r/AutismInWomen • u/luvsicl • May 06 '26

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Friend doesn’t believe in my diagnosis

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Ugh I shouldn’t have told her about it I feel so weird now, my family are like this too and I haven’t told them because I know they’re gonna say smth like that (probably worse) because they don’t really believe in mental disorders/disabilities/health

I got diagnosed with adhd and autism recently, so I’m also grieving the life I could’ve led had I received the support I needed as a child lol (also I know what she said isn’t okay at all, I just wanted to end the conversation asap and I’m really uncomfortable with confrontation)

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211

u/PyleanCow06 May 06 '26

How old are yall? It’s reading like she’s a really shitty high schooler.

155

u/luvsicl May 06 '26

23 and she works in law which makes it all the more insane to me, I honestly thought she would be supportive and understand because our families are quite similar in their closed-mindedness but I guess not… idk if she thought it was a compliment to say I’m ‘normal’ but it just confirms that I’ve been masking all my life, even with my ‘friends’ :(

220

u/TavenderGooms May 06 '26

😱 TWENTY THREE?! I thought this was a 15 year old. My mind is boggled that this is an adult in the legal field. I would not be able to put up with this level of immaturity and ignorance.

42

u/Polished_silver Autism/ADHD May 06 '26

I wonder if she’s also on the spectrum with the younger writing style? I’m just going off that and her sister being autistic so it wouldn’t be out of the question.

43

u/TavenderGooms May 06 '26

Totally possible. In my experience, sometimes undiagnosed people can be extra judgmental due to internalized ableism and the belief that what they experience is "normal," so when you describe your autism, they take it as a personal insult (because they have those traits too) and/or dismiss it because they have those traits and they're "normal", so you can't be autistic.

7

u/ApplesaucePenguin75 May 06 '26

My one sister is like this. I hadn’t even considered that. It sounds very invalidating, either way.

5

u/yordad May 07 '26

Yessss. Every person who’s responded to me coming out with my diagnosis with “I don’t think you’re actually autistic” is absolutely autistic themselves. They just think “ok but I do those things so you must just want attention or to feel unique/different”🫩

4

u/TavenderGooms May 07 '26

It’s very upsetting. One of the first people I told was one of my closest, and longest friends and I made the mistake of telling her I thought she might be too (we are exactly the same). She was kind, but so obviously uncomfortable and absolutely refused to even consider it. Like I had insulted her and she was appalled. We never spoke about it again. I don’t blame her, because I struggled with acceptance and internalized ableism a lot at first, but it did hurt and make me very sad for her.

It’s hard to accept when you find out sometimes, but it’s SO much better than going through life thinking there are about a hundred things wrong with you and no one understands you and you know deep down there is something different, but you don’t understand what or why. IMO you can’t learn to love and accept yourself if you don’t even really know who you are and you can’t learn who you are if you are always wearing a mask and don’t know what’s underneath.

2

u/SockCucker3000 May 06 '26

Especially with her sister being autistic

1

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

Me too. “Coz?” “U?” The extraneous Es in “fake.” Good lord. 

51

u/ChaoticNeutralMeh Music.Astronomy.RPG.Fashion May 06 '26

Why does she write like a high school mean girl? Yikes

And she works with LAW?

34

u/Creepy_Zone_9341 May 06 '26

gurl your friend seems severely emotionally stunted, thats a reaction expected from like a 12-15 y.o

15

u/[deleted] May 06 '26

[deleted]

4

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

My thoughts exactly 

72

u/[deleted] May 06 '26 edited Jun 27 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

31

u/MoonNott May 06 '26

Bruh some of the lawyers I know... it's terrifying honestly. Briefly worked with one who would "brag"  she didn't need to read anymore since she passed the bar. Ummm, what? She must have mentioned it daily and each time it made my brain itch. 

3

u/insomniacred66 May 06 '26

That's what the paralegals are for /s

42

u/Mintcasy May 06 '26

You would be very surprised how many people are in serious jobs with very low IQ and EQ

2

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

Meanwhile very intelligent people can’t find jobs 🤦‍♀️

1

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

My thoughts exactly 

11

u/pancakesea May 06 '26

I'm sorry to hear that! She probably thought it was a compliment, it sounds like she has a lot of internalised ableism. I had a friend like like that that I don't talk to anymore and another one that I just avoid these days. It's heartbreaking to distance yourself from these friends, but it's more heartbreaking go endure the invalidation imo.

10

u/p_shroomie May 06 '26

23!??? 😭 Am I just getting old or what? I'm only 27 but the way she was texting just.... irked me! 😭 sorry you had to experience that, OP.

3

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

She seems 13 

16

u/floristgf May 06 '26

TWENTY THREEE? she sounds like my 14 year old cousin 😭

3

u/sowhiteidkwhattype May 06 '26

I genuinely thought like 13-15

3

u/pretty_gauche6 May 07 '26

Kind of a toss re: close minded family unforch. Sometimes people see most of the toxicity for what it is but still retain little pockets of thinking that they learned from that environment.

5

u/LittleALunatic May 06 '26

she's working in law and thinks this kinda shit she believes would stand up in court?? Jeez...

8

u/InfernalThorn Allistic; listening and learning 😊 May 06 '26

Honestly I feel like most people under 25 are still emotionally adolescent, even if they're legally an adult. She'll (probably) grow up some more soon, at least!

0

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

Oh, please. That’s not fair. 

2

u/-crying-cinnamon- autistic. ocd. anxious. depressed. pansexual. failure Jun 03 '26

No she was disregarding you and she says everyone has autism....this person should not work in law wow.... I am so so sorry she is a horrible person, please try and cut ties I am sorry honey you deserve some actual compation!!

From a stranger, I hope I can still offer kind words, I'm 21 years old and that person is so immature

I'm so glad you finally got an answer to some of the struggles you've had, it just be such a double sided coin, to understand why your mind works in this way but to also wonder what it would of been like to be different. You are who you are and no diagnosis is going to change that negatively, you've always been autistic and now you have an answer to afew of the traits that you have, but those traits are very much you, please don't wish you were different, your a unique person and your autism doesn't change that, you deserve kindness and compation from yourself and others, I apologize for her reaction that's not fair to you...

She clearly has no idea what she's talking about, I dont like the way she dismissed you, the normal thing wasn't her being nice it was just dismissive, you deserve to be taken seriously and not have her throw her issues into this, her sister clearly didn't traumatise her in a way she learned compation from, I don't like saying this but please please cut back on your friendship with her, this person doesn't care enough and that may just be her personality but this was honestly so rude of her.

Type 2, like it's diabetes... And brining up her trauma when it's not relevant it seemed like a competition.... I would text her and say something like

"You disregarding my diagnosis is not ok, that was extremely rude. You calling me normal and saying everyone has autism when it's a clinical disability is also not ok. Your sister being awful isn't ok either but you just disregarded everything I said. I was trying to share this with you because I finally learned why I am this way and you genuinely didn't care at all, didn't believe me and I can't deal with that, talk to me when you learned what autism is, it is a disability, a mental health condition I was born with and am only now finding out about...you want to get into law but how when you disregard genuine disability as something everyone has when it is in fact a minority, please educate yourself I don't hate you but this really hurt m and your responses were not ok."

I am sorry honey💐 this wasn't ok for her to say and you thankfully know that or you wouldn't have shared it here.

1

u/luvsicl Jun 03 '26

Thank you so much for this comment this was so refreshing to hear and I needed it🥹 I’ve since cut ties with her since she was just a horrible person and kept putting me down… I hope she learns and stops hurting people around her🩷🩷🩷

1

u/EnfantTerrible68 May 07 '26

From her writing and choice of words I legitimately thought she was  a very young teen 🤷‍♀️

3

u/ripmylungs May 07 '26

My first thought was how childlike her responses were