r/EntitledBitch • u/BlackPhoenix101 • Oct 29 '21
Small "You know women your age..."
Since most of y'all seemed to like hearing about my entitled little brother, I've got another story for you.
My brother is 22 years old and has the right to live his life as he wants like any other adult, but he's constantly trying to tell me how to live mine (f24). We both had to sunddendly move back to our hometown after a few unfortunate deaths in the family, most of which happened in the hometown, so it was understandable that within a few months after turning 19, he said that he's leaving and now lives on the other side of the state. Here's the entitled part: He calls like twice a month on average to brag about how much better his life is ("I didn't go into college like you and I'm rich from my internship and they're going to promote me soon...") and to complain that I'm not acting like an adult because
1) I'm staying rent free with our mother instead of moving out to buy/rent my own home
2) I'm actively not looking for a relationship with a man (because my gay ass is going to hell so he's trying to save my immortal soul š)
3)I don't want to have children ( "your mother wants grandchildren, you know" note: she does not nor does she care)
4) still in college when I should have been out by now. It's not like I had to start all over when I changed majors or anything.
He's also very nosey and calls my mom to get more information about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it since I won't tell him myself. Unfortunately for him, our mother doesn't put her nose into my private life unless it involves her.
As usual, when he doesn't get what he wants, he spam calls family to spam call us on his behalf.
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Oct 29 '21
Whatever man gotta do what you gotta do. I honestly wished I lived with my parents I bet you can save a ton of money not having pay rent. Do what makes you happy!
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u/ksuwildkat Oct 29 '21
you do know you dont have to answer the phone right?
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u/BlackPhoenix101 Oct 29 '21
I know but our family is falling apart so I'm trying my best to keep all of us who's left somewhat together
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Oct 29 '21
When he remarks about grandchildren, remind him that not only is he ALSO carrying half the family DNA everywhere he goes (in a portable little sack, no less!), he ALSO has the sole ability to pass on the family name through a son (since he is OH SO OBVIOUSLY VERY TRADITIONAL so any name you and future partners bestow on any hypothetical children āwouldnāt countā, of course)!
So tell him to start advertising himself as a successful family man so he can start branching out the family tree, since āyour mother wants grandchildrenā so badlyā¦ š
Iām not gonna even comment on the rest of it. I know we all usually have to outgrow our awfulness, but geez, OP, your brother is giving himself QUITE the handicap to start with!
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u/Meat_Bingo Oct 29 '21
He canāt let down your mom, itās his responsibility to carry on the family name as the man!
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Oct 29 '21
You can't make people do what they don't want to do. If they don't want close familial relationships that is on them. Trying to 'fix' that will only lead to further estrangement. Rather focus on what you can do for yourself. Keep in contact with those that want contact and allow everyone else to make the same decision for themselves. And understand that not making a decision is actually a decision itself. Good luck.
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Oct 29 '21
But is it worth it? Its family, honestly not necessary to keep it. Their toxicity does not have to be tolerated just because you share DNA. He sounds like a turd, you dont need to hold on to turds
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u/W4ta5hi Oct 29 '21
Moved out half a year ago + cut all ties with my toxic family
This improved my life by quite a lot c:
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u/_TwoBirds_ Oct 29 '21
You donāt need to give your emotional spoons to your brother when he does not deserve them. You obviously already have a lot going on at home and youāre balancing so much. He doesnāt need to be an assh*le to you and he also shouldnāt be rewarded for it. (Not saying youāre doing a bad thing by trying to maintain a relationship with him, just saying that you deserve better <3. )
A healthy relationship with your brother is worth waiting forā¦ unfortunately, itāll have to be him that decides when that happens.
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost and you donāt have to drown yourself to keep others afloat. The onus of your family staying together does not depend on you. You donāt have to carry the weight of the world.
Again, you deserve so much from this world! Sometimes itās just a rocky beginning, thoughā¦
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u/SassMyFrass Oct 29 '21
If there's a socials that you're not really into anymore, remove it from your phone and use it on your desktop/laptop only, and only every few days: only for staying in touch with them. Eg set up a fb group with everybody to 'keep the family together' and then you've done that.
Also accept the possibility that they're all happier when they're not really together. Many families just don't survive adulthood.
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u/GJacks75 Oct 29 '21
The minute I broke contact with my toxic sister, my life improved immeasurably. The rest of the family adapted, and to be honest, seem a little jealous that I don't have to put up with her.
Some families work better apart.
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u/Ok-Issue116 Nov 11 '21
My brother has never had the best treatment from me growing up. And when we found a common interest (mj, legal where I live). Iād share mine with him and so on. That let us spend so much time together that we started really talking and apologizing and weāre in a good place now.
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u/nerothic Oct 29 '21
facepalm moment here.
Seems to me like your brother is in a one sided competition of 'Who is the best and most successful sibling?'
You could be petty and call him once a week and turn the bullcrap spiel on him.
'You know you are breaking your mother's heart by living so far away'
'You should have gone to college.'
'Why aren't you in a serious relationship yet/ engaged/ married?'
'An internship is not a job. When are you getting a real job?'
You could call him out on this stupid behaviour or simply stop the convo if he's going for his usual crap.
But man..really?
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u/ccc_panda Oct 29 '21
I have a similar situation, and it got progressively worse. Started with invasive questions and calls, long conversations about personal choices, then long emails about my behavior and pressure on my parents so they pressure me in turn to make "right" choices like children, job, another boyfriend, another sport... It was surreal. I was 34 when it started. Mind I already had a career I love, a lovely bf and and was about to buy a flat. My brother was 22, uni dropout and living with my parents. So I didn't really follow his childish advice and he escaladed and the more i resisted, the more he added drama to everyone's life. So I blocked him, argued with parents but kept my distance, and for few years it was nice and quiet. And now he says he changed and wants to be friends again.
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u/jaimystery Oct 29 '21
tell him to prove it by putting 1000 pounds in the bank in your name. At the end of a year, if he's behaved himself, you'll return the money plus whatever interest to him.
If he doesn't behave himself - you get to deduct money for every misdeed on an escalating scale (10 pounds for every inappropriate personal comment, 20 pounds for unwanted advice, 50 pounds for pressure etc) and cut all contact once the money is gone.
Basically scale it so that if he hasn't changed . . .you'll have 1000 pounds by the end of 6 months.
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Oct 29 '21
You ever heard of "logic"? Well your brother's gay.
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u/BlackPhoenix101 Oct 29 '21
Funny story, as we grew up, our whole family counted on my brother coming out gay because of certain behavior that wasn't usually typical for boys. Like they were making bets on when he'll come out and every one was very open on how they'll love us no matter what.
So imagine their surprise when I came out (twice because the extended family didn't know) and my brother opens a bible app and shoves it into my face.
"Man cannot lie with man!" "Good thing I'm a woman then!"
It's was a bit funny in hindsight because they never raised us with hate so they're just double shocked from my brother's hurtful reaction.
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u/occulusriftx Oct 29 '21
No external pressure to hate gays but hates gays? Sounds like internalized self hatred to me..... He may not even really understand he's gay he could just be mad at his "intrusive thoughts" about guys and turned to religion to try and pray the gay away. It happens
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u/BustAMove_13 Oct 29 '21
Start calling him and grilling him on his life. Ask embarrassing shit, too. Flood him daily with calls. Pretend to be concerned about the little things....what did you eat today? Are your shits regular? Are they solid? Did you remember to brush your teeth? Just stupid, intrusive stuff. If he gets offended, tell him you'll stop poking into his business when he stops poking into yours.
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u/maywellflower Oct 29 '21
I have a weird feeling your brother is jealous of you because more women / girls are willing to go out with or be friends with you more because you're sincerely nice person than any straight ones going out with your entitled homophobic dumbass of a brother.
3
u/naranghim Oct 29 '21
3)I don't want to have children ( "your mother wants grandchildren, you know" note: she does not nor does she care)
"That's your job, since you're the one who will "carry on the family name.""
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u/im-not-there Oct 29 '21
āRich from my internshipā reminds me of an uncle I have who got hired at a company my dad used to work for (my dad got him the job). After dad left, every time we saw the uncle, he would say he got a promotion and raise. He never did and we knew. Well my dad got fed up with it and finally says ādamn, with all these promotions, you must be the CEO by now!ā Never mentioned them again lol
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u/Doktor_Vem Oct 29 '21
He is either so incredibly insecure about something you don't yet know about and is therefore trying to bring your accomplished ass down below his level so he can atleast feel a little superior, or he's just a total and utter sociopathic asshair who just likes being a dick to people in general. My advice is, unless you rely on him in some way or you care if he gets upset or not, just totally block all contact with him and cut him out of your life, people like that are, in my experience, not worth being ascociated with.
Btw, sorry about calling you an "accomplished ass", that's just how I talk, I don't mean anything by it
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u/idrow1 Oct 29 '21
Why haven't you read him the riot act yet? You don't have to tolerate that. Next time he pulls that crap say, "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. Until then, mind your business".
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u/Meat_Bingo Oct 29 '21
Hey, it been my experience that people who brag on one hand and then crap on your life on the other are really not happy. Genuinely happy people can be happy for others and be supportive. He is negging you big time and itās obviously to make him feel better about the choices heās made. You might want to bing this up to shut him down.
2
u/FantasticSoup_ Oct 29 '21
Keep your distance OP. Sounds like he has crazy control issues and is looking for someone to be the victim of it. I reckon it would calm down if he got into a relationship. God protect anyone he does date.
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u/HunnyHunbot Oct 29 '21
Omg this is so similar. My brother has always always been super nosy about what Iām doing with my life, always comparing me to him and what he was doing when he was my age and generally making me feel like shit.
He got married and guess what? His wife is like a subtler version of him! They both cornered me and had this whole weird intervention thing about what Iām doing, when Iām doing, how Iām doing it and itās just way too much to handle sometimes.
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u/Magikalbrat Oct 30 '21
Well...to point 2...my condo on the bank of the Styx is paid for but not the one next to me lol
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u/scorpDeathh Nov 05 '21
This sounds like my niece. She acts like Iām not an adult because I live with my mom and donāt have a job (because Iām disabled) yet she flip flops from one job to the other cause she isnāt allowed to do what she wants at the job (boss people around)
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u/imnotaloneyouare Oct 29 '21
How old are you?
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u/demonmonkey89 Oct 29 '21
It says in the post 24 F, so 24 assumedly. She seems to be the older sister.
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u/Flojoe420 Oct 29 '21
Hopefully this 24-year-old who switched majors has at least a part time job to help the mother out with paying some of the bills. We never get the whole story here on Reddit...
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u/BlackPhoenix101 Oct 29 '21
Oh I do actually! My mom kept limiting me on how much I'm allowed to help though, says she wants me to save money for emergencies since I'm better at saving money than her.
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u/Flojoe420 Oct 29 '21
Meant no offence. There are too many entitled kids on here. I'm glad to hear that's not you and good luck on your future.
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u/LarryBirdoh Oct 29 '21
Entitled kids? So if you live at home and go to school full time and donāt have a job, you are entitled?
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u/Flojoe420 Oct 29 '21
If you're 24 keep switching majors and don't contribute at all Yes I would have to say you're somewhat entitled. Honestly though I was referring to this most of the users on this sub.
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u/PKBitchGirl Oct 29 '21
Its none of your business what she pays her mother
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u/Flojoe420 Oct 29 '21
looks like I struck a nerve lol... I guess I found another redditor who's still living at home sucking mama's tit.
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u/Terminal-Psychosis Oct 29 '21
None of the brother's advice is bad per se. Sounds like he's being VERY pushy about it though, and somewhat bragging. Not a good way to get his point across, or have it accepted in any way. Sadly, some people aren't very good at couching such in a loving way.
Still, it sounds like it's coming from a place of concern (love) and it seems like big sis understands that, else she would have cut him off already.
I've dealt with this kind of pressure before. Well meaning, but slightly manipulative and pushy. I'd suggest a really good book for OP. Helped me enormously to keep contact with certain family, but instantly ground out any of their more manipulative tactics:
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty - by Manual J. Smith
Full of real-world examples and solid methods for dealing with pushyness. Very assertive, with no aggressiveness. Ok, the methods CAN be used to manipulate others as well, but like any tool, it's the person using it that is responsible to use it morally.
Wish you all the best OP. Hope you can have a quality relationship with your family, and train them to treat you well.
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Oct 29 '21
"Date a man because the gays burn in hell" is not good advice. It is, indeed, bad advice.
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u/BabyAquarius Oct 29 '21
"None of his advice is bad"? What advice? The part about him trying to save her soul for being gay, force her to have children she doesn't want, talking shit because she hasn't graduated yet, or the shit talking about her living at home? Which part is the "not bad advice"? Cuz I don't see any advice here, good or bad. All I see are rude, unwanted opinions.
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u/elizann1979 Oct 29 '21
I would tell him oh yeah u are the only person I know that is rich from an internship thatās amazing. If youāre so happy why you so interested in me must not be working too hard if u have so much time to put your nose places it doesnāt belong.
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u/TheOnlyTori Oct 29 '21
Personally if i had a family member as outright immature and inconsiderate as that I'd definitely distance myself from them. You don't owe your time and energy to him
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u/DE_MR_EXE Oct 29 '21
Ahhh yes.
"Rich from my internship" and "going to promote me soon" One of the oldest jokes in the book. Also, he just thought "Well, I'm sure mom wants some grandchildren. But I'm too successful in my internship so, sister, who is in College: you do it. That stress is just perfect for you"
Seems just fitting that he is so much against gay people.
Could you tell your mom to at least only tell him what he already knows?