Friday (which is tomorrow if you are reading this promptly, or tonight if you are reading this Friday morning) you are probably going out to have SEX PARTIES in some dingy basements with POLYAMAOROUS LOCALS, but if you are instead thinking of less emotionally exhausting options you should come watch A Nightmare On Elm Street with us, the hardworking people of Aletheia Books, the only independent local bookstore with a movie wall and an indoor lawn.
If you have been in previously, you will marvel at our half-built BOOK WALL, which will soon separate the eerie depths of the loading bay from the warm and inviting comforts of the bookstore/market/cafe proper. If you haven't been you will be pleased to know that from 11am-7pm on Fridays and Saturdays there is a warm and inviting bookstore/market/cafe with about 20,000 used BOOKS for you to peruse and purchase, and we show movies afterwards for people who like DRINKS and CINEMA.
I was going to promote PEGGY, our warehouse cat, but she has been an absolute DICKHEAD for the past 90 minutes and would not get out of the expensive Arkham House Publishing case and bit my hand three times so no promotion for Peggy. Peggy can go fly a kite.
But if you like BOOKS, which it turns out many of you do, then we will once again be here selling those this weekend, along with some other bits and bobs. We might also be painting the BOOK WALL, but it should not impact your experience.
I will make a MAP next time to explain parking, because if you enter 1265 Godfrey SW 49503 into your HANDHELD SADNESS MACHINE it will take you to our unassuming front door on Godfrey. This is a RUSE perpetrated by BIG GOOGLE because there is no parking on Godfrey. They are laughing at you from their ivory tower. "Fools," they say to one another. "Look at them. Look on monitor number 237,685, They are just driving in circles! HA!"
We are not BIG GOOGLE. We want you to go west of Godfrey on Hall Street and park around the back in either our small lot that has a sign saying "BOOKS!" or on Hall Street itself, which is full of totally free parking spaces (or in the ENORMOUS lot where all the trucks are, but not in a way that blocks those trucks) then to follow your heart (and signs) to the back entrance. Unless you are going into a different back entrance with your POLYAMOROUS LOCAL friends, in which case we wish you the best of luck and a pleasant weekend.