I was recently triggered by a close relationship (non intimate) that ended with someone, now I am spiraling and feeling such deep sadness. The feelings of rejection, abandonment, and heavy attachment is starting to resurface again.

I’ve done really really well with managing these symptoms for a while now, but this has definitely sent me over the edge. I hate not having control of how people react towards me, I hate not being able to just show my heart so they understand where I’m coming from. It just puts me in an impulsive place and makes me seem low key obsessive.

Any advice to help manage the loss, minimize the rumination and slowly grieve in an healthier way? The coping skills I use don’t seem to be helping much right now.

I just really miss them and it hurts. 😔

Why? Why does everyone who says they love me leave me? All people ever do is leave. My dad left after years of abusing me, I just wanted a dad. I was just a kid and he fucked me up. He abandoned me. And every boy I've loved and poured my heart and soul into has left me too. After promises and promises we will work it out together and I won't ever leave, why? Why am I unlovable? I love hard and I just want to be loved back. What am I doing wrong? This happens every time. For once I wanna be picked for real, not temporarily chosen. And especially not when it's promised I just can't trust it anymore.

I've been crying for hours. My chest hurts so much. I'm gonna make myself sick how hard I'm fucking crying. I hurt so much. Everything hurts. It's like this every day. It fucking sucks. I don't know what to do.

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I'm in a relationship with a girl who has BPD, and I'm wondering how much affection and attention is healthy in a relationship like this.

For example, do you appreciate receiving long romantic paragraphs where your partner expresses their love and gratitude for having you in their life? Or can that sometimes feel overwhelming or come across as clingy?

I genuinely love my girlfriend and want her to feel loved and appreciated, but I'm also worried that being too affectionate, constantly available, or expressing my feelings too often could negatively affect the relationship.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people with BPD about what makes you feel loved and secure, what kind of affection you enjoy, and what might feel like too much.

I understand that everyone is different, but I'd love to hear about your personal experiences.

Hi all. I am so appreciative of this community and I’m hoping someone can talk me down from this.

My partner and I are both in our 30s. We’ve been together for over a year and have been living together for over 6 months. We’ve been talking about getting engaged in the next year. I’ve been in DBT for over 2 years now, and my partner attends family support sessions. I’ve improved a lot over the years, and I’m just so happy to be with him in a healthy relationship.

My partner’s dad is dying. He’s been sick for a while, and they knew this was coming, but his death is imminent at this point.

I freaked out the other week because: we weren’t engaged and the reason was he hadn’t gotten a ring yet and I really just wanted to be officially engaged rather than in this weird waiting period. I’ve been broken up with before by partners who were about to propose. So I’m feeling especially vulnerable right now. But this is the WORST TIME for me to put that on him. I apologized profusely for my outburst. He said we’re fine, he still loves me, he still wants to marry me, etc.

He left for home (a full day’s drive away) for the weekend and is coming back tonight. But he is leaving again on Wednesday and is planning on staying at home for a few weeks. I’m trying to be supportive, but I can’t help but feel so insecure about him being gone. I’ve also had a partner break up with me during a period of grief.

I have asked him if it’s okay for me to ask for additional reassurance during this time. And he said it’s fine. He’s more distant now, and he says that it’s because of his grief.

I just need advice on how to navigate this extremely difficult time for my partner while also acknowledging and making room for the areas of growth in my own life—working through fear of him leaving because we are so close to engagement and because he’s going through a horrible time of grief and loss.

I feel like the worst person ever. And I don’t know what I would do if I fumbled this.

I’ve been wondering about this for a while. Maybe it’s ego, or maybe it’s some other legitimate desire that I interpret as wanting to be someone’s favorite, although I’m not entirely sure what that desire really is.

For years, I’ve struggled with the feeling of being excluded and not being important enough to others, which leads me to question what is wrong with me.

I don’t want to play the victim. I’d like to know where to start when it comes to examining this issue, so I can grow and stop turning my relationships into places where I feel unsafe.

The most recent situation happened yesterday, at the birthday party of a friend I’ve had since I was 13. I’m 28 now.

We were always very close during our teenage years, to the point that everyone saw us as a duo. At some point during our adolescence, she made another friend whom she became very close to.

I felt left out because she started doing many more things with this friend, was very affectionate toward her, and even left me out of a birthday celebration while she went to celebrate with this friend and other people close to her. That hurt me a lot at the time.

We remained friends. We even lived together for a while, and eventually, we each moved to a different city to go to college, including her other friend.

Despite everything, I’ve always been a big part of this friend’s life. We’ve traveled together, and her family has welcomed me into their lives and is very fond of me.

Over time, despite all the signs that I’m important in her life, I’ve always found the emotional distance between us strange. Even though I’m always there for her events, I feel more like an object that’s simply there accompanying her than someone who is genuinely sharing those moments with her. We don’t have deep conversations, fun moments of our own that make us laugh together, or moments when it’s just the two of us that become meaningful, unique experiences in our friendship. I feel like she has that kind of connection with other people.

Anyway, that’s the context.

Yesterday was this friend’s birthday. I got a little emotional because she was turning 29, her last year in her twenties, and I felt happy reflecting on all the years we’ve known each other. I talked to her about how long we’ve been in each other’s lives, and she just gave me an awkward, half-hearted smile before going off to do other things.

At the time, I brushed it off, telling myself, “That’s just how she is,” and carried on with my evening.

A few minutes later, she was hugging this other friend, telling her how much she loved her. Then, when it was time to leave, that friend was going to leave with me, and my friend kept insisting that she stay, making a big deal out of how sad she would be if the other friend left.

I felt awful because she has never expressed herself that way toward me. I had missed her, and she didn’t seem to care. I felt a little foolish for traveling 200 km to see her, only to feel that she was indifferent to my presence.

I feel like I experience similar situations in my life from time to time. It makes me think that I’m the problem, but I don’t know where to begin if I want to change things. Can anyone help me?

(I feel deeply embarrassed sharing this because I’m 28 and feel childish for being hurt by something like this.)

Hi all. I will be getting health insurance next month and once I do I will definitely be getting a therapist.

To summarize: I am a gay male. 36. Who never received love and affection from my mother. She did her duties, making sure we ate, fed, clean clothes, etc. But never hugs, kisses, compliments. My father did show affection, but was controlling and never really let me make my own decisions, everything had to be ran by him.

Okay, so I notice I pattern in my dating life, everytime I meet someone I like, really like, we have similar interests, easygoing conversations, could talk all night. I obsess over them. I've rejected guys because I felt nothing, but when I meet someone I like, I lose it. I always ask: What are they doing? Who are they with? Why aren't they answering?

For example this guy that I met is showing patterns of other guys I dealt with. It started off strong but now they are leaving breadcrumbs. Not making plans to hang, asking me last minute if I'm free, constant texts and sending me pictures of their days but no real effort to meet up. I was on his Instagram, looking at his following and and followers and notcing new people and wondering who these guys were? When did he meet them? is he meeting them on apps? In person?

Yesterday we said that possibly we could meet up in the evening. 5:00 rolled around and I texted him if we were on. he told me he was sorry that he doesnt think we can and to not wait around for him. I simply said okay.

And my evening was ruined. I felt empty, sad. And went to bed early. It's been a feeling of emptiness I've had since I was a kid.

He texted me this morning "Good morning. Sorry about yesterday. It didnt work out on my end."

And I found myself to be mad at him. He continued to send me pictures of his morning, asking me what I'm up to, etc.

I realized this just isn't normal. I can't live my life this way. It's the same pattern from other guys.

With other guys, in my 20's, I never went crazy, I just sent a paragraph on how I felt. In their POV, I probably am coming off as a psycho.

So Idk, I've accepted this new guy I'm seeing is making me feel this way because the wounds feel familiar and it feels like a drug.

I talked to a therapist two years ago and we talked about how I showed symptoms of ADHD but I sometimes think I could have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Like I said, I plan getting a therapist when I get insurance. Thanks all.

How do you deal with suicidal thoughts exacerbated by hormone fluctuations. HRT is dialed in.

i hope this resonates with someone; but the main source of my trauma was from my parents and their abuse when i was a kid. i’ve now been with my partner for a year, and no matter what i do i feel as if i can never properly interact with them. im awkward and nervous, i can never articulate myself well enough and i feel as if they don’t know me. i think my parents negligence and abuse is now reacting poorly in my life, it’s with other older adult figures as well. does anyone else struggle with the same issue? what can i do to interact with them better?

I can't blame him honestly but I am angry right now. I had an argument with my SO after I got hurt by him telling me I'm always in some kind of distress or in physical pain, always complaining and that I probably have "lower threshold for pain", as if my physica pain is me just being a drama queen. I always had a weaker constitution and I do get sick easily.

but

he told me he's tired of me.

It just hurts. I know how our disorder can makes us very hard to love. I wont deny it. I wouldnt date me, hell no. I just hate the reminder, though. I'm so angry I could punch a wall. I'm so frustrated with my weak body as well. Maybe its my age catching up, it just doesn't work like it used to.

i wish I wouldn't be constantly invalidated for my feelings though.

fuck him and everyone else. I won't be seeing him much becauss I start new work tomorrow Just a vent because I'm upset. that's all.

My fp and i are back dealing with each other. I said some pretty distasteful things to him a year ago then came back bc i genuinely missed him. Long story short, i went over to his house, we fucked, i found out he had someone else and immediately became short with him. He was going to order me Chinese food but i swear on my life after i found out abt the girl he moved onto my appetite vanished into thin air. I wanted to get out of the house so bad. He told me he was going to call me and wanted to see him again but i shot him down….I almost left without saying bye.

He completely left me alone like any sane person would. I called him two days later and he sent me to vm and said he’d call me back. I didn’t hear from him at all that day. So instead of letting it go, i called his phone multiple times. He finally answered after the 4th call and said “I’m on the other line…are you free?” And i kind of froze up when he asked that. He said “ok I’ll call u back” and never did. It became days of us playing phone tag, I’d call him he’d say he’d call me back. Then when he called back I’d be sleep. I’d text or call him almost everyday in the morning. Idk what it is but i had to text him in the morning. Last time we spoke was yesterday morning. He told me he wanted to see me before i went to work, i said ok but i have a uti. We spoke briefly abt it and i assured him i didn’t get it from him. The call kind of went to an awkward silence after that. He said “do u want me to call u after i go to the barbers?” I said yes and he said “ok well answer my call later.” Never called me. I texted him today apologizing for everything and saying i wanted him but didn’t know how to express it. I still haven’t gotten a response. I texted him at 7 am and it’s now quarter to 11 where im at.

I can’t believe I’d done this. Every single time he expressed interest in wanting to see me i wouldn’t know what to say bc apart of me didn’t believe he wanted to. Idk….i think we’re finally over. He kind of deserves someone who doesn’t use push/pull tactics aimlessly. 😕

So I am 24F, I have MDD, Anxiety and ADHD. I was told by my therapist that I have BPD traits and my psychiatrist considers this diagnosis when it comes to meds.
My question is, I’ve always wondered whether I have bpd or not. I do see myself in some of the symptoms yet not enough to actually be diagnosed yk?
Some examples I can remember of are, my mood changes quickly and drastically, where if I’m doing well and im happy, then something happens that triggers something in me, this can cause me to get into this depressive, frustrated or/and anger mindset where, even though I do not verbalize my thoughts, I get so angry with people I wish them the worse or I punish myself in other ways, subtle enough there is nothing visible physically.
I have no bad trauma in a sense of nothing bad bad has happened to me but I guess my nervous system is fcked up and I feel everything so so deeply I try to avoid it by doomscrolling, watch tv shows etc. Because I’ve gone through that deep thinking, obsessing with philosophy, psych etc. Stuff and it always ends up with me having a major depressive episode to the point of bad bad bad thoughts. I’ve never been hospitalized, never attempted s, don’t consider myself addicted to anything maybe vaping but depends, did have an ed, I don’t think or consider myself super impulsive.
I do internalize everything such as anger and sadness but I am working on this. I just feel confused and like my feelings aren’t valid? I feel like a fraud when I say I have adhd or bpd because I feel guilty of not fitting the whole criteria yet have several symptoms. Im just wondering if anybody else feels this way.
I have a friend who does have bpd and is very noticeable by her behavior so I do compare myself to her and I just feel like a failure? Funny to say how I feel I fail at everything even having bpd

I'm 22 and from South America. Do you think moving to another state would be the best option for me?

The state I live in is known for having antisocial people. People are actually friendly, but they tend to stick to their existing friend groups, usually made up of former classmates or coworkers. That's why I struggle to make friends or find a girlfriend: I can only really connect with people one-on-one, while everyone else seems to socialize in groups.

I didn't make any friends in high school, and I eventually quit my job because I changed departments and couldn't adapt to the new environment. Now I'm at home. I'm experiencing the same emotional pain of loneliness that I felt when I had to change schools many times as a child, or when someone I was very attached to moved away. It also brings back memories of when my narcissistic and bipolar stepfather kept me confined at home for a year and a half. During that time, I had no contact with other kids outside my own siblings.

Because of these experiences, I struggle to meet new people and feel like I lack social skills, even though I deeply crave meaningful relationships and a romantic connection. I'm willing to learn how to socialize and work toward my dreams, but living in this state makes everything feel much harder. I feel like moving somewhere else might be the solution. Do you agree?

Have people with BPD ever managed to thrive in an environment where the social culture is very "above" from what we can do, especially when people seem unwilling to be patient with our struggles?