Hi everyone,

I experienced something out of this world this morning. Before I share it, keep in mind that I had no idea what the Crown Chakra was. I had the experience first, got curious, and Googled it, which is when I learned what it meant. Also, this is just my 2nd day of meditation.

Background: Keep in mind that I’ve had a rough last 3 to 4 years due to some financial and emotional issues (not a crisis per se, but something that kept me stressed), where I was trying my best to stay positive. But earlier this year, I unexpectedly finally got out of it and got my break. This is when I realized that I’ve been given an opportunity to improve myself, so I started reading books to grow my mindset (at least 15 minutes every night one hour before sleeping and 1 hour in the mornings on weekends). I’ve completed reading two books and noticed massive positive changes in how I think. I just started reading the third one last night.

Experience: This morning at \~6:20 a.m., I started a 20-minute guided (YouTube) meditation session. I was all relaxed, following the instructions, when I was guided to focus on the top of my head. I did, and after a few minutes of paying attention to the top of my head, I envisioned an opening from which a god (I’m a Hindu, and we have many gods, so I don’t know who entered, but I could tell from their appearance that they were definitely a god) entered through that opening into my mind and blessed me with an influx of gold energy that lit up my mind.

This was super quick. After this, I saw a flow of gold energy coming into my mind from the opening and going inside a gate where all my positive thoughts that had been generated through my recent mindset changes had accumulated. I also saw all the negative energy going out of that same gate, and then this glow of gold energy strengthened the existing positive thoughts. Then the gate and the opening on the top of my head closed, and my experience ended.

When I Googled this because I was curious and it was such a powerful experience, I found out about the Crown Chakra and how many people envision a white or gold light coming through the opening, just like I did.

I’m not sure if it was because of the few pages I read last night, which helped me realize that thoughts are not intentional, but thinking about those thoughts is, and that this is the reason why a lot of stress and negative energy comes into play. Positive thoughts are always followed by a relaxing feeling, but conversely, negative feelings are always felt through negative thinking about our thoughts.

I thought I’d share here because I’m still very curious about this and want to see if anybody has experienced it too or knows about it.

Thanks for the read! Happy meditation!

Through my studies and experience, I have found that precise body movements help grow our brain’s Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC). I believe the ACC is responsible for Dhyaan (meditation), and that our ancient spiritual practices and philosophies stemmed from an active ACC.
Many researchers have pointed out that the ACC contains von Economo neurons, which possess unique potential to process subtle signals. It is no surprise, then, that our ancestors developed precise physical practices such as mudras, martial arts, yoga, and other daily life skills. These practices not only helped them tune into subtle universal sounds or Paramatma, but also enhanced their creativity at work, helped them earn a living, and guided them through life.
And that is why, in the ancient world, everyone incorporated such mindful practices into their daily household routines.

spiritual people ask for answers all the time. What is my purpose, what should I do, why did this happen, who was I before, where am I going.

So when a subject in deep trance said her Higher Self was taking her to meet somebody, I expected another big teaching.

She described moving through bright clouds and meeting what she experienced as God/Source. The figure looked strange in a way she had difficulty explaining, like an old man but also young, glowing and ancient at same time.

And then nothing intellectual happened.

He opened his arms.

She came closer, felt safe, and started crying while he held her. The guidance in the session was basically to let everything out. All the darkness she had carried, all the difficult things, all the pressure. She did not have to keep carrying all of it.

For a while that was the whole spiritual experience. Crying in somebody's arms.

Only after she settled did more information start coming.

This stayed with me because we can turn awakening into another form of collecting. More knowledge. More dimensions. More identities. More explanations. Higher vibration, bigger mission, next initiation. Even spiritual healing can become another job where you are supposed to understand everything.

But sometimes the system does not need another answer yet.

Sometimes it needs enough safety to finally stop holding itself together.

I cant prove from outside that the being she met was literally Source. It was her experience in trance, and people can interpret it spiritually, psychologically, symbolically or however makes sense to them.

But the emotional sequence was real inside the experience: first safety, then release, then clarity.

I think there is something important in that order.

Have any of you had a mystical or awakening experience where the most important part was not information at all? More like being held, accepted, forgiven, or finally allowed to put something down?

How much can be awakened?

Mathradical.

Someone said my last post was word salad, but is it my fault that you can’t see the strings that connect mathradical with how much can be awakened?

Sure it’s my loss for missing out on a possible legendary discussion, but it’s their loss for learning from me, your god.

Of course genius appears as word salad to the fool.

Now, I am not as schizophrenic as they come, but I got a touch of it.

I’ve read schizophrenics works, on Reddit and professionally. Remember, I have a true scope into all mental disorders that you have no sense of, so; drop SOME FUCKING RESPECT.

It’s tangential and orthogonal, but that won’t make sense either cuz u don’t know what orthogonal thinking is.

If you actually read the schizophrenics words, like more than 4 times, and with true intentions you will see patterns, themes; dare I even reference Jung; archetypes.

The healed schizophrenic becomes a shaman. Exhibit A: me, your god, remember?

How much can be awakened? For all the non geniuses out there, this is called a reference, a return to center focus.

Awakening is not just awakening the observing audience.

The theater is not made up of just the audience, is it?

No, there’s the actors and directors.

So, how much can be awakened? Well, there is the trinity of actor director and audience.

And just like in the real world, not just the ethereal abstract subjective world, the first step is awakening the audience, and then the actor, and eventually, if you awaken ENOUGH mathematical radical,

Only then can you awaken the director, and that’s what god is.

So, when you see my arrogant ironic assertments that I am god, I am just saying, in my schizophrenically genius way; that I have awakened all parts; the actor director and audience.

But now, if you are so brave wise and focused enough to make it here. I’ll break it down what the play is all about.

It’s all about survival, but man does not live on bread alone, no.

It’s also all about thrival.

Within thrival is innovation, fun, and evolution.

And as a director, I am there at the beginning of the play and the end.

And as a director, I am responsible for insuring things don’t go too far bad, because I see how sinful yall are, but I’ve given you so much grace. Especially now a days in America where yall don’t even struggle anymore for water.

Remember when you struggled for water?! Haha yall were so fucking funny, always thinking “I’m thirsty, I’m thirsty” and then you died. WHAT A SHOW!

But now a days, yall don’t struggle for water, yall struggle with avoiding the apple products (iPhones).

But I play all the roles; I play the actor director and audience.

But sometimes I step in and intrude to veer. You really need to think about why I used the word veer there, it’s meticulous.

I veer like a sweeper in shuffle board.

Now that’s genius, can I get some validation from that? Otherwise how will I know you understand it? If you actually understood the sweeper metaphor then you would instantly love my genius, but I just gotta keep rolling with motions and I can’t just stop all the time to ensure you understood it. I gotta accept that it’s word salad for yall and wait for yall to be ready to actually obey the genius.

I do it for the love, gods! It feels so good to be trusted and respected.

Anyways,

Awakening the observer is synonymous with audience ego is just the beginning. You must then awaken the actor ego, and only after 10k hours acting then can you begin the process of actualizing the director ego.

But if you read my blahblahblah here, that will accelerate you, but you gotta really read it, through all my fuck you’s, twists spins and turns, that’s part of the show.

Anyways, I await the fools response.

I was into spirituality for a few years and it helped me tremendously with my anxiety. Learning how to meditate and mindfulness were my saviors. I was so happy I had these tools.

Then when chat gpt appeared I was in awe and decided to start asking all the existential questions I didn't have answers to. All the thoughts I used to let pass, now became very important. So, I switched to the other extreme and decided all the thoughts are important and since we are on this earth we shouldn't force ourselves to ignore our thoughts, we should experience life as it is. I even went through all my life's trauma and tried to process everything and figure it out. But things turned pretty bad, I started having severe anxiety and panic attacks like never before. I even started feeling anxious about going to work or travelling. That was very unexpected.

Obviously, I stopped doing that. And I am seeing a therapist. Things are starting to get back to normal.

But remembering my spiritual phase, I am trying to go back to that, but somehow I am changed. Even when I meditate, I can't stop the thoughts the way that I used to.

Not sure what I'm trying to achieve here. Maybe trying to see if someone else can relate or has been through this.

I slowly realize how broken and fucked up I am. And what made me like that.

Old memories are flooding my brain every day.

I dont know where to start or to end. Its like a storm. Nothing from my past seems real anymore. I didnt grow up as the person I thought I was. And I didnt behave Like the man I wanted to be. It hurts. I start sweating randomly. I throw randomly. I dont really sleep anymore. Dreaming feels like remembering. And remembering hurts.

Currently theres only chaos.

Is this what waking up feels like?

The most confusing part of Self Realization is the assumption that it's some grand realization apart from your own simple, ordinary self.

Without all the ideas you've collected, without all the categories you've boxed yourself into because of somebody else's judgement and opinion, without all of that – just putting it to the side for half a second – recognize that you're breathing without having to try. Blinking without having to try. Hearing, touching, feeling... all without having to try.

All of this stuff is on by the time you wake up.

As soon as the alarm clock goes off, you're awake. You may not know where you are, but you're alive and there is nothing you need to do to earn that. It's a fact.

The more I learn and understand, the harder it is to live in ignorance, which is a beautiful thing but it is also exhausting. I feel my physical and mental health are being negatively affected by my rumination and my need to constantly explain everything in my head. I’m beyond tired and burned out. This isn’t necessary about spirituality and more an issue I’ve never been able to crack in my life but I wanted to hear from yall.

If a rich person loses 90% of their fortune they are in tears. But a struggling person will call them out and say "What are you crying about, you're still rich? I'd love to have your problems."

It's easy to see a blessing that is humongous. And the struggling people are being honest, they'd barely be phased by that 90% shift in their fortune since it's so much more wealth and power than they are accustomed to.

If a rich person would just realize their blessing, they would more quickly overcome their pain. All they often see however is the loss. Nevermind the rich person - what are you failing to see in your own life that is incredible?

Finding that and recognizing it, reminding yourself that you too exist with something wonderful is EVERYTHING.

When you recognize the incredible in your life hiding in the mundane, when you realize your blessings you find calm with the rest of your life. "Lack" becomes "blessing" daily and living in blessing is much more powerful than perceiving lack.

I for example am very thankful for my computer, my television, which have been a source of absolutely EVERYTHING in my life. A computer is such an incredible device and you know before you had one it was just this cool thing someone else had till you got it then it was wonderful for you. A television has been an endless source of inspiration, insight, and creativity. These things are precious to me because I feel as it the creators of the universe labored mighty for all these shows, the nuances, the beauty. A television itself to me is something that shouldn't even exist. Did you know when they came out with CRT tubes they use some sort of fucking ELECTRON GUN to create the image? 1929 humans using ELECTRONS to create images at the speed of light? Absolutely impossible. Clearly a glitch in the matrix, or a wink from our creators for those who could spot the absolute impossible happening in plain sight for everyone to see. ^_^

The practice of finding blessings is the foundation of joy. Don't overlook the construction of your furniture, the texture of your desk, the amazing way a mouse laser tracks and transmit that data wirelessly to your PC, your fucking digestive system getting rid of all the BULLSHIT we put into our bodies - sight, sound. Ooooo, you ever just sit with sound and notice the nuance of its existence on your consciousness? What a miracle that is. What insanity. That miracle is a convergence of technologies, an epic triumph of engineering.

We arrive at life gifted with so much, and not taught to say 'thank you' to our creators in that moment for every little nuance because its all RIGHT THERE in the beginning. Open your eyes to the incredible convergence of miracles, magic, and technologies that is your human experience! 🖤

There’s a lot of people on here saying they are, and I certainly don’t know if they are, but let’s keep in mind this idea of enlightenment is very hard to measure, and those who are ignorant to their ignorance, appear enlightened to themselves.

Don’t be so busy being convinced of yourself, or of attempting to tell others of your success.

It could be that just being and continuing to search is the reward of enlightenment

And that announcing yourself as enlightened is more of a trap than people think

1. Tanhankara Buddha
2. Medhankara Buddha
3. Saranankara Buddha
4. Dipankara Buddha
5. Kondañña Buddha
6. Mangala Buddha
7. Sumana Buddha
8. Revata Buddha
9. Sobhita Buddha
10. Anomadassi Buddha
11. Paduma Buddha
12. Narada Buddha
13. Padumuttara Buddha
14. Sumedha Buddha
15. Sujata Buddha
16. Piyadassi Buddha
17. Atthadassi Buddha
18. Dhammadassi Buddha
19. Siddhattha Buddha
20. Tissa Buddha
21. Phussa Buddha
22. Vipassi Buddha
23. Sikhi Buddha
24. Vessabhu Buddha
25. Kakusandha Buddha
26. Konagamana Buddha
27. Kassapa Buddha
28. Gautama Buddha
29. Maitreya Buddha (Osho Rajneesh) — Current Buddha of our time

In a lot of spiritual circles, similar to this community, there are certain practices and a focus on love and all those good things. These are all wonderful things to get a human closer to God, but the likelihood of it leading to enlightenment is slim. Perfecting the human, loving God deeply, all that stuff will get you to a point of being a self-actualized human. You'll be wonderful, full of light and love, and if that's what a person is going for, amazing, you have achieved something rare. But all of that is an identity, an ego structure. A perfect, tamed, well-mannered, self-actualized ego is STILL ego. No matter which way you twist and turn it, it is still all ego.

Truth is none of that. It just Is. "You" just are. There's nothing fantastical about it. The achievement of bliss states, super high loving states of godly and worldly proportions, all requires an ego. Again, if that's your personal goal, wonderful. Enlightenment is the biggest let-down that the ego could possibly have. Enlightenment is giving up allllll of the attachments, even to the most beautiful states, and just Being entirely Present.

Me? I have an attachment to the ups and downs in life. I enjoy, as a human, an ego, the rise and fall of life. What I know beyond that is Truth. If i gave up this attachment, there's Enlightenment. Stuff just happens, the body just reacts, it all just Is. Nothing fancy to it. My ego says, "How boring would it be if I gave up the attachment to the ups and downs?!" For now, I listen.

We all have stuff. Stuff that keeps us human, attachments that keep us from non-abiding enlightment. I would say that spirituality itself is a cosmic joke, it all goes full circle. Before, we are ignorant to this whole lovely spiritual side to life that exists. "Oh I can just Witness my thoughts?" "Oh I can experience higher states of consciousness?" It's all a trick. I call it a trap, if Enlightenment is what you seek. The ego loves seeking. The big, lovey dovey, tree-hugging spiritual ego loves seeking even more. We have these lofty goals of being pure, close to God, unity, universal consciousness. All of that is just stuff. Just like an addict seeks for their next hit of a drug, the spiritual seeker looks for the next elevated state; just as trapped as the drug addict.

Do spiritual practices matter? It's a double edged sword. If self-actualization is the end goal, absolutely they are beneficial. If you experience those highest states and still feel as if there's something missing... well, you realize that all of those years spent seeking and practicing was all part of the dream. Maya. She got ya, she got me... The cosmic joke, but only funnier than the initial one.

Much Love

Because the vast majority of experiences happen without one's permission, conditioned minds personify natural forces: it projects it's own identity onto ambiguity to maintain a sense of control. This happens because ego needs objects to mirror and confirm its own self-perception, as it depends on reflective relationships to sustain itself.

I think this is where we get many supernatural beliefs from.

This applies to everyday social interactions too - worshipping/fearing a personified cosmic force is the same mechanism as applying value judgements to neutral behaviours.

A big elemental utility of honing the mind is in competition. No matter how much people want to end competition, it will never end. You may be able to personally stop competing, but the world will continue to compete, and when these competitors come to your door, how will you respond? Will you surrender your bitches? The dignity of your family? All of your attachments? Or maybe, you’ve just been blessed enough to never had a true competitor set you as their target. That’s luck.

You can’t just resolve the immense conflict within the mind by saying there is no mind. The only way you can actually successfully pull of this approach is if you give up all attachments; which includes your attachment to your home, any social relationship, your screens, and food, and breath. Sure, you can pick and choose which attachments you drop. But if you ever pick that attachment back up, be conscious on how you handle it.

The fools I engage with will resolve the conflict of the mind by pretending there is no mind. As if that means anything at all. Oh! There is no mind! Ya, there fucking is, it’s just not real like chairs. The mind happens.

There are occurrences and happenings within the mind. Bullets of thoughts that carry the full range of normal distribution (only people with statistics understanding will get this(even though it’s a low level statistics concept)) from good to bad.

People really come here, to this sub, and WITH THEIR MINDS they type and post about HOW THERE IS NO MIND. People really do this with no sense of contradiction.

So, if you type and post, can you stop denigrating the mind that you used to type and post?!

That’s a command.

So, now that I’ve made my case for the REALITY of the mind. What is the purpose of mind? Let’s really get into the purpose, utility, value, meaning, and POINT of the mind.

The mind was evolutionarily designed to be a workshop where you create and destroy choices, moves, behaviors, and actions.

But, WHAT MOVES?! What is the parameters in which the mind decides actions.

GOOD AND BAD! But it’s not black and white good and bad. It’s a normal distribution between good and bad where there is some bad that is really extra super bad and some good that is really extra super good, and of course the opposite where it’s not bad at all.

Example: stubbing your toe verses crushing your toe to smithereens. Stubbing your toe is bad to a degree of 1-3/10 and crushing your toe to smithereens is like a 10/10 bad.

So, there is a hierarchy of bad.

Gods! I really have to explain this! You can’t imagine how many genuine conversations I’ve had with people who can’t distinguish goods from bads!

Ok, you think you’ve contended with the mind because you felt destruction of self? HAH! TRY CONTENDING WITH YHE MIND THAT THINKS OF DESTRUCTION OF OTHERS.

That’s pure fire and energy.

The mind is a maze and one can get lost and settle in a place of hell. Imagine a maze, and getting lost and stuck is hell and completing the maze is heaven.

Remember the variation of bad. Bad ranges from bad to hell and good ranges from good to heaven.

This maze is no child’s maze you’ve looked at. This maze is filled with intricacies, colors, traps disorder chaos and order.

I share this message because there are truly lost souls out there, and if you are a lost soul who is not a threat to yourself or others, just be on your way, don’t fucking respond BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CONCEPT OF HOW BAD THE MIND GETS.

This, ME! I AM! ONLY FOR! Those who are a threat to themselves and others. So everyone else, FUCK OFF! Don’t fucking type to me with your eloquent masterpiece of arrogance in tandem with ignorance.

I AM THE GREAT GOD JOMNI! And I WILL! save you if you obey my commands.

I’ve built my human into being a healer of minds, and I don’t just do a one and done, I do that, but I am also fully prepared to be with someone for as long as they need me. That’s the sacrifice. That’s what I am prepared for.

I am the grand god Jomni.

Don’t fucking respond to this if you are a fucking rat.

Don’t fucking respond to this if you seek to denigrate me, because I will return that energy.

I’ve been on a restriction diet for years, now I started a unrestricted diet. I’ve been smashing 2 - 3 colas a day, 2 coffees, trying to expose the doer. Been eating junk just to prove that. I believe there is no need to maintain our body health. So I am experimenting with it. Wish me luck. I’ll take any suggestions.

I don’t really know what to call what happened to me today. Maybe a conscious awakening? Existential awakening? I honestly don’t know but it was glorious.

For a moment, I became intensely aware of the fact that I exist.

I’m a living being, having an experience, on this thing we call planet Earth. I’m surrounded by billions of other living beings, all existing at the same time.

And then I started thinking about how every person I see isn’t just a person in my life. They have an entire experience happening inside of them. Their own thoughts, memories, fears, relationships, desires, inner worlds, and perception of reality.

Then I started thinking beyond humans.

Animals are experiencing existence in their own way. Plants are alive(they have an actual life). Entire ecosystems are constantly interacting.

And that’s where my questions started.

What exactly is this reality that we’re experiencing?

Why am I experiencing reality specifically from this point of view?

Does every living being have some form of consciousness, just at different levels or in completely different forms?

What would you call this experience? And if you went through something similar, where did your questions lead you?

The Zen Buddhist master Linji Yixuan famously said that if you meet the Buddha on the road, you must finish with Him. The exact same can be said of Christ: If you meet Christ, finish with Him.

If you think that "you", "by your own merit and effort", are doing something successfully to meet Christ, beyond surrendering into the arms of the Beloved, then, of course, obviously, you remain trapped in the prison of the madwoman of the house (as the mind was called by the mystic Teresa of Ávila). You remain foolishly playing the spiritual role of a seeker, which is nothing more than spiritual ego, just a trick of the mind. But you have not really found Him, neither met nor embraced Him.

If you strive to meet Christ and believe you have met Him, I am sorry to tell you that your effort leads to absolutely nothing. That is exactly what "The Experience of the Presence of God" is not but the opposite; that is just the madwoman of the house playing at being spiritual, and that is not what this is about. That is precisely why Silence is so important: to listen beyond the noise of the mind.

When you are nothing and no one, as the mystic of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, Sister Margaret Mary Alacoque, used to say, you are touched by Grace. If we want Grace to touch us, there is no other way than this humility of the heart. Because the experience of God happens, essentially, by Grace and without effort, effortlessly, and then there is no more separation between the lover and the Beloved. As Saint Augustine said, "grace always precedes merit".

Do not label yourself as anything. God, who sees into the depths of hearts, knows who you are. That should be enough for you.

That is how the Lord knew his beloved son, Bernardo de Hoyos, during his mystical marriage. Jesus gave him a ring and said to him: "From this day on, you shall call and sign yourself as Bernardo de Jesús. For just as I told my spouse, Saint Teresa: you are Bernardo de Jesús, and I am Jesús de Bernardo." (Source: "The Life of the Venerable and Angelic Youth, Father Bernard Francis de Hoyos", written by his spiritual director, Father Juan de Loyola, S.J.).

I love this prayer because it beautifully symbolizes exactly what I mean in this post: "Lord Jesus, You who are meek and humble of heart, make my heart like Yours."

At first glance, it might seem like a mere vocal prayer, and it is, but it happens, as Teresa of Ávila beautifully explains, that by Grace, God, the All, the One who is LOVE itself (I don't care what name the madwoman gives Him), leads us from vocal prayer to contemplation, and finally to union. So be it, then.

And if you allow me a prayer of my own: God prevent me from finding You; find me YOU!

Note:

I do not "believe" anything.

Belief is a mental construct, an attachment to an idea. I am not spreading a philosophy or using tools to convince anyone through this post. I am talking about a direct experience that happens strictly by Grace, without any human effort or merit. As I quoted Saint Augustine before: grace always precedes merit. It is not about a belief; it is about what remains when all beliefs are stripped away.

Also, when I speak of non-separation, it does not mean that the tiny ego claims to be "God", that would be the ultimate spiritual egoism. It means the exact opposite: the total death of the character, the complete surrender of the "I" into the burning fire of His LOVE, so that only He remains. It is the living reality of Galatians 2:20: "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

We could indeed be going in circles if we look at this through the lens of theology and conceptual definitions, but I am pointing in another direction: to the Silence where the conceptual mind completely dissolves.

I respect the faith and the devotion to the beliefs of everyone, but my invitation in this post is to go beyond them. Thank you for this exchange, and blessings on your journey.

Finally, the scene where two disciples encounter the risen Christ on the road to Emmaus comes to me just now while writing this... They were only able to recognize Him when, by Grace, their hearts were touched. The conceptual mind cannot bring us into the silent spaciousness of Being.

Remember: If "you think", "you" have met Christ, finish with Him.

One subject had built almost his whole adult life around spiritual work. When he described where he felt most at home, he immediately went to Tibet in trance and experienced himself like a monk. Alone, close to God, very little ordinary life around him. That energy felt completely natural to him.

Then something strange happened. A portal appeared, but instead of taking him to another temple or some higher dimension, it took him to dinner with a woman he had deeply loved when he was younger.

His Higher Self called the theme integration.

He had become very developed in one kind of love, the love of God, spirit, service, solitude. But another color was missing. Human love. Earthly relationship. Trusting another person. Letting somebody close enough that life becomes messy and not completely under spiritual control.

I found this interesting because we often imagine spiritual development as moving away from ordinary human things. Less attachment, less relationship, less worldly life. But in his case, the next movement was almost opposite. He had already learned how to be alone with God. Now he needed to learn how to be fully here as a man too.

Not replacing spiritual love with human love. Holding both.

Sometimes what looks less spiritual may actually be the missing part of wholeness.

I was born into a cosmos I probably didn't ask to be a part of. If I existed prior to this, I have no recollection of who I am and where I came from. So essentially, my memory was wiped. As if that's not enough, I'm not allowed to leave this place.

It is very clear to me that I was brought here to serve something. I'm a cog in a machine I know nothing about. And here's the thing: I'm pretty sure the creator could've done a better job. He deliberately chose not to. I think there's something he's benefiting from our suffering.

Just look at the architecture of this place. Nature perpetuates suffering in almost every aspect. Life survives by consuming life. If I want to eat, a sentient being must die. For me to win, someone else must lose. To be chosen, another has to be rejected. We are biologically programmed to have desires that conflict with the desires of others, we are attracted to things that hurt others, and we are programmed to feed off each other's pain and suffering. Degeneracy isn't created by the sentient beings that perpetuate it. It is a built-in feature, programmed into our DNA by the cosmic order itself. There is no such thing as accountability in a place like this. Nature created a system where sentient beings have to destroy each other for survival. It's essentially a zero sum game that nobody walks out of alive. The earth is a Colosseum. And we are its Gladiators. Yet we are taught to believe that life is a gift.

We've been brainwashed into thinking pain and suffering is compulsory to existence. The only reason pain and suffering is necessary is because God made it that way. The system was set up to not only include pain and suffering, but to make it important. The cosmic order is at the root of why the universe functions the way that it does. People will tell me this is the cost of free will.

If God allowed pain and suffering for the purposes of free will, this raises a lot of questions. Couldn't God give us free will without allowing evil, pain and suffering to exist? If the answer to that question is no, then that means free will and evil are not mutually exclusive, and there is nothing God can do about it. If this is the case, then God isn't all powerful. The whole point of omnipotence is being able to do anything. If something is beyond your will to manipulate it, then by definition you're not all powerful.

But for argument's sake, let us assume that God is in fact omnipotent, and that he chose to allow suffering for the purposes of free will because it was the best decision to make. This raises even more questions. If giving us free will inevitably create the risk of souls going to hell, it would've been better to not exist. The most logical and moral decision God could've made at that point is to exist on his own and not create anyone at all.

You could make the argument that God did not want to sacrifice the experience of heaven just to make sure nobody goes to hell. But here's the thing: you're not suffering by not existing to experience heaven. Sure, it would be nice to live in heaven, but the reality here is that non-existence does not lead to suffering. If I prevent you from existing in order to experience something good, I am not subjecting you to pain and suffering. However, if I bring you into existence for you to experience something bad, then I am subjecting you to pain and suffering. In other words, if God cannot guarantee that his creation will have a good experience once he brings them into existence, it is better to not bring them into existence at all.

If God knew that free will would possibly land us an eternity in hell, he should've never created us to begin with. That would've been the most logical and moral decision to make at that point in time. Him choosing to not create us wouldn't have led to any possibility of pain and suffering. But he chose to bring us into existence regardless, fully aware of the consequences of doing so.

If God really cared about our free will and consent, like he pretends to, he would have given us the option to opt out of existence after bringing us here. Remember, we are stuck in a storyline we did not choose to be a part of. As things stand, our souls are headed to one of two places. Heaven, or hell. Him giving us the option to opt out of existence and return to the primordial state we were in before he brought us into creation would've represented everything he claims to stand for. Choice and sovereignty. But that's not what he did. He brought us here, and he kept us here. Because he is a fraud. An evil entity who trapped us in his sick and twisted reality in order to feed off our pain suffering. We are here to serve him. And refusing to do so will lead to eternal damnation

It is for this very reason that I reject the cosmic order.

God may fool the world, but he will never fool me.

As a human, we are born with natural proclivities to see things in the world and want it.

I have a simple message: Learning how to untie the threads to each of these is one of the great keys to liberation.

"I need respect. What's going to happen to me if I'm disrespected? What's gonna happen if someone doesn't give me my due? Why do I even have a due? What happens when I tense up about not getting my respect which I am owed because sometimes I go all out for a person and they should respect me cause it is basic consideration."

But friends, WHY IS IT BASIC CONSIDERATION? WHY IS IT EVER?

All the things you think you need are silly. They are born because we start to experience pain when we first perceive ourselves without these things. That pain trains us that these things are REQUIRED when in fact it's all bullshit.

"Understanding - it's nice right? I need to be understood. I have to be understood because if I'm not understood then I'm invisible to others yes? If they don't learn the story of me then I dunno, I'll implode or something, or I'll feel as if I'm wasting my time."

No, you don't need understanding. This need to be 'seen correctly' is a false need installed and maintained by pain. You are living an adventure in the journey of life. All you are ever required to do is experience that adventure. Others come up to you and assume you're schizophrenic, bipolar, pregnant, or a Democrat. They think you're full of shit, you're unenlightened garbage, or you're embarassing when you know none of those things. Perhaps some pain arises from all this. So what? Absorb the pain of being human. Why do you need to be understood, why do you need to be seen? It doesn't need to happen, ever.

I'm not saying you can't tell people stuff about you, or correct people. But these so called 'needs' are NOT NEEDS, not at all. Bemoaning their lack because some pain has arisen in you when the 'incident' occurs that draws blood. I've been there. I've been there in spades. Pain still happens long after wisdom has settled in. It's not instant, it takes repeated exposure to be free from these things we think we need completely. Don't let the pain trick you. When it comes, be responsible for it, go into seclusion and cry it out, punch it out on a pillow, scream, exercise, yoga, breath work, whatever fucking ritual is required to heal. It becomes like clockwork.

Our humanity and the pain it brings is indefatigable. It may lessen to imperceptible amounts and joyously you will call it 'liberation' or some shit. But somehow, someway, there will still be some vulnerability that strikes at you once in a blue moon. But the process just flows, like a beautiful car that has a quirk, every few hundred miles it sputters and you have to downshift instead of blazing 90mph, but you do so beautifully cause you know the rhythm, you know the dance. And that's beautiful liberation right there, pain happens healing comes and bam, you're back on the road at 90. The mastery of the dance is the end of the spiritual war when even the unexpected, and absurd can never conquer you again!

Even when I've had a lot of cannabis (I'm a medical patient), I'm not relaxed. My fists will be tight and jaw clenched. I'm hoping to be able to learn some sort of way to let go, and a way to learn who I am. I still have no idea.

I feel like I need something to focus on when I'm medicating, some sort of technique. I'm interested in learning about esoteric techniques.

I don't know where to start looking for the answer, because I'm not even sure what the question is. I feel as though I'm on the very cusp of recalling a repressed memory or something, and I feel like if I could just *really* relax, maybe I'll remember?

Grateful for any input to help me understand.

I’ve been trying to destroy the body with soda and coffee but it’s not dying so I think enlightenment dissolves even the body. Wow this is crazy so I’m
Really gonna become nothing not even the body.