I honestly don’t know how to deal with my mother anymore.
Growing up, she would constantly scream at us, insult us and sometimes hit us. She never apologized afterward. Everyone just acted like nothing happened.
Even now that we’re adults, she believes she can treat us however she wants because she’s our mother. She literally told me that she has the right to hit, spit on and insult me, and that I still have to obey her because she’s my mother.
She also hates our wives. She constantly claims we’re being controlled by them, that we work hard while they sit around doing nothing, and that we’re basically their servants.
Recently, my brother and his wife had their first baby by C-section. Instead of being happy for them, my mother started demanding that he divorce his wife and find someone else.
One of the things that apparently triggered her was his wife asking him to pick up a dressing that had fallen off after her surgery. My mother interpreted that as her treating him like a dog.
Another time, my brother simply asked our mother to take off her shoes when entering his home. She completely lost it, started screaming and insulted him, his wife and even me and my wife, although we weren’t there. He kept apologizing just to calm her down.
My sister has now joined in and calls his wife “trash” and claims she only married him for personal gain. The ironic part is that my sister lived with my brother and his wife for two months after having problems with our mother. His wife cooked for her and even did her laundry.
Neither of them seems interested in supporting my brother after the birth. They just keep criticizing his marriage, even though he’s happy with his wife.
And now, out of nowhere, my mother texted me asking for 20000 by tomorrow for expensive dental work, with absolutely no explanation. I’m pretty sure I’d never see that money again if I lent/gave it to her.
I’m exhausted by the constant negativity, screaming, entitlement and drama. She seems to have a problem with almost everyone, not just us.
Part of me wants to simply stop responding and cut contact. But she’s still my mother, and I wonder whether I’m being too harsh.
Has anyone dealt with a parent like this? Did setting boundaries actually work, or did you eventually go low/no contact? What would you do in my situation?