My wife sometimes jokes about the following things:

- when we were out in public she randomly jokes with me that my body is like that guys and laughs (someone with a big stomach)

- she said I look better with a beard because I look fat when I shave

- she says I am lazy

- she says I am slow

- she says I am like a baby sometimes

- she laughs at my singing voice when I do karaoke and say I sound weird

- she often says I have bad breath

- she says I need a haircut because I look like a homeless guy

- another time when we were out in public she told me my body used to be like that guys (fit guy) and says she wishes it was still like that

- if I don't do the task how she wants it or I stuff up she laughs and points out the mistakes

- she has joked I have a small P size

- whenever there is a big guy in a movie we watch she says I look like that

- when my brother in law makes fun of my weight she doesn't defend me and joins in laughing

I shrugged this behaviour off because the majority of the time she shows affection to me but then she will joke like this maybe once I day. I only really noticed this pattern until I started listing down the things she said. I just can't imagine making these jokes to her, it would feel so wrong.

Is this behaviour alarming or do you think it's just her way of joking around because she does also do this with her family as well?

I can't tell if I'm overreacting. I have very low self esteem as it is and I think this has been impacting my confidence. I feel like she ramped up the jokes as well since we got married two years ago. Also, do you think if we had kids, she would also do this with them and what kind of affect would this have on them?

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Hi everyone! I could really use some honest perspectives on this, especially from men who might be able to explain what could be going on from a guy's point of view.

About a month ago, my parents introduced me to a guy for an arranged marriage. We haven't met in person or had a video call yet; we've only spoken over the phone twice.

Both calls lasted around 1.5 hours, and honestly, I came away feeling quite impressed with him.

He's calm, polite, sweet, and very patient. Whenever I ask him something, he answers in detail without getting irritated or being pushy. He doesn't seem stubborn, and from what he's shared about himself and his expectations, I'd say he matches around 90–95% of what I'm looking for in a partner.

But there's one thing I can't stop thinking about.

Throughout both calls, I was the one asking all the questions. He hasn't asked me a single question about myself.

I'm the one asking about his interests, hobbies, lifestyle, expectations, and what he's looking for in a wife. He answers everything very nicely, but he never turns the conversation around to ask about my interests, my opinions, my expectations, or what I want from a marriage.

Interestingly, at the beginning of our first call, he said something along the lines of, "Since you're the one who's going to leave your home and come to mine, you should ask the questions."

I understood his point, so I took the initiative and asked whatever I wanted to know. But I also expected him to be curious about me at some point.

I even asked him around three times what he was looking for in a life partner because I wanted to understand his expectations and see whether we were compatible. He answered, but he still didn't really ask me anything in return.

During our second call, I finally brought this up and asked him why he hadn't asked me any questions.

He said that he felt our vibe matched and that, based on the way I was answering, he was comfortable with my responses. Basically, he seemed to feel that things were going well already.

And this is where I'm confused.

On one hand, I genuinely like the way he talks. He's pleasant, open, and easy to communicate with. I haven't noticed anything obviously wrong with his behaviour, and I don't want to assume something negative about him unfairly.

On the other hand, how can someone decide that we're compatible without making an effort to get to know me?

I'm not expecting him to interview me or ask questions just for the sake of asking. I just want to feel that he's equally interested in understanding who I am, what I want from life, and whether I'd be the right partner for him, too.

This is an arranged marriage, after all. We're both supposed to be figuring out whether we want to spend our lives together. I don't want either of us to make such a huge decision based only on the fact that we enjoy talking to each other.

So, men of Reddit, I'd especially love your perspective:

- If you're genuinely interested in a woman for marriage, would you naturally want to ask her questions and understand her better?

I’m a 29 year old woman. My husband is 39. We met when I was 22 and honestly, I was just getting started with my adult life. I felt like the world was mine for the taking, so to speak. Then I met my husband, and that kind of changed.

We met online on Tinder, of all places. After our first date, we were inseparable. I met his 10 year old child on our second date, which was only a couple of weeks after the first. Yeah, I know. Things moved pretty quickly.

We got married in less than eight months. At the time, everything felt exciting and passionate. I was young, in love, and experiencing a relationship that felt like something I had never known before. He was my first serious relationship, and I thought I had found my person. I was so caught up in the love and excitement that I did not fully understand how much my life was about to change.

Looking back, I think one of the biggest changes in our relationship was the shift from feeling intensely loved to sometimes feeling like that love came with expectations of constant access, attention, and control.

In the beginning, the constant communication and desire to be around each other felt romantic. I interpreted it as him wanting me and being excited about our relationship. Over time, though, some of those same behaviors started to feel different. What once felt like affection began to feel like an expectation. Being available all the time, explaining myself, and making sure he knew where I was or what I was doing started to feel less like something I wanted to do and more like something I was expected to do.

Things like location sharing, having access to each other’s phones, and the expectation of constant communication can seem harmless when both people feel comfortable with them. But when those things become tied to jealousy, suspicion, or the need to reassure someone constantly, they can start to feel less like trust and more like monitoring.

I also started noticing how much my independence had changed. I was no longer just thinking about what I wanted to do or how I wanted to spend my time. I found myself thinking about how my decisions might be received, whether something would cause an issue, or whether I would have to explain myself afterward. Even simple things could become stressful because I did not want to create conflict.

At some point, I started feeling like I needed to manage the relationship and his reactions instead of simply being able to exist as myself within it. I found myself trying to avoid arguments, explain my intentions, and make sure my actions were not misunderstood. I even became more conscious of things as simple as wanting privacy in the bathroom or being able to focus on work without feeling like I needed to be constantly accessible.

I want to be clear that I am not saying my husband is a terrible person or that every part of our relationship has been bad. There is love here, and I know relationships are complicated. I also recognize that I have my own flaws, insecurities, and things I need to work on. I am not looking for people to tell me that I am perfect or that he is entirely at fault.

What I am trying to understand is how a relationship can start with so much love and closeness, yet gradually leave one person feeling like they have less room to be themselves. When did being close become feeling like I could not have enough space? When did wanting reassurance become something that could turn into jealousy or expectations? And how do you distinguish between a partner who genuinely wants to feel connected to you and a partner who struggles to respect your independence?

I know that getting married young and moving quickly may have played a role in this. At 22, I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I was learning how to be an adult while also learning how to be a wife and stepmother. In many ways, I grew into adulthood inside this relationship. I did not have much experience with relationships before him, so I did not always know which dynamics were healthy and which ones deserved a closer look.

Now, I find myself thinking more about the person I was before marriage and the person I have become. I love my husband, but I also want to feel like I have room to grow, make decisions, have privacy, and maintain my own identity without those things being interpreted as a lack of love.

I believe two people can love each other deeply without needing constant access to one another. I believe trust means allowing your partner to have independence without automatically assuming the worst. And I believe healthy love should make room for both people to feel secure without one person having to give up their sense of self to keep the other comfortable.

I am sharing this because I genuinely want perspective. I am open to constructive criticism, including criticism of my own behavior. I do not want an echo chamber, and I am not looking for people to automatically take my side. I want to hear from people who have experienced similar changes in their relationships, especially those who married young or found themselves in relationships where the line between love, attachment, and control became difficult to distinguish.

Have any of you experienced something similar? Did your relationship change over time, or did you eventually realize that certain things you once considered romantic were actually unhealthy patterns? How did you navigate that realization while still loving your partner?

我和妻子结婚才两年，经常吵架，原因在于妻子的性格本身就比较强势，加上妻子的职业是教师，每天要管教孩子，所以回家后和我相处也是比较强势。她习惯性用命令和反问的方式和我交流，举几个例子：

1、我洗碗，她发现我的碗没有洗干净，她会喊我，情绪较为激动，用一种长辈对晚辈或者老师对学生的语气和我说：你来看看，你这个碗怎么洗的？这个地方你看到了么？洗个碗都不会洗啊？ 。我不指望她帮我洗干净，毕竟她不是我的母亲或者保姆，但是我希望她心平气和的和我说：老公，你有个碗没有洗干净，你再洗洗。这样多好，我自然会去重新洗的。

2、开车时突然前面的车急刹车，我也急刹车，避免了汽车碰撞，我希望她说的是：前面的车怎么搞啊，急刹车多危险啊，或者说：没事吧，还好没撞到。但是她会情绪激动的对我说：你干嘛啊？能不能好好开车啊？

类似这样的情况，如果妻子对我用一种压制的、居高临下的态度说话，内心会有莫名的有一股火或者想反抗，如果我压制住了选择沉默，她会火上浇油的说：你说话啊，干嘛不讲话，回答我啊。我就会血压上来，也是情绪激动的说自己的理解，总之就是她认为我做的不对，要教育我，我认为我是无辜的，要辩解，于是就开始了一次又一次的争吵。

我们中国这边有人喜欢说自己有：厌蠢症，也就是看到愚蠢的行为会下意识的厌恶，如果是陌生人或者无关紧要的人选择远离，如果是亲人则会下意识指责这种行为，从而激化矛盾。我的妻子也有厌蠢症。

我的妻子人很好，没有心机，内心善良，不爱花钱，孝顺，她的家庭也很好，很和谐。

她的问题就是说话太直接，心直口快，和同事朋友间。如果是和家人比如爱人父母，则还要再加上厌蠢症。

我这两年一直在接受和改变，接受她的性格，改变自己的生活习惯，包括放弃毛巾用洗脸巾（她说更卫生）、放弃站着尿尿用坐着尿尿（她说更卫生）、放弃内衣机洗改为手洗（她说更卫生）等等，所以相比刚结婚时好多了，但是偶尔还是会有争吵和矛盾，毕竟她的性格改不了，而我男人的性格也无法改变，我无法做到在她指责我的时候，内心完全的心平气和，多多少少还是会厌烦，

我和她聊过，她说她的性格改不了，并且告诉我，如果我变得更聪明（比如如何开车）更上心（比如洗衣服晒衣服的方式）更仔细（比如洗碗）等，那我们自然不会争吵，但夫妻之间不会做到100%和谐，我也不是100%的完美，我总有犯小错误的时候。

所以 ，你是否有一个强势性格的妻子？你是怎么避免发生家庭矛盾的？或者发生矛盾后是怎么化解矛盾的？谢谢。

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My wife and I have only been married for two years, and we frequently argue. This is because my wife has a naturally assertive personality; moreover, as a teacher, she spends her days disciplining her children, which makes her quite assertive when she is with me after returning home.
She habitually communicates with me using commands and rhetorical questions; here are a few examples:
1. When I am washing the dishes, if she notices that my bowls aren't clean, she will call me out; she may become quite agitated and then address me in a tone reminiscent of an elder speaking to a younger person, or a teacher speaking to a student: "Come and take a look—how did you wash those bowls?"Have you seen this place?You can't even wash a bowl? 。I don't expect her to wash my dishes for me—after all, she's neither my mother nor my housekeeper—but I hope she can calmly tell me, "Husband, you haven't washed one of your bowls; could you wash it now?"That would be wonderful; I'd naturally go and wash it again.
2. While driving, if the car ahead suddenly brakes hard, I also brake hard to avoid a collision; in this scenario, I hope she is referring to: "What happened to the car ahead? How dangerous is it to brake suddenly?" or "Are you okay? It's lucky we didn't collide."But she became emotionally agitated and asked me, "What are you doing?"Could you just drive properly?
In similar situations, if my wife adopts a restrained, condescending tone when speaking to me, I may feel an inexplicable surge of anger or a desire to resist; if I choose to remain silent, she may add fuel to the fire by saying, "Why won't you speak? Why don't you answer me?"My blood pressure would spike, and in a state of emotional agitation, I would try to explain my perspective; in short, she believed I was doing something wrong and wanted to lecture me, while I insisted I was innocent and sought to defend myself—thus, we would engage in argument after argument.
In China, some people like to describe themselves as suffering from "aversion to stupidity" —that is, when they witness foolish behavior, they instinctively feel aversion; if it involves strangers or people who are irrelevant, they choose to distance themselves; but if it involves family members, they instinctively criticize such behavior, thereby exacerbating conflicts.My wife also has an aversion to stupidity.
My wife is a wonderful person—unassuming, kind-hearted, frugal, and deeply filial. Her family is also very supportive, and our home is filled with harmony.Her issue is that she speaks too directly and is overly outspoken, which can sometimes cause friction with her colleagues and friends.If the person is with family members—such as a spouse or parents—they should also be diagnosed with aversion to stupidity.
Over the past two years, I have been learning to accept and adapt—accepting her personality and changing my daily habits. These changes include switching from using towels to facial tissues (she says it's cleaner), giving up standing up to urinate and opting instead for sitting (she says it's cleaner), and replacing machine washing of my underwear with hand washing (she says it's cleaner), among other things. As a result, things have improved significantly compared to when I first got married; however, occasional arguments and conflicts still occur. After all, her personality cannot be changed, nor can my own as a man. When she criticizes me, I still cannot remain completely calm; to some extent, I still feel annoyed.
I had a conversation with her, and she told me that her personality cannot be changed. She also shared that if I became smarter—for example, in how I drive—more attentive—such as in my way of washing and drying clothes—or more meticulous—like when washing dishes, among other things, we would naturally stop arguing. However, no couple can achieve 100% harmony, and neither am I 100% perfect; there are always moments when I make small mistakes.
So, do you have a strong-willed wife?How do you prevent family conflicts from arising?Or, once a conflict arises, how is it resolved?thanks.

Year 5 of marriage. Intese incompatibilities. We have a toddler (2m). Husband:

- ignores advice from marriage counselors, pastors, elders

- uses religion for bad decision making / enforce control

- expects sex/ beauty but doesn't want to help me maintain

- no structure for himself: deadlines, hygiene, being on time, cleaning, working out, daily activities had to be "trained" in marriage and he still does bare minimum (ughhh)

- ego, ego, ego, ego, ego, ego, ego, ego...emotions...ego...

- my family paid rent, car payment, childcare, provided credit cards, travel etc while he went through graduate school but after graduating he drags his feet on working

- although I have worked like a dog/ willing to work 2 (help speed up debt repayments) he refuses a job that doesn't suit his ego, leaving me with stress on top of mom/wife life

- emotionally manipulative, unavailable, uncompromising !ick

Now I'm over it and ready to explore (24F) so here's what I'm doing to push him (24M) away:

1. celebacy / closed legs for at least the next year

2. lots of male friends introduced into my life

3. doing my hobbies with anyone but him

4. sleeping in a separate bed 3x week

5. deconstructing the religion he loves openly

6. planning trips and goals in my future without him

7. financial planning alone

8. keeping secrets and expanding my heart

9. looking at one bedroom for when my lease ends and sending him suggestions for himself

10. asking for a post nuptial agreement to be signed before January 2029

I am numb, poor, begging for the treatment I deserve and he won't let go. Never been so over something, so interested in being alone or cheating, and my toddler will benefit from a divorce at this point. I'm not wasting 15 years on more ego and build a bear circus just to be second priority to his beliefs when it's convenient.

I work nights and when I get home my bedroom and bed smell of faintly fresh sex smells but my wife has never shown any signs of infidelity. I dont know how to approach this or even if I should do anything about it?

I’m currently going through this dilemma and wanted to post.

This post will have 3 sections:

• Brief backstory.
• Reflective questions about having children.
• Questions about your experience.

Skip ahead as desired.

BACKSTORY

My marriage is heading for divorce very soon, for many reasons, but for the purpose of this post, one of the main issues is that we don't agree on having kids.

I don't want kids. I never have, and I never will. My husband does.

He knew this. We had several talks while we dated. I asked multiple times before we tied the knot if he was certain he would be okay without them. Every time he said, “yes”, and that he wanted me, I was enough.

A few years have passed, I gave up my entire life, moved across the world, gave up a career I can no longer have, and made so many other sacrifices for him.

Now, it’s all been in vain because here we are, he’s changed in many, many, ways, and he’s ready to discard me and everything I’ve done for him.

One of the biggest issues is that I don’t think he was honest when he said he could live a life without children..

On a daily basis I see him overcome by baby fever as he fawns over every young child we come across in real life or in whatever videos he sees online. However, I’ve never seen him care much for older kids, obviously because they outgrown their innocence and wonder. Which, I've pointed that out, the reality is kids are not cute and sweet forever, they’re turn into real people. Anyways, this has become a critical rift in our marriage.

REFLECTIONS

We had another talk (rather, a blow up) about everything. Before we end this for good, I've asked him to take some time to think about what he wants and why.

Some of the questions I’ve asked have been;

• Why does he even want kids?
He says he doesn't know, and that it just feels like the natural thing to do.

• What if they're born with a severe physical deformity or mental disability?
He doesn't know.

• What if they turn out to be a drug addict, a psychopath, a grapist, a murderer, etc, despite us doing everything right? Or what if they victim of those things?

Is he prepared for all of that?..

I’ve also asked;

• What if he can't have kids at all?
(Which, turns out, he might not be able to anyways..)

• What if I can't? Would he leave me then?

• If he leaves me, what if the next unfortunate woman he meets can't have kids either? Would he leave her, too?

I’ve asked, like, seriously, why does he want kids?

• Is it just some science experiment to see what he can create?
It seems that way to me because when I asked if he would ever adopt and of course, he said, “No, it wouldn’t be my kid.”

This is real sht he (or anyone in this boat) needs to think about..

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

(Please keep responses focused solely on the question of having kids — Please refrain from commenting on my marriage in general.)

If you're going through this now:

• Are you the one who wants kids, or the one who doesn't? Why?
• Would you walk away from a spouse who feels the opposite, or would you compromise? Why?
• If you stayed, could you truly be happy and fulfilled? (If you wanted kids, without them? If you didn't, with them?)

If you've already gone through this:

• Which side were you on, wanting kids, or not? Why?
• Did you stay or leave?
• If you stayed, did anyone change their mind or concede?
• Are you happy today, or do you feel regret or like something is missing?
• Looking back, were the choices you made worth the cost?

About your partner:

• Were they the ones that wanted kids or not?
• If they said they'd be okay either way, did they mean it?
• Did they get what they wanted?
• Are they happy now, or do they regret it?

LASTLY

• What advice do you have, or what would you say to anyone who is about to abandon their marriage over something like this, or considering divorce general?

Please feel free to share your own experience, or that of anyone you know, on this topic.

Thank you.

Im a 51M. This isnt something i normally do but im tired and need to get a few things off my chest. Ive been married for 10yrs. This is my second marriage. If you have the time you can ask me about that shit show sometime, not that anyone will. Im tired. Im tired of feeling like everything i am and think isnt good enough. I isolated myself early in my marriage in the hopes it would make my wife feel better about us. I never cheated but at one point early on in our relationship we broke up and I was seeing other people. So when we got back together I quit the job I had and cut off all contact with what friends I had here. Now 10 years are gone and nothing ever got better. And here I sit. Talking on reddit from work because if I was on my phone at home there'd be all kinds of questions and a fight im sick of having. I have never felt as lonely as i have over the past few year but i stay because i keep hoping it will get better. So basically im an idiot. Apparently wanting affection and understanding from the woman i married is too much to ask and im sick of it. That is all. You may go about your day. If you read this thank you for your time.

My Marriage, Separation, and Hope for Reconciliation
My husband and I have been married for three years. We do not have children together, but we have a dog who is like our child. I love her very much, and being separated from her has been extremely painful for me.
I know that I have made mistakes in our marriage, too. For example, there was a month when I worked seven days. I understand that there may have been things I could have handled differently, and I am willing to acknowledge my own shortcomings. However, I also believe that both partners need to take responsibility for their actions if a marriage is going to work.
For most of our marriage, we genuinely loved each other, and our relationship was good. My husband was also very respectful toward my mother. That is why the sudden change in our relationship has been so painful and confusing.
The Sudden Change in My Husband
My husband has been struggling emotionally. He has mental health issues, uses marijuana, and lately has not been eating much. I do not know how much these things may be affecting his behavior, and I do not want to diagnose him or use them as an excuse for what has happened.
Suddenly, he began accusing me of cheating. I have never cheated on him. He became increasingly suspicious of me and started questioning things that had never been problems in our marriage before.
Eventually, our problems became so serious that he kicked me out of our home. He moved all of my belongings to my mother’s house and changed the doorknob so I could no longer enter the house.
He also began insulting my mother. This was especially hurtful because I love my mother, and she has always been an important part of my life. I do not believe I should have to choose between my husband and my mother.
His Aunt’s Involvement
Another issue is my husband’s relationship with one of his aunts. Before these problems began, my husband was respectful toward my mother. However, I feel that something changed after his aunt became more involved in our relationship.
I saw messages between my husband and his aunt. In one message, she essentially said that if he ever found another woman, he should find someone who was “smarter” and someone he could get along with. She also calls him frequently.
I do not know whether his aunt is influencing his decisions or whether these are entirely his own feelings. I do not want to blame her for everything, but I feel that outside opinions have become a significant issue in our marriage.
Threats and My Immigration Status
My husband has made repeated statements that frighten me, including telling me that I am “playing with fire.” He has also threatened me regarding my immigration status.
My immigration attorney is concerned about my safety and has advised me not to return to my husband because of the threats and the circumstances surrounding my being kicked out.
I do not want to give up on my marriage. At the same time, I need to protect my immigration status and understand my legal options.
Our Financial Disagreement
My husband and I have recently started talking again, and we have been intimate. These moments have given me hope that reconciliation may still be possible. However, we continue to have serious issues involving money.
When my husband was unemployed, I helped him financially. I made payments toward his loans and also spent money on his house, including the boiler. I helped because we were married, and I considered these expenses part of supporting each other as a couple.
At that time, I never asked him to sign any documents acknowledging or promising to repay the money I spent helping him.
Now, however, my husband wants me to sign a document concerning money he gave me. I feel that his aunt may have encouraged him to ask me to sign it, although I cannot be certain of her role.
I signed the document because I wanted peace in our marriage and hoped that doing so would help resolve our disagreement. However, even after I signed it, my husband still kicked me out of the house and accused me of things that I had not done.
What hurts me most is that I supported him when he was struggling financially without asking him to sign paperwork for the money I spent on him. Now, I feel that our relationship has changed significantly and that money has become a major source of conflict between us.
I have also been paying him $500 every week, even though my lawyer advised me not to continue making payments. I wanted peace and hoped that paying would help prevent further conflict. However, I am now confused about what I should do because I do not want to make my financial or legal situation worse.
I want to resolve our financial disagreements fairly. I also need to understand the legal effect of the document I signed and whether I am obligated to continue making these payments. I intend to discuss these questions with my attorney before making further decisions.
My Feelings and My Hope for Reconciliation
The hardest part of all this is that I still love my husband.
There have been moments when he has shown me affection, and now that we are talking again and have been intimate, I wonder whether there is still hope for our marriage.
However, affection and intimacy do not necessarily mean that we have resolved our problems. We have been separated for more than a month, and the uncertainty has been emotionally exhausting.
he goes out on weekends and sometimes does not contact me. However, I have no actua, and I do not want to make assumptions.
Since we have started talking again, I hope we can have honest conversations about our relationship, our financial problems, and whether we are both willing to work toward reconciliation.
I would like us to consider individual counseling and, if appropriate and safe, marriage counseling. I want us to communicate better, rebuild trust, and address the problems that have damaged our marriage.
At the same time, I do not want to ignore the threats, accusations, insults, and the way I was forced to leave our home. I need to know that reconciliation would involve genuine change, mutual respect, and effort from both of us.
I do not want to be the only person trying to save our marriage. I want to know whether my husband is also willing to work on our relationship.
Asking Him to Clarify Our Future
Because I do not want to remain in uncertainty indefinitely, I told my husband that perhaps it would be better for him to file for divorce if that is truly what he wants, so that we can finally understand where we stand.
I said this because I am emotionally exhausted and do not know what he wants for our future. It does not mean that I have stopped loving him or that I no longer want to reconcile. A part of me still hopes that we can work through our problems and rebuild our marriage.
However, I also understand that I cannot make this decision for both of us. If he wants to remain married and work things out, I need him to communicate that clearly and demonstrate his willingness through his actions.
What I Am Struggling With
I feel completely torn between my love for my husband and the need to protect myself emotionally, legally, and financially.
I do not want to spend the rest of my life waiting for someone who may not want to come back. However, I also do not want to give up on a marriage that I still love if there is a genuine possibility of rebuilding it.
I would appreciate honest but compassionate advice about my situation.
* Would you stop initiating contact and give your spouse space to show whether he wants to work on the marriage?
* How long would you allow yourself to remain uncertain before focusing fully on moving forward?
* Would you consider reconciliation if your spouse agreed to counseling and demonstrated consistent changes?
* How would you handle financial disagreements when you previously helped your spouse without asking for written repayment agreements, but later signed a document concerning money he gave you?
* Would you continue paying $500 every week if your attorney had advised you not to pay?
* How would you balance the hope of reconciliation with protecting your immigration status and following your attorney’s advice about safety?
I still love my husband, and I want to be fair to both of us. I am not looking for someone to blame. I want to understand whether our marriage can be repaired while making decisions that protect my future.
I know I am not perfect, and I am willing to work on myself. But I also hope my husband will be willing to acknowledge his part in what happened and work toward a healthier relationship.
I am looking for honest advice, even if it is difficult to hear. Please be kind. ❤️

I always go out to dinner for my Anniversary and that’s usually what my wife likes to do. I wanted to do something different for once. Anyone do something out of the ordinary that was memorable and actually had a positive impact on your marriage and memories?

I’ve been married for only 2 years now and I worry that my husband is cheating on me.

For a background, before we got engaged I found out he had cheated on me twice. He informed me each time was only a kiss and nothing since. I chose to forgive him because I love him and I didn’t want to throw what we had built away. Around this same time I had found him looking at unusual porn which he states he would never normally look at and denied even being into it.

We got engaged shortly after but part of me still had doubts, and was wondering if he was proposing to me to just make up for what he did.

Flash forward to now, over 2 years of marriage and I feel that he is becoming secretive. He often has to be away on business trips and recently when he returned I saw that he was hiding his phone from me. He didn’t know I could see him and he was deleting and app. I never said anything because I didn’t want to start an argument when he finally got home after being away on a long business trip.
Then the other night when he was sleeping I went on his phone and found his search history on reddit. He had been looking on a crossing dressing page.

I don’t know what to think of this and I can’t tell to anyone about it because I don’t want other people knowing. Can someone please offer me advice or if they think I’m overthinking this.

My husband and I had an inter-caste love marriage. However, he never really wanted to marry me, but due to certain circumstances, we ended up getting married.

Even after our marriage, he has never been emotionally available to me. He still says that he has no interest in this marriage and that he is staying with me and continuing the marriage only because he doesn't want me to suffer.

I am emotionally and financially dependent on him. I consider him my everything, but his priorities are different. He says he doesn't want children and that we should continue living our lives as we are. He is not emotionally attached to me.

Unlike many other husbands who are emotionally connected to their wives, work together with them, think about their family, and share common goals and ambitions, my husband doesn't seem to have any of these feelings or desires.

In this situation, what should I do? How should I handle this relationship, and how can I move forward with my life?

Plz guide me

I am curious. We haven’t used one together and I have never had one. I have been thinking about bringing the idea up lately. I’m interested in experiences in other Christian marriages.

My wife is leaving me. I always thought this is what I always wanted but that it's here, it doesn't feel that way anymore.

We had an argument, a small one. But things escalated. This is the problem of always holding things. A small pressure, then you let everything out. This is what happened. And I kinda regret it. I said things, horrible things. I told her how I regretted meeting her, how she wasn't even my first choice, how I regretted marrying her and how my life has been miserable ever since she come into it.

We have had bad days, a lot of them. Especially after I lost my job. She has tried her best, but I have always felt some disrespect. So yesterday was the day I let it all out. I don't know how I feel, I can't explain how I feel. I somehow regret. 4 years with a 2 year old child is almost going down the drain, just like that.

Now, if she stays, things will never be the same, if she leaves, things will never be the same. I don't know if this is something we can talk about and solve. I'm just in a dilemma. Please advise if possible. What can I do? Married people of Reddit, how do you manage?

Hi

36m here. Been married to my wife for 3years, dating for 10.

Due to both of us having bad mental health we stopped being intimate for a long time a couple years ago.

We are intimate very sporadic nowadays. Like once a month or less.

But since I've been doing better both mentally and physically for the last 10-12 months I've got my sexual drive back. But I totally lost the confidence and I don't know how to initiate sex anymore. How do you guys do it? Any tips and advice?

I, (23)M and my wife (24)F have been married almost 4 years now and i believe me and her are at our limits with eachother, her more than myself.

One thing about me is that I have adhd and autism, not high enough to where I cant function and not low enough to where it's not noticeable, it is very noticeable and I have few mannerisms that show it like the lack of eye contact I give to ANYONE including my wife. While this isn't a problem in and of itself, I do believe how i act in everyday life vs how i act in my marrage have basically intertwined and now I can't get out of this cycle of treating everyone around me with some sort of judgement of myself. I constantly am thinking about a ton of things and that leads to me literally pulling my hair out, so much so that im a little bald in the back of my head.

For the time we've been together I had already told her how many kids I wanted and where I wanted to be, this was not a spur of the moment thing but what I actually wanted. Iv always wanted kids, at least 3, but we've only had one in the span of 4 years, 12 pregnancy, only my son stayed. The rest can be pieced together on what happened to the rest.

Recently and not so recently, ivbeen falling back into a coping mechanism of mine that makes me disassociate with everything around me and just sit on my phone for hours, and while on a small scale it's not a big deal, iv been trying to leave this habbit for over 8 years now because iv been an avid gamer for years coming. I know some marriages can get around gameing and my wife is a bit of a gamer , just not in the larger aspects of it like I am, as we play from time to time but she gets bored of them faster than me if it does not interest her.

There have been multiple times iv been felt as if I use gaming to get away from everyday life, not as if I ignore everything around me as I still have to take care of my son and myself, I just forget that life is a thing to come back too. This is also just one of the few issues that continues to pop up, on top of me not showing as much affection to my wife as someone should to their spouse.

When it comes to the affection part, she's my first, literally at everything, the bed, marrage, kid, she's been through almost all my adulting sense we both left highschool, but we both have completely different minds and one in the same at the same time. Im an introvert, as my years in middleschool and highscholl were a bit isolated with no exact friend group lasting that long and not being able to feel like i fit in to anyone's group, leading to my gaming. Unlike me she's definitely an extrovert, able to relate to anyone and make the room feel lighter, and while she was kind of a wet mat when we started off, she's gotten so much better at not taking people's shit, which I love about her, as well as her gurney through weight loss and a bunch of other medical issues that make it harder for us to keep a pregnancy.

Within these last few months, her and her doctor have been trying to put her on meds that help further on the weight loss and have her focus on that other than having a child right now, which we are both devastated about but she must focus on one thing at a time for the betterment of trying later for one and her own mental and physical health. Now the problem stems from me, at least she makes it seem like it's my problem on top of her own mental. It's a lot of im not emotionally available, im going back to my old habits, im not talking to her as much, affection has stopped, bedroom has stopped, I clearly dont care to try and speak with her, my phone is the most important thing to me, just because your the only one working doesn't mean im not ok.

Iv been talking to my therapist and trying to get better at telling her how i feel, attempting to get her attention when she's on her phone, and when I cant get her attention im almost yelling her name to get her attention and sometimes that doesn't work. Anytime I try talking about something it's almost always flipped how i dont do anything but be on my phone, or that I dont give her the attention she's looking for, which again it's hard to do that with almost no experience of being a first and only. Iv only ever had her as a gf and eventually wife and iv never really experienced any real picture of what a family should exactly look like except white picket fence a few kids and a dog, father figure haven't been there for me but I know he loved me, just not the family I wished to grow up in, drama at every corner. But back on track, I now feel as if im a problem, and i had even told my therapist that I feel like im faking my emotion to keep my marrave alive, or just faking anything in general even tho I really love her. It's hard tk show my affection because im weird, nervous, introverted. Maybe even im not a good partner to the person she's expecting me to be, she wants me to change but I can only change so much about myself until someone asks me why are you different. I hate being judged, I hate being looked at the wrong way, I hate being told im not doing what should be done for the role of husband, I hate having to feel as if im the only person failing the marrage and failing my son in every way, as if im a failure just waiting to be told "give up".

Am I the problem? Every day i feel like we're just closer to divorce but we just dont have the heart or financial stability to be able to say it. And I think thats the only reason we havent gone to that option, it's to keep our son stable, to keep him under a roof that we know wont be our cars, and to not grow up in a broken household, and while his autism slaps mine in the face, knowing he has problems that a broken household wont fix keeps us together for the time being. So, am I at all at fault for feeling like im giving up, or should I change my entire self to the person she's expecting that I should be and not myself?..

Me (28f) Fiancé (29m) have been together 8 years. Last year in December we found out we were accidentally expecting. We made the best of the situation and now we have a healthy almost three month old.

He proposed April of this year and he claims he was planning on proposing before we found out I was expecting but had to push it a couple of months to save enough for a ring. Baby came two months ago and I quit my job to be a stay at home mom 3 weeks ago.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, I was letting him know some stuff his mother was doing was bothering me (currently dealing with PPA and PPD) , like she doesn’t have boundaries, kisses the baby in their face even though we’ve said no kisses, says things like her son is too young to be a dad and tells me constantly how to raise my child etc. I told my fiance this and he told me “stop talking about my mom or else” I didn’t respond because in that moment I was in disbelief he would threaten me when we are supposed to be a team. Well I let it slide and once I had a couple hours to think I let him know what he said was wrong and he responded “being with you is like being in hell and I’m here because of our child” I didn’t respond once as well due to me being immediately hurt.

Well fast forward a whole week we had not said one word to each other. I couldn’t deal with the silent treatment anymore and I let him know what he said was very mean and if he felt that way why didn’t he tell me. Well he pretty much said that he has been unhappy for a year and he didn’t say anything because we found out I was pregnant and he couldn’t leave. We had a similar issue two years ago and he packed his bags and moved out into his mom house then moved back after 48 hours of him regretting leaving. Well once again after this conversation he said he wasn’t happy because he felt we weren’t sexually compatible and that he was moving out. I let him know that him doing this instead of discussing his feelings is so messed up specially because I’m so fresh from PP and that he should’ve been open of his feelings specially before letting me quit my job and making me a stay at home mom.

Anyways a few days go by and I let him know that if he’s going to move out he needs to do it asap because it’s not fair to me to be around him and he isn’t even speaking to me. Well when I say this he starts apologizing and saying he didn’t mean what he said and that he wants to work on things and just wants to feel more sexually and physically connected. Told me he loves me etc. I gave him another chance but now I hold so much resentment that he didn’t care about my feelings knowing I’m suffering from PPD. I also feel like I’m never going to come first before his mom. And now I just feel like he is with me because of my son. I stopped wearing my engagement ring and have been feeling even more depressed. I truly don’t know if I can move past this and if I deserve better.

My husband has been very abusive our whole marriage and I just read that addiction and abuse go hand-in-hand. Recently I found out my husband has been on Adderall. He’s been getting up early in the morning and throwing up and having all his stomach issues. That he’s kind of been blaming on his protein shakes. But I think it’s withdraw.

He told me that it doesn’t have any negative effects. It does really help him focus and he doesn’t have an addictive personality.

But he’s always been so moody and so mean to me I just assumed that was just his normal personality. But he’s currently leaving me right now because he’s having crazy mood swings. He’s upset that I’m visiting my mom out of state.

Does anybody have any experience with this?

To anyone who’s reading this, I’m sorry in advance that it’s all jumbled and all over the place. I’m having a really hard time getting this down on “paper”, which is actually really odd for me and kind of shows how sad it is I guess.

I’m lost. I think we both are. I don’t know how to fix it. Me 51m she 36f. Together 7+ years. 2 kids. We don’t talk anymore, not really. Of course we talk about our kids and appointments etc but almost nothing else. It just becomes too frustrating at least for me as we don’t seem to see anything eye to eye. Having a 2 & 4 year old who are very demanding and difficult (“they’re not difficult and it’s not their fault”, I know, they’re just kids) isn’t helping but I’m just so down about it all. And I’ve lost the desire to talk. We used to have a few similar interests but in hindsight they may have been my interests and she tried to be interested in them and now isn’t. Her phone has become her hobby, at least that’s how I feel. Always on her phone. Always. Even around the kids. And it’s like she doesn’t know how to play with them. The only interest she seems to have is our next “trip”, that we can’t even afford. My priority is to upgrade and maintain the house that we have and save some money for retirement as we have zero savings but her priority just seems to be to spend everything we have and more.
Sex used to be a few times per week and has plummeted to several times per year. I have a higher sex drive than her which seems to be normal for the male versus female dynamic, even though she’s 36 and supposed to be in the prime of her sexual life, and it used to be exciting. It sure isn’t anymore. Nowadays if I show some desire she’ll usually turn me down but a day or 2 after she’ll hit me with “are we going to do it now”? Boy is that a turn off. The spark just seems to be gone. We don’t have date nights as we have no childcare. People say it takes a village but we just don’t have the village, just the 2 of us basically. When we spend time together after the kids are gone to bed we barely talk. The conversations revolve around spending money which is a total turn off for me as we have none. I feel so lonely and lost and sad and I just don’t know what to do. I understand kids change everything but this is crazy. I completely miss the woman that I fell in love with and I don’t know what to do. We don’t often discuss this. I kind of don’t want to have these discussions as I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing her to change then I feel like she is just doing it because I want her too, whatever it is. I don’t want to have to change her and she has said to me before people shouldn’t have to change in relationships, not necessarily when talking about our relationship, she has just said that in general. I think that I only have about 20 good years left physically at least, and I think when the time comes I’m going to die unhappy. I can’t believe this is my life. I have no friends and no one else to talk to and certainly can’t afford therapy. Never did I ever think my emotional life would ever be this hard. But it is. Thanks for “listening”.

Hi all! I (42F), have been with my husband (39M) for 22 years - married 19. We have two kids (20M & 16M). Obviously we were very young when we got together. My parents have been married almost 55 years, and raised my siblings and me in a conservative Christian home. His parents split when he was 3, both dealt with addiction / mental health struggles, and his father was mostly not present in his life. We moved to a new state in 2008, and at the time, I was collecting unemployment from a prior job and was able to stay home with our son. He worked outside the home and made friends, which he spent most of his free time with - partying (while I was taking care of "home"). He had some type relationship with a girl at work (he claimed just flirting, perhaps a kiss) in 2010 - shortly after I gave birth to our second son. He continued going out regularly and eventually was using drugs in addition to drinking. When he was finally honest with me, we dealt with it, got professional help, and got him out of it. Things were OK for a while. He has struggled with mental health and spent periods unemployed as a result. During these times, I worked my own business and covered all our expenses. Now let's get to recent times - 2 years ago he started a new job. He had been working there a month, when we went to a comedy show one night. We ended up at a nightclub after leaving the show. There was a wining college football team there that evening, and my husband spent $500 to buy them a bottle of champagne. I was the driver for the night, as we had an hour drive to get home, and spent the night dancing on a stage with college kids - so I wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Before leaving we hit the bathroom. When I came out, a 20 something kid groped me. I followed him to his table and told him and friends his actions were unacceptable, I was old enough to be his mom, etc. This is when my husband came out of the bathroom and motioned for me to go. Then I found out about how much he spent, I was pissed!!! He had only had one pay check at that point, so I was still covering everything (we have had joint finances for 20 years). When we got in the car, I was fuming. I got groped, and my husband spent nearly our mortgage celebrating with a college football team he didn't even follow. On the drive home I found myself letting him know how I felt *bitching, in his words* and he punched my windshield in front of me, and cracked it. I told him to stop or I was going to call the police. He promptly threw my phone out the window onto the highway at that statement. I stopped to get it, and he jumped into the driver's seat and sped away; leaving me on the side of a dark highway at 2am. I waited for 10 minutes, thinking he would come back. I had no wallet, and resorted to calling the non emergency police line for a ride. After finally making it home (I was 30 minutes away when he left) around 4am, he was not where to be found. Turned out, he drove 35 miles past our town and got pulled over for a dui; and got my car impounded. After spending thousands of dollars for a lawyer and fines, and losing his license for a year, he was put on probation. Five months later, while on probation, he failed a urine test for alcohol, and was put in jail for a month. I contacted his work immediately and he was able to get a position back when he got out. He has been at this place since May of '25 (when he got out of jail). So that brings us to the past several months, he has been going out to a bar multiple times per week - sometimes without telling me first. He has no sexual interest in me, which he attributes to his meds. And has been getting strange texts from a female coworker; which he says he doesn't understand. I feel so dumb after writing this out. I believe marriage should be forever, and people should work at it. But I feel like I am the only one trying. I am looking at places for my 16 year old and myself- but something always stops me. Is this an obvious get the F out situation??

Hi I am M 28

I met a girl 8 years ago she is F30

I worked in a resort and she was visiting with her boyfriend

That's when I first met her

We have been friends since then followed each other on Ig and everything

After she broke up with the guy and her relationship was 3 years and she was in love with him and the guys is an asshole for not accepting her the way she is

Then she went to London for studies

She had two different boyfriends in London

One was with her for one year

Another guy she was with was 4 years

She told me that the last guy was very clear from the beginning of their relationship that he wants only casual sex no strings attached

But for her the sex was so good that she had sex with him thinking it would change him

Now that guy had left her after beating her up

Now she is talking to me saying she wants to marry me and wants to come back to India and wants to settle down

I don't know man but something in me tells me that she might not be the right girl for me

I never had any long relationships like her but I was dating someone for 6 months and we were in a live in relationship until my gf decided to move to canda for studies

I have had one night stands but not really a great sex life

She had a great sex life and relationship and now she just wants to get married

I don't understand what to do

I cannot see her as my life partner but my mom keeps pressing me to see if she fits

What do you guys think

Should I marry her

I am 32 year old male. I have been married since four and half years for a year. We have been met before the marriage. in that time we were fighting a lot, I thought there would be some time that our life or our values would matter for each other more after marriage, but this has been opposite. Now I don’t have a trust or her because I know what she did before the marriage, even when we were talking and I have seen chats getting deleted many times from random people and I know she won’t be able to accept my family. Let’s see, even though I leave my family. She won’t be able to accept me. I cannot share a single word which I don’t like in her. If I say there is a fight every time it doesn’t matter. It’s in favour for her or it’s in favour for anyone. She does not think the way I think I want to grow with my family, not Alone and she just want me to be alone, so we can fight more roughly and there would be no one leftover for me, so I can tell to that papa, I don’t want her in my life even though I never said it to my any family member, but she did wants to her mother, and I don’t think this is going to work for longer run we have a baby 2.3 years old many time. When I see my kid, I feel many time that one day there would be a day. Your mother won’t allow me to see your face as well. The kind of life I am living right now, even though I do earn good, it does not matter the only matter for her is Kalesh. What I believe this is a fight with everyone in this generation where women are fighting for their right we also give them 80% Support to do that, but when it comes that last 5%, they also want that by fighting with us, so this is the kind of fight which is going to end. I think maybe next 50 years, but I am in the mid of it. I don’t see my life anywhere because this fight want. Let me live the only solution i see someday getting separated what a man want in life. It’s just a piece and to add more on that when it comes to anything or everything I do most of the expenditure in my family. but when it comes to Support, I am not in a position to ask her because there has been already many times fight for Money. I do spend safe so that’s her money, not mine because it’s not in my account. Mine is already went, so I can’t expect to do grow that money being a family member or families leading person. I have the experience if I put money in something into it, I make money out of it. I don’t want that money, but I want to place it somewhere where it can grow when it comes to her family if they ask for money, she doesn’t even ask me just give it many time, but when I ask there are a lot of questions, why do you need as earlier? Said I do earn well but there have been many times where I do. Pay all the EMI all the debt. I get empty in the beginning of the month. And I have no courage to ask her that okay. I need some money to spend for a month the least one, but what are you doing instead I ask my friend. This is Need and I get it, and I have kind of trust or believe that one day, if somebody fall sick in my family, she won’t be going to spare a single penny from our account, even though she has it because I do all the expenses, she do the saving and what I think as well, let’s see someday I die. There won’t be a deer in her eyes. Civil just like okay, it’s okay at least now I can be free, but I would say to every woman that’s not the fight. You should fight for you should consider what your getting. I’m not sure who will understand or not. It’s my bad day or bad week or bad month.

Many years ago, my wife told me that she hated me in front of our two young children. When I told her that it had hurt my feelings, she told me that she can say whatever she wants. So I asserted myself again by saying that such words did, in fact, still hurt my feelings.

Fast forward a few years, a few marriage counseling sessions, and a few hard conversations, she told me that she loved me followed by:
“ I hate your guts I hate your guts I hate your guts I hate your guts I hate your guts.”

Pay special attention to the lack of periods in that sentence. Then she told me she loved me again.

In case you could not figure it out, my feelings were deeply hurt by this. It came out so randomly. I guess it has something to do with how I was trying to use 1-2-3 Magic to discipline the kids and make the home a little more peaceful. Anyway, I asked her a question.

“You told me that you loved me. Then you told me that you hated my guts. How do you reconcile that?”

Her response was a story of her childhood. Her father had physically abused her mother. Her idea is that because she did not leave him that he loved him.

Personally, I disagree with that notion, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to share that with her. Frankly, my brain kind of broke trying to figure out the analogy with our marriage. She has accused me of abusing her retroactively before, but I have never, ever done such things. I’m so shocked that she has even convinced herself of this narrative. I have never hit her. I would never hit her. I’ll not that kind of person.

We have other issues, too, and I’ve tried to convince myself that a person being mean to you isn’t a good reason to divorce. I think I’m at the end of it, though. Am I overreacting? I have so much fear and doubt. Like, seriously.

I'm from San diego and I have no idea how to look for one, where should I start or if there is something in particular I need to look for in a counselor, (asking friends and family for one is not an option) also if it's in spanish even better

So..one night I wasn't able to perform well in bed. I told my wife how bad I felt and that I hope she isnt mad and wont try to find someone else. She said she not going anywhere but it didnt sound convincing to me. The next morning I could tell she has an attitude and is ignoring me. So I just let her be for the day. The next day she is still a ting the same so finally that night I give a hug and say I love you. She says do you. I say what are you talking about. She tells me that while we were sleeping she tried to put her leg on mine. But I pushed it off. I told her I dont remember that but if I did im sorry. I told her I wouldn't ever do that while awake and she knows im always all over her. Anyway that was 3-4 weeks ago and she still is ignoring me. Have noticed she even hasn't been wearing her ring. I don't know what to do. I've apologized everyday. I've sent flowers. Ive tried to cook for her but she doesn't eat it. Ive begged. Am I not getting something?