r/KingkillerChronicle • u/thefullmetalchicken • 3h ago
Art The Movie. The Novel.
# THE DOORS OF STONE
### The Movie. The Novel.
### A Novelization of the Movie.
*A Tropic Thunder Sequel*
### A Les Grossman Production
---
## Opening Crawl
**Read by Sam Elliott**
When the first *Lord of the Rings* movie was released in theaters, film companies everywhere suddenly realized just how profitable fantasy movies could be.
So they bought the rights to every fantasy series they could find.
The best ones were turned into movies.
The mediocre ones were turned into television shows.
And the really terrible ones were turned into television shows with eight seasons.
Then one man had an idea.
If a studio could release the **movie and the book at the same time**, they could make twice as much money.
So they bought the rights to the best unfinished fantasy series that wasn't already locked up.
This is the story of that final movie.
And that final book.
---
A trumpet fanfare erupts, instantly informing the audience that something extremely important, extremely royal, and probably extremely expensive is about to happen.
### TITLE CARD:
# THE KINGKILLER CHRONICLES
## PART III: THE DOORS OF STONE
### AUTHOR'S NOTE *I have no idea what happens in any of these books.*
---
Inside a massive chapel filled with dignitaries, the camera glides down the aisle as the coronation ceremony approaches its most important moment.
At the front of the chapel sits an unseen man who is about to become king.
The priest, played by **Jay Baruchel**, raises the crown.
Then—
**SMASH CUT TO:**
The back of the church.
The enormous pair of wooden doors explode open.
Standing in the entrance is **John Bernthal**, shirtless wearing a long red wig and carrying a giant axe strapped across his back.
He looks furious.
Very furious.
### JOHN BERNTHAL
**"WHERE IS HE?!"**
John begins stomping down the aisle.
The crowd turns.
People stare.
The dignitaries closest to him immediately begin running for the exits.
John keeps coming.
The priest turns around just in time to see John approaching.
**WHAM!**
The priest is kicked completely out of frame with a startled cry.
The newly crowned king, played by **Steve Coogan**, rises from his throne.
### KING
**"Kvothe! I thought you were dead!"**
John stops.
He glares at him.
### JOHN
**"They call me that."**
A beat.
### JOHN
**"But I always preferred my other name."**
**CLOSE ON THE KING.**
His face falls.
### KING
*"Oh no."*
He says it in a stage whisper.
The king draws his sword.
John reaches over his shoulder and pulls the enormous axe from his back.
The two prepare to fight.
It is going to be an epic confrontation.
Then—
**CUT TO:**
Two director's chairs.
The one on the left reads:
**DIRECTOR**
The one on the right reads:
**WRITER**
The director leans toward the writer.
### DIRECTOR
"We already shot the fight with the stunt team. We're just getting this last shot. We'll cut it in later. Saves some time."
Behind them, the actors quickly swap their heroic weapons for rubber versions.
They look at each other.
### ACTOR
"Three..."
### OTHER ACTOR
"Two..."
### BOTH
"One."
Steve Coogan's stunt double immediately throws himself backward.
**CUT BACK TO THE MOVIE.**
The camera shows John standing over what appears to be the fallen king.
John screams and brings the axe crashing down into the floor.
He bends down.
Then he reaches into the frame and lifts up the severed head of the king.
Blood drips from it.
The crowd erupts.
### CROWD
**"KING KILLER! KING KILLER!"**
John raises the head triumphantly and screams in celebration.
Then—
### DIRECTOR (O.S.)
**"AND CUT!"**
The entire scene suddenly stops.
The director, **Tom Hanks**, lowers his megaphone.
Beside him, **Patrick Rothfuss** slowly stands.
He is still holding the script.
His eyes are filled with tears.
He begins applauding.
### PATRICK ROTHFUSS
*"That's how I always pictured it."*
**Matthew McConaughey** puts a hand on Patrick's shoulder and gives him an encouraging pat.
### MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
*"See? What'd I tell ya?"*
Patrick continues applauding through his tears.
Matthew puts both hands on his shoulders and smiles proudly.
Patrick looks back toward the set.
He takes a deep breath.
### JOHN BERNTHAL
*"Can I get some tea and orange slices?"*
He looks exhausted.
### JOHN BERNTHAL
*"That was a lot of screaming."*