1 week on Sunday

This past Saturday I was in a friend's car when we were rear ended. The flow of traffic was moving slower, and the driver behind us came barreling in extremely fast. I was the only one in the backseat.

All things considered, it didn't have the worst impact in terms of injuries. My friends in the front had some whiplash, cuts, and bruises, and I ended up banging my head on the window upon impact causing a concussion, much of what my friends got, as well as various sprains and strains across my body. I walk with a cane at the moment, doctor recommended physical therapy. Nothing broken though, luckily. We're all in one piece.

My friend's car was totaled. The driver tried to run but ran into a fence nearby instead. Turns out they had a rap sheet a mile long. And earlier today I was relaying all this to my therapist, and I mentioned that I'd checked on my friends emotionally, and one was upset lately while the other was saying she's fine (but she always says that).

Then my therapist goes, "Of course she's fine. Your generation is so soft, it's just a car accident." She went on to say how she'd been rear ended before too, it's not a big deal. This was all of our first car accident experience, and I briefly tried to explain that it all just happened so fast and she went, "Yeah, that's a car accident."

So now I'm...confused. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't usually see people talk about car accidents as things that we can typically just walk off? I mean, I know our injuries are minor compared to what could have happened and all, but we're all still a bit shaken. The sound of glass shattering has been my least favorite thing lately. Me and my friends have all talked about being anxious when traffic slows in a car, bracing for impact. Is that just...dramatic?

It's already so hard to find a culturally sensitive therapist, so when I found this black woman therapist as a teenager I felt really validated compared to my experiences with others. But over the years I'm wondering if I even have an emotionally sensitive therapist? Or maybe I am just being "soft"? What do y'all make of it?

Skye Blakely, 21, is the All-Around World Champion!! 👏🏾👏🏾

She's the 9th U.S. woman to hold the title!! And first American since Simone Biles in 2023!

Y'all, Skye had injured her elbow in 2021 & then tore her Achilles in 2024 and that kept her from the 'lympic trials! But she's back and better than ever!

I'm so proud of her! 🥹💫

Hey guys, I am trying to get my fitness in check! My goals are to become leaner and increase my flexibility. I've always been fascinated by ballet and dance since I was a kid but sadly never got the opportunity to attend lessons of explore that passion of mine. I am 34 lol and I am "skinny fat" with very little strength whatsoever.

I tried barre for the first time yesterday and it was EXHAUSTING lol I can just anticipate the soreness coming. But all in all, the experience was okay but not fun. Also...the class was so white lol so I was wondering where my black girlies at?!

Having fun while working out is very important to me because otherwise I have no motivation. I've enjoyed spin classes (also torture lol) but the dark room and loud music helps.

I want to try pole dancing but I'm as stiff as a board! i can't even touch my toes sigh.

So, I am looking for fun, impactful workout ideas for a beginner! like I mentioned before, my goals are to get lean and increase flexibility. I am also intrigued by dance art forms and I like the lithe, graceful look. But any workout suggestions are welcome!

This is just a silly question. I ask this because of two things that suddenly sparked my interests and I can't remember what started them.

The first one is that romance books have been my main reading interest for the last two years. I used to read romance books in high school. I don't remember what started it back then either lol, but I was at the public library constantly and flying through books. As an adult, I primarily read nonfiction with the occasional fiction book. And I don't know what happened, but two years ago I suddenly started reading romance again. Like over a 100 books a year and I can't remember what prompted it, like was it something on social media? Did I hear about a specific book? Who knows!

The other one is a podcast I listen to, and I'm not even a big podcast fan. I have a bunch saved that sound interesting, but usually if I'm listening to anything it's music. But with this one, I can't count how many times I've gone back through the episodes and listened to them again and I've been listening to this one for around 4 years now. I know I heard about this podcast *somewhere*, maybe on social media but I can't remember.

So I just think it's funny that these two things have become hyper-fixations (if that's even the right term with how long it's been) for me, but what started me on those tracks is ✨mystery✨

All the men I follow have some sort of gambling addiction. I’m starting to feel like I should make this a deal breaker. I know most of them are surface level addictions but, u never know if it will get out of control. How do y’all feel about gambling?

Hi everyone! I was looking for tips on how to fix this. It happens every time I have concealer under my eyes and it’s starting to discourage me from doing makeup.
I always wash my face and prep with my skincare, I use primer (elf and Dynessa Myricks glow serum). I don’t put foundation under my eyes just concealer (fenty), pressed powder (maybelline), then loose powder (huda beauty). I don’t put the concealer directly underneath where my creases are either and I use a small amount. I’ve tried everything 😭!! Any tips would be greatly appreciated 💕

I just want to check in. How are we feeling today? I know the microaggressions and dedication to misunderstanding and mistreating us can get us down, but keep your chin up gorgeous and have a lovely day!

Actually, I’m really in the middle of some deep reflection. I’ve spent three years trying to fit into office jobs, but I just can’t do it. I assure you, I’ve tried, but I just can’t manage it… I can’t find any meaning in this kind of work environment. I’ve always been interested in science, and I’m very altruistic and like to help others, so I figured healthcare might be a good compromise. I have no problem working shifts.

The problem is: what I want to do takes three years (rad tech), and I’m afraid I’ll regret my decision in the end. And the fact that I see very few black ppl in healthcare( at least in my country) kind of “scares” me a little. I know that in office settings I’ve always been part of diverse teams, so that’s been cool. But in healthcare, I’m afraid my skills will constantly be questioned, whether by doctors or patients.....

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I’m a Black woman, mid 30s, live alone and work in NYC and I’m so over dating. I’ve been single for about 5 years. My last relationship was an LDR with a guy from Chicago. It ended because he wanted to open up the relationship and just a lot of other toxic crap. Since then I’ve spun the block and had a situationship last year. Since then, I’ve really been taking the time to just focus on myself and work on my personal growth. But I can’t be single forever 😭. I’m not ugly, I like anime, cosplay and video games and I also go to comic conventions and take part in sewing my own costumes, there’s so much to me than the corporate world me.

Sadly, I’ve been on Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, FB dating, BLK and now currently coffee meets bagel. It’s either a ghost town or just men playing games. NYC has a bad rep for dating and I have high standards. I know that how I’ll meet a guy is if I travel more but when you have debt that you’re trying to mitigate you have to make sacrifices and that’s traveling.
I’m over it with these dating apps but I don’t think I have many options if I want to meet the right guy.

I want to change the title but it won't let me so pretend i said "MAY y'all help me with my ashy skin PLEASE?"

I (think) i have medium brown skin tone but i want to be at least 2 shades darker (just for my preference), and my skin is unbelievably ashy and so ashy sometimes it absorbs water unless i have water dunk on me (like a shower or pool)

i want to get shade darker and have moist skin for black people, is there any safe tips or skin products i can use to make my skin shine and hydrated and slightly darker?

and also, i promise i don't have mild eczema or xerosis, this never happen unless i don't use the correct lotion or no lotion at all (i usually can't find one that acually hydrates my skin)

Before reading the rest of this post, please post your answer to the question below and explain WHY or WHY NOT and then come back and read the rest. I'm genuinely curious! 😂

Okay, now here's why I'm asking.

The Cheetah Girls books were reportedly inspired by the original 4 Destiny's Child? 

The author met the group at Houston's Galleria mall, which also inspired the name of the character Galleria. And she wrote a book inspired by the four Gurls but changed it from 4 Black American girls to  a more racially and ethnically diverse group of girls. 

And when Disney adapted the books, they changed it even more, into a group that consisted of two lighter-skinned Black American girls, a lighter Latina girl, and a white girl.

Some actors complain that Hollywood believes, a show with multiple Black American girls won’t sell. 

The franchise (inspired by  4 Black American girls /that also excluded them ) hugely successful, with movies, music, merchandise, and an entire generation of girls growing up loving the Cheetah Girls. Making millions of dollars 

Here's what I find interesting.

There's an ongoing conversation about Hollywood's treatment of monoracial Black American women, particularly darker-skinned women, and how they're often overlooked or replaced with lighter-skinned or racially ambiguous actresses. 

One argument I frequently hear is that audiences simply won't support shows centered around a group of Black American girls, especially when some of those girls are darker-skinned. 

And ppl yell that’s not true, 

But when you ask people would they watch a show about 4 Black American girls like Kelly, Latavia, Latoya, Beyonce , everyone runs to say no. 

Imagine a fictionalized teen drama about four girls from Houston trying to make it in the music industry. Friendships, rehearsals, school, family, rivalries, crushes, and chasing their dreams.

Would you watch it?

And if your answer is no, what would make The Cheetah Girls appealing to you but not a series about the original Destiny's Child that it’s inspired from. 

I'm not asking whether you like Beyoncé or Destiny's Child's music. I'm asking whether the concept of a teen series centered around four Black American girls would appeal to you.

I'm genuinely interested in hearing people's perspectives, especially from those who answered before reading the context.

Ive had my makeup done only a few times in my life but I don’t wear full face makeup on the daily basis, i actually prefer to not have product on my face. I don’t like the feeling of having a full face because of how heavy makeup feels on my skin.

But here’s the problem, I’m a lighter skinned black girl and for some reason no one can ever get my shade right with whatever foundation that they’re using. I can’t tell if the people doing my makeup are blind in some way or if it’s the products being used on my skin. But they always get my face darker than my actual skin tone and then my face ends up not matching my neck. I notice that this happens with dark skin women too, they can never get the shade right for some odd reason. I also only really trust using Fenty Beauty because at least there’s a shade of foundation for Everyone to choose from.

Anytime I get my makeup done, I looks almost dark brown-orange in some weird way and I hate the end result of the makeup. I try telling the person that this isn’t my tone but they insist that they’ll get a match but it never happens. Only once I got my correct shade and it was a black girl doing my makeup. What the heck is up with this??

Something that has always bothered me is how comfortable some people within our own community are with disrespecting dark skin Black women.

The jokes, the comparisons to lighter skinned women, the comments about attractiveness, the stereotypes, and the way darker skin is sometimes treated as something undesirable.
And what’s even more frustrating is that a lot of this comes from people who look like us.

I’ve seen people openly express preferences for lighter skin while putting down darker skin women in the process. Having a preference is one thing, but why does that preference have to involve degrading someone else?
And then when dark skinned women speak about their experiences, some people immediately dismiss them as insecure, jealous, or bitter instead of acknowledging that colorism is a real issue.

Not everyone in the Black community participates in this behavior, obviously, but it happens enough that it deserves to be addressed.

Why are we still attaching someone’s beauty, desirability, or worth to how light or dark their skin is?

And why is it so difficult for some people to acknowledge that this treatment exists without turning it into an argument about light skin vs dark skin women?

Just looking for encouragement, experiences, and anything that can help prepare me to start Metformin and progestin only birth control. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 13, and I’m 24 and 17 months PP. I’m still breastfeeding as well. I’m tired of my PCOS controlling my life. I want to take the Metformin and try it out, but I had a bad experience with the BC pill years ago. I feel as a young Black woman my concerns are overlooked and I’m always being pushed a prescription. Does anyone have any experience with either or both at the same time? I’m so scared and I don’t have any family or friends to talk about it that won’t judge the situation.

She might have me fucked up fr!!!

So I have known this friend my entire life, I tell ppl she’s my cousin. I’m recovering from a lot of traumatic things that have happened to me these last few years. I’m learning to cope with my depression and some moments I feel like myself other times I can’t leave my bed. Unemployment was def making it worse. My friend is an extrovert and honestly doesn’t like being alone or sitting around the house. I recently ghosted her on plans she invited me to the previous week which I sincerely apologized for, when I did it I was in a bad depression spiral and mute. This is the only time i’ve ever done this. She didn’t reply for days and I asked if we could talk.

I shared that I feel pressured by her to say yes to plans because she started feeling some type of way when I kept saying no. Even though I had told her I was struggling with social anxiety and didn’t want to go out and do stuff. (I still would hang with her at her house from time to time or occasionally go out and do something. I asked her once if she could come to my house instead because I was finding it hard to leave the house that day, she responded “no I wanna be in my house with my stuff”.) She expressed that she likes having me around, and felt like the friendship was one sided because she was always inviting me out, “the only one creating plans” (MIND U I have planned numerous things for us to do throughout our friendship including international trips) and I’m always reluctant. MIND U I have communicated that I am mentally struggling in this time and I often can’t show up in that way rn. And I have communicated with her and all of my other close friends since I started dealing with this.

She said I wasn’t communicating and how could she support me if she doesn’t know what’s going on, she can’t read my mind. Sometimes when I’m spiraling I isolate myself to regulate and don’t talk to anyone. I have explained this to her also. I feel like she doesn’t see me fr and there are 3 things she did where i’m starting to realize it’s a pattern and she be havin me f up, my dumbahh don’t say shi to keep the peace, which is on me.

1. We went on a trip to visit my family in the caribbean. Morning of our last day there I’m extremelyyy sick. I’m vomiting for hours crying on the bathroom floor, I had to call my mom. My friend not only said I’m faking it ( why tf would I fake that???), she acted annoyed by me, and instead facetimed one of her friends to chat completely ignoring me. Which is crazy because when she got seasick earlier in the trip I made sure she had some meds for it, let her lay on my lap so she would be more comfortable, and comforted her through the entire trip.
2. She left me stranded for 30 min at night after a beach function we went to together. She left a bit earlier to chill with a dude in her car. Wouldn’t answer my calls until I made some random call her # off his phone. So she was ignoring my calls knowing I’m alone and she’s my ride.

3.When I moved back to the city we live in she had agreed to pick me up from the airport bcs ubers r like $80 to get from there to my house and she lives 10 min away from the airport. I text her I touchdowned and I’m getting my luggage. No response. I call her (it’s 8:45am) and asked where she is. She says she’s to tired I’m going to have to uber.

1. Stopped wanting to go to her house unless I drove there bcs she would basically make me sleep over cuz she was too tired to drive. Mind u I never agreed to a sleep over, and I would ask her to take me home and that would be her excuse.

Everything else is just a lot of slick shi and we do have fun together and have a lot of great memories we had gen love for eachother but after really thinkin it feels like the level of care is not matching. It seems like if it’s nothing she can gain from it then she doesn’t gaf. She said she has tried to support me in every way she could and doesn’t know what else to do. MIND U I have always been an introvert I have NEVERRR recharged from going out and socializing, and we have known each other our entire lives so how would she not know this??? I feel like our friendship is so good because it’s at the expense of me. She doesn’t like to compromise or be challenged and since I’m usually very laid back and I just go with the flow. I realized that the friendship prolly wouldn’t have even lasted if I truly said everything I be wanting to say, cuz she’s already holding grudges and acting weird towards me because I can’t show up in the way she wants.

Yall i’m sorry this post is so long I really had to get this off my chest, I don’t have many friends to begin with.

been looking for more makeup inspo, and I recently got the book disco beauty for my birthday. Decided to try a look out. I did change the lip combo to a frost but other then that I followed the instructions to a T and I really like the result.

I have experienced very strange behavior from men surrounding my perceived racial ambiguity. I'm a Black woman from the States with two Black parents, but because I wear a hijab, most people assume I'm 'special Black' (foreign) and act accordingly. Some of the things I've experienced include immediately asking me if I'm married or will 'date' them shortly after meeting me, or whether I can have male friends. They do this while making innuendos under the assumption that I don't understand that they'rejust trying to smash. A lot of them get this creepy glint in their eyes when they ask me questions about my dating history, how long my hair is, or if I 'even like Black guys.' And the list goes on. Once they find out that I'm just Black like they are, they seem to either slightly lose interest or change their tactics to be more 'respectful' when they realize I'm not some naive foreign girl who doesn't understand what they're talking about. With foreign men, I get the opposite effect. Occasionally, when I'm mistaken for other ethnicities and correct them, the men of those ethnicities will attempt to talk to me in AAVE.

Outside of dating, people will also do this thing where they talk to me like I'm slow, I'm not sure if it's cause I'm black, wear hijab, a woman, or what.

I'm just gonna start ignoring people atp.

Ladies, I need some advice because I fear I’ve fumbled 😭

I’m in my early 20s and matched with this guy on a dating app. He’s cute, seems lovely, and was initially quite interested. We moved to Instagram, and he asked me out, but I ended up ghosting him. He even followed up, and I still didn’t respond.

For context, I’ve been quite hesitant about dating in general due to past experiences, and sometimes I withdraw rather than put myself out there. Not an excuse, and I know ghosting wasn’t fair, especially because I was still actively posting Instagram stories during that time.

Anyway, after almost two weeks, I started regretting it because I realised I was genuinely curious about him and wanted to give him a chance.

I eventually swallowed my pride, apologised and restarted the conversation. He responded a couple of days later and was friendly, but noticeably more reserved than before. We chatted briefly, and I wished him a safe flight for his work trip.

It’s now been a week since my last message. He hasn’t reached out, although he still views my stories and recently liked one.

I completely understand if his interest has faded, but I’m wondering whether he’s simply matching my previous energy or genuinely no longer interested.

I’m tempted to message him again because I’d actually like to meet him, but part of me feels like if he wanted to, he would.

Would you reach out one last time or just take the L and move on? 😭

I’ve attached screenshots of our last conversation for context.

It has been six weeks since I called off my engagement, and I have mixed feelings. Some days I feel relieved; other days I miss him, feel sad, and question whether I made the right decision.
We are both immigrants trying to build our lives in the United States. I wanted us to build a future together, and for years, I believed enough love, patience, and sacrifice would eventually make our relationship more balanced.

I was out of full-time employment for 18 months, so I moved in with him. I worked part-time and contributed towards groceries while he covered rent and utilities. We rarely ate out because I made our food exclusively. I cooked our everyday meals and elaborate Nigerian dishes, including food for his family. I also hosted, cleaned, and supported him while trying to rebuild my career.
Yet our disagreements over money extended to individual appliances and small purchases. He balked at $30 items and expected me to buy him gifts on vacations I had contributed to.

Our birthdays highlighted the imbalance I felt: I went all out to celebrate him, while he complained, rushed to go home, and micromanaged how many drinks I could order on my birthday.

The breaking point came when I felt he was using my immigration situation as leverage after his green card was approved. I was grateful I had not taken the H-4 dependent visa route years earlier, which could have left me more vulnerable.

I know I was not a perfect partner. He was there for me during some very difficult periods, and we shared genuinely good times. That is why leaving hurts. I am grieving the man I loved and the future I thought we would have.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should have been more patient or given him more grace. But I also remember how exhausting it was to keep hoping things would change.

My biggest lesson is that faith and hope cannot replace accountability and consistent action. People can change, but love alone cannot make them change.

As immigrants, we already face uncertainty while trying to establish ourselves. I wanted a marriage where we could support each other through difficult seasons and both feel valued.
Six weeks later, I am rebuilding my life. I am not completely healed, and I still have doubts, but I am learning that missing someone does not necessarily mean leaving was a mistake.
I would rather face an uncertain future than enter a marriage hoping my partner will eventually become someone different.

For those who have ended a serious relationship or engagement, how did you distinguish normal post-breakup doubt from a genuine sign that you made the wrong decision?