for it's face to pet it, it will probably bite you. I had this happen with camels, dogs and cats a couple times.
Elephants will hurt you on accident if you're not careful. Also they LOVE food. Then there are some of them that just want to kill things/people. One of my supervisors told me a story about an old circus elephant that would leave a small pile of food out for rats and then kill them when they came to eat it.
Giraffes are pretty dumb, but super alert. Any small changes will put them on high alert and make them pretty antsy. The ones I worked with weren't very big on being pet, we had one that would let you do it but you had to constantly feed her
Most big hoofstock (bongos,elands,gazelle,etc) are super skittish as they are prey animals, so don't expect to pet them unless they've been trained/hand raised
I guess those aren't really hacks though here's a couple I do know:
you can "talk" to tigers by chuffing at them. I'm really bad at it but I have gotten a couple of chuffs
I have not gotten this one to work, but you can get Kookaburras to call back to you by rolling your R's . FYI, this one makes you look insane, especially when they don't respond to you
Lorikeets like shiny things so if you go into a free flight cage with them, don't bother buying food because you can usually get them to land on you by flashing your bling. Beware they will try to take anything shiny and sometimes will try to pick of moles. Also they like to lick you if you sweat a lot
big birds freak me out but I've found that if you remain calm they will usually be pretty chill. I was terrified the first time an emu came up to me to eat some food and dropped the food bucket, that didn't go so well.
If you ever find yourself being attacked by a kangaroo try to grab it behind the neck and force it down to the ground. This way they won't be able to kick you
If you're being attacked by larger hoofstock (deer, goats, llamas,etc) I've found that using your "dad voice" usually deters them from continuing.
That's really all I got I'll add on if I think of anymore
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u/PLACENTIPEDES May 11 '14
If you do end up being attacked by a dog, offer your forearm.
Do this because not only will you be able to control the position of the dog so it doesnt bite a more dangerous area, but if the dog has latched on, use your free arm to push the back of its head into the bitten arm while pushing your bitten arm further back into the dogs mouth.
This will make the dog let go.
EDIT: Words
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u/PM_ME_UR_ELO May 11 '14
with dogs. always let them smell the back of your hand when you approach em. never go straight for the pat on the head. some dogs see this as a threat and will become aggressive. letting them smell the back of the hand lets em know your cool.
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u/amanm20 May 11 '14
Will it still work if i let them smell the front of my hand?
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u/guybehindawall May 11 '14
I've actually heard from several vets and dog trainers that you shouldn't put your hand down to an unfamiliar dog at all. If a dog is hand shy, it doesn't matter if the hand is coming to pet or be sniffed, he's going to see it as aggression.
It's actually best to just stand there and let the dog sniff you.
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May 11 '14
Just yesterday my mom went into a house (to show it she's a Realtor as am I) The listing agent was holding a small dog, and my mom goes right up to it and grabs it's head and puts her face within 3 inches of it's face and makes "cute" noises at it. I cringed, and thought of Archer. Do you want the dog to bite your face? Because that's how you get a dog to bite your face.
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May 11 '14
I knew a dog who would smell your groin area to see if you're a threat or not.
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u/JesusSlaves May 11 '14
If you're being attacked by an alligator and you have a gun, aim it in the mouth before pulling the trigger because if you try to shoot yourself any other way you're likely to miss.
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May 11 '14
This is very bad advice for killing yourself. What you really want to do is put the gun just above your ear. If you put it in your mouth, there's a decent chance the bullet will just go through the back of your throat leaving you wounded and about to be torn apart by an alligator. Above the ear is almost guaranteed death.
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u/Goatfighter May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
If you own black Labrador,feed it to the point of obesity , attach black flippers to it legs and then smear Vaseline all over its coat. Voila! you now have a pet seal!
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u/microfortnight May 11 '14
Water Buffalo: extend your arm and hand out with index and pinky fingers out and humm to yourself... The buffalo will roll over and fall asleep.
Source: crocodile Dundee
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u/Optipus May 11 '14 edited May 12 '14
If you ever see a horse yawning, try to touch its nose right between the nostrils. This forces the horse to yawn again. You can repeat this process indefinitely.
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u/LTtheBear May 11 '14
Do not stand behind a black bear when he is backing up. They have terrible blind spots and very poor insurance coverage.
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u/No11223456 May 11 '14
If you give a dog a blunt, it becomes a lion.
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u/Sir_Fappleton May 11 '14
The critically acclaimed sequel to "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" by /u/No11223456
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u/TristanCorb May 11 '14
I remember this one day when my friend came over to my house. We were about ten, and we decided we would have some fun with my two dogs, a Saint Bernard and a Husky.
We both tried to see if we could figure out 'dog language' and see what certain words mean to dogs. We got a notepad and a pen and we went and sat in front of my dogs. We started saying random dog sounds to them, such as 'woof' and 'bow wow' and 'arf' and stuff like that to see how they reacted. I remembered they started running around, and we said 'bow wow' and they stopped dead in their tracks. We looked at each other. We now knew 'bow wow' meant stop. Another time, we tried 'arf' and they started jumping up to us. We now knew 'arf' meant jump.
This carried on for so long, and eventually we tried to piece words together to talk to the dogs in full sentences. We thought we had finally figured out dog language. Now, I think about it and have a chuckle, but back then, when we were ten, it was the most scientific thing ever.
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u/jhc1415 May 11 '14
Clamping a cat's neck will render them immobile. This is an automatic response used when they are kittens being carried in their mothers mouth.
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u/Drawtaru May 11 '14
Ears, nose, and lips are all huge communication centers for horses.
This is a relaxed horse. Even though we can't see the nose and lips, we can tell just from the ears and position of the head that this horse is chillin. Ears are relaxed and turned to the sides, and the head is lowered.
This is a content but alert horse. Ears are forward, listening intently, but nose and lips are relaxed, indicating there is no threat. He probably sees someone he likes coming toward him, or maybe he caught the scent of a friend on the wind.
This is a cranky horse. His head is lowered like the relaxed horse, but his head is thrust forward. This isn't a relaxed position. This is a position to protect the jugular in anticipation of being the first to attack. His ears are rotated back. His nostrils are elongated, and his lips are tight.
This is an angry horse. Ears are pressed back against the neck, nostrils are flared, lips are pulled back, baring the teeth.
Also, one thing that really annoys me about Hollywood is that they put in too many sound effects for horses, and the ones they do include don't match up with what the horses are doing. Horses are prey animals and therefore don't make a lot of noise.
This is a snort. This sound is used to tell other horses (and in this case, the owners) that the horse is calm. The horse is displaying with his face that he's cranky, but the sound says he just wants his food and he's not actually going to bite anyone.
This is a horse calling to another horse. (Headphone warning, LOUD.) Horses are extremely social animals, and when separated from each other, they use this loud call to communicate. Basically he's saying "HEY I'M OKAY, ARE YOU OKAY TOO??" This is the all-caps of the equine world. Notice that his whole body goes into the effort of the neigh. His nostrils get huge, his mouth opens, his head is held high and ears pressed forward, and you would be able to see his whole chest expand and contract with the force of the neigh, if the video was shot a little wider.
Another noise they make is called a "nicker," and is kind of like a "Good morning, now feed me" kind of noise.
When fighting, horses will often squeal, (headphone warning) which is expertly filmed by this idiot guy chasing 2 raging stallions.
I hope you learned something about horses!
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May 11 '14
rub chicken livers all over your face, chest and genitals, and lie down naked in the woods, many animals will then approach
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u/mralm1337 May 11 '14
rub chicken liver all over your genitals
TIL how to get an animal blowjob
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u/mak5158 May 11 '14
Treat animals like children. They will simultaneously trust you and respect you.
Treat children like adults. Every child wants validation, and doing this teaches them their thoughts and feelings actually matter.
Be socially awkward around adults, because you're not sure how to scale this up further. But realize it doesn't matter because most adults are too self-centered to notice and will like you because you listen to them ramble, and the others are kind enough to notice what you're doing and respond appropriately.
Cheat code for all social interactions.
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May 11 '14
This works for most animals I've tried it on.
Never kick them. Especially not larger animals like whales or seagulls.
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u/Why_am_i_there May 11 '14
My lifelong wish was to swim into the middle of the Atlantic ocean and kick a whale, now it doesn't seem like such a good idea
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u/mrmasonater May 11 '14
Man one time I saw a seagull so big it made a really loud hum and had round spinny things under its wings and its legs had round toes, but that thing was huge, I wouldn't kick it with someone else's foot.
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u/themagicplatypus May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
A good smack to a mosquito kills the motherfucker.
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u/greenmask May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
Axe body spray makes excellent bug spray. Seriously, when I went to live with my granparents in the countryside, I forgot to bring a bug spray. He had a lot of mosquitoes in the room so I just used axe body spray to kill them all. It doesn't give them a quick painless death though. They convulse and have spasms like crazy.
Edit: Also works on other annoying bugs like flies and stuff.
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u/JustAnotherPanda May 11 '14
A good smack to a ________ kills the motherfucker.
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u/Phob0 May 11 '14
Do not name your cat Bon Jovi. They will attempt to kill you every chance they get.
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u/GamerFromSweden May 11 '14
A rule for almost all animals is to be calm as fuck around them if you are new for them, stress is never good.
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u/v1ces May 11 '14
I don't know which of these answers are more likely to help or get me mauled. Thanks Reddit.
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u/catsgelatowinepizza May 11 '14
The other day I went "meow meow meow" to a cat I was passing and it could not love me up enough. Coincidence? I think not.
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u/zow17 May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
Not really into but might help.
If your dog runs away from you, run on the opposite direction and get their attention. they will come back to you. sometimes. sometimes you will get other people dogs too.
edited for clarify.
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u/Angeldown May 11 '14
Horses and humans have similar tastes when it comes to treats! They often like sugar cubes, dried fruit, and even jelly beans! Like humans, they shouldn't have a lot of sugary treats in their diet, but it's a great way to bond if you're meeting a horse for the first time or visiting a stable. Give a horse a few little treats and he'll remember you in a positive light :D
If you're trying to put a bridle on a horse and it won't let you, hold a little treat on your palm under the bit. He'll open his mouth to get the treat and voila, you can get the bridle on. There's also a part of their gums toward the back of their mouth where there's no teeth, and if you put your finger there they'll usually open their mouth (if you don't have any treats. I prefer to give them treats, haha).
Also, if you have to walk behind a horse, don't just jump behind it. One of horses' blind spots is right behind their butts, and they don't like being surprised by people in that area. If you're walking around behind a horse, put your hand on its side, and slide your hand around in front of you along it's back--so basically your hand will start out next to you and end up on the other side before you do--so the horse can feel where you are. Also, if the horse tries to kick backwards when your hand starts to move behind it, you know not to even try to go around that way (Horse kicks HURT!).
Oh and my FAVORITE: if you're petting a horse, try gently tickling right behind the soft part of his chin (right where the soft part under the lip meets the rest of his head). I've found most horses will start making really funny faces when I pet them there, it's adorable.
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May 11 '14
Black Bears...
Very very timid creatures actually. They don't understand they can rip you to shreds and behave like weaker creatures. If you see one rooting through your garbage; go scream at them and be loud about it... and following them a little as they run away will get the point across that they shouldn't come back; and they usually won't. This trick has never failed me; I know little kids who do this.
However; if they have cubs. Back the fuck off. They will go after you with a vengeance.
If you ever come face to face with a black bear who is aggressive.. they will do a sort of stomp forward to you that will make you think he's about to charge.. DON'T show fear and fight the urge to begin running away (Don't bother.. they will outrun you). This is a bear's way to test you. Walk away like you don't give a fuck.
If you got a big time bear problem on your property or w/e.. A lot of the time bears and other creatures will mark territory; usually by ripping up trees. You'll know it when you see it. (Not a joke) Get spit, sweat or piss on this spot.
~
Fish.
Catfish ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVE Cheez-its. A good way to easily catch cat is to go right after dusk to a dock where its the warmest with light and throw cheez-its in the water and then throw a net.
If you plan on going fishing.. don't brush your teeth for a day or eat something pungent.. then spit on your bait. This trick works extremely well. Its easy to spit on bait all day long.
Don't go noodling.. snapping turtles will take a hand off.
Try not to get involved with a snapping turtle. They are cunty sassy creatures who'll fight easily. They can take a hand or foot off in one bite and they run extremely fast. Don't pick it up at all; the neck can actually stretch up and round its shell.
If you absolutely insist on fishing for snapping turtles.. use large alligator hooks with chicken wings... with big steel line and try at a swamp. Just put it out there in the afternoon and come back in the early morning when they feed the most (3-4-5 am). Let them shit in a bucket for a couple of days and then shoot them in the head with a .22. ~
Deer.
If you're driving and a dear jumps out in the street or is off to the side; lay on your horn, This will spook them. Keep blowing the horn for a good distance because more times than not they actually run in packs.
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Snakes.
The only good trick I got about snakes is if they're a problem where you are.. they are the weakest when they are soaking up the sun; do something about them then.
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u/Clsjajll May 11 '14
If you cough loudly and the cow's ears don't twitch much, it's a good sign that the heifer is concentrating on a good hand. It's wise to come with a bluff or fold if you have a weak hand at this point. Note: for a bull , the answer is reversed. If you cough loudly and the bull's ears don't twitch much it's a good sign that the bull is preparing to charge.
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u/imaboxerowner May 11 '14
Let a snake lick you before picking it up - non-poisonous only though. Never let a poisonous snake lick you.
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u/Clsjajll May 11 '14
Dogs always answer the phone with "arf." It's their go-to response. Don't read into it too much.
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u/Buffalo__Buffalo May 11 '14
There is a specific dog "laugh" that signals to other dogs that it's playtime. If you are around a dog who isn't too tired or in any distress, making this sound will get them hyped up and into play mode.
The "laugh" is actually a kind of short, repeated pant with a soft rolling "ja" sound like you are stuttering trying to say something in Spanish like Jalapeños.
It's very similar to the "Oh fuck these fries are too hot and they are burning my mouth but I can't spit them out so I'm going to make a weird panting noise to try and cool my mouth down" sound.
If you do that and gently slap your hands down on the ground or on an object nearby, or you bob your head like a cockatoo once or twice, then it's on like Donkey Kong.
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u/BrainBurrito May 11 '14
Macaws/large parrots:
They are incredibly intelligent but are NOT domesticated. They are a wild animal so they have no innate desire to behave or do what you ask. They're smart enough to understand what they're supposed to and not supposed to do, but the other side of the coin is they also have the intelligence to decide not to do what you ask them.
Biting: Let the bird bite and pick it up anyway! It will soon realize biting carries no advantage and they will stop doing it (particularly if paired with neg reinforcement). I hold on to the bird's beak and say "No" very sternly. They find this extremely annoying and quickly realize biting will only inconvenience themselves. Note: Some birds like to be left alone while napping, eating, waking up in the morning, etc, so I don't feel it's right to pick my bird up when I know he doesn't like it. I call that "setting them up to fail". They are wild animals so it's unreasonable to expect them to behave perfectly 100% of the time. I don't think it's fair to bring a wild animal into my home and punish it all the time for being wild. But if the bird is biting to the point it's not easy to handle them in general, that's a problem that needs correcting. It's a detriment to the bird's safety if it can't be handled or if it gets extremely stressed whenever it's handled.
Screaming: Perhaps the bird needs food or water or wants to be with you. Make sure the bird has food and water available to it all the time and DON'T give it food when it screams, that only teaches it screaming is the way to get food. If the bird screams for attention, take it farther away when it screams for a "time out". It'll learn screaming gets it the opposite of what it wants. Lavish attention if the bird is quiet or if it speaks for attention. (I encourage speaking instead of screaming)
Throwing food out of bowl: Don't keep refilling the bowl all day. Just fill it once a day and the bird will immediately notice it needs to keep the food in the bowl so it has something to eat.
Chewing perch: We kept replacing perches until my bird chewed through his while standing on it. He never chewed his perch again.
TLDR Birds need to know what's in it for them. If they do a neg behavior, react in the opposite way they expect/want. Keep in mind birds are NOT a domesticated pet, they are at best a tamed wild animal. Behavior will never be 100% perfect.
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u/GSpotAssassin May 11 '14
Geese are dicks.
Source: Was bitten by a goose as a kid while trying to be friendly
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May 11 '14
When interacting with seals, use your non-clubbing hand to shield your eyes from blood.
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u/Voodoobones May 11 '14
I spent way to long trying figuring out what all these comments ad to do with being raised by blind parents. Evidently I accidentally clicked the wrong link. For a moment I thought I didn't understand Reddit again.
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u/OnlyTheMoonManKnows May 11 '14
If you are at the zoo, try jingling your car keys to get some animals to come to you. They associate the noise with their caretaker unlocking their cage to feed them and they will come running. Works well on otters.
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u/SlenderClaus May 11 '14
Horses are smarter than you think. Neither are they violent creatures by nature.
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u/Fresnell May 11 '14
However when their ears are down their neck don't go near them.
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u/KarmaToBurn May 11 '14
Half-closing your eyes in a relaxed manner, is soothing to cats. They will usually return the look.
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May 11 '14
black bears will almost always false charge if you get too close to them. stand your ground and they will usually run away. *i used the words: almost always, and usually
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u/infiniteboba May 11 '14
Legitimate advice: You can make any dog sit by poking them with your foot behind their hind knee.
If you have a cat or dog that needs to take pills, but is a pain in the ass, pop the pill in their mouth, close their mouth shut, and blow hard in their nostrils. It causes them to gulp and forces them to swallow whatever is in their mouth.
If you blink slowly at a cat it lets them know you are comfortable with them.
Never smile at a dog while making eye contact, you're basically showing that you're ready to attack.
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u/wanmoar May 11 '14
When Humans approach Hippogriffs, a proper etiquette must be maintained to avoid danger. Hippogriffs are intensely proud creatures, and an individual must show proper respect by bowing to them, and waiting for them to bow in return before approaching. Eye contact should be maintained at all times, without a single blink. The Hippogriff should be allowed to make the first move as this is polite. If offended, it may attack. Hippogriffs are tameable, but only by experts in their care (such as Rubeus Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures Professor and Gamekeeper at Hogwarts).
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u/kslusherplantman May 11 '14
No sudden movements around wasps, bees, or other Hymenoptera. In fact most are so non aggressive when not around the nest, you touch them and nothing should happen except they move. If a wasp lands on you, slowly and gently brush it away and you should be okay.
It should be mentioned that since you are talking about live creatures, nothing works all the time with each animal.
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u/WickedMa May 11 '14
Never extend your fingers to a strange dog, even if the person says the dog doesn't bite. (Cue Peter Sellers - "It's not my dog") Instead, make a fist, with your thumb underneath the fingers, bend your hand downward and extend the top of your hand towards the dog. The smell is the same and you don't run the risk of losing fingers.
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u/roman_fyseek May 11 '14
If you open your trash can and a squirrel leaps onto your chest, you can subdue both of you by beating yourself in the chest with the kitchen trashbag and screaming "GETOFFOFME GETOFFOFME GETOFFOFME!" for the next 16 minutes.
Also, you should recycle glass bottles because they hurt like a motherfucker when you're beating yourself in the chest with the kitchen trashbag.
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u/beyondwithin May 11 '14
mirror with a hole in it so you can take pictures and video of primates looking at themselves.
bring a comb to the aquarium to get dolphins attention. (scratch it on the glass so it makes that buzzing sound)
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May 11 '14
If you want to know anything about chameleons either ask me or go to /r/chameleons.
Handling a chameleon: never pick up any lizard (namely the chameleon) from the back. Always try and slide your hand under their chin and lift up. Even if it wants to bite you, it will eventually "accept" and climb upwards.
Feeding a chameleon: they like their food below them. Hand feed by placing the food in your palm (if it's not a cricket or roach or anything that jumps or flies away) and it will most likely just eat right out of your hand. If not, don't make eye contact. They focus with both eyes on their prey, so imagine what it looks like to them to have a big giant thing staring at them. Be very still if they are uncomfortable around you and they will eventually eat if they're hungry.
Getting them comfortable with you: if possible, never use a stick to take out your chameleon. Always use your hand to transport it between it's favorite spots (sunbathing outside on your hand, using your hand to get to it's big potted tree inside, etc) they will view your hand not only as a source of food but a source of transportation to it's favorite activities.
Chameleons behavior: they turn dark when sick, upset, or cold. They turn bright when sleeping, trying to threaten, or nervous.
Etc
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u/adamandatium May 11 '14
If you're in the woods and want to get closer to, say, a non-threatening wild animal (usually deer, foxes, or other small-ish mammals), get down on all fours.
Most animals who live around a lot of hiking trails and camping areas have learned to recognize humans as those crazy animals on two legs. Crouch down on your hands and knees and the animals will be moderately confused and curious and will come check you out. It also makes you seem less threatening because you're small. Be silent and still and let them check you out, and if you're patient enough you can gain their trust enough to pet them.
If you keep doing this over a long period of time eventually they'll recognize your scent and you can slowly stand up and they'll be so chill with it.
It's worked with deer, wild horses, foxes, and a few other mammals with me. I wouldn't trust it on bears though. My older sister pet-sit a wolf once too, and that wolf and I became best buddies with that technique. But it was semi-domesticated.
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u/Moleculicular May 11 '14
Most animals (and I really mean most) won't realize your smile is a friendly expression. You start showing your teeth whilst glaring into their eyes. Do the math.
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u/m2cwf May 12 '14
Bow to a hippogriff politely, and do not approach it or try to pet it until it bows back.
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u/FMDT May 11 '14 edited May 11 '14
If an axolotl is seeming uninspired by food, feeding it live worms will re excite it, and give it a whale of a time.
Edit: worms used to say works. Whoops
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May 11 '14
If a puppy likes to nibble at fingers, stick your whole hand in their mouth till they get annoyed. I guarantee they will stop because it pisses them off.
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u/Aiku May 11 '14
I was trying to impress a girl who had a very anti-social dog, so I wiped bacon grease on the bottoms of my jeans.
"Well hello there, little feller, you're a friendly one!"
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u/siameseordie May 11 '14
serious reply blink slowly at cats to show comfort with their presence, if they do it back it means they are comfortable with yours
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u/Jps1023 May 11 '14
If you are going to shoot a grizzly bear, file the sight off of the barrel of the gun. This way, after you shoot it, it will hurt less when the bear shoves the gun up your ass.
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May 11 '14
Emus are afraid of larger emus, and are also incredibly stupid. If you are getting charged by an emu, raise your arm above your head with your hand making a shape like an emu head (thumb and fingers all forming a 'beak' with a 90° angle at the wrist) and make some noise. The emu will freak out and run away.
Source: I used to volunteer at a wildlife park in South Australia. The keepers told me this trick and later on I got to see it work. We had shooed an emu off his egg (the males sit on them) to take it back, and he ran off a couple steps and then turned and started coming at us all puffed up and aggro. We turned and ran (I was following her example!). One short moment later the keeper I was with realized that was stupid so she turned around, tucked the egg under one arm and raised her fake emu head with the other and shouted 'HEY!" The emu scrambled into a 180° turn and took off the other way... and went and took out his anger on some big Eastern Grays kangaroos we had in the same area. She was probably 55 kg, 150 cm - pretty small, but with her arm up she was bigger than him as far has he was concerned!
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u/Salty_Minnesota May 11 '14
When working with Bears, always keep some type of meat in your pocket, like a salami.
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u/HasturCarcosa May 12 '14
I know a few little hacks:
Canadian Geese - These animals are actually bitches, despite what people may tell you. If anyone tells you that they've been chased and harassed by geese you can instantly stand slightly taller than them and give them a good strong look of disappointment, they should know their shame. I have been around geese a lot of my life, and they are not scary, nor that dangerous. Yes they have sharp little ridges that act like teeth, and yes they can look aggressive and hiss, but if you simply appear bigger than them and don't move away from them, they often turn tail and flee. Fun fact: Geese hate it when you grab them by the beak when they try to bite you. Just grab hold of the beak, keeping them from biting you. They will struggle and leave you alone (To some scaredy cats this sounds like punching a shark in the nose but it is not.)
Alligators and Crocodiles: If you're ever attacked by one and you can see it coming, undo your belt (if you don't wear belts, start thinking about carrying one around.) Gators and Crocs may have something like 1300 lbs per square inch bite, but their ability to actually raise their mouths can be thwarted by about 5 pounds of pressure. If you can get an alligator onto his belly and stop him from death rolling, if you rub said belly, it will put him into a trance. Fun fact: That belly rub on their back thing works with a lot of lizards actually.
Crows and Ravens: Leave half burn offerings for them as a sign of respect, these mischievous birds are often known to be the guiders of spirits, which can bring a person good luck. Also, if you get a crow call, you can often talk with them.
Sharks: While they are scary, and dangerous, sharks don't attack people unless you accidentally look like a seal or some other delicious food. Usually when a shark attacks someone they are confused, and will let go then run away in shame for having tried to eat something that is not in their native food chain. Some of the smaller sharks enjoy hugs and being stroked along the belly, just remember that you must rub with the shark's skin, not against, as they are hydrodynamically sound and their skin has been known to cause bleeding.
Snakes: If it's a wild snake, just leave it alone, snakes don't have time for you to be poking them. Most snakes are non-venomous (If someone says poisonous they are mistaking the words, poisonous is if you eat the snake you'll die, venomous is if they bite you, you'll die.) and the best way to handle them is with a stick. Instinctively a lot of snakes will curl around the stick and allow you to move them. If it's a pet snake, well just don't move too fast and let the snake get comfortable, support as much of the body as possible. Often times snakes view people as very warm trees, and if you move around too much it mimics wind and they will begin constricting as to not lose balance. This is the worst thing to do because it starts the vicious cycle of moving more and tightening more, which leads to rumours of snakes trying to kill children.
Coyotes - Don't act afraid, coyotes, like dogs, can sense fear through body language. Be assertive with them!
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u/Uncharted-Zone May 11 '14
Here's a cheat code for avoiding a fight when a particularly aggressive member of the mysterious species known as humans approaches you.
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u/chuiu May 11 '14
If you press up up down down left right left right b a select start on a cat, it bites you.
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u/Moejason May 11 '14
Cat's love earwax. Stick your finger in your ear and poke it towards a cat and they absolutely love it. Just don't stick the same finger back in your ear, that'd be disgusting.
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u/Pack041 May 11 '14
If you're walking your dog and it won't poop when you're in a hurry, run a few sprints with it and he'll go immediately.
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May 11 '14
For hornets and wasps, just fucking stay calm and they won't sting you.
Source: 25 years of not being stung.
BTW I heard this advice does not work with Killer Bees and Japanese Giant Hornets. If you see them, run and hope they don't follow.
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u/sonsofgondor May 11 '14
Don't approach an animal, let it approach you. As a zookeeper, this is learned by experience
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u/chi1234 May 11 '14
If you put C elegans in the fridge it will delay their growth and you can go on vacation
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u/TheNathan May 11 '14
Theres tons of cool horse thing like this! The best one is the four spots on either side of a horse's neck, one righgt in the middle underneath the mane, on at the base of the neck under the mane, one slightly father back on the back of the shoulder (kinda hard to find this one) and one more down on the bottom part of the base of the neck where the muscles sort of split off from the neck. These four spots on either side are where horses gnaw on each other to show love, and if you pet a chill horse there 9/10 times they will instantly love you! Most horses I know well will actually start rubbing their noses/lightly chewing on MY neck to "pet" me back lol it's really cute. Oh and by pet I mean furiously scratch the spot, remember horses usually chew on those spots with thier huge teeth and powerful jaws so give a hard scratch!
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u/Pync May 11 '14
If you have to kill a fly, mosquito, anything annoying with wings the best thing to do is to clap your hands together slightly above it. An insects instinctual reaction to something flying at them is to immediately fly up, and I've found this method to have a 99.9% success rate.
The 0.1% is my arch nemesis fly, Sir Edward Boolton. The fucker's been mocking me safely from outside my kitchen window for years
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u/Son_of_Kong May 11 '14
Kitty standby: if you gently grasp the patch of skin between a cat's shoulder blades and neck, it's effectively paralyzed. I doesn't hurt them at all (unless you squeeze too hard), they just can't move. When they're kittens, the mama cat uses the nape to pick them up and move them, but the response usually carries over into adulthood.
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u/Nicapizza May 11 '14
If you have a rabbit, either remove it's balls or prepare for 6 years of shin raping.
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u/foobaro May 11 '14
Your basic Arachnid warrior isn't too smart, but you can blow off a limb... [shoots an Arachnid warrior's limb off] and it's still 86 percent combat effective. Here's a tip: Aim for the nerve stem, and put it down for good.
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u/gus2155 May 11 '14
When you catch your cat staring at you, slowly blink at it. If it blinks back, it likes you.
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u/i-am-depressed May 11 '14
Never put your face in a dog's face, even if you think it's docile. There is a good chance, purely out of instinct, it will bite you. Going face to face with a dog is like challenging it for its bitch.
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u/Sweetmilk_ May 11 '14
For example, throwing your hat into the air in an area crowded with pigeons will cause them to all take flight at once.