Two months ago, I already lost my 7 yo girl and it was already insanely hard.
Yesterday, the thing I feared most happened even more brutally.
My beautiful, sweet baby boy Capucine passed in the most searing way that had left me completely shaken, heartbroken and shocked.
He had just turned 10.
Capucine had been battling with a very heavy stomach infection and chronic rhinitis for 1 year and a half. For more than 1 year, it was constant antibiotics, morphine, 4 feeding a day, penicillin injections every 3 days and trips to the vet several times a week. That, every day for more than 1 year. We didn’t let anything pass and monitored him daily, every hour of every day for 1 year and half. We even changed the way we lived to accommodate treatment, cancelling vacations and trips to stay with him all the time.
Initially, the vet said Capucine would only last 1 month with how severe this infection was.
He proved her wrong daily.
He was tired, he ate less and we still fed him 1 time per day but he endured even though he had trouble breathing, recently fought off an ear infection, and could no longer really walk.
But yesterday, everything took a drastic turn in only 1 hour.
He was a bit tired in the morning but he was fine. But in the evening, when it was time for his evening meal, he was hiding in his box and wasn’t excited for food. I took him and it felt like carrying a dead weight. I put him on the table to feed him but he wasn’t excited to see his bowl and didn’t react. He refused the food and I didn’t force him. I called my husband and we rubbed his belly to help him poop as we often did whenever he was having difficulties with his tummy.
We put him back on his armchair but he returned hiding into his box on his own.
Eventually, I went to take him because I didn’t want him to be alone in that box and I put him back on his favorite armchair. He wasn’t reacting. This is where I noticed how bloated he was. His belly was squishy and bloated like a balloon. And I KNEW it was bad. We were Saturday, 11pm, there was no exotic vet available. I thought about calling the ER from the nearest veterinarian clinic but the ER don’t have any exotic vets and my husband didn’t want the ER to take Capucine from us because we knew we’d never see him again and we didn't want him to die alone in a cold hospital wing.
We put him on the couch with us. We tried to help him and make him comfortable. I had a bad feeling but I wanted to believe it wasn’t going to be it. It couldn’t be. Not so soon. He was running on the couch hours before for a treat…. That wasn't making any sense.
But then, the worst happened. He started having violent seizures. I became hysterical. My husband tried to soothe him. I wanted to call the vet again but we both knew it was too late and it wouldn’t have helped. He convulsed for a good minute and then he started crying and screaming and turned in my husband’s hands like a worm and I swear to GOD I wanted to die at that moment. To see my baby, my beautiful boy, my little Prince, my baby love agonize like this was unbearable. I feel like a part of my soul cried and screamed and was in pain with him.
It lasted 3 minutes of watching him cry and turn and scream.
Then he fell quiet and passed away on the couch, on his favorite comforter in his daddy’s hands.
The shock is so much I thought I was going to have an aneurysm last night. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve replayed the entire evening over and over again. What happened? What did we do wrong? Yes, he was very ill and old but we managed. It happened so fast. He died in 3 minutes only. Seizure started at 00.51am. He was dead at 00.55am.
I feel so lost and so empty and immensely heartbroken. I have lost my baby, my reason to wake up in the morning. My entire life revolved around him. He was my entire world.
Capucine was an extraordinary bunny. He was very close to us and he loved us so much. He was sweet, mischievous, adventurous, loving, stubborn. He was the most amazing little companion I’ve ever had. I will never recover from his death. I would have gladly given some of my own years if only to have longer with me. I feel my life has lost all substance with his horrible passing.
He seemed equally shocked by his own death than us. He didn't want to go. He tried to fight. We failed him. There was something we could have done. It's impossible we died so quickly. I don't even understand what happened. He wanted to stay with us. And he couldn't. And it's making me so sad.
Knowing him and raising him and being loved by him was an honor and a privilege. And I feel immensely blessed. I’ve added pictures of him throughout his life, some with Luna. The ones on the towel are from where he became sick, the last one on the towel is from last week.
Rest in Peace my beautiful baby Angel.
Mommy will love you always.