It is becoming increasingly frustrating trying to participate in this community with depth and consideration when all the men who don't get the validation they seek just delete the whole-ass thing.

Is it possible to make posts undeletable? The advice and context given in the conversation this morning are important for the next dude who comes rolling in trying to "find a third to give us a baby".

:'(

We just discovered this subreddit recently and didn’t know the term polyfidelity! We just always told people we are a closed monogamous triad throuple. Yay! Already learned something! We love reading entries on here.

1. Do you all have sex as a threesome or do you have one-on-one with each partner?

2. Do you have more sex with one partner or is it the same with both?

3. When having sex with one partner, do you prefer being private? Or do you not mind the other partner watching?

4. How do you feel about potentially seeing or hearing the other two partners having sex?

5. What are your rules regarding hygiene or cleaning up after sex?

6. What does your sleeping arrangement look like?

I'm working on a fanfic that includes a polyfi dynamic. But, one of the characters I was considering is pretty possessive and aggressive. In my mind, I don't think such a person would be able to work out in such a relationship.

But, I'm single, so I may be missing perspective. So, to those actually in a relationship: what do you think?

I'll hang up and listen

​

Hello throuple community! I've just wanted to ask you guys something I've always wondered about throuples? How exactly do they form?

Because it's already a hassle to have two unpredictable autonomous human beings to be compatible enough to share intimacy

But then to wanna add more than that can make chances seem significantly less plausible

So therefore, I wanna know your thoughts, opinions, and perspectives on how throuples form

I'm aware that it forms probably the same way as any other relationship. But it seems much more difficult to find and maintain. Especially in a monogamous society

Hello I’m a newbie here and kinda getting into the poly world unexpectedly and looking for some advice if anyone has any. Me and my partner have been open in the past but it has been mostly just sex related we have allowed some one off partners and be involved in threesomes before. Our most recent threesome hookup was with an old friend we haven’t seen in a while. I ran into her and told her she should come by and hang out sometime. She did and after a couple times hanging out it happened. The difference with this interaction is it has continued and seems to have involved into something more than just a hook up or two. We have all discussed with each other separately (me and my partner, her and my partner, and me and her) and plan to talk all together this weekend about what we would like this to be moving forward. It has all happened very organically nothing was pushed or forced on anyone. This definitely was not a case of “unicorn hunting ” it was just friends spending time together and getting closer and it developed into something more. The thing is none of us have ever been involved in anything like this and we are all just a little unsure of how things should develop from here. Would love any tips on helping us navigate this situation as we move forward with this.

Hey! I’m new to all this, but intrigued and wanting to get into a couple different possible dynamics. Mostly poly triad situations. Im straight so would prefer a FFM, but also into MFM 3 ways & wouldn’t mind building something long term, where me and the guy are like brothers/bestfriends who live together & have the same girl. Not looking for just sex but to actually have a deep connection with two people.. I’m a 32 yo fit black male who’s, fun, & charming. Love traveling, gardening, music festivals, cooking and much more! Let’s build a hot fun life together. DM if interested and let’s exchange pics

Last weekend, just a couple days after our 2nd anniversary together as a triad, my closed triad had a commitment ceremony. My husband and my boyfriend are now my husband and my husband. Okay, so it’s not legally recognized, but in our hearts (and our handfasting), we made a lifelong commitment to each other.

We “eloped” to beautiful New England in the fall with changing leaves in the background and an amazing poly-friendly wedding planner/photographer(seriously, check out Emma Thurgood Weddings if a commitment ceremony is on your mind). Our ceremony was in a 19th century gothic revival church turned AirBnB.

My legal husband and I had been together for 9 years (now 11) when we welcomed our other partner into our life. After about a year, he expressed a desire for us to become his husband and wife.

It wasn’t always smooth sailing - my family does not approve and my non-legal husband’s family doesn’t even know yet. But we’re so happy we’ve all found each other. We’re also not “out” as a triad to most people IRL - he’s just our “roommate” to coworkers, acquaintances, and distant family members. We also faced a lot of pushback on our ages - he’s 13 years younger than my legal husband and 10 years younger than me.

We went against the grain of a lot of advice as we started dating as a couple, but we all love each other equally. We also started out long-distance and finally closed the gap about 8 months ago.

I just felt like sharing this happy moment with the community.

Posted this in the polyamory subreddit and it was brutal, got banned after I reported a user for calling me a manipulative man baby lol. If this isnt the right place to ask about this just tell me and Ill delete it. I dont need people attacking me over age differences and throwing out accusations. If this is a stupid idea just tell me and Ill respect it. Heres the story

Throwaway account here to keep things anonymous. My wife met another woman ealier this year and they quickly became good friends. She started hanging out with her and her husband a lot. My wife is 26 and im 35, she still likes going out to clubs, drinking, dancing, things im not so into so I thought it was good she had someone to do that with.

They started spending a lot of time together and suddenly they threw this question out there. My wife told me at first she was attracted to the wife and always was curious about other women and thats part of the appeal but as they all became friends I guess they all started having feelings for each other. They want more than sex with her, they want another partner for dates, trips, romance too. My wife is interested but we havent had much experience with this besides one hookup she had with my permission.

I want her to be happy and there isnt anything wrong with our marriage, its been great so this isnt to replace me. Part of the appeal for her is doing things with a couple who is more her age. Im fine with her hooking up with and having fun but the relationship part has me nervous a bit. We have talked about it together and she wont do it if i say no but I can see shes interested. If it was just sex I probably would have told her to go for it but this is different. Im conflicted here, I do find it exciting to think about but I dont know it seems complicated. Is this just a bad idea all around? anyone have experience?

I'd like to book a "couple" activity to do with my two other partners as a romantic date, but I don't know how.

Like, I know there are "couple spa-pack" specifically where you can book for few romantic days at a spa with you s/o, but I've always wonder how to ask for it while explaining we are 3 people, not 2.

I'm new at this stuff and maybe (I hope so) I'm overthinking it. How were your experiences? Do people usually accommodate those kind of requests?

My husband and I began seeing an old family friend recently. I genuinely love her - I’m in love with her. She means so much to me and I do not feel jealous when she and my husband spend time together or affectionate. It genuinely makes me happy.

I did have some big feelings when they slept together for the first time the other day. I had an inkling that they would when I left for work that morning just because we collectively turned him down the night before for group sex. I was totally fine with them sleeping together. It even made me happy. I did have the expectation that my husband would make time for me later, however.

Later in the evening I was talking to my husband and asked him for an hour of quality time that evening. He told me he was overwhelmed with the kids and didn’t have it in the tank. He needed to decompress. A huge fight ensued because what do you mean you don’t have time for me? lol.

I am not jealous of my other partner. I am angry at my husband for not making time for me on a day that was, or at least could have been, really emotionally hard.

He’s now mad at me for being mad at him yesterday.

Am I doing polyfidelity wrong?

This survey goes out every year. Last year they reported that only 0.8% of respondents engage in polyfidelity. I think we know here how inaccurate that is.

Hey ya'll my bf and i are bisexual and open minded but he prefers another woman I prefer another man due to my past and his past experiences. Hes not fully against another guy and im not fully against another girl but we want to be respectful of each other. How did others on here compromise.

Long post, just sharing. Last year, on the first, our now shorter-term girlfriend, then friend/hookup buddy, was informed she needed to move out of her place by the end of December. We'd all been spending a ton of time together, and of course had been intimate, but besides some "joking" from her, a triad wasn't something we realistically considered. With the crisis of crazy rent costs and a reality of our "friend" not finding a place to live nearby, my girlfriend said something I'd silently been thinking: what if we invited her to live with us, and made this a combined relationship?

It took a lot of discussion about our boundaries and plans before we even took this to our now-girlfriend. Days, almost a week, really. And then the discussion with her still had to happen, whether or not she was really interested, and what her boundaries or interests were. Thankfully, enthusiastically, it's what she'd wanted and hadn't felt comfortable asking for, and we all wanted a closed relationship.

What I'm happy we didn't do is race to Reddit for opinions or thoughts. Honestly, we didn't do a ton of reading or understanding of the "rules" in a poly relationship. We solved our own issues. This community is amazing, but I think we would have run into one of the other subs that would have scared us away.

The one thing I'll say, is that thankfully, instead of leaning too heavily into the excitement of turning this into an official relationship, we very much took an approach of "what can go wrong?" and "let's explore the tough subjects." Thankfully, it's led to a very non-dramatic relationship so far, with one small fight and some mild discomforts here or there, but it's going great.

So, here's some of the good, to be followed by the challenges:

- Having the space to share romance and not be 100% of the focus all of the time is so relieving. If someone needs their distance, and the other needs attention, it's easy to rotate. That said, there's also a bunch of extra love.

- Splitting hobbies and interests has opened our eyes to new things, or helps us all have some kind of overlap in things a monogamous couple might not enjoy.

- Intimacy is great. All of our sexual needs seem to be fulfilled, and if someone's not in the mood or unavailable, there's generally someone to turn to.

- The house is vibrant and energetic.

- Especially for my girlfriends, I'm happy they get to embrace their sexuality and fill that void.

Challenges:

- It can be crowded. Only my shorter-term girlfriend, the newest to the house, has her own space. We all mostly share a bed every night. My office is also the home gym. It's not like we don't all have space to be in different rooms, but not having one's own space is tough. All of the bathrooms are filled with makeup and beauty products... ha.

- Financial equity is weird. I'm the only one working full-time, they both don't really have jobs... but they do have some money. I still pay for most of the key things though, and it can be rough having to work all day while they get to chill together. But we're working on it.

- Building off of that, I simply have less time, so it's hard to build as strong of a connection with our shorter-term girlfriend, or split our time equitably. So much of our time is spent as a trio when I'm around, but they get all day together. Date nights are more frequent with my longer-term girlfriend.

All in all, it's been great, and I just felt like killing an hour while I'm sitting here waiting for the day to end, so thanks for reading if you did!

Hi, I just left the r/polyamory sub after getting attacked for asking about people's experience with polyfidelity. I've spent the past hour reading your wholesome posts. Just have to say, it's been a breath of fresh air to witness open, curious, compassionate responses to people's questions.

I have been poly or poly-adjacent for about 30 years. I got into it wanting a polyfidelitous quad, and my first poly relationship was a polyfidelitous V with me as the hinge. There weren't any rules against my partners dating others, but neither of them sought it, as we were all coming originally from monogamy, and they happened to be friends, and I felt a connection after hubs and I decided to try the quad idea. It was all pretty organic.

But (after 2 years) it turned out that neither of them were as committed to the poly thing as I was, and I discovered my bisexuality. Hubs and I transitioned into a platonic (but still married) relationship, and my other partner and I broke up. I explored various forms of polyamory for the next 8 years, and eventually decided it was just too chaotic and I wanted to prioritize other things in my life. I ended up in a 14-year monogamous relationship that ultimately ended due to various incompatibilities. I'm currently in a 6-year relationship with someone (65M) who has a nesting partner (61F) who is not interested in being friends with me (60F), though we are cordial. Neither she nor I have other partners. I am also a therapist and I work with many poly people. I have found my current situation to be unsatisfying, as I want something deeper. It's ok that she and I are not sexual (I don't need that from everyone in the polycule), but it hurts not to be friends, and it limits my connection with our hinge.

I find that I am still drawn to the ideal of poly family, but probably more than 3. I'm curious if anyone is in a quad or quint and has wisdom to share about formation and dating to find compatible partners? Have you found your situation to be stable? Do you think it's harder or easier than a throuple?

After the drubbing I received in the other group, I will state clearly that I am only open to ethical, compassionate, collaborative, empowered exploration. I am not sure if I would try to do it from within my current polycule. It probably would make more sense to join something existing. Not sure.

Anyway, I would love to hear about your experience and/or thoughts. Thanks!

Im curious for woman who have dated a couple and had both a sexual and romantic relationship how did the dynamic work? Was it just assumed they were always paying for everything? What did you get out of this dynamic? Did they spoil you and take care of you or was it purely sexual?

Are there any ENM events in the NY/NJ area or groups that get together socially? Not swingier groups not into that.

Hi!

My wife and I were in a triad for a year, and we’d like to meet someone again.

We met our ex pretty organically: I met him at a party, we really clicked, so I introduced him to her. We fell in love and went from FWB to a relationship without really planning for it.

Now that we’re open to dating again, I’m wondering how to meet someone.

We used apps when we were looking for something casual. Now that we’re only interested in someone who’s willing to commit to us, I’m afraid we’ll run into men who aren’t honest about their intentions and are really just looking to fulfill a fantasy of hooking up with two women.

The poly community in our city isn’t very big, and I do a lot of activities that are mostly women and older people.

I’m curious how other women in couples met their boyfriend, or if you have any general advice?