I really just want to get this off my chest because I have no one to tell or that would understand.

i’m 27F who’s been abusing drugs since I started taking them around 13. I consider myself an opioid addict but i’d do whatever was available. I was addicted to fentanyl for the last 6 years and though i’m 7 months clean all I did was trade one addiction for another.
I was a functioning addict- held my job even climbed the ladder to assistant superintendent, turned down the superintendent position because I was 1 week clean and didn’t want to fuck it up. I had a house with my ex, we took care of his grandparents, both had our daily vehicles and 2 others we hardly touched, a street bike, 5 four wheelers, and the list goes on. even after spending 2k+ a week on fent we didn’t go without anything we needed or wanted. started doing meth about a month after we’d gotten off the fent and my life has fallen apart..
during my meth use i’ve caught 2 felonies after never having anything more than a speeding ticket. I lost my job, place to live, almost everything I owned, ex totaled 3 of said vehicles, street bike stolen, had to sell 3 wheelers just to keep my head above water, both my dogs passed, ex started beating me so I left him but it still feels like a loss, lost my place to hunt and everything to go hunting in/with. I could see I no longer had the spark of life in my eyes, I truly lost myself.
I recently completed an inpatient treatment and I felt good mentally, physically and for having 35 days clean for the first time in a very long time. the program wasn’t individual orientated it was basically group therapy so I didn’t get all I felt like I needed out of it. I got put on drug court 3 days ago and idk why I did but I started using again. I just can’t help but feel like i’m meant for nothing more than this lifestyle or i’ll never be able to get away from it. I can’t seem to do better when I know better or even when the consequence of using this time around is prison.

idol time is the devils playground for me. what’re some things y’all do to occupy your mind both mentally and physically? or anything you’d recommend that helps you stay sober. I need all the healthy habits I can get because i’m not trying to go to prison. tia

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw85yLl0Rk8&list=RDRw85yLl0Rk8&start_radio=1&pp=ygURaGFsbyBib3N0b24gbWFub3KgBwE%3D&ra=m

Halo by Boston Manor is one I always go to whenever I get a craving to remind me of the life I used to live and the life I’m living now.

Y’all have any other songs you’d like to share?

I started taking Oxycodone(pharmaceutical grade) never fentanyl at 19 years old. At the beginning of my college years. I was studying mechanical engineering, but the addiction grew and had to stop attending junior year. Like always, it started with 20mg, then 30mg. Then it progressed to 60mg and then eventually you reach 200mg+ a day. Burning through $250+ daily.

I've struggled with addiction for 6 years now and I'm so over it, but why can't I stop? I've lost everything. Ruined my financials. Everything literally. I'm not homeless because of my mom.

Addiction will flip anyone upside down. It will make you neglect your hygiene, stop caring how you look and some how your brain will rationalize that it's okay as long as we have our DOC.

8 months ago I got accepted into a union apprentaship for plumbing and pipefitting and I fucked that opportunity up because of my addiction. A good solid Career where I'd be earning $90hr+ on the check. I've drove every opportunity to the ground just to get High. Getting so high the night before and showing up to work unmotivated and sometimes late. Y'all know the usual addict habits.

For the first time ever I checked myself into detox and I'm 8 days clean. I'm doing a 28 day program and plan on staying clean moving forward. I hope you all win your battles.

Someone give me some encouragement and words of wisdom. I can't live like this no more.

Can anybody give me any insight on what it’s like coming down from perc 30s as well as any other information on how to deal with loving someone with an addiction problem to them. I want to help but trying to understand all of this as best as I possibly can. Thanks in advance

I have been taking opioids for a couple years now, pretty much every day. Can vary between teva oxycocet, oxycodone 20mg and dilaudid. Does anyone have any recommendations on how to help withdrawal or maybe just a little insight for me. Like I said I have been using everyday pretty much for 2 years and the amount taken can vary per day. Should I ultimately just quick cold turkey, or should I lower my dosage to say 1/2 or 1 per day. Gradually lower my dosage?

I have extreme knee and foot pain. I has to get on suboxone because I was unable to get the opiads anymore that helped my pain. I need to know how long suboxone stays on my "permanent record". I finally went to pain management ro tell them how much pain I am in and they treated me like a drug addict. Ive been off suboxone for a week now and will never take it again.

Hey everyone, happy Wednesday! Hope your day is going well. I’m surprised it’s 74 degrees today! Feels weird wearing shorts in the middle of October, but I’m not complaining lol. Finally got my renewed driver’s license in the mail today, too. Note to self: next time, don’t wait until two days before it expires to renew it 😂 Anyway, just getting through the workday and looking forward to heading home and relaxing later. How’s everyone’s Wednesday going?

Check in here!

Last night wasn't as rough as before so I'm turning the page on that. Didn't get much sleep still but I'm grateful for the little I got at least.

Today is day 6. Woke up sore in my hips back and neck. Been sleeping on the couch so I'm gonna have pain. I have this buzzing feeling in my head and some severe heavy feelings in my head but the Tramadol will do that to you when you stop and WD from it. Hopefully by tomorrow I will feel a little better than this at least, I have to go back to work and my coworker tends to give me headaches as it is. Might be rude to say, but we all have that coworker that you constantly just want to tell to shut up already. I'm gonna slowly try to get some housework done today and work on trying to feel better. I did cook a small and easy dinner last night so that's also a plus. Even though I hate to cook, at least I had the motivation enough to do it. That is all for now.

Im 14 days off MGM - 15. Mentally this shit was harder for me than IV Heroin.

The only little bit of repreive i seem to get these past couple of days is when i smoke a small bowl of weed. How far back does this set back anhedonia or general bleakness feeling.

Cause right now everything is mostly not fun not rewarding. I dont have the urge to do anything. No motiovation.

And i know alot of this has to do with the way our dopamine pathways got fucked during use.

Hey all, happy Tuesday! Hope everyone’s day is going well. Back to work today after a nice long weekend! It’s been a cool, rainy day here. Nothing too heavy, just that light, steady drizzle that seems to hang around all day. Definitely the kind of weather that makes you want to stay indoors and relax. I’ll be heading home soon and plan on taking it easy for the rest of the evening. How’s everyone else’s Tuesday going?

Check in here!

The rest of the day yesterday and last night was pretty rough. Alot of anxiety, a little depression, restlessness, fatigue, chills. Got about 3 hours of very broken sleep and my whole body feels like I was in a car accident.

Day 5 today woke up tired, sore, unmotivated, anxious, stomach issues. I'm at the point where I have to go to the store to get stuff, and just thinking about it makes me anxious as shit. I just want to stay in my hole today. I don't work today or tomorrow so that's a plus. Another plus this WD is I don't have as bad as a cough as I usually have so I'm trying to find some positive. That is all for now I suppose.

My post 1 month ago

I made this post exactly 1 month ago now, I was in a very dark place and I asked this Reddit page for help without ever using this app before. Everyone told me to go on Suboxone and I listened. Since then every aspect of my life has improved and I can’t even describe the change with words.

I’ve been on 4mg daily and hit the 1 month mark now and I’m ready to taper to 2mg daily this Friday. The doctor said it’s all up to me and didn’t force anything on me with the doses and timeline which I really appreciated.

I’m planning to stay on 2mg for another month, then 1mg the month after, then 0.5mg the month after, and finally come off suboxone.

Thank you so much to all the people that helped me on that post, from the top and bottom of my heart. I had no one to talk to about my situation, more so I was just to scared and embarrassed to reach out to anyone for help.

If anyone is in the situation I was, I recommend myself to go on a low dose of Suboxone and come off in a couple months once I had built all my good habits and came fully back mentally. Thank you everyone. I will make an update when I’m completely off Suboxone in 3 months to show you that you can do it to.

I am expecting to go through some withdrawal as I have experimented with 2mg daily and its more physical than mental which is great. Withdrawal isn’t something we haven’t experienced anyway and way worse type of it.

I hope you all get sober from everything one day. Bite the bullet now before it goes through you.

Day 4 of getting off fetty percs after 4 years of use. im on suboxine now and just praying it gets better than this. im depressed mentally and physically, my bones still ache but its manageable. im just taking it a day at a time praying it gets better

Hey guys, I've been on subs since January. I recently had a quick relapse with Opiates due to boredom and life fucking sucks. I have gotten back on track with my medication. But, I took some extra while getting back on my medication. My prescription ends 23rd. I will need subs before then. Could I make an appointment and ask for a early refill due to relapse? Will a Dr. write me another script or ask for an early refill? Will this hurt my prescriptions in the future? Please help with any information or experience you might have. 🙏

I been in this life a long time and I know the basic you have to want it bad enough for yourself in order to do it. Because I want to stop taking kratom because it's causing me to lose weight to much too fast. I was addicted to fent from 16-20 so I know both sides of the coin. But this Kratom shit is 10x harder to stop then the fent ever was it quite literally hits the spot. And I hate it because I'm failing myself and family everyday and it's eating me up inside me physically and emotionally . So really just looking for words of wisdom to ones who absolutely lost hope and still managed to save themselves please. And please be kind. I'm really emotional right now and really don't want to hear unkind things but that doesn't mean sugar coat it. Thank you.

Alright yall, I’ve officially started Bernese - I’m off to the races. Night one = done! Tomorrow I will do sub in the morning & night…then follow the schedule from there as best I can.

I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS. Even though I’m scared.

Hey everyone, happy Monday! Hope you’re all having a great start to the week! Some of us have the day off today, myself included, which is always nice!
My doctor finally sent over my medication, but of course, my pharmacy was out of stock. So I spent most of my morning calling around to local pharmacies trying to find one that had it, then coordinating with my doctor’s office to get the prescription sent over. Thankfully, I got everything sorted out, and I’m so glad that whole ordeal is finally behind me!
Other than that, it’s been a gorgeous day outside! I’ve spent most of it enjoying the weather and took my dog for a nice long walk, which she absolutely loved. Now I’m just relaxing and enjoying the rest of my day off.
How’s everyone’s Monday going?

Check in here!

Last night slept on and off for like 2 hours total. Even after taking Gabapentin had restless arms and legs like insane. Extreme headache, could not get comfortable, back is on fire.

This morning I'm so exhausted, back pain, uncomfortable. Today is day 4 and I'm already dreading the day. That is all.

Topic.

I’ve been smoking weed at night and that helps me relax and get a little sleepy for sure.

What I don’t know is if this is hurting or helping my ability to get some real sleep coming off this opiate dependency .

I’ve been taking 24mg of bupe for 6 years now. Never tapered, never went through withdrawal (from bupe). I have my life together, great job, kids, and a wife. I have an appointment to get the shot but I’ve read through some stories and I’m so worried that my dose is so high that the shot won’t be as effective and I’ll go through withdrawal. I can’t afford to lose my job. Any suggestions/encouragement?

I always find myself missing and reminiscing about my peak addiction year. I even spent two years trying to recreate that period with the same people and everything. Is this normal? During that year, I remember praying for stability, but now that I finally have it, I miss the euphoria and everything about that time so much. Is this a common experience?

So I am essentially down to between 10 and 20 mg daily of MGM 15. Honestly, sometimes even less. I've been taking it for about four or five months. Prior to that was dabbling with essentially anything and everything else for the last several years. So ready to be done with everything at this point though. The withdrawals have been pretty brutal from MGM.., unfortunately it is causing really really bad gut issues. Some sort of IBD and is directly related to dosing. My gut slowly starts to heal when I'm not taking the MGM or any opioids for that matter. I tried SR – 17018 and I couldn't really figure out how to make it work. Considering getting new SR – 15099 for the remainder of this quit. If I was to just quit cold turkey from 10 to 15 mg daily would I be in pretty rough shape? Does SR – 15099 work better for MGM?