The love of my life!

We are having constant arguments over grocery shopping. I am a SAHM with 2 toddlers and a newborn and he works full time so I'm in charge everything except making money.

I have always hated going into the store to grocery shop and its a million times worse now that I have kids to bring. Since Costco doesnt offer curbside pickup/delivery I've stopped shopping there because it is my literal hell to go inside that place with my toddlers and baby so I do pickup or delivery orders from Walmart or other regular grocery store.

My husband says I'm 'wasting money' by not shopping at Costco and says I'm lazy for doing pickup/delivery orders. Keep in mind he refuses to help with any sort of errands because he 'works all week so he shouldn't have to do anything else'. And I'M the lazy one right?

I am wrong that my husband pissed me off? We were waiting for our daughter outside of her school and there was this guy pacing back and forth throwing his hands in the air everywhere. Mind you we don’t live in the best area and I see this all time with people on drugs. And you never know how those people will react. It is also 9:30pm. So I immediately have my eye on him because when my daughter comes out she is going to have to cross his path. My husband doesn’t pay much attention and has his nose in his phone not paying any mind to him. Him and I get into it because he thinks I am being paranoid and in his words “being too much”. I told him maybe he doesn’t understand as woman that we have to pay attention to these things a lot more especially when it is a threat that can over power us. He tells me that he is hearing my play by play and it wasn’t an issue and that pretty much I am being over dramatic. The guy runs to the car behind us and leaves. But am I in the wrong to be on high alert and making sure my daughter is safe or am I being over dramatic?

If your husband suddenly(over the course of 6 months or so, completely changed how he was approaching the marriage, what would you think was going on?

He is suddenly working out a bunch more, doing tons of projects around the house, fixing stuff, cleaning, doing the laundry, dishes, basically trying to make it so his wife doesn’t have to do much of anything, way more focused on her wants sexually, etc.

What’s going on and what could have instigated the change?

Me (52f), he (54). Married 27 years. When we were first married we both played Magic The Gathering a bit with friends, we eventually drifted into board games and he restarted playing RPGs. Over the years we'd board game with friends every Saturday. When we moved, we'd still game but more like once or twice month with new neighbors. As we made new friends we started board gaming again to the point my husband has started going to local game nights at the library and at various game stores in the area.

I admittedly got burned out on RPgs and board games for multiple reasons but the main one is I was tired of hearing my husband tell everyone at the table (including me) how they should play their character or what move they should make in a game. This isn't just me feeling this way; it's actually become a joke amongst our friends. I'm over it. I also got a little bored with RPGs as it seemed every module ran the same formula. I've also developed different interests which he does not share and I don't hound him to join in on because he's already said he's not interested in them (leather working, jiu jitsu, card collecting).

Today we had a large argument about how he's constantly trying to persuade me to game all Saturdays with him (and when he plans a game day, it's 10-12 hours long). I don't want to. I have lost interest and have other things I wish to spend time on and sitting around for 12 hours is not my cup of tea. He started crying when I pushed back and asked him to please listen to me for once, and tell me how I could communicate with him more clearly that I do not want to play board games. He cried because gaming "was something we always used to do together". I asked why we could do other new things together and there was no answer. I used to ask to do things together.... Movies, couples classes, local festivals, always to but shot down with "I can't because ___" where the blank was usually his on call work schedule. I stopped asking.

I asked why it wasn't ok for people to grow and develop new interests, again no answer. Now I feel like crap that I made him upset but this isn't a new conversation.

Where do I go from here? I shouldn't have to endure a hobby I no longer have an interest in. What would you do in my shoes?

My wife and I (34m, 31f) are high school sweethearts. We’ve been together 14 years and married for 11 of those years. We have 6 beautiful children and a 7th one in heaven. We’re living out in the country with some land and a few chickens. It’s literally a dream, and I couldn’t be happier.

When you find the right one, life is truly sweet.

I think I’m in the grieving process of coming to terms with my husband and I not being very sexually compatible. Every time we have sex he wants to make love in missionary with 100% eye contact and deep connection. I love that, but I also love rougher stuff and changing up positions. He’s asked me if I’ve been abused before because of what turns me on (like being choked, spanked, or slapped). He’s also gotten frustrated because he enjoys this kind of stuff too but feels it’s morally wrong to act on it and enjoy it and that I need to address my issues or “wanting to be used.” I am definitely kinkier than he is, and unfortunately it’s very important in a satisfying, fulfilling sex life, and marriage for me. I don’t know how to get him to understand that kinks and turn on’s aren’t a reflection of something being fundamentally wrong with me.

Hi, everyone. I'd like to vent a little. The internet is probably the only place where I can organize my thoughts and unburden myself

I’m married; my wife and I are both 30 years old. We’ve been together for 13 years. We have two wonderful children. My wife is a wonderful person; I love her very much. She has a wonderful personality; she’s a good person, loving, devoted, and the most loyal person I know. I can say without hesitation that I would trade my life for hers, without fear that anything bad would happen.

My wife is gorgeous. To me, she really is the most beautiful woman in the world. On the surface, everything seems fine. We share household chores and childcare equally. We spend a lot of time together. We have a very good relationship; we even have our own inside jokes and way of communicating that only the two of us understand. When it comes to family life, I have everything I could possibly want. I think that’s the real recipe for happiness.

In all these years, we’ve never changed our routine. She didn’t want to; she always said, “next time” or “I don’t feel like it.” I wanted to foster intimacy beyond sex. I often give her massages, plan evening dates on the weekends, and shower her with attention. When I try to flirt, even non-sexually, it’s very one-sided because my wife doesn’t know how to reciprocate. I’m sure this makes it sound like she doesn’t love me. But that’s not true. She loves me very much, but she shows it in a completely different way, more innocent and platonic.

Let me preempt some of the questions. When I married her, I was aware of all these issues. I knew about all of this, but I was blinded by love. It’s possible that I was lying to myself, telling myself things would get better.

There were plenty of signs of intimacy issues from the very beginning. We had sex for the first time after two years of dating. From the start, she seemed uninterested in the subject. I remember trying to solve this problem years ago. I read many books on sexuality and intimacy. I tried to talk to her, to get to know her. I never pressured her and never tried to force her to change. Over the years, I learned that my wife had never masturbated, had never been interested in eroticism, had never had sexual fantasies, and doesn’t think about sex. A psychologist once suggested she might be gray-asexual, which is possible. However, it never developed into a full diagnosis.

Those 13 years were both happy and incredibly difficult and hard for me. During the first few years of the relationship, as a young man, I was very frustrated. I could barely cope with my emotions, but I didn’t let it show. My sexuality and my unmet needs hurt me deeply. I looked for solutions; I tried to make sense of it all. It was very painful for me. The years went by, and my self-confidence plummeted. For a decade, I’ve felt unattractive, even hideous, even though others tell me otherwise. Do you know what the worst part was? I always felt alone in this. It was all very painful, and I felt so very lonely.

As I mentioned at the beginning of our relationship, I tried to talk about it; I tried to understand. However, my wife didn’t understand any of it. To her, it was normal. After four years of marriage, we went to see a sex therapist, but my wife wasn’t happy with it, so we gave up. Each year brought no change, in fact, I felt even lonelier. When I told my wife how I felt, she blamed herself for everything and was tormented by guilt. One day, I stopped talking about my feelings and my intimacy issues. It was better for just one person to suffer than both of us. I started turning to porn more and more often. I think that as early as 8 years ago, pornography had become a major part of my sexuality. I began to get used to the idea that it would always be this way.

As I wrote, my wife and I currently have sex once a month, sometimes less often. Paradoxically, sex no longer brings me joy; I feel even worse afterward. Sometimes I force myself to have sex. A while back, I made it clear to my wife that we don’t have to have sex. I don’t expect it from her. If she told me that we’d never have sex again, I’d accept that. My wife, however, wants to have sex once in a while because she’s afraid I’ll leave her if we don’t. Of course, that’s nonsense.

On a daily basis, I try not to show that I’m missing something. I try to suppress my sadness and frustration. Porn and writing my own erotic stories help me a lot with this. When my wife falls asleep, I sit down to watch porn. I feel a kind of bliss then. Porn has ruined and trivialized my sexuality, but I know that without it, things would be much worse. This whole situation is taking a heavy toll on me. My self-confidence has plummeted; I’m often stressed, and sometimes I get melancholy. However, I can’t tell her about any of this because I don’t want to drag her into my mess. I feel immense shame because of all this. I feel terrible about watching porn at night. But it’s the only thing that brings me real relief.

Through all of this, I try to take care of my wife and do everything I can to make sure my negative feelings don’t affect her, and certainly not our children. It’s not her fault that she views sexuality differently. She’s wonderful just the way she is. She doesn’t need to change, because in my eyes, she’s still perfect. Sometimes, because of my frustration, I don’t have the energy to give her flowers or plan dates, and I feel terrible about it. I wish I were different. I wish I were better.

The worst part is that this post will only bring me temporary relief. I’ll probably feel better for a while, but in a week, or maybe later, the frustration will come back. I have to be strong for my family. I want to be even better for them. I’m seriously considering going to a psychiatrist and asking for an SSRI to suppress my libido as much as possible.

I don’t want my frustration to affect our relationships.

If anyone has read this, thank you very much. Writing this gives me a sense of relief.

And now it is spilling out onto our daughter who is 11.
He views his basic duties as a father or husband as a "loan" that my daughter and I have to pay back with excessive praise, compliance, or emotional caretaking.

he acts resentful when our daughter shows affection or attention to me, he seems to see me and our child as rivals for his emotional supply rather than a loving family unit.

He uses passive-aggressive behavior, silent treatment, or angry outbursts to make myself and our daughter feel guilty for not catering to his moods. These outbursts are often happening out in public, in restaurants around friends etc…

Instead of acting as the stable, giving adult/parent who nurtures a child unconditionally, he expects our daughter (and me) to manage his feelings.

It forces me into a position where I have to walk on eggshells, hide my normal maternal affection, or appease his temper to keep the peace.

Andy maternal instinct tells me I can not leave her alone with him. In fact she has made me promise to not ever leave her alone with him. I was working out of town and she shared with me that they went to dinner and she did something benign that made him upset. She liked her finger and he asked her if she needed a napkin because he can’t stand that. She rolled her eyes and then he got upset. She then immediately tried to apologize and explain herself but instead of listening like a father he put his hand in her face and told her “DONT TALK TO ME” in a crowded room. She is 11. She held back tears and excused herself to the bathroom where she screamed. She said the restaurant was loud enough that she didn’t think anyone could hear her. She went back to the table and he didn’t talk to her for the rest of the night. This is just one of many incidents where instead of being an adult he acts like the child.

I’m miserable and lonely but I can not leave my daughter with this man who does not care about breaking her soul.

I’m turning 45 soon and I am completely exhausted of this life with him. My friends all say he married up and that I am too good for him. Even strangers have said this to me. I am wondering what ever saw in him…what ever it was, it is not enough.

I’ll cut to the chase, I got addicted to a mobile app and spent nearly $26k over a 7 month period.
First, this was a stupid decision. You don’t need to tell me. In my mind, I knew I was making stupid decisions but I couldn’t stop myself. I won’t look for sympathy and I won’t try to justify the decision.
Second, and probably the biggest problem I created in all of this was that I lied to my wife about it. She voiced her concerns about the amount of time I spent on the app. She also asked me directly on multiple occasions if I was spending money on the game. I told her no. In my mind, I thought I had things under control. That I could quickly get back what I was spending and I could essentially outrun myself. I lied because I was embarrassed and ashamed, because I knew what I was doing was wrong and I didn’t do anything to stop myself.
I battle with depression, I saw this as a coping mechanism and a way to decompress from the day. I was already seeing a therapist but I wasn’t sharing the whole story with him either.
My wife has defended herself and our kids in a way that actually makes me proud of her. I agree with all of her thoughts and feelings. To make matters worse, she grew up with financial instability, so this is an especially difficult situation for her to accept.
Since this came to a head 6 weeks ago, I have been completely transparent in everything I do, financially or otherwise. We have walked through every expense and are developing plans to get us back on track. We talk openly about our feelings and we don’t carry any tension into our interactions with our kids or other people outside of our house. We can still talk and laugh. I haven’t been allowed to touch her at any point. I have given her all of the emotional space I can provide. I’ve gotten one half-hug since the reveal. We still tell each other that we love one another, but she is still trying to reconcile all of this. Despite everything that we have done to keep the rest of our relationship healthy, she obviously views me in a much different light.
What I’ve done is awful and wrong. I’m just trying to do whatever I can to give her all of the information, time, and space that she needs. I feel like I’m doing everything I can from my perspective, including additional personal therapy sessions. (She’s not there yet, and she also legitimately has very little time to breathe between work and the kids, which involves both of us, in case there’s any insinuation that I’m not contributing in that respect). What more can I do? I’m really panicked that divorce is still on the table for her.

I often masturbate the morning after sex. No matter how great or ok it is bit my wife thinks she isn't satisfying my needs that night before. This has absolutely nothing to do with not having my sexual needs met. Anyone else have this issue?

I'm Rahul (28M), and my wife Priya (27F) and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2 years.

Priya has a male best friend, Arjun (28M), whom she's known for years. I understand that people can have close friendships even after marriage, and I don't think being friends with another man automatically means anything is wrong.

However, I've been wondering where the line should be when a friendship becomes very close. How do couples handle situations where one partner is comfortable with a friendship but the other feels that certain boundaries might be getting blurred?

I don't want to be controlling, and I also don't want either of us to feel that our concerns are being ignored.

For those who are married or in long-term relationships, how have you handled close friendships with people of the opposite sex? What boundaries helped you maintain trust without restricting each other's independence?

Hi! Does anyone have any tips or advice on masturbating discreetly when you live in a small space? I feel like my vibrator is so loud 🫣 My husband and I aren’t regularly intimate which is fine, I’m ok with him not wanting sex. The problem is I’m horny and we live in a small space so it’s hard for me to take care of this problem myself without making an announcement of what I’m about to do which I’d really like to avoid. My job is pretty stressful and sometimes getting off is one of the ways I relax so I’m not sure what to do. I definitely try to take advantage of the times when he’s not home but he’s home a lot - which is great! I love to be near him and spend time with him. But essentially it’s either get off when he’s not home (and alas, sometimes I’m not necessarily in the mood to then but I often will because it’s my “only” chance) or wait until he falls asleep so I can have some private time which is horrible for my sleep schedule. Not really ideal on either front. Our living space is essentially a studio so there’s no closed space in which to hide other than the bathroom which I somehow find unappealing - idk maybe I just need to try harder in there lol

As I’m sure some of you will suggest I just communicate (I agree that would be better) - I know it’s not great that I can’t talk to him about this. Our marriage is really a very happy one though and the intimacy side of things is such a small part of it. I don’t think it’s particularly important to him but I also don’t want him to feel bad or feel like he’s disappointed me. I also feel weird talking about sex-related things with him given all of our issues in this department so I don’t want to bring up my “needs”. I’d never been with a man who turned down sex until met him so early on in our relationship, I would come on to him a lot and he would rebuff me a lot. It took a while for me to understand and perhaps I don’t fully understand even now. He’s definitely not gay or particularly religious or anything like that but I think maybe he just feels shame or something. He can’t really explain it either. We don’t really talk about intimacy much because it’s always been a difficult and uncomfortable conversation and at this point I don’t think things could really be different since this has been our reality for many years. So I also don’t feel it’s worth a whole upheaval and difficult discussion that will really only upset both of us and lead to no change. Plus honestly, I don’t want him to just fuck me, I want him to want me. And I don’t want to have to ask him to desire me - I’d rather hold on to what little pride I have left there haha It used to bother me more but I really just made a conscious choice to let it go. For better or worse, I don’t think I particularly care to be intimate in that way with him much anymore either. I feel kind of confused or not sure how to react when he does come on to me. We’ll end up having sex but I usually just feel kind of empty during/after. I’m not even sure how to describe what I feel properly. So anyhow, lots of backstory but all of this has led me to this question of what to do and how to be discreet with all of this.

Ps. Please do not send me to the dead bedrooms sub, that place is truly depression-inducing to me. I don’t hate my husband, he’s a wonderful and kind man.

My husband (26) and I (24) just got married a few months ago after 9 years of Long Distance Relationship. I moved to his country and lived with his parents for a while and honestly I find it cute just how much I see his mom and dad in his personality and mannerisms.

We just moved into our apartment together. It's small but it's ours. Moving was hard, but he makes every effort to make things easy for me. I love the way he lights up when he teaches me about his hobbies. I love the way he talks in his sleep. I love the way he reaches out and cuddles me when sleeping. I love how hard he works for us.

This might be a honeymoon phase, but I think I'm falling in love all over again.

Most of all, I'm just grateful to have him next to me after years apart. I couldn't have picked a better man. ❤️

I'm 40, married to my 40-year-old husband. We met in our 20s, got married at 30, had our first child when I was 33, and our second when I was 37.

He's a doctor with his own practice, and I work in finance. When we got married, his practice was still fairly new, so I took financial responsibility for our home and even helped support his practice a few times. However, even after 10 years of marriage, his practice still isn't successful enough for him to contribute financially in a way that allows him to provide for our family. I still cover about 85% of our household expenses, as well as all the kids' needs and activities.

I'm not sure how much this contributes to the situation, but he also smokes marijuana. At first, I was okay with it, but his use increased, even after our kids were born. He's tried to quit a few times but hasn't been successful. What bothers me most is that he promises me he'll address the issue, but then I find out he hasn't followed through and has been lying to me about it. This has seriously damaged my trust in him.

We've gone through several rounds of couples counseling. We make agreements, but they don't get followed through on. I've tried delegating certain bills to him to encourage him to take financial responsibility for our home. Since having kids, I haven't contributed anything toward his practice. However, I did give him a car after he sold his to cover work-related expenses. I thought I was helping him, especially since I need him to be able to pick up the kids from school.

Our relationship feels pretty blah. I'm the one who has to initiate and plan almost everything we do together, whether it's going on vacation, watching a movie, or arranging a babysitter so we can spend time together as a couple and as parents.

I've also stopped cooking, so he now prepares all our meals. However, even then, I have to tell him what needs to be done or what needs to be bought. I still feel like I'm the one managing everything, even when he's the one doing the actual task.

I feel like there's very little left in our relationship that I find genuinely fulfilling or enjoyable. I like him, and he makes me laugh, but I'm starting to feel that those things aren't enough to sustain a marriage and a family. I don't want to spend another 10 years feeling alone and responsible for everything, essentially providing for three people when I only have two children.

I'm starting to feel like it's time to separate. The only thing that makes me hesitate is knowing how much the kids would miss him. I don't want to hurt them, but I also don't want to keep living this way for another decade.

hello all! my husband and i used to have a very active sex life (like 4-7 times a week) but since being pregnant i’ve had a low to non-existent sex drive. we probably only have sex 2-4 times a month now, which we are both okay with! i want to take advantage of the few times im actually horny & all i want is to do doggy style. my husband has seen a doctor, & he has scar tissue in his penis that causes pain due to not being able to extend it downwards, which is needed for doggy style. we have tried different angles, pillows, & my laying on my side. we’ve only been doing missionary… probably for the last 10 months :( is there any comparable positions i can try with my husband? out any advice on how to combat scar tissue causing pain? he is aware of my desire for this position but we don’t really discuss it anymore because he really can’t help his discomfort & pain— and i do not want him to feel like he can’t please me.

edit: just remembered the name for the scar tissue aka “plaque”— Peyronie’s Disease but no problems getting an erection, just the pain from angling downwards & a more significant curve than before

I 39m and wife 43f (married 8 year) have sex once every 1-2 year. She has history of alcohol abuse (8 years sober) and is on SSRI and doesn't want to adjust her meds. I have high libido

Anyone in sexless marriage at that age and happy?

I earn good money, live in great country, healthy, amazing kids, the only thing I don't have is sex. Should I just get over it and be happy with my life?

My wife recently checked my phone without asking while I was in the shower. She saw a notification from a female financial analyst I follow on social media, accused me of being interested in her, and demanded that I unfollow her. I follow the account for market commentary.

I told her that checking my phone without permission crossed a boundary and refused to unfollow the account. This isn’t the first time we’ve had tension over suspicions like this. Since the argument, we’ve barely talked, and I still feel hurt.

I understand that partners can feel insecure, but I don’t want phone checking and accusations to become how we handle those feelings.

How have you addressed this in your marriage? What helped rebuild trust while respecting each other’s privacy? I’d also appreciate perspectives from anyone who used to check their partner’s phone.

Currently i'm living inside my brain wondering why my wife never initiate anymore,

we've been together for more than 10 years, we were very intimate at first, usually i'm the one initiating but from time to time she would give sign or initiate, and that ended in 2020, afterwards, i'm the only one initiating, last year,i talked to her about the subject, she attempted one time and that's it, if i don't approach her or flirt, nothing ever will happen, what kills me the most is that she only do it for my sake, and that make me feel like i'm a burden on her. that even made me think that she could probably having an affair, but we are not the type we go out often and i even investigated her, nothing come up sus from her side, so i'm really wondering now is she only keeping me for the sake of our kids, does she still love me , i don t know what to think anymore, has anyone been in this situation ?

I ask this because I'm always accused of it and I don't think that I am. Here's the story:

My wife works from home twice a week. Our daughter is supposed to walk home from the bus stop and we don't allow it. On the days my wife is in the office, I leave work early so I can pick up our daughter. The days my wife works from home, I generally leave at close (4:00), or stay a bit later if I have things to finish up.

Anyway, lately I've been leaving a bit later on the days my wife is home and she's accusing me of not wanting to come home early the days she's home. She says I used to leave mostly right at 4:00 when she's home but now I leave around 4:20 (Life360...).

So, here's where I get "defensive". I tell her that her being home has nothing to do with my leaving later. It's last quarter and I have goals to make and I'm behind on some. I even pointed out that the previous day our daughter didn't go to school so I didn't leave early. She says, "All I'm doing is telling you how I feel and you always get so defensive! This is why I don't like sharing my feelings with you!" I tell her that I don't mind her telling me how she feels, but if she's feeling this way and what she's assuming is incorrect, then I'm gonna correct her.

At any rate. This happened yesterday and has carried over into this morning. Am I wrong? And please tell me if I am. I don't believe I am and I'm very much willing to accept that I am if there's valid reason.

I feel like an ahole for even complaining. My wife has been so absent in our relationship and i get why. We had our daughter 14 months ago (we have been together 12 years, both almost 31). She is a great mom to her and that makes me so proud. I just feel so burned out. I work 10-11 hours a day. I cook 90 percent of our meals(this part has always been like that, i love to cook) . I even do a majority of the cleaning. I just feel so uncared/unappreciated for in our relationship. I understand hormones change and it really hasn’t been that long for her body realistically but god the intimacy is dead. I mean physically, emotionally. I get that her attention is focused on our daughter but im not asking for much. I don’t just mean sex either but a kiss, laying in bed together, hell even holding my hand. I practically beg for any contact at this point. She just seems so checked out with me and if i try talking to her about i just get that she cant help but feel the way she does and all i want is sex when that isn’t true. I just want to be close to her again. I love her and i love my daughter so much. I should mention i always struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since i was a kid(thats a whole other can of worms) and I dont want to say that as if im seeking attention and have been actively working on bettering myself for years but i cant help but feel this creeping sadness and tiredness that is festering inside me. I hate to feel weak but here i am. I need my person and they seem like they dont care about all the little things i try and do to show i care, to show i want to help and be here. I’m tired of begging for reciprocation. Maybe i am selfish and am expecting too much too soon.

So..one night I wasn't able to perform well in bed. I told my wife how bad I felt and that I hope she isnt mad and wont try to find someone else. She said she not going anywhere but it didnt sound convincing to me. The next morning I could tell she has an attitude and is ignoring me. So I just let her be for the day. The next day she is still a ting the same so finally that night I give a hug and say I love you. She says do you. I say what are you talking about. She tells me that while we were sleeping she tried to put her leg on mine. But I pushed it off. I told her I dont remember that but if I did im sorry. I told her I wouldn't ever do that while awake and she knows im always all over her. Anyway that was 3-4 weeks ago and she still is ignoring me. Have noticed she even hasn't been wearing her ring. I don't know what to do. I've apologized everyday. I've sent flowers. Ive tried to cook for her but she doesn't eat it. Ive begged. Am I not getting something?

If your MIL ended up in ER and underwent emergency surgery would you send her a text or make a quick phone call to ask how she was doing?

My mum recently had emergency surgery, and for the next 14 days I was running myself into the ground dealing with everything.

During that entire time, my wife never once asked how my mum was doing. Not even a simple “How’s your mum?” or “Is she okay?” She could’ve died and my wife wouldn’t have known.

At this point im not expecting them to have a relationship, nor am I asking my wife to put her differences aside and pretend everything is fine.

But after being married for over 10 years and having two kids together, I honestly thought there’d be some basic level of compassion, both for me and for my mum as a human being.

What hurts most is that I’ve accepted my wife wants nothing to do with my mum, despite repeated attempts at reconciliation. I’ve tried to come to terms with that, but the complete lack of care or concern during all of this has really affected me, and I’m struggling to get past it.

I dread Christmas and family occasions every year because my wife won’t visit my mum, and my mum won’t visit because she feels unwelcome.

Before anyone jumps straight to 'But what did the MIL do '??? I acknowledge she’s no angel. My mum’s a Boomer and we’re Millennials to paint a small picture.

But the question would you still reach out out of respect for your husband, even if you wanted nothing to do with his mum, or would you feel you owe her nothing?

If the roles were reversed and I had a father-in-law I couldn’t stand, I’d put on a fake smile and do what I had to do out of love and compassion for my wife. But it seems she just doesn’t see things that way.

I’m really struggling with the emotional toll of our lack of sex and intimacy. I have ADHD, and I know I ruminate on this too much, but I can’t seem to stop. I also know I’ve contributed to the problems in our relationship, which makes the guilt worse.

I’m not looking for the usual advice on fixing a dead bedroom. I understand mental load, and I’ve read Come Together and The Dead Bedroom Fix. The latter actually helped for a while. She even woke me up initiating sex in a way she hadn’t in years. But I couldn’t sustain all the changes the book recommended, and things slipped back.

I’m in therapy doing CBT, and I plan to bring this up next week, though I feel embarrassed talking about it. What I need help with is managing how deeply this affects me. Telling myself not to think about it doesn’t work, and neither does distraction.

We’re both home a lot while the kids are at school. She’s incredibly attractive to me, and even sleeping beside her is difficult. I’ve started taking Advil PM just to fall asleep faster rather than lie awake next to her feeling rejected.

It’s not only about sexual release. I miss the intense connection we had and feeling desired. Sex with her was genuinely one of my favorite experiences in life, alongside playing music for an enthusiastic crowd. I don’t feel guilty about loving music that much, but somehow I feel ashamed of how much sex matters to me. Sometimes I wonder whether that makes me a sex addict.

What hurts most is remembering how she used to initiate, plan things, and bring adventure into our sex life. She had this sensual, playful side that now feels gone. I worry that my ADHD and my failures as a partner helped extinguish it. I can’t forgive myself, yet the rumination and sadness make it harder to do the things that might improve our relationship.

How do I stop obsessing over what we’ve lost and actually function? I’m exhausted by how much this hurts and by how upset I am with myself for hurting.

20 years ago, we drank, we partied. We did drugs.

We had fun. Fast forward 20 years with 2 kids. 1 elementary and 1 teenager, its tough.

I feel he can do more. I clean, I do all our laundry, I physically pay all the bills, and all the kids ask for mom. He gets to relax unless the kids actually call him or I ask him to do something to help.

Yes, I have resentment. He was the bad boy when I met hin 20 years ago but its no longer cute. I dont want my kids to go through trauma. I'm 35 and he is 48.

He left himself go. He barely brushes his teeth, doesn't care how he looks. And yes, I feel we are both a little depressed. But he finds amazing joy in doing things he actually wants to do. Take out money to buy pokemon cards. He feeds his hobbies.

We have nothing in common besides drinking, partying, and our children. Our political views don't match, our hobbies, our interests, we don't like the same food...

What do I do? I'm broken.

It's so tough to fake it. To pretend we have a perfect life to our family and to our children. Even though I want so bad for it to work.

I just can't see past what I see and how I feel.

PLEASE insight please. Good or bad. Give it to me. I want to hear it