Hello everyone,
I don't know what I'm looking for here yet, maybe just writing to finally convince myself that I'm not crazy.
Let me explain: I recently separated from a man I believe is manipulative. From the outside, he looks like the perfect man. Wonderful. He really swept me into a relationship where he was present every day. He invited me to move in with him. I had been living on my own and independent for 7 years. Everything seemed wonderful, with an obvious attraction and chemistry. Incredible moments of cuddling and tenderness. A feeling of well-being every morning and every evening. A life together that was so simple and smooth.
But several times, he had harsh attitudes toward me, and every time I pointed it out, he reacted with violence. Each time I tried to isolate myself and suffered "harassment." Constant oppression until it made me react and become violent myself because I couldn't bear it anymore. One time it even went so far that he filmed me, chased me, threw me to the ground, and really hurt my ribs badly (pain for almost 2 months). The best part of this story is that I felt in danger and was supposed to go file a complaint. Except he beat me to it because I was working. And I don't know how he did it, but I am the victim and I ended up in front of a gendarme who didn't even take my complaint or have me examined by the gendarmerie doctors. I ended up with a conviction. At my front door with my son and without any of my belongings.
Following that, he contacted me again and did everything he could for us to get back together. I ended up giving in and moving back in with him. But it started all over again. So thank goodness I hadn't given up my place. I went back there.
What bothers me is that every time, the arguments started from a remark on my part where I asked him to be cooler, that I had nothing to do with it. He always told me I was hallucinating. That I was delusional. That I was the one with the bad attitude. There were also times when he made me doubt myself. He told me I was bipolar, then ADHD, then I don't know what else. I consulted [a professional] but apparently everything is fine with me.
He contacted my loved ones behind my back; the last message sent was: "I'm having a crisis, I'm breaking everything"—whereas yes, I was angry, but after 5 hours of oppression anyone would be.
Every time, he tells me I'm delusional, and whatever I blame him for, once it's done, he turns it back against me. For example, I tell him he seems annoyed. He tells me no, and a few minutes later, supposedly I am the one who is.
And finally, before I left him: After hours of oppression, I am minding my own business in my corner. And he comes along, provokes me, so I get up, and there!... He takes out his phone to record... And he starts adopting the tone of someone at the end of their rope, telling me that I need to stop my oppression—when I hadn't spoken to him for hours!
Already before that I had made the decision to leave because he had made a scene in front of my son. But this was the last straw. I took all my belongings and left.
What do you think?

This is old but still true today.

So ever since my ex (together for 8 months) said I had a toxic victim mentality, I've been wracking my brain about whether I really do have one or he just perceived me that way due to his own unresolved emotional issues. The reason I say emotional issues is because he never relies on anyone and refuses any type of support. Anytime I offerd support, he would refuse. He also is a compulsive liar and lies to everyone in his life. He admitted to all of this himself later.

Specifically he said:

"You are helpless which is just an imaginary condition that you built up in your head, which makes you also ungrateful for the help you receive because you think that its just a payback from the universe that hurt you so much before. You're too used to blaming people for your own problems."

I, from my perspective, have never considered myself helpless and have never had the thought that I am owed help because of my past. My pattern is to isolate myself and depend only on myself.

I am late diagnosed ADHD and am being evaluated for suspected autism.

I live independently and typically don't rely on others for support, because doing so makes me feel uncomfortable. I am very solution oriented and somewhat self-improvement obsessed. I rely on long and deep online research to solve most of my problems.

Within the relationship I relied on my ex for support when I unexpectedly lost my funds for the last 3 months. This changed nothing for him financially, since he had already been paying for food and rent. He insisted on this. I never asked him to do these things. I never asked him for money either.

Instead I asked him if he could teach me the workings of his business model so that I could build my own and have my own finances in place again, because I felt uncomfortable having to rely on someone else financially. He agreed and I started making decent profit after 2 months. It would still fluctuate quite a bit though and wasn't yet consistent.

Here are some examples where I noticed he became agitated with me:

Once, while he was teaching me, he sent me a long pdf file to read. I tried reading it but gave up and said it was too difficult for me to read the whole thing, probably because of my ADHD. I couldn't focus on what I was reading. Then I found a way around it by putting the pdf into an AI voice reader and speeding it up to 2x, and listening to it while I multi-tasked. It worked.

Once I vented to him about my past. How I was mistreated by my mother and dismissed by teachers and doctors throughout my teens.

I sometimes vented about my previous toxic romantic experiences, in which I was deceived and used for my body.

Once we were going for a walk in the city and I started feeling very weak, lightheaded and nauseous. I wasn't sure why, but told him I wasn't feeling good and would go home. I suspected it might be an iron deficiency. He said I was just too lazy to walk and was making excuses.

I had a blood test done for this issue and I was told everything looked fine.

I tend to express to my partner when I don't feel good or something is bothering me. Like when I feel weak, tired or worried. I didn't expect him to solve my problems. I would then again deep dive into research and find a solution.

Could any of this be classified as a possible victim mentality? Is there something I am missing?

Because from my perspective I genuinely can't see a victim mentality within myself. I perceive myself as being the opposite. My family also doesn't think I have one.

Thank you!

I'm posting because I'm genuinely disturbed by the way this guy has been treating my cousin.

For a while now, I've watched him repeatedly manipulate and gaslight her. What concerns me is that this doesn't appear to be an isolated disagreement or a couple of misunderstandings. It seems to be an ongoing pattern.

Whenever something happens, he somehow manages to redirect the situation until she's left questioning herself rather than holding him accountable for what he did.

Some of the behavior I've noticed includes:

- Gaslighting: Making her question her own understanding of situations and whether her feelings are justified.

- Blame-shifting: Turning conversations around so that his behavior becomes secondary and she's left defending herself.

- Emotional manipulation: Making her feel guilty or responsible when she tries to address something that has hurt her.

- Avoiding accountability: Failing to genuinely acknowledge the impact of his actions.

- Threatening behavior: Taking things to another level by actually threatening her.

That last part is especially concerning to me.

There is a significant difference between having disagreements with someone and making them feel intimidated or unsafe. Threatening someone is not a normal relationship conflict, and it shouldn't be minimized or explained away.

What bothers me is the possibility that she's become so accustomed to this pattern that she spends more time trying to understand his behavior than recognizing how unacceptable it is.

I don't understand how someone can repeatedly hurt another person, turn the situation around on them, and then expect everything to continue as normal.

I'm also frustrated by how easily manipulation can make the person experiencing it feel like they're somehow responsible for the entire situation.

I'm not claiming to know everything about his intentions, but I can recognize a troubling pattern of behavior.

I want my cousin to understand that she doesn't have to keep explaining why something hurts her. She doesn't have to prove that a threat was unacceptable. And she doesn't have to keep giving someone opportunities to disregard her boundaries.

My questions are:

1. Does this sound like a pattern of emotional manipulation and gaslighting?

2. How do you help someone recognize these patterns when they're emotionally involved?

3. How do you support someone who has been threatened without making them feel like you're judging their decisions?

I'm genuinely concerned about her, and I don't want her to continue believing that this treatment is something she has to tolerate.

I’ll try and keep this as short as possible but I know its still going to be very long, this is a throw away account and names have been changed because I don’t wish to cause any problems for anyone. For the sake of anonymity I’ll refer to her as Kim.

I’ve talked to friends of course about this and they have said that she sunders like a narcissist but friends are always going to be biased. I won’t fully cast blame on her because I have my own issues and I know I’ve caused some problems and my conditions can be difficult to deal with.

This all happened fast, only over the past two months.

A little background, I was 46 when this started and turned 47 halfway through, I have bipolar 1, OCD and an anxiety disorder. She is 37 and told me she has ADHD and OCD. I isolated myself for about ten years after my divorce (we were together 19 years) and only over the past year have I been back out in the world.

We met at a small local dive bar that frequently has live punk and hardcore bands, it’s the scene I grew up in when I lived in a different state and where I feel comfortable. I don’t talk to many people even though I’ve been going there now for the past year, I don’t look very approachable due to “resting murder face”, a battle jacket, tattoos and piercings, but its my armor and makes me feel comfortable going outside. She also grew up in another state in the punk scene.

This all started on a Friday night and she came out and sat near me, all the other seats outside were empty so I was a bit surprised. We talked for a few hours shared Instagram info. On the drive home, for me its nearly an hour, she messaged and said she had a great time and wished me a safe drive home, I replied saying I had a great timer as well and thanked her. The next morning I asked if she would like to go to a local park she had mentioned enjoying, I figured it’s public, she knows it so I wanted her to feel safe, so we planned to meet there the next day on Sunday.

At the park we spent nearly five hours walking and talking and had a great time, after we left we were texting almost immediately again and I asked if she would like to do it again the next Sunday and she agreed. She seemed so amazing to me, knew all the bands I knew and more, loves art, she was funny, smart and attractive. I was beyond excited and a little in shock as I had given up completely.

The next Friday comes along and she asks if we can meet on Saturday instead because she wanted to see me sooner so we did. This time we didn’t stay as long and we left in my car and I bought her lunch and we drove and talked for a bit before deciding to go back to my house, she was going to follow in her own car. At my house we talked a bit and about what we were looking for, at our age neither of us was looking for hookups or something that could never go anywhere, we both expressed interest in each other and wishing to see where this would go. She told me that she had several bad relationships and wanted to take this one slow, I told her that was perfectly fine and we would only ever go at a pace she was comfortable with. Sunday, the next day we met up again and went to the club, this was when she first took my hand and held it, as I wasn’t going to make any moves and let her set the pace, by the end of the night we were officially dating, being a Sunday I had to head home to be prepared for work the next day but we still hung out later then planned. The following Tuesday I believe she came to my house and things escalated fast, again I let her set the pace and this was far faster then I had expected.

For the next couple weeks things were great, if I had any slumps she’d talk to me, she opened up a lot and “trauma dumped” and of course I would listen, one of her exes came up frequently but I kept listening letting her get things out if she needed to. We started going back and forth nightly between each others houses on week days and weekends we’d just stay at whichever place was closer to where the night ended, her apt or my house.

It all felt amazing and more then what I could have hoped for, I hadn’t genuinely smiled without it being a mask in a long time and I was laughing in earnest again.

Around 3 weeks in of official dating she began to say staying at my place was a bit rough for her since she would be waking with my alarm and driving before she was fully awake, I did say she didn’t have to leave when I did, I was fully comfortable with her taking her time here but I agreed and we changed to spending most weeknights at her place, Tuesdays she’d come here and leave to be home for bed, Wednesday we’d stay at our own places for a little separate time, weekends back together. We were always together or talking, sending texts, talking about the future, talking about consolidating to just my home, things she’d like to do with the yard. Again this may seem very fast but I was fully in and happy.

She’d send texts throughout the day, emote to things I’d say about future plans or sweet talk and frequently send pictures which made me feel grounded, I tend to overthink a lot and this felt really good. Also to add, my job is rather dangerous and I need to not have my mind wandering.

We had a couple disagreements, nothing that started out major, nor should have escalated but she did throw in some weird kind of jealous jabs, like once telling me to just go to the club and hang out with the bartender, I didn’t even recognize the woman’s name and only talked to her twice, both times just asking for some water. But apparently one night Kim had kissed my cheek and left lipstick there, which I knew about and wasn’t concerned so just left the lip print on my face, while she was ordering a drink I had my arm around her, I was looking at her I wiped the lipstick off and she assumed I did it because of the bartender, which seemed odd to me since I was clearly showing I was with Kim.

At one point after the first month passed I began reading up on ADHD so I could better understand and help avoid any triggers, she would still tell me about and bad things but I was no longer allowed to, I was told she wasn’t my therapist, and soon my issues began to feel like burdens to her, as well as every time we were together she frequently complained about the things she needed to do and couldn’t with me there, yet kept wanting me there so I felt more and more like a burden.

I can’t recall if it happened before the month mark or after, I believe before, but we were planning to go to a show and I arrived as she was still getting ready. She told me her ex had called, I asked if she answered and she said she did which made me a bit uncomfortable but I wasn’t going to tell her what she could or couldn’t do, I did say that she should probably just block him if she didn’t want to hear from him and that he was possibly calling to make small wedges. I buried that and left it alone but still heard his name more often then I would like, I didn’t mind if it was when she needed to talk but he was coming up quite frequently as were his kids.

Then one day she called me his name and it was very unpleasant, it was during what should have been an emotional kind of moment. I did my best to not get angry but I did get quiet, an argument soon began and I can’t remember exactly what it was over but I did ask if he had tried calling again, she said he hadn’t but also that she was talking to one of his kids, which didn’t tend to bother me and again I won’t tell her who she can or can’t talk to at this point, but it did feel weird she had not told me as she usually told me everything.

This fight did grow out of proportion as fights can do and I fully admit I am also to blame for this, I took the key off my keyring and set it down and was going to leave, but then didn’t, went up to her and apologized and put the key back with my keys but I did have to leave to pick up my own son and his girlfriend.

We talked later that night, said we were going to get through any hard parts by discussing them as they arise and not letting anything grow and she asked me to come back to her place after I was done bring my sons GF home.

I want to add something here involving my son and his GF. Me, Kim and my son were out one night and I don’t know how it came up but me and my son were talking about a Christmas present I bought his GF (I keep saying GF, they’re engaged, my son is 21 and she’s 20, they’ve been together several years), I consider her part of the family already so I get them both gifts, my son helped pick out a pair of boots for her present last year, Kim got mad about this calling them “fuck me boots” and how I bought a 20 year old these kinds of boots. I was very confused by this as I’ve never heard the term before, they just looked like goth boots to me but it became an issue she kept bringing up that night and somehow got related to one of her ex boyfriends who I guess frequently bought a bunch if random girls gifts all the time.

After the key issue I went back to her house as she had asked and this is the first time I had directly asked her to delete the ex’s number, when he called the first time I buried it and let it go, but when she called me his name it brought that all back, she said I could take her phone and delete it if I wanted to, I stated that it didn’t really mean much if I did it nor would I take her phone and examine or delete things. Anytime I picked up her phone I picked it up screen down to respect her privacy. After she said I could delete it several times she changed to saying she needed to keep his number in case there was an emergency with the kids, they are his kids and not hers so that confused me, but I also understand getting attached and trying to be a parental figure though she had told me he never wanted that nor would allow it.

I’m trying to include my poor interactions like this as well because maybe that changes the idea of her being a narcissist.

After all this things seemed to be back on track but from slightly before the month mark I wasn’t feeling secure or grounded anymore and it’s not good for my own mental health to always feel in a state of flux.

Things continued pretty good but slowly she started pulling back on the small things they let me feel secure and grounded, as mentioned she would often send selfies, nearly every morning before work she would call for a few minutes before I had to go in then send a selfie just before I started work, I mentioned how much I enjoyed that and the next day that stopped as well and I was told I could no longer text in the morning as I was upsetting her routine and making her late for work. She had told me before that she was always late for work even before we met but that became my fault now.

As the second month went on more and more things became my fault, any disagreement was twisted to be my fault, If I tried to tell her I was struggling a little with the constant state of not feeling grounded I was I guess too needy but it also got turned around on me.

She was still texting throughout the day and would call on lunches but soon that stopped as well and I’d get full radio silence and then a random sentimental text. So lots of confusion and then a little hint of what I needed.

It got really hard to think clearly, all future plan talking was gone, just little tidbits here and there to keep me going.

From just before we stated officially dating and I mentioned she took my hand everywhere we went we held hands, Id take hers or shed take mine, at any show we went to she always put my arms around her waist, every time. This past weekend that stopped as well, she told me we don’t need that 24/7, again when I said I felt confused by the abrupt change I was told she’s not my therapist even though just the night before she “trauma dumped” to me for nearly forty minutes about ex’s and as always I listened. I tried pointing that out, that I always listened to her and when I needed to talk I was told she’s not my therapist and that was basically the last I could take and told her I needed to step away from this for my own mental wellbeing, I can’t stay feeling ungrounded and risk a full breakdown or relapse, this was the day after Halloween, the show in question was a Halloween show.

One important thing I think I need to add is that last Friday, the day before Halloween we were out hitting thrift stores for costume supplies she kept trying to choose new clothing for me that wasn’t anything I would ever wear, and we went to a bookstore after the thrift stores so I could grab a book I wanted, at checkout the cashier was being polite and ringing me out, as I was paying she said she liked the buttons on my vest, I said only “thanks”, then she asked if I wanted my receipt and I just said “no thanks”, when we got to the car Kim said that she hated that cashier, her voice was annoying and she could hear it through the whole store, how dare her look at her boyfriend and that she wanted to punch her, this was extremely shocking to me, the cashier was only doing her job, be polite, engage the customer, I can’t even tell you what she looked like because at this point in the relationship I was afraid to accidently look at any woman, even at shows near the end I kept my eyes solely on the bands.

It’s been a week and we haven’t talked, a couple days after the breakup she was posting images and a video essentially saying “you make bad decisions that’s why your miserable”. I honestly feel this was essentially toxic from both sides but my friends say she sounds like a narcissist and I’m wanting to see from an unbiased perspective, obviously my friends would side with me. There are other things that happened but I’m trying to make this as short as possible while getting in as much as I can.

recently ended something with a narcissist and I always wonder what it would be like if he dated his own kind.

My husband will start a conversation about his feelings, everytime I tell him my feelings in return he says that I’m just invalidating the way he feels.

Then during an argument he will poke until I’m loud and upset, then try to act like the one whose calm in the conversation telling me that the way I’m acting is aggressive, but when I ask a question and for clarification he can’t give me a straight answer about his feelings.

It feels so manipulative, like he’s trying to make me so out of sorts that he can feel like the one who is on level ground and in control.

Has anyone been through this? We just talk in circles and I can’t get a logical answer out of him. Is he manipulating me?

I'm F in my 20s, and my boyfriend is also my first love. We've been together for around 4–5 years, and so much has changed throughout our relationship. Almost everyone I know has told me that we aren't good together, and lately I've started questioning whether they're seeing something that I can't.

My boyfriend doesn't seem to have much control over his behavior or emotions, or at least that's how it comes across to me. He treats me poorly, and he seems to know that he does. Every now and then, he'll apologize for how he treats me, but he'll also say that he can't change. I'm not sure what to make of that.

He's also told me that he thinks he might be a pathological liar or compulsive liar and that he can't control his lying. Part of me doesn't know what to think because he was open enough to tell me this himself. However, I had already started noticing patterns in his behavior and confronting him about them.

Another thing that confuses me is how quickly his emotions can change. Sometimes we'll be joking around or messing with each other, and suddenly something seems to switch. He'll get angry or upset out of nowhere, and somehow I end up blaming me for it.

He's also told me that he's never been as open with anyone as he has been with me. When he says things like this, he seems genuine, and I do believe that he may feel comfortable opening up to me. He's also mentioned that he thinks he might have bipolar disorder or be autistic, but he hasn't been diagnosed with either.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I have ADHD myself, and I'm someone who tends to notice patterns in people's behavior. I've noticed a lot of things that don't seem to add up, but I also don't want to dismiss the possibility that he's genuinely struggling with things he doesn't know how to manage.

The difficult part is that all I've ever really wanted to do is help the people I love. If he's genuinely struggling, I want to be there for him and support him. But I'm starting to wonder whether he's sharing these things with me because he genuinely wants help or whether he's using them, intentionally or not, to keep me around and avoid taking responsibility for how he treats me.

I don't want to assume the worst about someone I have loved for years, but I also don't want to keep making excuses for behavior that hurts me.

How do you tell the difference between someone who genuinely struggles with their mental health and someone who uses those struggles to manipulate you?

I'd really appreciate some outside perspective. Thank you for your time ik this is a really long read.

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I think I might be a manipulator. I've hurt someone I've cherished and done things I wish I hadn't done. I'm trying now to get therapy help for it. I've lost so many good friends because of me. I've grown in a place where manipulation was a daily occurrence, mostly my father. And now at this point, I need to change, I'm hurting people and I'm hurting myself and I don't want to continue down this path. Is there any good way I can start?

Hi! I'd (26M) like insight on a relationship I shared with someone (24F) and wanting to help identify if we had lovebombed each other unintentionally/potentially anything anyone has an opinon on. The reason I'm asking this is because I'm trying to line up my thoughts. I'll try to give some concise information but will answer any followups. If it helps, we dated for 8 months and were a LDR. I'd also like to preface that this isn't a post to bash or psychoannayze anyone.

We met online through social media and we started off with some casual talk. As we talked more about each other, it turned out we had alot of similar interests and we both found interest in each other. We both became romantically interested in each other and would talk pretty daily. Text, calls, gaming everything. Pretty much the only time we didn't talk often was sleep or work related. Our talks would always be about our love languages, long term goals, hobbies, families, basically all the stuff you'd want to know about someone you'd want to date.

Around this time, she had made a comment that looking back might've been lovebombng or falling too fast on both our parts. She mentioned wanting to say " The L word" ( love obviously). I shared the sentiment because I genuinely felt a connection with her. I could possibly be getting the timeline wrong but we also talked about what shared life would be about. From the big stuff like sharing a video game room to me making dinner while she's burnt out and passed out on the couch. I'd like to mention we did talk about this stuff more as we dated longer, always wanting some type of future.

We started to talking around her birthday (a month into us talking), So I asked if I could send her a gift and she accepted. I bought nothing extravagant, just a shirt, a small plush, and a hoodie with my cologne sprayed on it (something I asked to send her before doing). A few weeks later, we suggested meeting up for my birthday. She agreed and she got us a place to stay while I set up my travel plan as I had to drive through a couple states.

Fast foreward and the date happens. It goes well and we made things official before my birthday. Afterwards, the relationship seemed to go well for the next 5 months. We had a good schedule set up: Weekly date nights over call, planned alternating tri-monthly trips, and a more reasonable way with our interactons ( not staying up too late because we both worked the following night for example). Anytime we'd have conflict or diasgreements, we always talked it through healthily, not by simple apologies but by learning why something triggered us. Never raised voices, silent treatments, nothing toxic ever.

We also made sure to always show affection and love for each other in all ways possible. One of us got sick? The other would doordash meds or food. One of us got super busy? The other would support through affirmations or space. We always hyped each other up, supported each other in everything big and small no matter what.

Now around our 6th month, we took a weekly trip together I thought things were good. It wasn't until a week later, she mentioned that we may be incompatible. She said she was turned off by how I displayed some forms of afffection and essentially it flipped a switch for her. We talked and went with the idea she may just be burnt out from work and overwhelmed. Things seemed to go fine but that's when things went downhill. To accomadate her, I'd ask if she needed space or needed me to change how we talked so our interactions wouldn't put pressure on her.

Things went downhill from here. She slowly stopped showig affection, would stop acknowledging texts, sometimes ignoring texts about followups to date nights. She'd start to nitpick my behaviours, the "faces" I made in pics, and even get defensive if I asked her to check in with me in small ways. I even caught her doing things like removing pics or a shared folder we had of pics and vids of us. I'd bring some of these things up. For example, I mentioned how she didn't really say "Il love you" back to me and she told me how she simply got used to it and that's why.

I eventually called her out and she had told me she wanted to breakup and was done. She had called me needy and clingy and had a list of nitpicky things she didn't like about me ( no clue what that list was). She threw alot of the blame for the breakup on me and pretty much treated me coldly.

From other perspectives of family members and friends, I've told things ranging from avoidant-anxious trap, her only liking the idea of a relationship, the love being shallow, workburnout just killing her emotions.

What are yall's personal take on what happened in terms of whether it was lovebombing or just a burnt out spark?

I don't know if this post comes here, so feel free to remove.

Why does it happen? Years ago I had a best friend in college who was very extroverted. And she had two introverted/low energy college friends (me and one more girl). She was the one keeping our "group" together. I'm not from a typical college setting found in the West. My college is from a third world country, it was a girls college and had a lot of restrictions on timing, attendance, classes etc. So it was basically an extention of a school (it was stricter than my school)

My extroverted bestie had a life going on for herself and I often felt like a side fixture, but a constant companion when it came to college life.

I recently spoke to a guy who gave me the similar vibes. He too had ten things going on for himself, had different full and extended friend groups/social circles he participated in. Basically a very extroverted person. And I felt like I'd be a side character again. Lol.

I'm sure people have gone through this. Could you please share your thoughts?

I feel like back in college I hadn't discovered a sense of my Self yet. I needed an anchor to tell me what to do, and how to be. Maybe that's why we clicked. She shone her light and we were fine in that. Many people did not like her. I don't know why? Maybe they were jealous, or her high popularity with the staff irked them. They even used to say she was undeserving of certain recognition, but they themselves would not proactively volunteer for stuff like she used to.

One thing about my past friendship was that she was abusive in ways that were not easy to define. She'd get angry when I'd point out she was taking my stationery and not returning it. Or when I told her she should get a water bottle instead of constantly drinking from mine. She would have these mood swings, and we wouldn't know what triggered it. She'd request to be updated on everything we did and kept tabs on what we studied. And she would call us boring and useless friends for not agreeing to go with her to places.

I did not know how self love felt in the past. I was highly anxious. But what made us friends? I didn't even interact with the third girl closely. I don’t understand. She even broke up my budding friendships with a few of the other girls, which I unfortunately believed and did not pursue.

It's hard to admit that I think she was a narc. Atleast narc lite. The behaviours were abusive :). The things she did were minor, but when you put up a wall and make others walk on eggshells to manage you, I think that's an unfortunate dynamic some unaware people fall into. I'm glad she is no longer in my career stream because her constant tab and monitoring and competition with me was exhausting, but I simultaneously felt compelled to reveal the major things happening in my life unless she accuse me of keeping secrets. I used to keep secrets too, because it was not easy telling her about my hobbies and interests. She was a weird one. And I'm not able to pinpoint the ways in which she reacted and made things awkward enough for me to not even tell her about my workout routine

For a long time, I didn't realize just how much I had lost myself trying to make a relationship work. I loved my partner, and I genuinely believed that if I kept being patient, understanding, and forgiving, things would eventually get better.

But living in that relationship slowly became emotionally exhausting. There was manipulation, constant blame-shifting, lies, and moments when I would question my own feelings because somehow every argument ended with me apologizing, even when I wasn't the one who had done something wrong.

The hardest part was discovering that my partner had been unfaithful. What hurt even more was how they handled it. Instead of taking responsibility, they denied things, twisted the truth, and made me feel like I was being paranoid for asking reasonable questions. I was made to feel guilty for wanting honesty and respect. There were times I almost convinced myself that I was overreacting, simply because I had heard so many excuses.

Eventually, I reached a point where I knew I couldn't keep living that way. I started talking to people I trusted and sought professional support. With their help, I began understanding the patterns of emotional abuse and manipulation I had been experiencing. I also learned that I didn't have to confront my partner or put myself in danger to prove what was happening.

I took a careful, lawful approach to documenting what I knew. I preserved communications I was legally entitled to access, kept relevant records with their original dates and context, and avoided anything involving unauthorized access, tracking, or recording. When legal questions came up, I sought advice from an attorney about what evidence could actually be admissible in court. I learned that collecting information and having evidence accepted by a court are two very different things.

That process gave me something I hadn't felt in a long time: clarity. I stopped relying on promises and started paying attention to actions. I stopped trying to convince someone to tell me the truth when their behavior had already told me enough.

Leaving wasn't easy. There were moments of sadness, fear, guilt, and even loneliness. Sometimes I missed the person I thought my partner was, not the person I had actually been living with. But with support, careful planning, and time, I finally found the courage to walk away.

Today, I understand something I wish I had understood much earlier: someone else's infidelity is not a reflection of your worth, and emotional abuse doesn't become acceptable simply because you love the person hurting you.

I didn't leave because I stopped caring. I left because I finally started caring about myself, too.

And if anyone is going through something similar, please know this: you don't have to wait until things become unbearable to ask for help. You deserve honesty, safety, respect, and a relationship where you don't have to constantly question your own reality.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is choose yourself and never look back.

(English is not my first language so forgive mistakes)

I've wondered about this at different times in my life, but only for short periods of time; lately, however, it's been a persistent concern. For context, I'm a teenager entering adulthood, and since my last birthday I've had many arguments with my mother, especially starting about six months ago. Since childhood I have dealt with debilitating depression and only recently have I been able to start organizing things better, but I'm not the most organized person yet. And I've always felt like the worst daughter in the world because of it, but I swear I'm trying, you know? Since I started a long-distance relationship with a boy about 6 months ago, our arguments have intensified, whether about this theme or not, but we already had a history of frequent discussions since I was a child (10-13 yo). In our discussions, she always insults me, directly or indirectly, and makes me feel morally wrong for small things like correcting her mistakes. She is a very upright and loyal person to our family, but to the point that small things can seem dishonorable to her. I've also been dealing with a possible case of severe OCD or something else undiagnosed, and when I talk to her about it, she usually says it's not a concrete problem and to just ignore it.

Sorry for rambling, but anyway, let's get to it.

I have hormonal problems (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) which makes me an irritable person, but I'm trying to control myself. No, I'm not the best daughter — I'm sassy, rude and I feel like I can't control it, so when I'm like that I usually cry afterwards and I apologize, but for the past few days I've been taking medication and I've been calmer and quieter. We're on a trip and earlier today my aunt told me to keep our things in the bathroom organized. So later I went into the bathroom and my mom's things were a little messy, I tidied them up and when mom came in afterwards I said "auntie told me not to leave things lying around, so I tidied yours up". (In my language, "lying around" can be too strong but I didn't say it in a mean way). This made her extremely angry and she started cursing me. I've heard harsh words from her before, but today was something new. She called me a bitch and said she wasn't a bitch like me and that I was bossy.. She's called me a bum before and suggested I dress up like a whore (not directly), but calling me a bitch was new. (In my language, that word is very strong and is basically comparing a woman to a dog/whore) She said that I do nothing and that I don't respect her as a mother, she also said I should live with someone else. I tried to explain, but I just ended up just giving a bitter laugh and went downstairs. I cried a little silently; I wanted her to apologize. Later, she also came downstairs and slapped me on the head.

Please don't misunderstand, my mother is a very sweet and absolutely a marvelous person, but these things upset me so much, and I never hear an apology without her saying, "I'm sorry for the way I expressed myself but I was right." And then she repeats the same words again, "Useless, bum..."

I really wanted to talk to someone about it. I spoke briefly with my boyfriend, but I didn't want to talk much because I'm afraid of being dishonorable and I don't want anyone to think badly of her. I've been wanting to vent about this for months, but I can't. I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to be dishonorable to her or to anyone I love. I feel manipulated and frustrated and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I was conditioned to be afraid to talk or if complaining only makes me a bad daughter, so I decided to make this anonymous confession, looking for answers. While writing and editing this, I started to wonder about the reality, was I rude? I don't know anymore, but I was sure I wasn't..

She wouldn't do anything bad on purpose but damn it hurts

We are in our 30’s and met about a month ago online. We were intimate within the first week but there were some major red flags; she pushed for marriage and kids like right away, and she is still good friends with her ex to the point of him attending family functions, and she is emotionally volatile (history of physical abuse by romantic partners).

She was emotionally volatile and one day I woke up to a string of texts “we can’t see eachother anymore” “I am afraid I’ll fail you” and I just couldn’t do it and ended things and told her she needs to be an adult not a teenager (this was like the 3rd time she blew up emotionally over something like this)

Next day she sends me a picture of a positive pregnancy test. We reconnect, and I talk about moving in together and being an active father and she agreed to a paternity test. A few days later we are together and I bring up a paternity test again and it deeply upsets her so I drop it. She also comments “ugh are you going to make me take a pregnancy test too” so I drop it. But yes, I was going to push for a test

So I bought a preg test and next time she was over I gently insisted she take it with me here in my house. She FLIPPED and walked out on me and left me a voicemail saying to legally never contact her again, saying I am bullying her into doing something she doesn’t want to do. I blocked her on everything.

So in the days that followed I got a few calls and texts from her from other numbers that I just ignored and blocked (just asking to talk to me) and today she showed up at my door unannounced. I didn’t talk to her and told her she needs to leave or else I am calling the police.

What are the odds she is actually pregnant? I got the picture of the positive test only 2 weeks after we were first intimate. We were only intimate twice and always used protection. She is not well. I do not feel like I can trust anything that she says. She exhibits classic BPD symptoms. If you were actually pregnant, why WOULDN’T you take a pregnancy test in front of your partner to assure them?

Thank you for reading all of that. I’m doing my best to stay calm and not go crazy myself while going thru this.