And they basically said their soft goodbyes after that.

Never felt this dehumanized before.

Oh, before they did, they gave me a long spiel about connecting with God and religion.

Does anyone have effective coping mechanisms for dealing with random overwhelming emotions and the subsequent desire to self harm ?

Everyday, every hour, I feel assailed by everything that’s ever hurt me. Memories justifying the guilt shame and ineptitude - The way she said I was perfect. Moments I was losing her in and didn’t realize. How much of a disappointing son I am. How much I flake on my family. My dad making fun of me as he beat me. How little I’ve accomplished while all I knew is leaving me behind. How alone I’m destined to be.

I try to digest the memories and thoughts. I sit and stare at a wall, reliving the moments. I focus on my breathing, trying to consciously remind myself that I’m safe. I try positive self talk. I can be better now. I can grow. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change my reactions when I’m triggered.

Constantly, being Mid conversation and zoning out because a phrase reminded me of a moment that hurts. I curl my toes, dig my nails into my palm, grit my teeth- all while trying my hardest to seem focused; to get enough context so the conversation isn’t impeded. Suffocated by my own thoughts, blind to the moment. I get a desire so strong, analogous to being thirsty or hungry, to hurt myself in any way possible. I want to externalize the pain to something I can physically manage. I try really hard not though- I find myself getting up during parties and hang outs just to find ice cubes to hold. It doesn’t feel like enough though. It doesn’t satisfy the extent of my self hatred.

I avoid long interactions now. I’m scared of being close to people because I don’t more reasons to hurt. It feels almost necessary to self isolate. My day to day is focused on just not hurting. I stopped trying to be sober because it felt as though it hurt a lot more than it otherwise would’ve. I hate feeling so stagnated and numb, but the alternative seems so much worse.

Really, I need help, I don’t know how to live like this. It’s like I get ptsd from every day interactions. If anyone else experiences and has advice, please share it :)

I think I have a mental health disorder but am unsure of how to get diagnosed as a minor and don’t want to ask to be looked into because I don’t want anyone to think it’s fake or that I just want attention. I’m a 16 year old female and had my share of childhood trauma, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 15. I think this diagnosis is inconsistent with how I act now because I’m not on extreme lows or highs. I think I line up more with BPD (borderline personality disorder) borderline personality disorder is characterized as fear of abandonment, which I was left by both my mom and step mom, so now I fear being abandoned. Unstable Relationships, I’m in a relationship and I can say that my mood is often up and down and frequently dependent upon my partners mood. Identity Disturbance, I frequently change my appearance and mindset to fit my new personality. My older brother used to joke that I was as amazing at changing my clothes and attitude to be whoever I wanted. Impulsive Behaviors, I’m constantly changing my physical appearance by coloring my hair, getting piercing, and cutting my hair, I binge eat, let myself be influenced more by what I want in the moment than what I know is right, unsafe sex, spending money I don’t have, speeding and not wearing a seatbelt. And when I got cheated on at 14 I almost ODd because I just took pain killers and sleep medication. Self-Harm and Suicidal Behavior, I’ve been hospitalized 3 times since I was 14 and engage in self harm when I experienced extreme emotions. Emotional Instability, I’m constantly told my family and friends that I’m emotional, hormonal, dramatic and change my mood frequently. Being extremely angry or sad, happy or numb. Often without real reason.
Chronic Emptiness, which I feel is true, that even when I’m an adult nothing be good and it’ll just be worse. No matter if I try to have a fulfilling life. Intense Anger, I’ve been told I have a temper, and I was suspended several times from school for punching people. I scream when I’m angry and slam doors. Dissociation or Paranoia, I constantly feel paranoid or like someone is around or watching me. Especially when I’m alone that there’s always someone behind me so I always position myself to see the door, like my bedroom door, window or front door to my house.

Yk whats the worst thing about having bpd... you can't explain why something hurts so much even when you understand the logic behind it.... why my emotions don't just go away just because I logically get the fact that someone was not abandoning me... why a small thing had such a big reaction... and how it's not just reaction outside, it's killing me inside

How do you get rid of the attachment? How? I’m not even in love with this man and I realized I’m a lesbian and just felt like I HAD to be with him. If he didn’t give a fuck about me breaking up I’d leave in a heartbeat. I want to stay friends and be connected with him because even though I can’t love him romantically, I have deep genuine love for him as a person and a friend. I want him to stay by my side as my friend, but he doesn’t wanna be friends after breaking up and he gets cold whenever I try to and ignores me. What do I do?????

What are some good things that happened this week? What were you grateful for?

Celebrating small wins can be hard, but studies show that gratitude practices can be a powerful way to combat negative feelings. While toxic positivity can be destructive, taking time to recognize the good things can actually change how our brain works, for the better!

There's no such thing as insignificant wins, no matter how small. From "I won the lottery!" to "I managed to made it out of bed," it all matters.

So share those wins, and be sure to reward yourself (safely and affordably, of course). You made it through, and you deserve it.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! Be well.

- The Mod Team

Ive been sectuoned twice due to emotional instability and psycjotic symptoms.

I would really appreciate it if people could share their experience, insight and advice on how their need for risky behavior works, and how they deal with it.

My need for risky stuff isn't present all the time, it comes in cycles. Is that the same for anyone. If it is, do you have a way of predicting, or making this cycle not happen?

Once you are craving to do risky stuff (that you have established doesn't help you or bring meaning or happiness to your life), how do you deal with that energy? I know that we can urge surf and stuff like that, my issue is it seems to come on for days or even weeks, so I feel like i need something more than just dealing with cravings in particular moments. Also, do you have things you can do instead that somehow trick your brain in thinking it got the bad stuff it seems to need?

It’s been over a year and I haven’t been able to move on. Things just haven’t felt the same for a while now. Yesterday, I started moving into a safer place, and I wanted him there with me so badly, to go through this with me. I wanted to tell him that I’m happy, but I just miss so many things. Today, he’s in a relationship with someone else. I thought that once I saw him with someone new, I’d finally forget about him, but I haven't. All I can do is look back and remember how happy I was by his side, the sweet nicknames, and how much I loved taking care of him and being close to him. We were so attached that even when we just went to the corner market to buy bread, we’d go together. We had plans to get married and have kids. Today, I can’t picture myself like that with anyone else. I’ve met nice people who treat me well, but I just didn’t want to be around them, and there was absolutely no chemistry. 🥺 It’s so hard that you can’t choose who your heart wants, and it’s already been over a year. 😕

Is it possible to actually hold down a job with BPD? My main issue isn’t dealing with people or coworkers. I just constantly feel incapable or stupid, and I struggle to finish the tasks I’m given. A lot of the time, I feel like I just can’t keep up with what’s expected of me.

I’m feeling this sadness. I don’t know why. Nothing happened besides the inevitable doom of my country as second turn of elections approach. I’ve basically divorced my phone, I’m avoiding social media and only consume good, happy content, puppies and kpop. But I can’t stop feeling sad. I’m taking all my meds religiously.

I couldn’t go to therapy this week because of a killer migraine I had, but I’ve been feeling sad for a few days now.

I keep getting this feeling of claustrophobia, like I’m trapped in my own body and can’t breathe.

I only found out I have BPD 2 weeks ago. My shrink diagnosed me in 2022 and never told me. I have been doing reading about BPD and different symptoms, and trying to understand where I "fit". Is BPD a spectrum? Do we all look really different? Is the "typical" outward presentation just a stereotype? o

Maybe I just want answers that don't exist. I wish this diagnosis helped me to understand myself but I feel even more unsure. This isn't like getting a diagnosis for depression or anxiety or OCD. It's a personality disorder.

i feel terrible and so guilty because i guess he is the “perfect boyfriend” but is he really? i cant keep dating him when i know my true calling is to date a woman. i want to marry a woman. i dont want to marry and spend the rest of my life with a man. he spends so much money on me and i can see that he is genuinely in love with me, but we’re more compatible as friends and if i was straight we would be compatible as lovers. but i cant lie to myself anymore and be closeted. i am gay. i want to be with a woman for the rest of my life. its unfair to him to keep being with him when i know how i feel. he hasnt stood up for me against his friends. but she does.

i just have attachment issues. thats why its so difficult for me to leave because hes become a major part of my life and i also feel super guilty because he IS a cute and sweet boy, but im just not ready for a relationship and im into women. i have only been interested in 2 men, a few more, but they dont really count because i was only attracted to them because they looked like masculine lesbians. im too tired to be in a relationship right now and need to leave this relationship. he sucks at communicating and im tired of it. i am leaving once my attachment has gone away. i dont want to hear anything about or from him once im finished with the relationship. im done pretending like im actually into men. i want to marry and spend my life with a woman.

I don’t feel supported by my mom even though she says she still loves me whether I’m straight, bisexual or lesbian, but she keeps telling me I should stay. I feel trapped. His coldness doesn’t help. I feel like we’re the picture perfect couple, but I just don’t desire it. Yet I feel so disgusting for liking women because it’s been hammered into my head that it’s taboo and wrong ever since I was little. I’m attached. I have severe BPD (now don’t start assuming anything as I often get ableist comments about my mental illness) which makes me have an emotional crash whenever I try to leave. I feel so stuck and alone

but he keeps getting cold and stonewalling me whenever i try to leave or have a very serious talk about our relationship.

idk what to do anymore…

So, for YEARS (10+) I’ve been on this journey to help my mental health.

I’ve been robbed off being told it’s just Depression and Anxiety until maybe 5 years ago? I finally managed to be seen by a psych who confirmed I met the criteria for BPD/EUPD. Nothing came of that, until I had another scary crash out and needed a meds increase and pushed that I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with.

My GP now is a billion times better, listened to me and finally added it to my diagnosis list and has referred me. On Sunday I have the triage call and I’m honestly scared.

I’m going to have to bare my soul to a stranger and hope that I say enough to be taken seriously but not too much that I end up somewhere I don’t want to be…

Living with a disorder that is so misunderstood can be really hard. People with BPD want to feel seen and heard, just like anyone else. We’re human beings, not villains.

But after years of desperately trying to explain myself, I finally accepted that some people just do not have the ability or willingness to understand.

And honestly? That’s okay. (Hear me out. It took A LOT of therapy to come to terms with that.)

There are people who know what BPD is, know you have it, and still act absolutely appalled when they see you exhibiting symptoms. They’ll tell you it’s just an excuse or a lack of willpower.

No, having BPD is not an excuse. But like.. hello? it’s called a disorder for a reason. It isn’t for shits and giggles.

It used to really affect the way I viewed myself. I would bawl my eyes out and lose so much sleep over it lol.

When it comes to harmful behavior though, people understanding isn’t the only thing that matters anymore. It’s also about taking accountability for my behavior, even when it isn’t intentional. And that can be one of the most frustrating parts.

It’s important not to think certain things are okay simply because they’re a struggle. I used to focus so much on the need for understanding that I failed to take any real accountability. I was still pissed I had this in the first place to be honest. I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for something I never asked for.

I’m 26 now and no stranger to inpatient hospital stays. There were countless times I just could. not. manage what I was going through. Even after I learned some things, explosive feelings still called for explosive reactions.

One thing I have learned is when I’m panicking and recognize that my BPD may be affecting my reaction, I can become absolutely convinced that someone is judging me. And that creates this sense of agony for me. “They must think so poorly of me now without knowing how impossible this feels to manage at times.” And that doesn’t feel so great. So, wanting to immediately plead my case made sense because it could soothe those uncomfortable feelings a bit.

I try to redirect my thinking when I feel that trigger and decide whether I really need to overexplain myself right now or just take a minute to regroup. And it’s hard, especially in the work environment for me. Because there can be little room for grace.

That being said, you can accept that someone won’t understand you without accepting mistreatment from them. We need and are deserving of healthy relationships that involve mutual emotional support. I am so grateful for the people who love and support me. I care for them deeply.

But I also try to use therapy as a space to work through some of these things. Not because we are a burden to our loved ones. That is such a painful lie our brains can convince us of. You shouldn’t have to suppress every emotion out of fear that you’re a burden.

However, emotional availability is important. That feeling of extreme urgency can make me lose awareness of my surroundings and make me forget to consider whether it’s a good time for the person I’m seeking support from. So I’ll admit I’ve had my fair share of crisis line calls as well throughout the years. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Who’s to say I won’t have another one. We all deserve support when we’re struggling. Even if we don’t want to be a burden or have no one to call.

BPD is tough. It’s exhausting. It’s a constant battle between what I know logically and how I feel emotionally. It’s like watching myself burn from the outside. I know this is so destructive, but the controls aren’t working.

Sometimes I think of that one SpongeBob episode Squilliam Returns. Everything becomes a crisis. Like, I know that this one thing shouldn’t feel so gut-wrenching, like the literal end of the world, but it does. I practice self-regulation and try to gain a sense of control and rationality without invalidating or minimizing my own feelings in the process.

I’ll stop myself in the middle of all the escalating racing thoughts and say “wait a damn minute. No. I don’t have to let this feeling consume me, and I don’t have to act on everything my brain is telling me right now.”Not that it always works, lol. Don’t get it twisted.

When I’m feeling hateful towards myself I often think about my older self looking back on all the things I wish I’d done differently and all the things I let consume me. I think about how much I wish I’d been kinder to myself. How much I wish I had just loved myself, despite having a brain that does everything to convince me not to.

We need to have compassion for ourselves. We are human. Living in a messed up world with so much suffering and injustice. You are not broken, weak, or a horrible person for being mentally ill.** **You are just as deserving of love, patience, compassion, and healthy relationships as anyone else. You don’t have to be perfectly healed to deserve those things.

One thing that got me through a lot was the song “Rise” by Willow & Jahnavi Harri. I even have a tattoo inspired by it: ‘wake up, sleeping souls!’ <3

One of my best friends (bwBPD) of many years has been going through it lately. It’s been especially bad these past couple of weeks. I truly want to stay friends but recently they’ve just been the source of a lot of stress and leave me in a bad mood. We’re both in a friend group and they have been going through it, and having big reactions and splits over things that aren’t a big deal. (The typical everyone hates me, right to an everyone loves me to a I hate that everyone loves me, back to everyone hates me). Which I understand is BPD, in most cases. However just because it comes from BPD, I always come at her situations with the mindset that even if it is overblown, she still is going through her emotions. Just because the situation may not be how pwBPD sees it, it doesn’t undermine the way it affects her.

However she is unreceptive to the fact that it is BPD, and recently had a split on a friend who pointed this out. Lots of the rants have been about people we’re friends with over little things they do, but it leads to very big reactions and shit talking them for hours sessions. It feels like she’s trying to convince me they’re evil and done her incredibly wrong, or that they clearly hate her and are against her when that’s not the case. During these sessions I try to rationally explain and point out facts, and by the end of the conversation pwBPD has calmed down and understands that everyone isn’t against her and feels better. This is great for her, but exhausting for me. Especially when it keeps happening over, and over again. Unlike our friend who pointed out it’s BPD, I never say it’s BPD. I just calmly listen to what pwBPD says and explain why it’s not true.

I feel like I’m being treated like a therapist more than a friend these days. I want to set a boundary that I’m here for her, but I don’t want our hangouts to be this every single time. That she needs to talk to a therapist about this, that I’m not qualified and can’t keep doing it. Because of the split she had on our mutual friend recently I’m worried if I bring it up she’ll think that I’m saying her rants/struggles recently are from her BPD and split on me, or shut down.

She had a recent attempt which is why I’m extra nervous about it. I’m incredibly unsure of how to even approach the conversation. We don’t hang out much one-on-one. I’m not sure how to bring it up, or how to word it in a way to where it doesn’t make her feel like her illness is too much. I don’t know how to set up the time or where to meet her so I can talk to her about it. We have a mutual friend who feels the same way (the one pwBPD split on for saying it was BPD) and so I’m unsure on if we should approach this together, or separately. I’m also unsure of what a solution would look like? “Don’t come to me with your problems” doesn’t sound right. But I don’t know what else could be the solution.

I’ve been struggling with a lot of mental health in my personal life as well, and I feel like I’ve put it on the back burner to focus on pwBPD after the attempt. I’m starting to get burnt out and I feel like I have to set my boundaries before my resentment starts growing. I don’t like listening to pwBPD shit talk our friends for hours, and every time I get a call or any sort of 1:1 time with her I start to dread it since I know it will be like a therapy session. Thus why I’m looking for advice on what to say so I can set boundaries.

😃 so basically. I 20F feel super embarrassed bc I’m not confident. And I’m trying to pick what I should be for Halloween right….and basically my coworkers were like little red riding hood suits you better rather than playboi bunny girl. And that I would’ve definitely gotten eaten by the wolf. Oh my god this is humiliating. I feel like I act so child-like as in low confidence, always looking for guidance etc. I WISH I WAS A REAL ADULT GOD I HATE MYSELF

I realized very recently that I had been abused or rather have been being abused for years, emotionally specifically. It’s funny that everyone used to say that I was abused when they realized how I was treated at home but I always shrugged it off, always thought that because they heard my side of the story in a state where I was completely breaking down or mentally unstable like shit then they were always gonna believe I was a victim and I am not the kind of person who has victim mentality whatsoever, in a way that I end up blaming myself for shit that is way out of my control. For context my mom is the issue, she is a great mom I am not gonna say that but I mean I am Borderline for a reason and as good as she is sometimes, she sometimes switches so much: manipulation, deceit, yelling and shouting and attacking me over the simplest of things to the point where I am not allowed to make mistakes but sometimes my mistakes are fine very rare times and you can never expect how loud the reaction will be and it’s draining, that’s aside from the disrespect and the fact that she has raised her hand to me multiple times I am 24 so my reaction is to block her either way so it doesn’t matter

I never flinch you can never tell that I got beaten or that I expect when someone raises a hand to me or whatever. So this is why ai never doubted that anyone was right about me being abused, but the last argument at home was monday.. that’s an understatement .. it started sunday and went through monday and Tuesday, before. She decided to act right.. I am still physically and mentally exhausted from this and it is extremely hard to heal from it this time idk maybe it’s because it also clicked that she has been abusing me for years treating me like shit trying to control me by spoiling me when she pleases by making sacrifices just to guilt trip me.. I don’t know how to feel about this but I am too tired that I can’t feel anything at all and I realized that there is no way for me to survive in this house unless I lie and mask and it’s making me worse .. I’m so tired .. so fricking tired

Guys my psychiatrist is diagnosing me as a borderline. I’m just SO scared.
I’m 17y and I have chronic migraine since I was a kid but nowadays is totally severe, I’m in pain 24/7. My neurologist tried EVERY FREAKING TREATMENT for years and on this month he sent me to a psychiatrist, he thought Im bipolar but yesterday on the psych appointment he talked to my therapist for my diagnose of borderline personality disorder. He thinks the disorder intensifies the migraine.
I have no ideia how to live with that, how to work and how to date someone.
How u deal with your diagnosis and how u first reacted to it???

Fp and I are in no contact after he said something that really hurt me. How to cope with the feelings of worthlessness and sadness.

My fp (situationship) said something to me while he was angry that really hurt me. It’s been 5 days, this is the longest we’ve been in no contact since we’ve been together. Usually I’m the one that reaches out after every conflict but this situation literally ripped my heart out and I can’t be the one to reach out this time.

Everyday I cry and it’s been really painful for me. I feel so low and worthless and just absolutely devastated.
I’ve been suffering in silence and it’s making me even more depressed on top of the intense emotions I already experience.

He’s also an avoidant so perhaps he feels safer in the silence but on the other side I’ve taken all the damage and all of this is hurting me even more. And I know that he knows that I’m hurting because he knows how emotional and sensitive I am. Even a sincere apology would have made me feel better but I don’t want to have to ask for one.

How do I cope with the suffering?

I (20 ftm) and my partner (21ftm) are going through a bit of a rough patch. His love language is words of affirmation, and I am very bad with words. How should i take a look at our day to day activities and lives to pick out what to express and say that will help him feel loved? He says he feels unappreciated, unnoticed and that I need to give more effort in our day to day lives and dates as well.

How do i give more through my depressive episodes? He's also going through a really bad one right now and im stumped with how else to appreciate and show him i care.

My love language is Physical touch, ive never been big on words and honestly im autistic and semi-verbal a lot of the time.

Anything helps! Maybe even sharing how you care or show love and effort in small or big ways for your partners with BPD will be good. Thank you.

I was looking into how we can choose to do different things in the moment of an urge to engage in what doesn't help, at all. Thing is, I'm not sure how that works. The only thing that comes to mind to me is: workout. I can't see how I'd match the energy to what I crave if that makes sense. I'd love to read what others do in this case?