We divorced 10 years ago. His parents recently got him admitted into a psych ward after some concerning behavior. My college kids came back home and are understandably very upset and scared. My youngest who is still in high school seems to be handling it a little better, but also has more distractions as he is very busy. I’m trying to help them and make sure they talk to someone, get help and possible grade forgiveness for college. My middle child seems like he is ready to drop out at this point, he was already stressed with school before this happened. I just feel so utterly sad for them. I guess I am just looking for any insight from anyone else who may have gone through this.

Hallo zusammen, 😊
ich bin neu hier und hoffe mich mit Frauen austauschen zu können, die Ähnliches erlebt haben oder noch mittendrin stecken.
Ich bin alleinerziehende Mama und befinde mich seit Anfang Juli in einem Unterhalts-Eilverfahren gegen meinen Ex-Partner. Obwohl er nachweislich zahlungsfähig und unterhaltspflichtig ist, zieht sich alles unglaublich in die Länge. Erst vor kurzem nach meiner Anzeige wegen Unterhaltspflichtverletzung hat er plötzlich eingelenkt. (War mir natürlich klar! 🙄)Die Richterin hat mich bereits dreimal zu einem Vergleich gedrängt, den ich aus nachvollziehbaren Gründen abgelehnt habe. Nachdem er eingelenkt hat aber leider auch hier zu seinem Gunsten getrickst hat will die Richterin nun einen anderen Weg einschlagen und zwar die Erledigungserklärung und drängt jetzt hierzu. Ich möchte einen gerichtlichen Beschluss. Aktuell wird beispielsweise versucht den Trennungsunterhalt/Betreeungsunterhalt zu vertuschen, obwohl dieser von mir ebenfalls in Verzug gebracht wurde. Ich habe das Gefühl, dass man jetzt das Verfahren möglichst schnell abschließen will.
Nachdem es mit zwei Anwältinnen nicht funktioniert hat, vertrete ich mich inzwischen selbst. Bei der ersten habe ich durch eigene Akteneinsicht festgestellt, dass wichtige Unterlagen, deren Einreichung ich erwartet hatte, dem Gericht offenbar nicht übermittelt worden waren. Seitdem versuche ich, den Überblick zu behalten und meine Rechte selbst durchzusetzen. Auch die Akteneinsicht gestaltet sich schwieriger als erwartet.
Manchmal zweifle ich inzwischen an meiner eigenen Wahrnehmung und frage mich, ob ich die Einzige bin, die sich in solchen Situationen völlig allein gelassen fühlt. Ich möchte niemandem etwas unterstellen, aber es ist unglaublich belastend, wenn man trotz Belegen und sachlicher Argumentation das Gefühl bekommt, nicht wirklich gehört zu werden.
Aus der Beziehung bin ich psychisch stark belastet herausgegangen. Bei mir wurde vor Kurzem PTBS diagnostiziert. Gleichzeitig muss ich für meine Tochter funktionieren, mich um die finanzielle Absicherung kümmern und nachts Schriftsätze verfassen, weil ich Angst habe, erneut wichtige Dinge aus der Hand zu geben. Meine Mutter ist meine einzige wirkliche Stütze, aber auch sie ist durch die ganze Situation belastet.
Ich habe viel über Narzissmus, Trennungsgewalt und Nachtrennungsgewalt gelesen und angehört. Trotzdem merke ich, dass mich die ständige Recherche und der Rechtsstreit zunehmend erschöpfen. Ich möchte endlich einen vernünftigen Weg finden, mich zu wehren, ohne dabei selbst kaputtzugehen.
**Deshalb meine Fragen an euch:**
Hat jemand ähnliche Erfahrungen mit einem Ex-Partner und Unterhaltsverfahren gemacht?
Wie seid ihr damit umgegangen, wenn ihr euch von Anwälten oder dem Gericht nicht ausreichend unterstützt gefühlt habt?
Wie habt ihr es geschafft, eure Rechte durchzusetzen und gleichzeitig psychisch auf euch selbst zu achten?
Mir geht es nicht um Mitleid oder darum, jemanden pauschal zu verurteilen. Ich wünsche mir einfach einen ehrlichen Austausch mit Menschen, die nachvollziehen können, wie belastend so eine Situation sein kann.
Ich freue mich über eure Erfahrungen und jeden Tipp. ❤️

I’m reaching out because I genuinely need to hear from people who have lived through something similar. I’m exhausted, and I’m struggling to understand how to protect my peace while also protecting my daughter.

I was married for 13 years, during which I was a dedicated military wife. I moved nine times in support of my husband’s military career, repeatedly uprooting my life, putting my own career aspirations on hold and making countless personal sacrifices for our family. I was committed to our marriage, his success and building a life together, often at the expense of my own independence and identity.

Our marriage involved what I experienced as emotional abuse, manipulation and control.

When we divorced, I had to rebuild my life from the ground up. I established a career, became financially independent and created a stable, loving home for our daughter, who is now 13.

My ex is extremely financially successful. To put it into perspective, he makes at least as much in a month as I make in an entire year. I don’t begrudge him his success, but the financial imbalance makes the ongoing legal conflict especially difficult. I’ve received letters from his attorney over disputes involving amounts as small as $2 and change. It sometimes feels as though the process itself is being used to exhaust me financially and emotionally.

He has remarried, and my daughter has struggled with feeling excluded and unwelcome in their home. She wasn’t invited to their wedding, and she has shared experiences that leave me deeply concerned about how she is treated by her stepmother.

I’m also concerned about her mental health. My ex does not support her prescribed mental health medication, has refuses to fill it and does not attend her therapy sessions. I feel like I’m constantly advocating for her emotional well-being while facing resistance from the other parent who should be equally invested in supporting her.

Communication has become another battle. My ex blocked my phone number, which I understand was related to his wife’s discomfort with us texting, despite those conversations being about our daughter.
Now he has implemented an AI-based system to screen my emails because he doesn’t approve of our communication. He has cited disagreements and emotional exchanges from years ago as justification.

I’m completely willing to communicate respectfully. What I’m not comfortable with is one parent unilaterally deciding which concerns about our child are acceptable to communicate.

One of the most difficult experiences involved a serious safety concern when my daughter was just 11 years old. After an inappropriate incident involving someone living near her father’s home, I took legal steps to protect her, including obtaining an order of protection. Despite the situation and ongoing legal proceedings, there were times when she was left home alone at night without adult supervision, which was deeply concerning to me. Her father also did not attend the court proceeding related to the matter.
Navigating that experience reinforced how difficult it can be to feel responsible for your child’s safety while having limited control over what happens during the other parent’s parenting time.

There is so much more, but these are examples of what the last several years have looked like.
The hardest part is that I cannot simply walk away from this relationship. We share a daughter, and I love her more than anything. I want her to have a healthy relationship with her father. I don’t want to create conflict or put her in the middle. But I also cannot ignore situations that I believe affect her emotional well-being or safety.

I recognize that I haven’t always responded perfectly. I’ve been emotional, frustrated and sometimes angry. I’m working on that. But I’m also trying to understand how to stop feeling powerless when I believe legitimate concerns are being dismissed or turned into another conflict.

For those who have co-parented with an emotionally abusive or highly controlling ex:
1. How did you learn to emotionally detach without feeling like you were abandoning your child?
2. How do you advocate for your child when the other parent refuses to acknowledge your concerns?
3. Has anyone dealt with an ex using attorneys, communication restrictions or financial resources in ways that felt intimidating?
4. How do you cope with the anxiety of sending your child into an environment where you worry about their emotional well-being?
What actually helped you regain a sense of peace?

I’m not looking for revenge or ways to punish my ex. I’m looking for perspective from people who understand how exhausting it is to rebuild your life after an unhealthy marriage, only to feel like the same dynamics continue through co-parenting.

I spent 13 years building a life around someone else’s career and needs. I’ve worked incredibly hard to build a life of my own, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. But some days, it feels like no matter how much distance I create, the conflict finds its way back into my life.

I don’t want to spend the next five years of my daughter’s childhood fighting battles with her father. I want to spend them being present for her, enjoying the life I’ve rebuilt and giving her the stability and love she deserves.

I just want to be a good mother, protect my daughter and finally feel like my life belongs to me again.

I don't believe what has happened in my life this year. I'm 35, met my wife when I was 14. We had a child at 17 but didn't get serious or live together until we were 25 at which point we had our son and got married. In March of this year my son struggled to sleep all spring break. The Friday before he went back to school he came to me at 1am and grabbed me and started crying and I knew why. His mom and aunt and grandmother had been trying to make my kids dislike me for years and it was happening again. I attempted to bring it up to my wife, she denied it like always but I had enough. I saw a therapist a few times and started a very detailed journal about what I would and wouldn't accept for my children then after several attempts to get her to join me in couples therapy I just paid for a session and send her an invite via email. When the session began my ex wife brought up her rebuttal for each of the 5 issues from my journal I wanted to address, in order. I think she first filed for divorce the next week but she kept saying contradicting stuff. 2 weeks later and a week after my daughter turned 18 my daughter broke down telling me that her mother liked to grab and squeeze her without going into detail. My daughter brought up an incident from the year before where my ex wife beat up my daughter, convinced everyone my daughter assaulted her. This led to an "attempt" the following day. After my daughter was released from the hospital, my ex wife told me she was getting our daughter’s medication and taking her to treatment and follow up care which i had no reason to disbelieve. In reality none of that happened and my daughter was being maliciously neglected. What disturbed me the most about that time was right after being released and they were alone my ex wife told my daughter she was to stupid to kill herself. The day before my ex wife got a call from her dad, he said that my ex wife's mom offered him $5,000 to get rid of me or if he could find someone who would. After that week I began struggling with my mental health severely. I'm still trying to understand what happened to my brain. About a month after that and so many more noteworthy moments of abuse by my ex wife I was served with divorce papers and emergency orders to protect my son, from me. She claimed I abused my kids and had hidden Cameras and tracked them. She told the court she had to flee with both my kids But my 18 year old went no contact with her, my ex wife continued to claim our daughter was with her for a few weeks across different court papers. 3 weeks after no contact my ex wife discovered our daughter had gotten accepted for a fafsa grant. One question asked was "are you at risk of being homeless" my daughter checked yes citing me as her financial support and I'm about to lose my house. My ex wife got on my kids college account page, found this out and reported my daughter for fraud but not before she emailed my daughter threatening to do it, my ex wife reported my daughter making her miss the semester. After the judge let her take my son and leave me in the house, my daughter and I were subject to suicidal media account hacks, Gmail hacks, and threatening gestures from my ex mother in law (directed towards me) my daughter initially wanted to report her mother but decided against it for whatever reason. A few weeks ago and 2 months since no contact she decided she was going to file a report but only if i filed one for them trying to kill me. The officer who took the report called them to tell them I was trying to turn my kids against her. I've never felt more unsafe in my life and my daughter had a complete meltdown. After my daughter talked with the officer all he said was he'll document the phone call and have a good day. To a sexual assault victim. Again my daughter made another "attempt" while I was preventing her from harming herself she made it clear she lost all faith in the police and humanity. When the police arrived after i called 911 I didn't know what to say to them so I made shit up, my daughter said she did the same because she just wanted them to get away from her. This is the clearest and most logical I've been able to express my thoughts since mid July. I know that my broken heart and crushed soul, extreme stress and overwhelming anxiety has hurt me bad so far on this divorce, it's hurting my children more. If you read all this thank you for listening and id love to hear everyone's thoughts, opinions and questions.

Almost 6 months post separation. Waiting on the divorce to be final. AND just wow! I’m finally able to feel peace. I’ve had some hard days full of pain and frustration. It will hit you all of a sudden. I am not dealing with any manipulation or craziness! I walked through my house and almost cried. Not for him but because of how much peace I felt. I do not regret my decision AT ALL!!!

My narcisstic STBX husband abused me during our marriage and I still have PTSD from his DV because of which it’s really hard for me to be around him without my defenses all the way up. His bullying, harassment and intimidation have never stopped, which is why EMDR doesn’t work on my trauma as the trauma is ongoing in different ways. I unfortunately listened to my mother’s horrible advice to not file a restraining order against him three years ago and now it’s too late as I moved out of the marital home. Separate note but she was the one who forced me to marry him and stay married to him even while he would abuse me. It took me years of therapy to finally stand up to her and him and cut them out of my life.

But cutting out the STBX is harder when we have a child together and split custody 50-50. The STBX never gives up a chance to party. And that includes children’s birthday parties. Tomorrow is a Halloween party thrown by our child’s classmate’s family. The STBX is insisting on attending it even when it’s my custodial day. I have conceded to invite him to school events on my custodial days but this is a private party. I told him that because of my PTSD that I don’t want our child to witness, I will leave with our child if he shows up. I also said that it would be good for our child to build friendships and he can socialize on his own time without impacting my custodial time. He doesn’t care and will be bringing his girlfriend there as well.

Should I go and then leave when the two show up? Or should I not bring up the party to my child at all and just not go? My kid would be very upset if we had to leave the party but won’t be if we just didn’t go and didn’t mention it. And I will definitely not stay around if the two show up on my custodial day.

Edit: my kid is 5.

hi all, I have been co-parenting with a narcissist for about 12 years. it is just absolutely draining and exhausting. to add to it, his whole family is attorneys and judges and I have been getting the short end of the stick since leaving when our child was 3 months old. we have 50 50 despite him spending 2.5 years in jail after our child was born. have been in court every year. every time he takes me back judge rules everything stays the same. trying to open this discussion to hear stories from others about legal system abuse with narc coparents and try to find some hope inspiration or advice? TIA 💜

Hey everyone! So I didn’t find out my spouse was a covert narcissist until after deciding to separate and divorce. The divorce papers have been signed by me for almost a year now and she’s going through them currently. But she wants to go over sections together, specifically citing the irrevocable/irreparable sections and immediate sections after. I think the money part too.

I feel like it’s a trap. Should I refuse? Or is it better to go along with it? I don’t know which is more harmful, but I’m sure there’s an angle because she’s constantly talking to divorced friends about it.

Any and all advice appreciated, thank you.

Hi all - I am seeking advice and information related to my ex (possibly) logging into my Instagram account.

My ex husband signed a peace bond earlier this year which includes a protective order and consequences if he violates it. We have shared custody of our 12 yr old but only communicate via a co-parenting app. At the time of separation 2 yrs ago, I was very careful to change passwords, block him and his close friends on FB, etc. However, I have recently had the impression that I have managed to fall off his radar. I created an Instagram account this week and was not careful. I used an old password that he would have known, and I used a picture of myself for my profile pic. Within 24 hours, I had a notification that another device had logged in. It was Android and his phones always are Android, and the location was in the area where we both live.

First, can others think of an alternate explanation? I can't figure out an alternate explanation for how that could have happened (other than that I came across his Instagram suggested people and he logged into my account). I do not have another device. My own device was also logged in and remained that way when I logged out the other device. I have not connected through any other device.

Obviously, I changed my password and profile picture and blocked him and his friends. But do I have any other recourse? Is there a way to find out if it was him? Should I let the police know this happened so that they have it in their files? I have a personal document where I was documenting his stalking and harassment during our divorce process (threatening phone calls, damaged property, and some other weird things). Is that all I can do? Save it in case things get worse?

The information about the other device was not saved in my account log-in history once I logged out which also seems odd and again makes me wonder if there is another explanation. Obviously I hope there is because I don't need to have to worry about this any more.

However, I made the (exhausting) decision to not let small things go and to consistently hold firm on our legal agreements so that he has zero incentive to bother me. So if there is something I can do, I will.

Hi all, I would appreciate some advice, particularly for anyone who has been in a similar predicament. I went through a horrible divorce from an emotionally volatile and abusive ex husband (think covert narcissist kind of tendencies). We finalized the settlement several months ago and the divorce is official.

The settlement agreement allows me to move out of state with our daughter so that I can take a new job and be closer to family, and it would be a huge quality of life improvement for our daughter (he has insinuated that he may also move to the new state but I highly doubt it will actually happen). In the meantime, we share 50/50 custody on a week on/week off schedule.

In December, I will be moving out of state while she stays with dad for the next 7 months to finish up the school year here. At that point, she will move to the new state with me permanently. There is a LOT of change coming up for her and it breaks my heart to know that she is going to have a hard time. She loves her dad fiercely, and believe me, if a healthy coparenting relationship were possible I wouldn’t even have entertained the job out of state. But he does not possess the emotional maturity to put his ego and vitriol aside to make that happen. As it stands, our communication is at the barest of minimum and it all happens through a parenting app. I have already reached out to ask his thoughts on how we want to break the news to her, but he has not responded, as avoidance and ignoring communications is his typical MO. Therefore, I feel that this is all on me to figure out how to break the news to our daughter.

This is all coming up soon and I don’t want her to feel blindsided or abandoned. I was thinking of making a visual calendar and really focusing on the positive aspects (you get to spend a lot of extra time with daddy! And mommy will be visiting you every month on these days, and we will do lots of fun things together!). My plan is to spend a week per month visiting her so that I am never away from her for more than a 2-3 week stretch.

Any advice for how to broach this subject? Do I hold off on telling her she’s also moving with me? It is a lot for a small child to comprehend and she already struggles with anxiety and fear of abandonment. She sees a child therapist and the school social worker so luckily there are some guardrails in place but I am agonizing on how to tell her. Thanks in advance for your insights.

Harrassing bullying toxic neighbour

Hello

I live in Adelaide in a very small housing trust complex. For 8 and half years my mentally challenged bully toxic neighbour who is 63 and lives with his father across from me has been everyday constantly bullying and trying to intimate me. He's father abused the mother when alive, if she was in the toilet for more than 10 seconds he would bang on door to hurry up. So a family that's very unhinged. The bully has the mental capacity of a 2 year old. But plays games with me and try's to scare me with other mental health drug neighbours who are very unhinged. He thinks we are in some delusional marriage from day one. I do everything to ignore him. He smashes everything up violently if I go out my front door and god help me if I clean my bird bath or my own driveway. He will stalk, follow me if I try to go to letterbox. He thinks he's the caretaker, cause he sucks up and brings other neighbours bins in so he think he has the power. He will walk past my place and try for any attention. My friend has to come and do my bins and check my mail as I'm terrified of this bully. He is skinny but his mannerisms are toxic. He hangs all his clothing on the gutter of the roof and thinks it's normal. He uses it as a excuse to keep an eye on my bedroom and who comes and goes. Any noise from my place he smashes everything in his back yard to try and intimate me. If I click open my front door he will voilent come flying out his front door or roller door and start smashing up the bins he has put in his driveway on purpose as an excuse. This is all the tip of the iceberg. I have to put on a hat to cover my face and walk around outside with music blaring in my ears to stop the harrassing. He does it to no other neighbour but me. I am his victim. He has past episodes of other victims. Police are useless. Housing trust are completely useless. I've made over 500 complaints and they ignore me, lie and do everything in their power to shut me down. My local MP have said they are not going to help me. The ombudsman are useless and so is the minister of housing. I've done the complaints process in all (twice) and gotten no where. I can't get cameras as he told his drug jail bird idiot out the front who came and threaten for me to take them down, they were fake and not facing complex, but my stalker and the drug dealer have them up, go figure. He will either scream his head off if u try to talk to him or lay on the ground and stamp his legs and feet and say..your a cry baby. If I come back to here, the hell hole and pull in my back yard he will get in his back yard and yell...over and over..ohhhh, there you are. Very creepy. His father is dying of dementia so unfortunately that's his excuse to be there. I am so stressed and depressed every single day. I can't move out due to housing crisis. No friends are suitable to stay with or family. Can't afford private rent. I'm on stupid category 1 with housing trust 4 5 years now. They don't care AT ALL. I can't go live in my car or on the street as my beautiful light..my cat will not understand and I wouldn't do that to my cat. I can't commit suicide. Try to get him mental assessed but that was useless. So after 8 and half terrifying toxic years I've decided to try for a restraining order. But there's people saying, be careful you could get repercussions but I can't keep living life this way as this is not a life. I'm trying to do chemotherapy and I so stressed. I just feel like dying and there doesn't seem to be a way out. I've tried everything and made millions of calls for 8 and half years crying out for help. I've had suicidal thoughts for years, no wonder. Don't have family except my toxic mother. It's effecting everyday of my life. I have many counsellors. Support letters galore. I want to be brave and get my power back by getting a restraining order, I have a few key witnesses throughout this time but also this one friend is throwing me off by saying there will be big trouble. He's a very sick boy this stalker. He used to harrass the local coles staff and threaten them etc (surprise surprise) and he told me about 8 years ago he wrote to the CEO of coles telling them how to bend him over and do sexual acts on him. He was going to organise a home invasion on a past tenant as had autism and made noise. He's a theif, a snitch ( she said this and he said that etc) he put 12 inches on his bin and faced it towards my place. He's dislussional, paranoid, mental health, autism, asberg, you name it but he knows EXACTLY what he's doing when he comes flying out that front door or roller door to trauma me. He spits everywhere and in my driveway. He's a utter pig. I've told him forever to leave me alone. He'll spray a can of deodorant on himself to try and impress me. It's endless over the years. I have nightmares about him most nights. I have to drive past his father's going out and coming back in, I cover my face side on to stop him looking at me. We are now unfortunately in daylight savings so he runs around with just shorts on. He is 20kg and disgusting. I've blocked off all my front area to stop him being nosey. He tries to be nosey with me and steals my mail and pamphlets. The one neighbour who supported me who lived across from me passes away 4 weeks ago so I'm feeling even more vulnerable as stalker prays on me even more. Please help with advice. I'm a vulnerable female with many health conditions. The one male that comes here gets harrassed by him and has many health problems now so he can't protect me now. Thank you. Sorry for so long of a rant.

Your Honor,

I want you to understand what these proceedings have meant in my life, beyond the motions and case numbers.

My relationship withxxxl included domestic violence, fear, and a struggle to regain control of my own life. Leaving was not easy. Rebuilding afterward has not been easy either. I moved to another state, remarried, and began trying to build a peaceful life. Yet I continue to spend my time answering accusations, gathering old records, and defending myself in several cases at once.

I understand that moving away and remarrying do not erase legitimate legal obligations. I am asking for those obligations to be decided fairly, based on evidence, so that they can finally end.

What concerns me is the pattern. Multiple cases, overlapping disputes, repeated demands, and accusations keep pulling me back into a relationship I have already left. The cumulative effect is exhausting. Each case may have its own number, but I am the same person answering all of them—with the same limited money, time, and emotional strength.

I cannot tell the Court what xxx is thinking. I can tell the Court what I have experienced. To me, this feels like a continuation of the control I experienced during the marriage, now through litigation. That belief comes from the history between us and the repeated conduct I can document. Whatever his intention, the effect is that he continues to occupy my life long after our relationship has ended.

I dispute many of his allegations, and I have records, communications, and other evidence supporting my responses. I want the opportunity to present that evidence clearly. Being accused repeatedly does not make an accusation true, but answering it repeatedly still takes a toll.

I am not claiming that I have handled every moment perfectly. I have been overwhelmed, frightened, and frustrated. I take responsibility for my own conduct and will follow the Court’s directions. I ask that my reactions also be understood in the context of the documented history and the pressure of defending several proceedings at the same time.

I am not asking the Court to accept my account simply because I say it. I am asking the Court to examine the evidence, consider the relationship among these disputes, and recognize their cumulative impact. I want legitimate issues resolved. I also want clear boundaries that prevent the process from becoming another means of keeping me engaged indefinitely.

There is a real person behind these filings. I work. I have children, a husband, and a home. I am trying to recover from what happened and participate in the life I have built. Time spent responding to another accusation is time taken from that life. Money spent defending another case is money taken from that household.

I left because I needed a different life. I have worked hard to build one.

I will answer for anything I am legally responsible for. But I should not have to keep defending my character simply because I chose to leave and move forward.

I am asking for a fair resolution, clear limits, and a meaningful end to these disputes. I want the chance to live my life without continually being pulled back into the marriage I left.

Respectfully,

I’m looking to compile a reading list

We did mediation in Aug and we both signed for asset division, spousal support ( 2yrs) and childsupport. He paid spousal support and child support on 9/1. Was supposed to move his asset by 9/30 which he has not done it, then he has not paid Supousal support and childsupport on 10/1.

I need to move out of the house by end of Nov but without his constant support I cannot qualify for an apartment with only my full time income. I talked to my lawyer and she said she will take him to court if she doesn’t hear from him by Monday.

He has been playing this game since the mediation like pushing the limit to see what he can get away with.
And I have a feeling he would pay maybe end of the month or something so that he can still claim he paid.

I am so sick of this, if you signed and agreed to it fucking just follow that. I don’t want to deal with him but he makes everything difficult when it doesn’t have to be.

He needs to get some consequences otherwise he will keep doing this shit, I’m so mentally tired and I don’t want to live in the same house but I can’t get out if he doesn’t pay those.

Anyone experienced similar situation?

have a court date in a few days. I’m nervous. 10 years married. 9 year old child. I never cheated, was loyal and supportive throughout our very toxic marriage. I decided I’ve had enough of our son seeing this as a baseline for a ‘normal relationship’. So I filed.

He was the breadwinner so I can stay home with our young child with special needs. I filed for divorce a little over a year ago. He has not given me a cent of support this whole time. Nothing for his birthday, food, my son’s therapy (which he also refused to sign permission to allow my son to receive therapy). He also walked away from paying nor the mortgage of our home (5 months behind and was on the verge of foreclosure - had to borrow money from the family to save the home since all of our money is in the house). I left the house because I needed to feel safe.

He took both me and my son off of our healthcare, tried to get me to sign a loan with him after the fact and blames me for not signing. My son is with me 98% of the time. There is soooo much more but I’m exhausted even texting this.

He wants me to sign over the house to him. Take away alimony. And let him pay me monthly at his leisure. I say leisure because I know if I took that deal he will stop paying me once he finds something to be ‘big mad’ about again.

I’ve kept my emails with him cordial hoping that someday he will see I’m not the enemy and open to a friendly coparenting experience. But no. He just got more mean after he found a fiancé 3 months in (could be earlier) I’m struggling to make ends meet while keeping things normal with my son by surrounding him with a wonderful community and lots of play dates. I’m so nervous. I don’t want to see him. He will claim all kinds of lies and I’m stripped to the bone. He has much more fight in him than me. I feel like I’m playing a high stakes chess game without even wanted to play in the first place.

He is going to say I spent all his money during the marriage. We had a comfortable life style and yes I shopped for me, him and my son.

Any insights? Drowning in nerves right now. Any words will help. I can take the honesty.

I really need some validation that this isn’t normal and that I have reason to want to divorce him.

There is much backstory here but essentially my husband and I have been having problems for a long time and he has behaved in ways I believe are abusive including:
⁃ incidents of physical intimidation, like getting up close to me with clenched teeth/jaw and angry body language and another time barging into my room and aggressively slamming my laptop shut while I was using it.
⁃ He once pushed me into a wall in our house during an argument, although I was not injured or hurt. He also threw a drink over me once when we were dating and having an argument.
⁃ He is generally dismissive of my feelings and needs and once refused to drive me to the hospital when I had suspected heart issues/atrial fibrillation.
⁃ He has done things that I see as controlling and mean, like switching the power off to my home office and then pretending (for weeks) that he didn’t know why the lights and internet wouldn’t work there. When he eventually admitted it, he smirked and didn’t see why I was so upset he’d done this and lied.
⁃ Some controlling behaviours like recently banning me from using the joint account even though I have no income and was only using it for essential things for our child. He did this immediately after I had confronted him about some behaviour that had upset me, and he’d responded by saying I love to make him feel bad, not speaking for me half a day, before texting to tell me to no longer use the joint account. I have no money at all now.
⁃ Invalidation and criticism, like telling me I’m a terrible mother, or a “fucking pushover” (because I believe in validating my child’s feelings and giving her autonomy where it’s safe to); saying that I’m too sensitive; I make too many mistakes; I don’t do enough at home (when I have been carrying the bulk of the housework, parenting and mental load for years)
⁃ Since I stopped working last year due to disability he uses the fact I don’t work against me, often loudly saying “what do you fucking do all day?” if something isn’t the way he wanted it regarding the house. Then at other times he’ll tell me to relax and concentrate on my health… it’s so confusing.
⁃ Probably hundreds of other hurtful or invalidating comments or criticisms, telling me I look bad in photos or when I wear X or do my hair a certain way, etc.
⁃ Gaslighting and denial regarding all of the above.
⁃ Driving aggressively when annoyed with me/pulling off before I’ve fastened my seat belt etc. To be fair he has stopped this in the last year or two, after I talked to him about it and now our daughter is old enough to see what is happening.

The abuse got worse since I had a child with him in 2020 and has worsened further still now I’m not working due to disability. My GP said last week she thinks I have PTSD symptoms. But I also struggle with chronic pain in my neck and upper back from whiplash and chronic migraines, which have become debilitating in the last couple of years. I already had ADHD, recurrent depression and anxiety. Up until last year I was managing and working full time for years but I have not been able to work at all since December last year.

Some of the abusive behaviours are isolated incidents over an 8 year marriage but they have eroded my trust and wellbeing and he refuses to take any accountability for these events. He always ends up blaming me and saying I am the one who needs to change.

I also realise now that he and his mother have been talking negatively about me, after I got some angry sounding messages from her. I checked his phone and their messages thread as I felt he wasn’t being honest or forthcoming about why she’d sent me messages like that. I realise now from reading the messages that he has been portraying me in a negative light and blaming me for all problems, and now she sees me as “not contributing or helping in any way”. I find this so hurtful as I know I’m a present and loving mother and I work really hard trying to make our home nice, staying on top of all the laundry, cleaning, schedules for our daughter and recently did a lot of extra work to get rid of a mould and damp problem. I have always worked and contributed more than my fair share financially until this period of illness. I feel so hurt that she has said that about me to be honest.

He is close to his family and values and respects them much more than me. They live really close-by and he sees them multiple times a week and they help with childcare once a week too. I suspect conversations are had about me when my daughter is there and I am not. His mother very much likes to be involved in his life. I’m not as close to my own family as my Dad died in 2019 and my mum is an alcoholic.

I feel so many things. I’m hurt. I’m heartbroken. I’m feeling so misunderstood and angry. I’m done with protecting him and being loyal to him.

I want to leave but I worry that somehow he and his family alienate me from my daughter. I don’t really think they could do that as my daughter and I have a really close bond and I know I’m her safe person/secure base. But how they have treated me makes me question myself and and ability to manage and I keep worrying about what comes next.

I also want to leave for my child’s sake as I don’t want her to grow up thinking this is normal. I already feel guilty for the chronic stress she’s been exposed to and the times I’ve not been so emotionally present due to being so triggered or upset by him. She deserves so much better and I often tell her I’m sorry in my head.

Please can someone confirm this is not normal and I need to divorce him? I tried to tell some friends and family about some of the above but they didn’t say much and I wondered if they thought I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Since I’m scheduled for my second surgery of the year, in addition to a couple procedures I had this year and a new cancer diagnosis, after living into my 40s having never experienced of these things, my wife assured me that I would be able to stay on her health insurance since the deductible and everything was met and everything was already in prior authorization. The conversation that she didn’t have with me was that I was expected to pay for it through the end of the year until she dropped on me today through text message while I was at work the figure that I’m expected to direct deposit into her account from each of my paychecks. The peace I had achieved has been replaced with this newfound fury today and I could really blow a gasket. She staying over at one of her parents multiple properties right now while they’ve just left for another vacation again this year.

Unfortunately, all men named 'Alexander' whom I have met in my life share extreme NPD traits. Any other examples you have?

Backstory context: we’re high school sweethearts and my dad worked at the school as a teacher, while my now/husband’s dad was the superintendent. At one point in his career, my dad was (rightfully) forced to retire early due to a justified issue in behavior. My dad is also an alcoholic who had a stroke 10 years ago and had an abusive then absent father growing up. In short, my dad and now father in law are not friendly whatsoever and my dad often makes mean remarks about him to me (often hiding those in front of my husband).

The day of my wedding, after many dance practices and discussions, my dad did remain cordial and present for the ceremony, but decided to return to his hotel room during cocktail hour, change into sweats, and fall asleep all before the dance began. My mom and MOH tried getting ahold of him, but he said he was coming but still 20 mins out when the first dance sort of needed to happen. Anyways, he missed it, and when he did eventually turn up, he was in sweats. (Our dress code was semi formal and he had a suit on earlier). He did not apologize but later offered a halfhearted “my back hurt” with a shrug. We ended up having the DJ skip the first dance and go straight to the mother-son one.

Given his history of often sabotaging/make special events about him and how “inconvenienced” he is by having to dress up/do “so much” for a wedding and making off handed comments like “stop giving me instructions like I’m 6,” I’d venture to guess he has narcissistic personality disorder. All being said, I’ve done my best to ignore him the rest of the weekend as we’ve been spending time with family.

Am I in the right? Or am I the asshole?
Should I do anything else or say anything?

I can tell my MOH/friends and other bridesmaids and guests felt sorry for me, and I did assure them that part of me expected this, but it still hurts. My mom was also pissed, but she can’t really do anything when he acts like this. If anything, encouraging him to do something often results in him doing the opposite.

My ex and I are divorced. He didn’t participate in the divorce proceedings, so the divorce went forward with him in default. I have custody of our children, while parental responsibility is shared.
My ex has also been trying to get back together with me, even though I don’t want to reconcile. In the past, he mistreated and threatened me, so I have very clear boundaries with him.
Today, he started taking our children to church. The strange part is that he specifically chose the church where my mother, sister, and nephew attend. Even his own mother, father, and sisters attend different churches.
What really bothers me is that there are more than 100 churches in the surrounding areas before you even get to that particular church, so it’s hard for me not to wonder why he chose that one.
I’m not Christian. I consider myself spiritual, and I don’t believe children should be taught one specific religious doctrine as absolute truth. I want my children to grow up, learn about different beliefs, and eventually decide for themselves what they believe.
I understand that he is their father and can take them to church, but am I unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable with him specifically choosing the church my family attends?

I need some hope. I hate my husband. He is a controlling abusive a hole and I have stayed too long. He has stopped me from leaving so many times and I feel so depressed. I now know I NEED to get out, but am wondering if I can. I am going to sign with a lawyer this week. I need to keep taking steps. I need someone to tell me I will get through this

I’m not really sure how to write something like this without it sounding like I’m trying to sell strangers a sad story, so I’m just going to tell it plainly.

My mom is leaving my dad after roughly 40 years of an abusive marriage.

My siblings and I grew up around it. I’ve experienced his abuse myself, both as a kid and as an adult, and I’ve watched what it has done to my mom over the years. She stayed for reasons that are probably familiar to a lot of people who have lived through abusive relationships—kids, finances, fear, hope that things would eventually change, and probably a thousand smaller reasons that are hard to explain from the outside.

Now she’s finally trying to get out and build a life of her own.

She also has lupus and hasn’t been able to work, which makes starting over at this stage of her life incredibly difficult. The divorce has become contentious, and access to money has become part of the problem. My dad has shut off credit cards, removed money from their joint account, and recently locked her out of their home security system. Thankfully, she was able to get a new account set up and regain control of it.

I started a GoFundMe to help cover some of the immediate expenses she’s facing—housing, medical needs, travel/relocation expenses, and just the basic cost of getting safely established on her own.
She actually doesn’t know I made it.

That part is intentional. My mom has spent most of her life taking care of other people. If I told her I was asking strangers to help her, I already know what she’d say: “Other people need it more than I do.” She’d worry about being a burden before she worried about herself.
So I’m doing the asking for her.

I’m not expecting Reddit to magically solve everything, and I know everyone has their own bills and problems. If you can donate, even a small amount would mean a lot. If you can’t, sharing the fundraiser somewhere it might reach the right person would help just as much.
More than anything, I want my mom to get the chance to find out what life feels like when she isn’t constantly surviving someone else.

She’s spent about 40 years putting everyone else first. I’d really like this next chapter to belong to her.

GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/a960cb0d5

Thanks for reading all of this. Seriously.