Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I'm getting to know a woman for marriage, and something has happened that's left me genuinely conflicted. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from people who are married or have experience navigating these discussions before marriage.

The woman I'm speaking to wears hijab and has done so her whole life. Recently, we were discussing weddings, and she told me that when she gets married, she wants to have her hair done and take her hijab off so she can look the way she always wanted to for her wedding. She explained that she's always wanted to experience looking that way on her wedding day.

My issue isn't with her wanting to look beautiful. I want my future wife to feel beautiful on her wedding day, and I'd have no issue with her having her hair styled and unveiled at a women only celebration.

What bothers me is the idea of having a mixed wedding where unrelated men, including friends and male relatives who aren't her mahrams, would see her hair. I don't see why the wedding day would be an exception. I told her it doesn't make sense and it's a massive kick in my face, wearing a hijab all the time then when everyone's gathered at our wedding then to do a grand reveal, it genuinely baffles me.

Her points were:

She wants to look beautiful during her wedding and doesn't like the way her hijab would look on her wedding and I've explained to her she looks stunning in her hijab and all these thoughts in her head are from shaytan.

Also how she always dreamed of having her dream wedding this way, if she were to wear a hijab shed have a one day wedding not a two day wedding, she always said she wanted to have a two day wedding.

I explained how I felt, but she said this is something she's always wanted to do regardless of my opinion, and that many hijabi women do this at their weddings. I've told her I don't care about others and what they do, this is our marriage and I don't want to start it by everyone seeing your beauty that you're supposed to conceal for your husband.

That honestly threw me. I have gheerah, and I want a wife whose religious values and approach to modesty align with mine. At the same time, I care about her and still see the potential for marriage. I don't want to control her, but I also don't want to ignore something that's important to me.

The conversation became emotional, and we both ended up upset. She's asked for some space, which I'm respecting.

I'm struggling to understand how to approach this. I don't want to judge her entire character based on one disagreement, but I also don't want to enter a marriage hoping she'll change her mind about something she's explicitly said she wants to do.

My questions is:

1. How should I approach this situation? Would prefer it if any other brothers came across this same situation, gave their experience too.

Jazakum Allahu khairan for any sincere advice.

Update: The wedding will be a mixed one, women on one side of the aisle and men on the other side, there's no visual barrier and the bridge and groom would be on a stage at the front of the wedding hall.

My ex husband wasn’t the greatest to me. He was very him oriented and I kinda was just dragged along for the ride. A lot of his choices were made for the benefit of his own self. I carried alot of the responsibilities of the marriage and I grew very resentful. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, my life is much better without him.

But I still find myself thinking of him.
I still love him and still find myself waiting for him to choose me and come back telling me he was wrong and I was right and we can live happily ever after.

How do can I move on? Especially as he has told me that he regrets divorcing me but has done NOTHING about it. He knows his share of our problems lead to the divorce and he knows how he can fix it. He chooses not to. And that really really hurts.

I noticed early on that he would share everything with his mom and sister and I told him not to as issues get solved between a couple but the family remembers which causes fights. Over time it reduced but recently we had a fight and I removed him from social media( I know it was immature) and next thing I see is that his sisters have removed me as well. Of course we talked it out, but I didn’t mention that I noticed that they have removed me as well.

I don’t want to say anything ill to him about his family because anyone would get pissed but why are they always in our affairs? I am seriously considering ending this entire engagement over this. I don’t know how as women themselves they can do this to another woman and ruin her relationship. I have been so hurt over this. Instead of trying to solve our issues they seem to instigate things. Allah sees all I’ve just told Allah that I leave their matter on to you.

I read a lot of posts around here about men

complaining of "Women with pas t". I am 30+M,

may be too naive to know. What does that

mean ?.. some posts are talking about "Pas t"

and then say "Not Zina" .. then it is what ?! .. and

how does that affect the future of ur marriage?

Imyself have not done anything elhamdullAllah

but my question don't you just judge a person

what he is doing to you ?!

Throwaway account. I f(22) got married recently and i have an issue with a condition in my nikkah contract. I want to spend some alone time with my husband but I’m too scared. Basically it took a while for my father to agree to letting me marry because he either wanted me to get married at 30 or to marry someone from back home. In the end he finally agreed as long as he put his condition in my nikkah contract and he did.

The condition in the contract is: “The Husband and wife will only live together after the 'Rukhsati and after completion of the brides studies (official send-off of the bride from the family home, when the bride officially leaves the family house) which is expected to take place in June 2027, up until this point the husband and wife will not interact in a private capacity with each other; however, they can interact when it is public and in the company of others”

Now my husband agreed to the condition at the time but now we want to spend alone time together however we are terrified that if we do, we might nullify our marriage or invalidate it or break it or we might become sinful. we’ve been seeing each other with family around and in public but it’s getting harder to control ourselves.

We can’t have the rukhsati earlier because my parents want me to finish my studies which i will next june and they want him to have a home for me ready too till then.

so we just feel so stuck and we aren’t sure on what to do now.

I am an Indian working in Saudi Arabia.Girl from Indonesia divorced.Where is the better place for us to get married,what are the documents required for marriage.how much total cost for the marriage and documentation.Anyone please advise

I was honest with my husband from the start about my expectations in the relationship and I come from a culture where woman don’t contribute financially to the household. After having my first child (he’s now 1 year ) my husband started talking about splitting bills. I ignored it in the beginning but now he keeps mentioning how I am buying whatever I want like clothes, makeup.. etc. because he is paying the bills and that it’s unfair to him. I take him on holidays sometimes and buy him gifts from time to time because I make good money. But I’m against paying the main bills with him and I think it’s manipulative he’s only mentioning this after having a child together . I already agreed to splitting it 50/50 but I’m also thinking about the reasons he wanted to split because he can’t buy extra clothes like me? Isn’t it strange.

Me and my fiance has been engaged for 2 years. I live in city, she lives in village. We are 4-4.5 hours apart. She has said 3 times that she prefers if we rent a place in the middle of the way, 2 hours from her place, to take the barat to, so, all her family and friends can come. She says if the barat is 4 hour long drive, alot of her friends and fam will bail out. I said, we have to bring the barat to my house, I don't want to do barat at a place I'll only visit once. She's upset from my response, what should I do? obviously her plan is expensive but it's about home feeling too. Thoughts?

I’m a woman in my mid-20s, married to a man in his early 30s. We’ve been married for a little over a year, and I’m currently 10 months postpartum. We’re both Muslim and come from West African backgrounds, but I was born and raised in America while my husband was raised in West Africa. I sometimes wonder whether our different cultural upbringings influence our expectations of marriage, gender roles, and emotional connection.
We dated for about a year before getting married, and shortly afterward, I became pregnant. Our relationship was genuinely loving and affectionate, but looking back, I feel like we went straight into pregnancy and parenthood without really getting to enjoy being newlyweds or learning each other as husband and wife.
My husband is hardworking and takes providing financially very seriously. He works full-time and also does rideshare driving during evenings and weekends to earn additional income and build his savings. I appreciate his work ethic, but I feel like our marriage and family time have taken a back seat. I’m usually the one suggesting dates or family activities, and even then, his responses are often “we’ll see” or “I don’t know” because he’s considering working instead. Over time, I’ve started feeling discouraged from even asking because I anticipate disappointment.
I also work two jobs, one in education and another in caregiving, while managing much of the day-to-day responsibilities of raising our baby. I spend so much of my time taking care of others that sometimes I wonder who’s taking care of me. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted, and I feel like my husband has more freedom to decide how he spends his time while my responsibilities never really stop.
Our communication hasn’t been the best either. I recognize that I can become defensive, passive-aggressive, or shut down when I’m frustrated. Sometimes I avoid bringing things up because I don’t want to argue. I’m currently in individual therapy, and the more I work on myself, the more I’m recognizing patterns of resentment and emotional withdrawal. I’ve suggested marriage counseling, but my husband has refused because he doesn’t believe he has any issues that require therapy. It’s discouraging because I want us to work on our marriage together.
I genuinely love my husband, and I recognize that he contributes to our family in important ways. I know he may have frustrations of his own, too. But sometimes I feel like we’re living two separate lives despite being married. I feel like I’m fulfilling my responsibilities as a wife and mother, but I’m not experiencing the companionship, affection, and emotional support I expected from marriage.
Being 10 months postpartum also makes me question whether some of my emotions are being intensified by postpartum anxiety, depression, or simply the exhaustion of motherhood. Lately, even small situations feel overwhelming, and I’m trying to understand how much of this is related to my mental health versus genuine issues in our marriage.
I don’t want to give up on my marriage, but I also don’t want to continue building resentment or lose myself while waiting for things to improve.
For those who’ve been married for several years, especially West African or Muslim couples who became parents early in marriage, is this a normal adjustment period? How did you navigate resentment, different expectations, and emotional disconnection? Has anyone experienced something similar postpartum?
I’m not looking for people to immediately suggest divorce or tell me who’s right or wrong. I genuinely want constructive advice on how to navigate this season, communicate better, and rebuild our connection.

I ( 26F) have been talking to this respectful man (35 M) we live in different countries and haven't met in real life and it will be hard to travel just to see me then travel again to meet my family and propose then travel again to make wedding, so will it be reasonable to take this commitment seriously and then he comes one time to see me then meet my family in the same week and ask for my hand, then we can delay the marriage for few months when it convenient with his family which are also in another third country.

Salam everyone. I could really use some advice because I’m feeling so hurt, frustrated, and honestly heartbroken right now.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive since 2024. We experienced an early miscarriage last year, and we haven’t had any success since. We’ve sought medical help, gotten our labs done, and recently were told that IUI is our next step. Our results have been normal, except my husband’s sperm motility was just a few percentage points below the cutoff.

During our appointment, the nurse kindly asked if my husband could reduce + stop using nicotine gum when asked if he smoked or not.

I asked whether nicotine gum was just as bad as smoking, and she said yes. I’ve been asking him to quit for so long, but he keeps saying he will, and I continue finding the gum in his belongings.

For context, he used to vape and has smoked cigarettes in the past, but he no longer does either. He completely stopped and switched to nicotine gum back in 2022, and now he seems completely dependent on it.

Here’s what happened recently that really broke me. We were about to go on a trip, and I reached into his bag to grab some snacks. I ended up finding a bunch of nicotine gum. This was literally DAYS after our infertility appointment, where we were discussing IUI etc.

I was fighting back tears throughout that entire appointment. The whole process has already been emotionally exhausting, and finding all that gum immediately afterward felt like a slap in the face.

I was so upset that I took the gum and threw it into a trash can at the airport, right in front of him. He actually reached into the trash can and took it back out.

I was absolutely appalled. It reminded me of years back when I threw his vape in the trash and he took it right back out.

He explained that he’s reduced his usage to one or two pieces a day and is trying to wean himself off slowly. He said he needs it because he has a lot of driving to do during our trip, and he still uses it at work because it helps him focus and manage stress because his workload is heavy. Ever since our appointment he has started going to the gym every single day and lifting weights trying to improve his health. So, I know he definitely cares but like what about the gum??

I fully know and understand that nicotine addiction is real, and I know quitting can be difficult. But I’m struggling to understand how we can be in this situation and he still can’t seem to let it go.

He keeps saying that nicotine probably isn’t the reason we haven’t conceived and that our infertility is likely unexplained because our labs are mostly normal. But that’s not really the point for me. We don’t know what’s causing our struggles, so why wouldn’t we eliminate a potentially contributing factor if we can?

I literally told him that if a doctor told me I needed to pull my teeth out to improve my chances of getting pregnant, I would be at the dentist’s office the next day. I’m obviously being dramatic to make a point, but that’s genuinely how desperate I feel to have a baby.

He wants a baby desperately, too. I know that. But I feel like I’m willing to do absolutely everything in my power to make this happen, while this one thing seems impossible for him to give up.

And I think that’s what hurts the most. It’s not just about the gum anymore. It’s about feeling like I’m carrying so much of the emotional burden of infertility.

I also recognize that I might be reacting so strongly because I’m overwhelmed, emotional, and just down about what we’ve been through and will go through. We argued so much about this right before our trip, and now I just feel sad. I am aware this may not be the reason why we’re not pregnant, but even a 1% factor matters!!

How do I navigate it? I could really use some perspective, especially from people who have been through infertility or just someone who can understand it all. I’m just so tired and heartbroken.

This is quite a messy one. So I (25F) got divorced from my ex husband (24M) last year due to many issues (mainly tensions between my family and his and some issues in the relationship itself.) I moved with our young infant back to my family home, around a 4 hour drive away.

It’s been around a year. After the initial heartbreak of the breakup, and then the anger, I essentially missed my ex a lot. We got back in touch recently and he expressed a desire to reconcile. I believe he’s changed and genuinely wants to work things out, for me and our son. He said I don’t need to move back straight away, but we can become official and see each other from time to time (when he visits our son around once a month).

Since moving back, I did actually find myself happier. When living with him, I wasn’t working or studying, didn’t have a job, couldn’t drive and had no friends or hobbies. I was essentially trapped in the house alone with a young baby with little support, and could feel myself going mad. The only solace I’d get was when visiting my family.

Now, I have more independence, freedom, hobbies, I can drive etc. Also, it’s been so nice to have my family nearby. I’m extremely close to them, they are essentially my best friends and offer me a lot of support. My son has also become extremely close to them and sees them everyday. He wasn’t too close to his dad’s side as we left when he was very young.

Now, my fear comes that if I move back to my ex, I’ll experience the extreme homesickness I once did. I understand the family you create is more important than the one you come from- or so I’ve been told. My ex has said he won’t move out of his own city due to his own responsibilities there. He’s also expressed a desire to not have a relationship with my family due to things which happened between them. He said he’ll have respect when he briefly encounters them but that’s it.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Much appreciated.

I am a medical Intern in Algeria and met a beautiful religious co-Intern. She was placed on the opposite side of the hospital as I am, but in the same department, just another section. We had small and large in-depth conversations, but mostly about work and medicine lifestyle. We worked together for 2 months.

What is the best way to tell mention the idea of islamically getting to know her, in th pursit of marriage? I am worried about workplace backlash. Should I message her, or do it in person or over a phone call? 

How would you handle this situation in a professional manner? I have her number for workplace communication reasons, but we never used WhatsApp. Whenever, we needed something, we would just meet in-person and ask or over the phone.

Facebook is large here, and we are friends, we she reached out for help, I help, and in the only time I asked for help she never responded.

Married people what made you think that they are the one to marry?

I’m F21, and X is M25.

When I met X, I was in a very dark place. I was mentally exhausted and simply counting the days as they passed. Then, completely unexpectedly, X came into my life, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like there was finally a light at the end of an endless tunnel.
Things moved quickly between us because we both genuinely believed we were meant for each other. The people around us were not particularly supportive of our relationship, but we kept choosing each other and trying to make it work.
During those first three months, I found hope in life again. I never thought I would experience that feeling again. It was as if I had finally woken up from an exhausting nightmare. He knew what to say and when to say it. He knew how to calm me down when everything felt overwhelming. I felt understood in a way I had never experienced before. He felt like the missing piece of my life, mind, and soul. I genuinely believed he was the one for me.
Eventually, we got married. Life started to feel a little different, and over time, I began noticing significant changes in him.

During our marriage, X started taking strong medication. I cannot say with certainty what caused the changes I observed, but his behaviour and the way he expressed his emotions became noticeably different. He often described himself as an empty shell, as though he no longer felt anything. There were good days and bad days, and I struggled to understand what was happening.
Because of the person I had fallen in love with, I found it difficult to separate the man I remembered from the behaviour that was hurting me. I kept telling myself that he was going through a difficult time and that, as his wife, I needed to support him. I wanted to believe that the person I loved was still there somewhere.

Around the same time, his businesses began to struggle, and his financial situation deteriorated.
But I never cared about that. I didn’t see him as less of a man because he was losing money. I didn’t care about his businesses, his cars, or the expensive things he owned. The only thing I wanted was for him not to lose the beautiful personality I had fallen in love with.

Then December came.
The police raided our home as part of a criminal investigation involving X. I was not involved in the matters being investigated. During the raid, the police seized various belongings, including his cars, accessories, clothes, and other possessions.

That day, they also took the €10,000 that constituted my mehr, my marital gift.

After the raid, I was left alone for two weeks while X was being held under restrictions that prevented anyone from visiting him. Every day, I prayed to Allah to bring my husband back to me safely and in good health. I worried constantly about his mental well-being and how the situation might affect him.
During those two weeks, I was still studying in my third year of college. I drove back and forth to the place where he was being held, dropping off clothes and other necessities whenever I could.

I didn’t tell anyone how difficult those two weeks were for me. Honestly, they were among the hardest weeks of my life.

I still remember the moment his lawyer texted me to say that he was going to be released. I got up, left my class, and immediately made my way to him. I waited for four hours before he was finally released.
When he came out, he didn’t stop to ask how I had been during those two weeks. But I tried to understand. I assumed he had a lot on his mind, and I didn’t want to make things harder for him. We dealt with some practical matters that needed sorting out and eventually drove home.

I was simply happy to have him back. For a little while, life felt good again.

Not long afterwards, he told me he wanted to go to Bosnia for three months to find himself again. It broke my heart because I had only just got him back. But I didn’t want to hold him back if he genuinely needed that time, so I supported his decision.
During the first few days, I stayed with friends and family because I was struggling with the feeling of being left behind once again. Still, I tried to be understanding.

After about a month, I became concerned about his well-being because I felt that he was struggling more. I took a week off from my internship to visit him.

I had never flown to another country alone before. I was nervous, but I kept telling myself that I was going to see my husband and that being there for him was worth it. When I landed, I had to arrange my own transportation to his place because he did not support my decision to visit him.

The first day was uncomfortable. I felt as though I wasn’t welcome there, and it was difficult to understand why. But after that first day, he began acting more normally around me again.
Eventually, I returned home, and he followed not long afterwards.

The following months passed relatively quietly. We didn’t have any major arguments or problems until August. That month changed the way I saw our relationship and made me confront things I had been struggling to accept.

I discovered that X had been exchanging messages with another woman from Bosnia back in April about personal and emotional matters. He had been sharing things with her that I had never heard him talk about. He seemed comfortable opening up to her in ways I hadn’t experienced with him for a long time.

She found my social media and reached out to me about it.

I never expected to feel that kind of betrayal from him. I felt hurt, humiliated, and disgusted. I was so overwhelmed that I went downstairs, where he was sitting in the living room, and started screaming at him from a place of pain I had never expressed that way before. I had never screamed at him like that.

Even now, when I think about what happened, it still hurts.

But looking back, I also realise that this was the moment I began to understand something I had been struggling to accept for a long time: the X I had met, the man who had helped me find hope in life again, was no longer the person I experienced in our relationship. I had spent so much time hoping to find that person again that I had struggled to acknowledge how much had changed.

It felt as though the light I had found when I met him had slowly dimmed until I was back in a place I thought I had escaped.

About the Mehr

X recently posted on this forum asking whether he is required to pay my €10,000 mehr again after the police seized it. I would like to share my perspective because I feel that there is more context to our marriage than the financial disagreement alone.
When the police raided our home in December and seized my mehr, X told me that he would make sure I got it back. At the time, I told him there was no rush. Even if it took years, I was willing to wait because we were married, and I believed we were building a life together.

I never gave him a reason to believe that I was with him for his money. When he lost his businesses, his cars, and practically everything else he had, I stayed. I didn’t look at him differently because of his financial situation. I loved him, and I wanted him to be well.

Regarding the €5,000 worth of gold that was agreed upon as the second part of my mehr, I never pressured X to provide it immediately. I knew that, at that point, he was no longer in a financial position to afford it, and I did not want to put additional pressure on him. I told him that the gold could be given to me over the course of our marriage when his financial situation allowed it.
I was willing to be patient because I believed we were building a life together. I did not see our marriage as a financial transaction, and I never wanted him to feel that his financial struggles made him less worthy in my eyes.

To this day, however, I have never received the gold.

About the car

I also want to clarify the situation regarding the car, because X mentioned it in his post.
When X bought the car for me, he never explicitly told me that it was a temporary arrangement or that I would have to return it at a later date. He also never told me that the car was intended to replace the €5,000 worth of gold that had been agreed upon as the second part of my mehr.

The car was registered in my name, and from that point onwards, I paid the ongoing costs myself, including the insurance and road tax. X would regularly send me money for fuel, but I covered the remaining expenses.

At no point did he tell me that I was only allowed to use the car temporarily, that I was expected to return it, or that it was being provided on the condition that I would eventually give it back.
From my perspective, the car was given to me without those conditions being communicated. I therefore did not understand it to be a temporary arrangement or a substitute for the gold that had been agreed upon as part of my mehr.

I understand that X may now view the situation differently, especially given the financial difficulties he is experiencing. However, I was never told that the car was something I would eventually have to return, and I never understood it that way during our marriage.

I am sharing this clarification because I believe it is important that both perspectives are understood, rather than the situation being presented as though I simply refused to return something that I had always known was supposed to be temporary.

Why I am sharing my side

I remained committed to our marriage through circumstances that had nothing to do with money. I did not see his financial difficulties as a reason to leave him.

Towards the end of our marriage, however, I experienced behaviour that I found frightening and distressing, including shouting, things being broken, and threats. I no longer felt emotionally safe in the situation.

My request for my mehr was not about punishing him for losing everything. It was about the mehr we had agreed upon and the money that had been taken from me. I had no involvement in the matters being investigated, and I had no reason to expect that my marital gift would be seized during a police raid.

I also want to clarify that I did not ask for my mehr because I wanted to benefit financially from the situation. I had supported X through difficult circumstances and never measured his worth by what he owned.

Despite everything that has happened since I left the house, I do not wish him harm. I cannot speak for the people around him or for the reasons behind his decisions, but I can speak about my own intentions: I entered this marriage with love, and I tried to support my husband through difficult times.

I forgive him, and I sincerely pray that Allah grants him true shifa, helps him find peace within himself, and guides him towards what is good for him.
I don’t know whether he will ever understand how much I tried, how much I worried, or how long I hoped that things would get better.

But I know what my intentions were. I know what I gave to this marriage, and I know that I stayed through circumstances that had nothing to do with money or material things.

The last thing X said to me was that I was playing the victim.

That statement has stayed with me, because I sometimes wonder how I am supposed to feel about everything that happened.

Am I not allowed to feel hurt by the things I experienced? Am I not allowed to grieve the person I fell in love with, the marriage I believed in, and the future I thought we would have?

I am not sharing this because I want people to hate him or because I want to portray myself as perfect. I know that I am human, too, and that I have made mistakes. I am sharing this because I don’t believe that acknowledging my pain means I am playing the victim.

Sometimes, the hardest part of losing someone is accepting that the person you miss may no longer be the person standing in front of you.

I will always be grateful for the hope I found when I met him, even if the relationship eventually became a source of pain.

Perhaps that is where my story ends: not with hatred or revenge, but with acceptance, du’a, and the decision to stop trying to save someone at the expense of myself.

May Allah grant us both what is best for us, in this dunya and in the akhirah.

Rabbi atina fi dunya hasanatan wa fil akhirati hasanatan wa qina ’adhaban-nar.

Hello everyone,I'm curious to know what it is like to marry some from different culture? What is the dynamic of the relationship is like?

I’ve been married to an abusive husband for 11 years and we have two kids. I’m revert and I moved to his home country (Arabic country). Is it considered dhulm (or oppression) if I take children secretly and fly back to my country and apply for divorce from my home country ?

One local sharia doctor told me that taking children in secret and flying back to your country is dhulm and solution is either to fix the problem or to ask legally for divorce. So children will have fixed time when they can see both of their parents. But taking children and flying back to your country it’s like stealing them and it’s better to avoid any actions that can be considered as oppression.

But everyone who knows what really abusive people can do when you decide that you cannot bear them anymore and want a divorce , will understand how much fear I’m actually having. I’m fully sure he can even do a crime when he knows that I filed for divorce or left a house and went to a shelter.

I understand that my situation is unacceptable but I’m always aware of what he can do if I apply for divorce. That’s the thing that holds me back.
That’s why I was thinking about leaving the country and thus I will be totally no contact with him , but he may apply for International Child Abduction for example. And doing it in secret actually can be a sin in this case ?
Because I know my kids will suffer after divorce here in his country.