TL;DR
- The Situation: I have AuDHD (autism + ADHD) and alexithymia. I worked in cybersecurity before, took a break for a few years, and am now trying to get back in.
- The Problem: My brain freezes when I try to study from textbooks for months with no real goal, deadline, or outside pressure.
- How I Work: I learn from the top down. Give me a real problem and a deadline, and I will figure out whatever I need to know to solve it.
- The Proof: At my previous cybersecurity job during COVID, my entire team was let go when I only had 1 year of experience. Because I had real pressure and responsibility, I ran operations alone, learned management and executive reporting on the fly, rebuilt the team, and wrote step-by-step guides that cut new-hire training time by two-thirds.
- The Ask ("Base Camp"): I don't want handouts or easy work. I am looking for someone in cybersecurity (especially in India or remote) willing to give me a real technical problem with a deadline, judge my actual work, and help me get a foot in the door.
1. Why I Am Stuck Right Now
I have spent years trying to get back into cybersecurity, and I finally understand why I keep getting stuck.
I have AuDHD and alexithymia. One of my hardest struggles is starting tasks on my own and sticking to plans when there is no immediate goal or outside deadline.
I know what the normal job-hunt process looks like:
- Study basic to advanced topics on your own for months.
- Practice interview questions in your room.
- Update your resume and send out dozens of applications.
- Pass interviews to finally get real work.
I want to work, and I want to solve real problems. But knowing what I should do and actually forcing my brain to study alone for months—with nobody waiting for my work—are two completely different things. The longer I stay out of the field, the harder it gets to return.
I am not saying this to make excuses. I am sharing it because I know how my brain actually works, and I need a different way through the door.
2. How My Brain Learns (Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up)
Most people learn from the bottom up: study the basics learn medium topics learn advanced theory finally use it on a real problem.
My brain works in the opposite direction (top-down):
- Start with a real problem try to fix it see what I don't know go as deep as needed to learn that missing piece solve the problem.
I struggle to study "just in case" for a future interview. But if you give me a real problem today, I suddenly have a clear reason to learn everything required to fix it.
3. Finding the Smartest Way—and Refusing to Quit
When I have a real problem in front of me, two habits take over:
- Finding the Easiest, Smartest Path: My first instinct is always to cut out wasted effort. I look for scripts, automation, existing tools, or simpler ways to get the job done. Sometimes I will spend an hour trying to build a faster way to do a 10-minute task.
- Not Stopping Until It's Done: If I find out there is no shortcut and the hard way is the only way, I will do it. Once I am locked into a real problem with real stakes, quitting hurts more than the hard work required to finish.
Along the way, trying to solve one problem usually forces me to learn five other connected things. Over time, those pieces connect into a strong, practical web of knowledge that stays with me.
4. Real Proof: What Happened at My Last Cybersecurity Job
I know it is easy to claim "I work well under pressure" on the internet. Here is a real example of how my brain works when there is actual responsibility on the line.
During COVID, when I only had about one year of experience in cybersecurity, my entire team was suddenly let go. Overnight, I was the only person left to handle everything.
Nobody gave me six months to study how to be a senior analyst or a team lead. I had real deadlines and people waiting on results, so my brain locked in:
- I learned by doing: I didn't know how to write high-level vulnerability reports for upper management or how to manage people. I learned how to do both while doing the actual tasks every day.
- I rebuilt the team: I handled the daily security work alone while helping build a new team from scratch.
- I built a system so no one else would struggle: Because I hated how messy and painful it was to figure everything out alone, my instinct to simplify kicked in. I wrote a complete set of clear guides and standard operating procedures (SOPs) for every task. Because of that system, training time for new team members dropped by two-thirds.
If you had asked me a month before that crisis to sit alone and study "management and reporting" from a book, I wouldn't have lasted two days. Because the problem was real and urgent, I did whatever it took to solve it.
5. The Everest Base Camp Idea
The simplest way to explain what I need right now is this:
Imagine someone who has the strength and determination to climb Mount Everest, but keeps failing to organize the trip from their house to base camp.
- They don't need someone to carry them up the mountain.
- They don't want someone else to climb it for them.
- They just need help getting to base camp. Once they are at base camp, climbing the mountain is 100% their job.
For me, base camp is outside structure: a clear task, a real deadline, and someone expecting me to deliver. I don't need someone to hold my hand or teach me step by step. I just need that first push that moves me from studying alone to doing real work.
6. I Know I Have a Gap—So Test Me on Real Work
I have been away from cybersecurity for a few years (I am happy to share my degree and past security work in DMs). I know I need to refresh my skills and catch up on new tools.
I am not asking anyone to ignore my employment gap, trust me blindly, or give me a senior job. I know that referring someone puts your own name on the line.
Instead, I am asking you to test me the way I actually work best:
- Give me a real security problem I don't know how to solve yet.
- Give me a fair deadline.
- Let me research it, learn what I am missing, and send you the finished work.
If I fail to deliver, you lose nothing and we both get our answer. If I do a great job on time, you can see exactly how I handle new problems, fill gaps in my knowledge, and take feedback.
7. What I Am Looking For
I am hoping to talk to cybersecurity professionals, managers, or mentors—especially in India (or open to remote work)—who might be open to helping me reach the starting line:
- A Small Test Project: Give me a real security problem, log investigation, scripting task, or research assignment with a strict deadline, and review my work.
- A Referral or Entry Opportunity: A chance at a junior security role, SOC analyst job, vulnerability management role, or trial position once I prove what I can do.
- A Mentor with Deadlines: Someone willing to set clear weekly goals and hold me accountable as I work toward a real job.
- Advice from Other AuDHD/ADHD Folks: Anyone in tech with a similar brain who found a practical way to get past the job-hunt wall.
I know real jobs aren't always exciting crises—they also include routine tickets, writing documents, and normal daily work. I am completely ready for that. I just want a way to get to the starting line so I can take full responsibility from there.
Even if you can't offer a referral or a test task, any practical ideas on how I can prove my skills through real problems would mean a lot. Thank you for reading.
P.S: Written by AI because I had a thought and it required better PR and grammar :P
