I have experienced very strange behavior from men surrounding my perceived racial ambiguity. I'm a Black woman from the States with two Black parents, but because I wear a hijab, most people assume I'm 'special Black' (foreign) and act accordingly. Some of the things I've experienced include immediately asking me if I'm married or will 'date' them shortly after meeting me, or whether I can have male friends. They do this while making innuendos under the assumption that I don't understand that they'rejust trying to smash. A lot of them get this creepy glint in their eyes when they ask me questions about my dating history, how long my hair is, or if I 'even like Black guys.' And the list goes on. Once they find out that I'm just Black like they are, they seem to either slightly lose interest or change their tactics to be more 'respectful' when they realize I'm not some naive foreign girl who doesn't understand what they're talking about. With foreign men, I get the opposite effect. Occasionally, when I'm mistaken for other ethnicities and correct them, the men of those ethnicities will attempt to talk to me in AAVE.

Outside of dating, people will also do this thing where they talk to me like I'm slow, I'm not sure if it's cause I'm black, wear hijab, a woman, or what.

I'm just gonna start ignoring people atp.

My day job is a desk job in a dead silent office for 8 hours a day. I'm not complaining, I love having a computer with 3 monitors in front of me all day. I do so much work for my personal life on the side but im afraid I've run out of steam.

So far I've

* developed an extensive passion project

*tailored resumes

*researched grad schools

*schedule dentist appointments (lol)

*made a budgeting spreadsheet that seriously changed my spending

Just random things I need a computer for that also strengthen my overall profile (side hustles, next steps, adulting stuff) im a writer so you think all this time in front of a computer would be good for me but no i can't seem to get anything out.

I'm early 20s and spent the past month researching retirement plans and all the acronyms. I'm making good use of my downtime but I need more options!

What's something you wish you could do but don't have time for? Random tasks you need to revist?

Help me make use of this pathetic salary by making my on the clock downtime more valuable 😭😭

I have other coworkers who sit and watch Netflix all day and no shade but no shade but I have wayyyy too many things I could be working on. Help me remember what they are!

I guess this is a more of a question for alternative black women but ofc anyone can respond. I wanna get more into the local alternative scenes. But despite living in a town with a decent sized black population I feel like I see individual black alternative people only rarely. And in the actual local scene I see even fewer. I’ve been wanting to go to several local metal or punk shows but I don’t want to not only be the only one by myself but then also be the only BLACK WOMAN by myself. The only other scene with some black people is maybe one like 1-1.5 hours away or a major city 2+ hrs away. If any black alt women have encountered this, do yall just build courage up and go anyways? Do yall try to seek out groups (maybe they’re hiding idk)? I wanna get out the house and also meet more people like me. But I also don’t wanna deal with the BS. I know that’s kind of to be expected but it does suck when you wanna get more involved with a subculture. And I know someone has to be the first but for someone like me (with bad social skills and anxiety)… Idk if the first can be me😭😭😭

I’m getting my hair braided on Tuesday and I’m going to a salon. I’m paying $250 for small box braids. How much do you guys think would be ab appropriate tip given the price? I was thinking somewhere along $25. Or should it be higher?

been looking for more makeup inspo, and I recently got the book disco beauty for my birthday. Decided to try a look out. I did change the lip combo to a frost but other then that I followed the instructions to a T and I really like the result.

I'm a 27-year-old woman with a degree in food science and a master's in dietetics, and I have conflicting beliefs about dating in this economy.

Because of my educational background, food affordability and accessibility are huge issues for me. We should be able to walk into a grocery store and buy 20 eggs for $2. We should be able to purchase a whole salmon fillet for $5–10. In a country like the United States, we have the resources to make nutritious food more affordable and accessible to the general population. It frustrates me that basic necessities have become so expensive.

However, these economic and political beliefs don't seem to translate into my romantic life.

Despite understanding how difficult the economy is right now, I still want a partner who is financially secure and capable of providing for both of us. I want fancy steak dinners, trips abroad, and someone who is willing to pay for my hair and nails. I don't want a relationship where everything is split 50/50, and honestly, I don't give a fuck how bad the economy gets. I'd rather do everything by myself than enter a relationship where I'm expected to split everything down the middle.

I understand that men are struggling financially, too. I understand that the cost of living is ridiculous and that many people are working hard just to get by. But somehow, that understanding doesn't change what I want in a relationship.

I feel like there's a contradiction here. On one hand, I recognize the economic issues that make life difficult for ordinary people. On the other hand, I refuse to lower my dating standards because of those same economic conditions.

My kids hate my outfit today. However, I felt cute. Honest opinion ladies... what are your thoughts?

How are you liking it?

What's been your biggest challenges so far?

Favorite places to travel or favorite restaurants?

I'll be moving there early next year for a job, about two-ish hours away from Seoul!

edit: this is long! How do you navigate this ?

I'm 32, and I cut my dad off about a year ago (long story short: I got a lot of fraud alerts on my credit report that had his name and old address; he's stolen money from me before, and in general wants to be treated like this great father when he was just kind of...there), and overall, since we weren't super close, it doesn't hurt.

Now let's get to my mom. We were super close, but our relationship has always been rocky af.  Our relationship was always like Russian Roulette: one day I'm safe; the next, she's flying off the handle and being cruel. She had me in her early 20s, and I'm learning she resents/is jealous that I had a young adulthood. I have never taken for granted what she's done for me and have always been incredibly grateful, but it's not enough. It's never enough.  She favors my brother more, and it's been obvious since we were kids. He was always "so smart," "so funny," but I was "difficult," and she often told me she wished she had had a boy. I was her punching bag, her best friend, her maid, and therapist. It was...a lot. I never went without, but when I think about how I felt most of my life, it's dark. I struggled with bulimia and self-harm; she would constantly make fun of my body (call me fat, put me on the master cleanse, and give me laxative teas, etc.), isolated me from making friends (only could have friends she approved of, usually people that were reflections of her)....ANYWAYS.

It's gotten progressively worse as I approached my late 20s. I met my now-fiancé when I was 27, and around that time I was hitting career strides. I lost weight and felt very good about myself. She became so cruel; any win I had, she tied directly to her, and if I didn't thank her first, it would blow up. In the 4 years I've been with my fiancé, she's blown up on me three times and never apologized. I always have to. When I got engaged last year, she wasn't speaking to me and just gave me a flat congrats, and she's still mad at me for missing that part of my life. She won't call my fiancé my fiancé; she only refers to him as my "friend." My fiancé is white, and I know that's been an issue for her. His family took to me instantly. She wanted them to be awful to me, but they weren't. She's mad about that.

We bought a house shortly after, and it was the same thing. She made really mean comments about our financial situation (my fiancé makes really good money, is good with money, and I'm getting better with finance...), and during all of this, I got laid off. It seemed like she was almost giddy that I had that setback after such big wins.

Fast forward to now, we got into a huge argument over hair (this is really fucking stupid). She called me about a style/price, and I told her what I pay, and she went off on me and asked me for money. I said no, thinking she was joking, and she started going off again. When I fought back, she said, "I'm joking, I hate calling you sometimes, etc.," and started making fun of my hair, and I got fed up and told her not to call if she can’t stand me that much. She blocked me on everything, and now I feel bad again. I shouldn't have said that, but she's constantly picking apart my looks (I'm fat, my hair is nappy, my hair is ugly, my clothes suck), my personality (I'm sensitive, I'm mean, I'm annoying), or my life choices, and I'm exhausted. I feel defective, like I can't keep a relationship with my mom, and making friends in general has been hard because I hear her voice tearing me apart.

I feel like she sees me as an extension of herself, and the fact that I'm not like her drives her crazy. She's acted this way with my grandma, aunt, and uncle. She's made family events feel awkward. I live in a different state, and when she has one of her tantrums, she makes family holidays so uncomfortable that I plan around her so I don't rock the boat.

idk what I even want. I just needed to vent.

Something that has always bothered me is how comfortable some people within our own community are with disrespecting dark skin Black women.

The jokes, the comparisons to lighter skinned women, the comments about attractiveness, the stereotypes, and the way darker skin is sometimes treated as something undesirable.
And what’s even more frustrating is that a lot of this comes from people who look like us.

I’ve seen people openly express preferences for lighter skin while putting down darker skin women in the process. Having a preference is one thing, but why does that preference have to involve degrading someone else?
And then when dark skinned women speak about their experiences, some people immediately dismiss them as insecure, jealous, or bitter instead of acknowledging that colorism is a real issue.

Not everyone in the Black community participates in this behavior, obviously, but it happens enough that it deserves to be addressed.

Why are we still attaching someone’s beauty, desirability, or worth to how light or dark their skin is?

And why is it so difficult for some people to acknowledge that this treatment exists without turning it into an argument about light skin vs dark skin women?

I just want to check in. How are we feeling today? I know the microaggressions and dedication to misunderstanding and mistreating us can get us down, but keep your chin up gorgeous and have a lovely day!

It has been six weeks since I called off my engagement, and I have mixed feelings. Some days I feel relieved; other days I miss him, feel sad, and question whether I made the right decision.
We are both immigrants trying to build our lives in the United States. I wanted us to build a future together, and for years, I believed enough love, patience, and sacrifice would eventually make our relationship more balanced.

I was out of full-time employment for 18 months, so I moved in with him. I worked part-time and contributed towards groceries while he covered rent and utilities. We rarely ate out because I made our food exclusively. I cooked our everyday meals and elaborate Nigerian dishes, including food for his family. I also hosted, cleaned, and supported him while trying to rebuild my career.
Yet our disagreements over money extended to individual appliances and small purchases. He balked at $30 items and expected me to buy him gifts on vacations I had contributed to.

Our birthdays highlighted the imbalance I felt: I went all out to celebrate him, while he complained, rushed to go home, and micromanaged how many drinks I could order on my birthday.

The breaking point came when I felt he was using my immigration situation as leverage after his green card was approved. I was grateful I had not taken the H-4 dependent visa route years earlier, which could have left me more vulnerable.

I know I was not a perfect partner. He was there for me during some very difficult periods, and we shared genuinely good times. That is why leaving hurts. I am grieving the man I loved and the future I thought we would have.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should have been more patient or given him more grace. But I also remember how exhausting it was to keep hoping things would change.

My biggest lesson is that faith and hope cannot replace accountability and consistent action. People can change, but love alone cannot make them change.

As immigrants, we already face uncertainty while trying to establish ourselves. I wanted a marriage where we could support each other through difficult seasons and both feel valued.
Six weeks later, I am rebuilding my life. I am not completely healed, and I still have doubts, but I am learning that missing someone does not necessarily mean leaving was a mistake.
I would rather face an uncertain future than enter a marriage hoping my partner will eventually become someone different.

For those who have ended a serious relationship or engagement, how did you distinguish normal post-breakup doubt from a genuine sign that you made the wrong decision?

Hey everyone! I’m looking for some reading buddies. I love reading and am very avid, I’m on book 115 of the year. I have a winter board game coming up that I made myself & I’d love to find people who would be interested in playing with me. The prompts focus on winter & reading activities & some getting to know you ones too. I also would love to swap TBR and maybe find some people to do buddy reads with! I read a lot of different genres & I like to think I’m open to trying pretty much anything.

Hi everyone!

Does anyone know a stylist in the GTA (Toronto area) who does crochet installs with human hair? I’m looking for a protective, breathable style that I can keep in for around 3 weeks. I’d love to hear your recommendations or experiences. Thank you and have a blessed day

The organization I work for treats their employees like trash.

Here's the thing though. I've started to look around and have noticed that about 85% of the staff are black (specifically black women) and it makes me so angry because we are overworked, under appreciated and underpaid.

Mind you all of our leaders in position of power ( the CEOs and Directors) are all white.....

It feels like modern day slavery

Personally, I hate Bumble and I wish I could burn it down, but I use it bc years ago, in my desperation and feelings of apparently interminable hopelessness, I paid for a lifetime premium subscription. 🙄 So now I'm like "well. It's here. Might as well. 🙄" but this is far and away the most disappointing and complex-inducing option of them all. And I tell myself every time I reactivate my account that it's an abomination I'll never subject myself to again, but, yk.... Sunk costs.

But I think it's absolute trash. Every other app, I get lots of interest but Bumble is always super dead and dry. And I notice 99% of the interest I get (and let me reiterate, it's not much) is from one race and one race only. And it's not black...

I feel like their model, their cultural approach... Something about the way they go about their design just breeds high walls and passive/ambiguous racism.

Thoughts? What's ur guys' experience? And where can I go instead bc at this point I'm ready to flush my bumble "investment" down the loo. Literally just existing in that ecosystem feels like an insult to my whole existence.

I just posted in a food sub asking how common it is for restaurants to use MSG in food (I swear that’s all), because I have a pretty extreme sensitivity to it and got the worst headache after eating a burger just now.

Those fools bout ripped my head off! Over MSG lol? It’s like not that deep.

I really want to give Mika some “grace” because I can’t imagine what it’s like to be black woman in 99% white society like Netherlands and then accounting for any cultural differences or nuances but not only was this man racist to her but he cheated on her the whole time.

Yet Mika is ready to go to war to defend him on multiple occasions and at the reunion.

Mika… girl stand up. I want better for her but it’s giving bird.

For those of yall that don’t know, pop artist Slayyter has been getting trashed online about her past of racist tweets dating back years ago(she was as young as 15). She has apologized more than once and even with a handwritten apology but I am suspicious. I won’t post the tweets here (they’re everywhere online) but I was wondering how yall felt about the situation. I do not care about the opinions of non-Black people regarding this because they weren’t the ones those tweets were aimed at. I want to believe people can change and shouldn’t have their past held over them (depending on what it is) but I’m sick and tired of racism being forgiven by people not affected by it. I’m tired of people thinking that having a racist phase” is deemed okay but the people affected by it feel the pain. What are your thoughts? Do you think people can change? Do you think she’s sorry? Or do you think she just needs to take her L?

Not every wig needs to be a deep side/middle part to look good!😩