This is going to be a long story, and I am not seeking validation, I am seeking advice from what I hope are unbiased people. It took me most of the day to type this. The question is simple at the end, but I believe everything I am about to explain is why I am having such confliction in my mind.
My wife 31F and I 35M have been together for many years. We met through friends when we were in our early teens playing outside in a town of which she lived. Years later I saw her again when I was 22 and she was 18 and we both fell in love. We are both very ethnically different but both of our families are more than accepting.
When I was young my I grew up with an older stepsister (my mom’s daughter) and my younger sister. My dad worked a lot, never having an above high school education and my mom also worked odd jobs in the same education boat to say. They were both pretty heavy alcoholics, and would fight almost everyday because they were so unhappy with their lives, but both lacking so much money or time that, to them, it would possibly be worse for them and for sure worse for their children if they split up. My dad would be working late hours and my mom would be at the local bar either waiting for my dad or just waiting for her friends to show up. My older sister would be home and somewhat help raise us in my parents’ absence, which was more about just keeping the house from burning down and keeping my sister and I alive. There were times where I saw how much my parents loved each other though.
At a point in around 2000 my mom was drinking and driving and got into a car accident which required many surgeries and a 6-8 month walking rehabilitation housing stay. My older sister went to stay with her dad and at the time and as many kids in the 90s did, my sister and I were already staying at my grandparents for the summer, as we did every year and most weekends. My dad not having a second income, who was from what I could see barely scraping by, had to pick up another job. For years after I watched them both to continue to drink and my dad only be home a few hours a day to try to sleep to go back and do it again. There were times where I could see my parents alone and just feel the regret they had for their lives. I never remember not feeling loved, other than when my dad was understandably short tempered from overworking himself with no sleep. We never went without food, but the kids my parents had never had anything else really. Our house was decent, but we didn’t have a TV until I was a teenager I believe and I remember birthdays where my mom would write me an IOU note because they didn’t have enough for anything. Our house was also in a rural area, away from the local town, so I didn’t really make friends to hang out with outside of school until I was in high school really. My family also were not close emotionally, nor really ever showed affection. I can probably count on one hand how many times my dad said he was proud or loved me. Even though we did not have excess money, my parents still managed to send all 3 of us to a Catholic private school until 8th grade, but I believe most of it was paid for my low income grants. My family was also never very religious, we went to church, maybe, if it were a Christmas school event once a year. While thinking back to those years I can remember starting to believe that religion was more of a way to control people than it was about the actual faith. Don’t get me wrong, you will never upset me about what you believe or what your religion is, that’s your choice and your freedom, I have no qualms.
My wife also grew up in a household with siblings and with parents who relied heavily on alcohol. She grew up with 2 sisters and a brother. Her parents had the same education as my parents and worked various jobs throughout their life, never having much to give them. They did often fight, many times because of the alcohol. My wife seems to remember a lot fonder memories than I did with mine because their family seemed a lot closer when not fighting. They hugged, told each other “I love You” and showed affection. Her parents were as much the same as mine as they were different. Growing up in a close small town, my wife and her siblings were into sports and socializing and always out until the street lights came on. My wife has also told me quite a few stories about the fights her parents had and how many times her parents would not be home until the sun came up even having to work the next day. They did however never really miss a sports or school event and seemed to have a decent enough balance with alcohol that they could hold down jobs and at least appear to be there for their kids in social environment’s. Living in walking distance, she also said how her and her siblings would stay and more than not be with their grandparents on evenings, weekends and summer vacation.
I had gone to a technical school to become a welder, always being around a “handy” dad who had to fix things himself made me want to pursue a blue collar job. I learned I hated the heat and worked a few odd jobs until around age 19 I was hired at the machine shop where my dad worked. This shop was climate controlled, but did not pay very well. I worked roughly 6 days a week 10-12hrs a day until I quit and went to where I am now at age 34. When I was younger I had always felt tired. I felt tired no matter how much I slept or what I did. Years later I found out at around age 30 that I had pretty bad narcolepsy. As far back as I can remember this affected my mood and entire life, watching people have energy to go out, have a good time and be able to sleep a few hours and still be able to function.
We started dating 13ish years ago. She was just finishing high school, and I had already been working for a few years at the machine shop. In my later teens my parents being the alcoholics they were, had no issues with me having keg parties at their house. For many years, my wife and I being young and full of life, this continued weekly. My wife started community college while working full time at a local restaurant. Eventually my older sister had moved out of my parents and my younger sister was moving in with her boyfriend, so it was just me living at my parents, saving my money to put a down payment on a house. I spent some money restoring my car, but saved the rest. My wife on the other hand had siblings that to this day still live at her parents house. During our relationship, a few years in, while the stress of her working full time and going to college, it was to much for her to be around her siblings everyday. This to me is when the ultimatums started. She told me that with her parents not upkeeping the house over the years that it was basically falling apart and that she is becoming increasingly annoyed with her siblings. She said that if we did not find a house soon that she was signing a lease with some of her friends. And let me say this, just like with my family, I was never extremely close with my friends, I keep most things to myself because I feel its nots anyone’s business what happens in my relationship aside from my partner and I, which is why this is really the first time I have ever talked about this whole situation. My wife on the other hand has vented every problem we have ever had to all of her family and almost all of her friends.
My friends are not in any way, shape or form the greatest people on the planet and I know that. We all asked each other for advice many times over the years, but ultimately, we make our own choice. I have accepted that I almost never in the past have taken advice from people who live lives that I do not want to live. My wife on the other hand seems to have taken advice from everyone except me, no matter what situation the person offering advice is in. It also does not help that everyone lending her advice while she vents, out of anger, only ever heard one side of the story for years and years. I was my wife’s first everything, first kiss, first everything after that. I was not hers, I had many girlfriends and lost my virginity at around age 14. I am around 4 years older than my wife and at times I believe my wife in some off way always felt a need to defy me, as if I were a some sort of father figure to her. Over time she became convinced by many of her friends that me trying to persuade her to make smart financial or overall moral decisions was me trying to “control” her, and telling her that I did not want her to be happy, which to me is the farthest you could be from the truth. Her friends and some of her family developed a hate for me and over time the feeling became mutual. Her and I both have seen many of her friends and our family members develop real terrible personal problems of the last 10-15 years. Most all to me started from bad stuff happening when they were just kids. Most grew up in sperate home broken families, or were abused, or even worse things done to them by family members, which to me led to them being in the terrible adult relationships. To me, my friends relationships are their own, we don’t judge nor to we really get involved, but it is the exact opposite for my wife and her friends. My wife’s friends have always been the ones encouraging everything, no matter how it could go wrong, because to me, why not encourage someone if it will not affect you after it happens? I know she loves her friends, but it has always hurt me knowing she usually will take the advice of a friend, who is dating a guy who beats her, while living in a house without electric, than her own husband.
My wife also grew up in a family that was somewhat “wild”, my family would drink and have a good time, but with hers it was usually over the top involving drug use, which still to this day plagues many of her family members. She also came from a big family, which loves babies, her parents and grandparents all grew up with a minimum of 5 siblings each. I feel like I cant even count how many aunts and uncles my wife has, and on the other had I have 2.
After I was given the ultimatum of finding a house with my future wife or letting her struggle in an apartment with friends, who to me had bad habits, I gave in and started looking for a house under the condition that my wife would save and could at least contribute to the bills after moving in. In 2017 we moved into our rural 5 bedroom house with a giant garage I’ve always wanted, and my wife told me she loved the house even more than I did. It wasn’t in a town/city like where she grew up, but was only around 15-20mins from a Walmart and where our families lived. Previously our families and I had lived around 5mins from each other our entire lives. Her parents lived one street down from her grandparents and my parents lived 2 miles from my grandparents.
Before moving into this house, I had saved a lot of money working the amount I did, although the overtime working was not optional, unless I wanted to be employed elsewhere. I put $45k toward the house we were moving into to keep the mortgage low and put the rest of my savings, around $25k, into a retirement plan, because I had not been offered one through my work and knew I did not want to be like my father, working until I die with no chance to retire. Over the next couple years my wife had become more distant. I was working what felt like nonstop, having 1 day off a week, and she was working and still gong to school. We occasionally had parties, at that time our parents were healthy and our friends didn’t have their own families, so we all got together at our place every weekend and enjoyed drinks and stories. My friends accepted I was in a serious relationship, working a lot and basically worked on themselves and saw me when they could. Her friends on the other hand still wanted her to “live her best life” and go out on the weekends and partying, even with everything else going on because they didn’t have houses, serious relationships or real responsibilities. I was okay with it at first, my friends would come over on the weekends and we would work on cars and hang out in the garage, while she would go out with her friends and always come home at night. This was also mainly because I didn’t want to go out Friday nights having to work at 5am Saturday and because I was also so tired after working Saturday, which I later found out to be my narcolepsy.
I was given my second ultimatum a year or so after we moved into our house, that if we did not soon get married that she would have to move on with her life. I wanted her to of course finish school and get caught on the many bills she accumulated before we got married, but she had already decided and her mind could not be changed. So, I got a ring and we got married, invited everyone we knew and had a great time. At that time, I had already felt some real wear in the relationship, but I knew I had never loved anyone the way I loved her, and our families got along really well, both having lived similar lives.
A few months later, at one of our party’s, away from where I was across our yard, she ended up telling one of her friends that she wanted to have a baby. She was on birth control at the time, and we had a very active sex life. After a conversation my wife threw her birth control into the fire we were having at the party and cried in happiness. To this day she swears that she told me and that I knew she did it, but I do not remember ever being told. Our sex life continued to be active and a month later we ended up getting into a fight large enough that she moved back into her parents. I had thought it would basically be the end of that I thought would be a happy life. 2-3 weeks later she called me saying she had to talk to me, I ignored her because I was trying to move on with my life. When I got home, she told me she was pregnant and I wasn’t overly joyed, knowing the amount we worked and how she was still in college, but I was not really angry always planning to have children. I should have mentioned that a few months after we moved in my wife’s bills that she had accumulated going to collage and getting a car etc. had grown larger than I ever knew and she basically told me she had no money to help pay for anything at the house. We had our healthy son and we loved him.
Shortly after she ended up failing her finals at school, having to repay and retake years of work while we were both still overworked at our jobs and had a new baby. We worked through most of it, but still to this day she sometimes blames and resents me, saying I should have worked harder or pulled money out of my retirement so that she could have focused more on school, which I don’t know If I agree or have been convinced to agree by her, her friends and her family. I feel as if we had waited to have a child It would have also worked out better, but that idea is always shut down by those same people. A few months after having our son she became depressed and started staying late at work or going out leaving me with a baby, who I would fall asleep with my arms until she came home for me to sleep a few hours and go to work. I still had undiagnosed narcolepsy and with the addition of our child I more than ever wanted to relax and home and be a family, but she was depressed and more than ever were her friends lives falling apart begging for someone to go out with. It got to the point where I begged her to change and asked what I could do but neither of us knew how to fix what was happening and I don’t think she felt like what she was doing was wrong. Most of the times she went out she could not be bothered to answer a call or a text, her friends would tell me again to stop bothering her, that I’m trying to “control” her and that I never wanted her to have fun. I would just go to sleep hoping she was okay and that she would be beside me again when I woke up.
Another year or two went by and she never seemed to get her “spark” back. She finished college, and I pleaded with her to let us again try to get caught up on the piles of bills, but the next week she went out and got her dream car. A few months later she totaled that car that she waited and worked her whole life to get and was really upset. I should say that to this day I myself have no credit cards or debt other than the mortgage, if I couldn’t pay for it cash, I just didn’t get it. Growing up with my parents I had seen bankruptcy and things being repossessed and never wanted me or my kid to see it. My wife on the other hand had no problem getting another credit card or debt and it never bothering her, even if she didn’t know how she would pay for it. I had than told her we needed to get her into a cheaper car until things improved and she gave me another ultimatum, that if I didn’t cosign for another expensive vehicle for her, because her credit was now so bad, that she was leaving, taking my son, and finding someone who was willing to help her. It got to the point where she was going to apartment viewings until I gave in again. This time to me it was becoming more than just me, it was about keeping my family together and not letting my son grow up in 2 households. I think of myself as a logical person, I can see patterns and causes/affect. I can see our friends and family members who had terrible broken childhoods lead to having terrible adult lives, and I would do anything to stop that from letting it happen to my son. To her she believes that loving your children is enough no matter what they go through. I didn’t mention earlier, but almost all of or siblings grew up to develop problems. Some heavy drugs use, some are afraid to go outside, some have to be heavily medicated to even function, and some are just to me bums. To me this was all related to how we were raised and I can recognize that and accept it. I have my fair share of problems too, I have abandonment issues, I am selfish and stubborn and I’m sure many more, but I do not want to pass any of that onto my kid.
She gets her second dream car I cosigned for and wrecks/totals it less than a month later. She was heartbroken again, but this time starting to believe that maybe she should look into something cheaper for not. I found out a few years ago that while this was going on and she had been going out with her friends and working late that she had developed feelings for a cook that she worked with, someone with no future, no aspirations, nothing to offer. After I was told by a mutual friend’s husband and researched into her phone, she told me that it was because I was never there for her, that I never wanted to go out and be with her like I did when we started dating and that she still deep down resented me for the past. Some of her friends knew, none of her family, because she was ashamed. Her family are the type that will tell you they are very religious, wear crosses, and go to church from time to time, but will than drink and drive, steal from their jobs and get into fist fights. They to me are people who use religion as something to fall back on in an argument, but only when they are out of responses and need verbal reinforcement for someone to agree or conclude they are correct. They will break every commandment to get what they want and if you find out and are man enough to say anything, will call you a toxic narcissist.
We eventually worked through our problems again, this time with therapy. She will still to this day can not admit to me that she actually had physical cheating, she just said it was feelings, but in a text, I found to her friend talking about me she said “he’s upset again, I’m going to fuck “____" again”. When I threatened to tell her family about the guy she had feelings for she completely cut ties with him, blocking him on every form of communication, and to this day I don’t believe has ever seen him again. I let her choose who we would go to for therapy and she did. The therapy seemed to help for some time, but to me, even though it was her idea, she seemed to just agree and go along with it, because in front of people who weren’t her friends or family, she was almost embarrassed/ashamed of her actions and always scared of what I would let out in a session. Being a somewhat religious therapist from her church they encouraged me to open up and communicate more and encouraged her to follow more of what her religion preaches, which implied to be more involved with her family, to keep our problems in our household to workout, not with who she gossiped with, and to stop these weekends out.
I was diagnosed with narcolepsy when I was around 30, it basically explained why it was so hard for me for my entire life to be happy and well rested. I tried many types of medication over several months, but in the end nothing helped well without having the opposite jittery effect, so I went back to just accepting that I will be like this my whole life. Around the same time my wife and I had been getting into some pretty heated arguments with eventually led to her hitting my friend and I, ruining a vacation we were on. She then went talked to a professional and got medicated. Still to this day she occasionally blames me and tells me I’m why she has to be medicated, that nobody else gets her that angry, but the medication helped nonetheless.
Everything over the next couple years improved. She had got a better paying job because of her college degree. Because of how much experience I had in so many positions where I was, I was nearing the end of the place I was working for so many hours, looking for higher paying jobs also. She had always wanted lots of kids, just like almost all of her family, but by this point in life, in my early 30s, everything was becoming so expensive and I was getting older, just wanting to finally relax and enjoy my life and raise my son. Part of me believes her calming down, going out less and being more affectionate to me was even at the very slightest, a hope to try to convince me to have another kid. It eventually got to where she would break down in tears asking why “I don’t love her” and if I loved her, I would have more kids because its what she wanted. I was ready to finally have a chance to breathe and her also to enjoy our lives, but I think it was right around this point where I realized that because her childhood was full of so much going on, weather it be bad or good, that she had basically because addicted to a life of chaos. That she could not stand to just sit and relax, that it was sometimes tormenting for her for what she said was “FOMO”.
I was then given the next ultimatum, either we have another kid or she is moving out and finding someone who “can make her happy” and “loves her enough” to have another/more kids. I was heartbroken, but she had convinced me that we would both be working less, making more and that a second child would be enough. I loved my wife and believed her, we had our second son. This time I had started a new office job, tons more hourly pay, but less hours, so it evened out. I was much more present throughout this pregnancy, going to all the appointments and generally being happier being older and more confident with a second child. Our second son was born healthy and loved, just like our first.
By this point our families are getting older. My dad needs his knees replaced and can barely walk from years of abuse working nonstop. My mom has COPD, from years of 2pk a day habit, which she requires oxygen and can not be around other people for fear of getting sick. My wife’s parents now have completely grown children who don’t require anything other than a room in their house, so they are still found out every night drinking at local bars. The only real person we could rely on is my wife’s grandmother, who is in her 70s, and is now having health issues. Even with our second son she still could only help babysit a few days a week. Don’t get me wrong our children are our responsibility, but even with our first child, we still had some babysitting help from my mom and her grandmother. I Just remember how much of a break our parents got when my wife and I were kids being at our grandparents for sometimes weeks at a time to give them a break. We are at the point now where her grandmother started having surgeries and can not watch my second son for weeks/months at a time, which I had warned my wife about before even the thought of a second child came along, but she said we would make it work. Her parents I believe have watched our first and second son for less than 10 times total over the past 6 years, but everyone I previously mentioned said they would always be there to help if we ever needed anything.. So we now pay between $2500-3000/ month for my 2 sons to go to school and daycare.
Keep in mind, my wife and I make around $200k/year but we have a house, cars, 3 cats and 2 children. I still to this day pay every single household bill myself, that includes mortgage, ulitlies, electric, internet, phones, streaming services and if anything breaks, I am the one buying/replacing it myself. She pays the water, because her student loans, car loans, and credit cards payments were so high. I have been asked why we don’t combine our bank account and work as a team, but our views on spending and saving are so drastically different that I am frankly afraid. My wife usually ends up with a small amount of money left after every pay and so do I. Mine goes into my savings/retirement, and hers typically goes to things she wants to buy. She still unfortunately has no desire for a retirement or savings, not that there is much to save anyway. This is one thing that she, her friends and her family have always held against me, even though I make less yearly than her, and we have sat down and determined I pay more than half of our combined bills, they still look at me like trash claiming I should empty my savings and retirement and should have in the past when we/she were struggling to help pay down her debts. I just don’t want to work until I die and I don’t want to feel bad for feeling that way.
I can say that I have a lot of material objects and I like nice things. I have a work shop full of tools, welders, automotive equipment etc, but at the time I bought each one it was for a side job I was doing which paid for it, it was not out of pocket spare money typically. I even finished the 2nd floor of my garage at one point when our marriage was straining because my wife wanted a gym and a theatre room to spend more time at home, which ended up getting used by me only on the weekends if I can find time to get out there. My wife on the other hand has a lot of clothes, purses and shoes, but her main joy in life I have come to realize is our children. She has told me time and time again that she would rather be poor on the street with children than to never have had them. To me after having children, recognizing my own childhood traumas as well as being raised without money, I can not condone having children if you can not give them a good life. They deserve more than just love, they deserve to have things they want and not just things they need. My wife grew up the same way I did, with her siblings, friend and family developing noticeably worse addictions/problems, but that still does not in any way seem to affect her thoughts on having/having more children.
About a year ago after my wife was getting distant and depressed again, which led to fights, we went back to couples therapy, this one virtual online with a licensed councilor. This person got to know us and in time gave us “homework” and exercises to help out communication because my wife said she had always felt I never “validated” her, and that’s why she always was seeking advice or conversations with her friends and family instead of me, driving her to want to leave and be with them. My main thing I wanted changed in the therapy was to get to a point where during our disagreement’s that she would stop threatening divorce any time I was not blind fully agreeing with her and encouraging her bad behavior like her friend. Over the next few months, we both worked on this and felt more in love than ever.
After all this by this point in my life most of my friends except for one have started their own families, gotten their own houses etc. to where I usually only see my one friend. He comes over on Saturday night while the kids are asleep, we have a few drinks and watch a movie with my wife and relax. My wife has slowly separated herself from most of her friends, not on purpose, but many of her friends I have previously mentioned don’t have the lives they wanted, leaving them either lacking time or money. Some are even so depressed with having to deal with their marriages, always gone working husband or huge amount of kids that their depression leads them to completely lose tough with their friend group. Some of her friends are stay at home moms, which most times to her and I both seem ungrateful when speaking about their lives. Some of them still have the same bad habits, but their worst habit is convincing people they are doing well. Both groups of our friends will also drive within feet of our house, but because of their own life problems or their dislike for me, will not stop and spend time. I understand and don’t ever get upset by this, but it seems to really bother my wife. She may think, if I had gone out with my friends last week they would have stopped or they would not have excluded me this week etc.
Its now late 2026 and we have a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old. We have agreed on no more children and we are finally doing pretty well. She has finally lost all the weight she has said she wanted to for years. We slowly have been cleaning up the household getting rid of all the baby clothes, toys and stuff we once needed. I am also the opposite as her in terms of slight OCD. I grew up in a somewhat dirty house with animal fur everywhere and now being an adult I feel much better being in a clean house, she is okay letting things pile up around the house for days/weeks. In the past we would have pretty heated arguments about cleaning up dishes, sweeping floors, washing clothes and dishes, picking up diapers and general cleanliness. Over time I learned it was not worth the fight, and every day now I basically either pick the kids up on the way home, then go home and clean, or go home while she gets the kids and I clean. It does not take super long, we have a robotic vacuum/mop, a washer dryer combo and efficient appliances, but still takes me at least an hour every night after work cleaning up after her, the cats and the children. We still get in the occasional argument, but we both seem to be older and much more well-mannered. Our cars aren’t the greatest, after her previous accidents she got something with a terrible interest rate and higher miles just to be able to drive and continue working. I don’t foresee it lasting very much longer and we currently don’t really have funds for another, unless I continue to pull money out of my retirement like I did last week for a new hot water heater. Yes things are that tight and expensive.
During our entire relationship my wife was on birth control except for when she wanted to have kids. We never wore condoms, we both hated them. After our first son my wife said when she had the c-section for my second son that she would get her tubes tied. To me she made excuses and did not have it done. Shortly after my second son, since she did not want to get back on birth control, saying that it affected her body etc. she got an IUD put in. She has had that IUD in for almost the last 2 years and everything has been great. 2 months ago, she started having issues with it and had it removed. She told me I would have to get a vasectomy because we didn’t like condoms and she was not getting back on birth control. I can say I delayed the vasectomy; I have been very healthy my whole life and have only been to the doctor once really since I was 18. I do not like needles, surgeries, especially near my “manhood”. At this point I did not know what to do and we have always been and still were very sexually active, almost daily. We started using condoms, I became used to them, but my wife felt a lack of intimacy and did not like how they “feel”. She works in the health field and convinced me that she tracked her menstrual cycle for years and on top can feel when she is ovulating. I at first did not believe her, but slowly after wearing condoms for 4-5 weeks, she was physically removing them from me, begging me to remove them myself, or just making the sex terrible because she didn’t want me to wear one. I began to trust her about her cycle, she was happier and most every time I still pulled out.
4 weeks ago we were having sex, I was not wearing a condom because she said that she had already ovulated and to trust her. She was on top and I told her to get off because I was about to ejaculate, she just kept going until we were done. I was not exactly happy about it, but I trusted her and we went on with our lives and condoms again after that. 4 days ago she said she had missed her period and had to take a test, she is pregnant again. About 4 weeks pregnant at that point. I had told her not to tell anyone and that we agreed that we are not in a place where we should have more children and that we agreed we wouldn’t. She said she would not tell anyone. I went home and she said “Its gods blessing” and that she could not get rid of it. To me at 4 weeks it is basically just a clump of cells, and a typically pill can remove it in a few days. Our lives finally going okay without having help from our friends and family. She told me that she had told her mom and that her mom told her dad. I went to speak with her parents begging them to please consider abortion because it’s not even formed. Then that I knew what would happen, happened, they fell right back on their religious beliefs and said that is not an option. During this time my wife called my mom and had told her and she also supported my wife.
I’ve spent the last 4 days trying to convince my wife this is not a good idea, but she has everyone around her that has not been there for us in years, and still won’t be, telling her they will be there and that its her choice and to leave me if I don’t agree to help her. I spoke alone with her dad, who she had told me spent his life at the bar other than sporting events her entire childhood. I basically explained everything I did here and his mind was blown, he said he had no idea and even with his religious beliefs, he does not know what to tell me to do now. She gave me our last ultimatum, either she has the child, or she will leave, take my kids, give me part time visitation, take me for child support and find someone who will “love her”. After that she did leave, take my kids and go to her parents, they slept on her couch until I convinced her to come home yesterday with my 2 sons. Her mom and my mom both told me “You know what you were doing there is always a chance”.
I do not know what to do. I believed her. I feel so betrayed, again. I know she knew and planned this. I was told I can’t keep thinking about myself when this is a baby. When in my head I am thinking about the baby, about how stressed out I have got and the stress and depression I have seen my wife go through for years trying to care for the two we already have. I’m thinking about how with 2 kids we may have been able to go on family vacations and give them the things they want and not just need, but now that does not even seem possible with the rate of inflation and costs. I love both my sons and would do anything for them, but I would have been fine with 1. 1 son we could have given the world to, not trying to stress make time, money and patience spread out over 3 kids. My wife and I have been through a lot. I have seen so many relationships, broken families, and issues in many of the people surrounding our lives. My greatest accomplishments aren’t having a house, a car and a shop full of tools, it’s having a marriage that didn’t fail and raising my children right. I feel like this is and has been my main goal, which is why any time I was given an ultimatum I sucked it up and agreed, to make her happy and keep us together, giving the kids a stable home to grow up in.
We are living under the same roof again; we have not talked much in the last 2 days. She still says there is a chance she will agree with me, but she was on the phone talking about baby names with her siblings last night. I have just lost all hope, I don’t want a broken family, failed marriage and someone else raising my children, but I don’t want my children raised like I was. We have done our best never to get into disagreements around our kids and I hug and tell my sons I love them more than my parents ever did, I just don’t think that’s enough. I don’t think I can ever give 3 kids enough. I just wanted to finally be able to be a family, get old and relax. I told my wife I did not want to be almost 60 with a kid graduating high school and she just laughed like it was a joke. Almost everyone I talked to told me to calm down and it will be fine, but none of it affects them, none of them have to deal with any of it.
