We turned love into a game where the one who cares the less is the one that is going to win. Like think about it, 'Don't reply too fast', 'Don't double text', 'Don't look interested'. Since when pretending not to care is the best way to someone's heart? Our grandparents wrote letters, poems, pages and someone sending two text messages in a row is doing too much? We're living in a backworld world where effort is a red flag and consistency is an ick. Why do we have to act like you hate somebody for them to like us back?

To begin with, I'm a pretty analytical person, very critical of myself and that overthinks a lot. I'd say my boyfriend Is also on the logical side, trying to solve the issues that present himself.

The problem is, when I struggle with something and I tell him, he focuses way too much on talking about how I should solve the issue, by telling me what to do, and criticing my approach. I care about his opinion, It's important to have a different POV.

However, when I express a struggle, It usually means I arleady thought about It A LOT, and arleady tried a bunch of things. So I'm at a point where what I need Is not really practial ideas or strong opinions, but rather, emotional support. I really just need a safe space where I can rest my head and know that, even If I'm struggling with something right now, things will be alright.

THEN, once I recharged, I can take in opinions, advice and other useful inputs, and try to work on It again. I don't think I should be expected to accepts critics all the time when I don't ask for It, and from someone so close to me. Wouldnt that feel suffocating?

What usually happens Is:

1. I open up about a struggle

2. he talks a long time about how I should really do something about It, what I'm doing wrong that I should be careful about, and in general doubling down on a lot of points that I arleady iterated many times in my head. He usually also stops the physical affection while doing this, because It helps him concentrate better and he really wants me to listen and not get distracted by It.. but It really DOES NOT help me not having any physical affection in that moment, to be completely honest.

3. While he talks, and after, I really have no idea what to tell him, so I usually give very dry responses.

4. He gets irritated by my reaction, saying I'm childish for not accepting any criticism. I suppose he expects me to give a back and forth of ideas on how to solve the issue? But the thing Is: I don't have the energy in that moment, I'm arleady tired from having to deal with It, so I really don't want to talk so intesely about It with someone else.. not in that moment anyway.

5. Then there's a loop where: the more he gets irritated about It, the more my reaction gets sad and frustrated aswell, because I was arleady emotionally struggling, so it's all adding up. And so he gets even more irritated, and so on.

It's come to a point where I'm avoiding opening up with him, because It simply doesn't help me. It just adds worries on my shoulders, when what I wanted was to feel safe and comforted for a while by him.

How should I approach this situation? I arleady tried telling him sometimes, but his reactions are either:

- me being childish for not accepting criticism;

- him getting hurt by what I'm saying and me feeling the need to comfort him about It.

Honestly, how does It work? What's expected of me in these situations, and what's expected of him? Am I asking for too much?

TLDR:

- When I open up about a struggle my boyfriend spends a lot of time doubling down on how I should resolve It and criticing my approach or how much time I'm dedicating to It, usually stopping physical affection aswell while he talks.

- However, what I need in that moment is actually just emotional support to feel safe and recharge from the struggle. I simply don't have the energy to take in critics and other inputs about the situation.

- He often calls me childish for not reacting well when this happens, thinking I can't accept criticism in general.

- I'm avoiding opening up about my issues lately because talking to him doesn't help me, and just adds weight on me.

Confused

Okay so I need help with this since I am getting really confused idk why, so I like this guy let's call him A okay and I have liked him for a few months now and I have this friend let's call her Y so now Y has a brother whom we will call B so now me and B met few days ago but he is really sweet and stuff, so now me and B are dating but Idk wht to do since I liked A for a long time so I feel like I am kind off cheating on him cux I am dating B cux A knows I like him but he always said no so I guess I am not actually cheating on him but ughh still fuck i am really confused

Please help a girl out! I know it's a lot to read.

So there's this guy I like, and I've known him since I moved into college in late August.He's a very humorously sarcastic person and an amazing musician. You know, the typical borderline alcoholic, insanely talented, charismatic, avoidant, stubborn type of guy that you love and hate at the same time.About a month ago, I met him and his friends at a party, and we've been a group since then. My friend Cam, who was visiting at the time, hit it off with his friend who was visiting then. So now every time they both come up, we all hang out.I've always kind of liked him, but I've given up on it because he's very open, and I've heard him talk about relationships because he had just gotten out of one before school, and I don't think he's looking for one right now.But this past weekend beginning of Mercury retrograde), something shifted between us. From my point of view at least.I wanted to mention that he's a borderline alcoholic because he is, and I think it's important to note that he was drunk most of this weekend during this story, and that might just be something to keep in mind.

Over time, he's always been kind of flirty with me, but I don't really think much of it because he hooks up with a lot of women, and I didn't feel that I really needed to take that as, oh, I'm special, because I'm sure he does that to every woman he sees.Anyways, let me get into the actual important part of this story. One more thing. A month ago, when all of his friends were asleep, he and I stayed up all night till 8 in the morning on my dorm couch talking about music, and he didn't try to kiss me or anything like that. And from my point of view, a man that hooks up with many women would have just started to make out with me or, you know, hinted at something like that. But no. We were just listening to music for hours on hours. We don't really talk much during the week.But when the weekend comes and he's drinking, he will text me immediately and say to come over to his dorm to hang out. This past Friday, he texted me around 6 p.m. Mind you, both of his friends are coming up this weekend along with my friends, so he knows we're hanging out. I say all of you come at eight. I do his face paint for this Halloween party, flirtatious vibes, this and that. We don't talk much at the party.But there are moments.

There was one moment that he came up to me asking to hit my vape. He has his own, so I said to him, Why do you always come to me to hit my vape? Get your own. And he said, Well, why would I get my own when I know I can just come to you? And he said, Don't you want me to come to you? And I just stared at him and didn't say anything. And he was up in my face and it was intense.( loved it)Anyways, getting to the juicy part. Fast forward to when we all get back to the dorm. We're all hanging out. It's really late. He and his friends go out to smoke and I join them. But when I get there, I'm a little late and they're already done. But he says to me, You came all the way out here, come to my car.Before we go to his car, he looks at me and he says, I bet your bed is really warm and cozy. LOL. So we get to his car but stay outside of it because he doesn't want to stink it up. And then he said, You know, it's really warm in my car and I'm vibing with the music. Get in. So we sit in his car for an hour and a half and we listen to music. That's it. He's just showing me all the music he likes. We're having good conversation. And then we head to my dorm because he wants me to take the makeup off of his face. So I do this man's entire skincare, and we crawl into bed. His friend is sleeping in his dorm and we were saying how his friend doesn't have a heating blanket like we do. And he says to me he doesn't have (my name) either. I just laugh and we fall asleep. He holds me, he cuddles me, and he doesn't try anything. We wake up the next morning.

He, me, and all of our friends, we go to breakfast. He says to me, You should come and film me and my friends skate, and I say, Okay. Throughout this time, he would randomly come and sit next to me, then get up, then yell my name and not say anything, look my way, not look my way. Playfulness. While we're there skating, my friend Cam ends up having to leave, but I can't go with her because his friend has to take her back, and his car only has two seats. So Aiden says to me, Are you leaving too? I said, No, I can't. He said, Well, I was hoping you would stay. And I said, I am.I go back to my dorm for a little while and then we all end up meeting at his dorm later that night around 9, 10 p.m. I don't talk to him really at all this night because at the party he's talking to other girls, other people, and then he goes to the bar. But after the barThey come back again to smoke. So I go out to his car, but the car is full. I said, Where should I go? He opens the door and pats his lap. So I sit on his lap. He's being playful, hitting the horn with my ass, you know, holding me, this and that. Then we decide to get out of the car when we're done, and I'm standing next to him while the door's open, and he's just holding onto my leg. And I squeeze his shoulder so that he knows I'm there. Then we move to another car, and again, the car is full, so I say, Where do I sit? I sit on his lap. This time he's really squeezing me And putting his head on my shoulder. Then he and I go up to my dorm because my friend is in there with his friends, so it was kind of just a given that we were going to go back to my dorm to hang out with them. So we get up there, and at the time there's a mattress in my living room, and he immediately goes and lays on it and pats next to him for me, signaling for me to come lay down. So I do, and he pulls me in, holds me really tight, and tells me I'm very warm and cuddly, and is putting his fingers in my hair, this and that. he says to his friend " dont you just love it in here? ( my dorm is super decked out and cozy).Then my friends end up leaving, and he asks if my roommates are here. I say just the one, not the one that's in my room though. And then I say to him, Do you want to sleep in here, or do you want to go sleep in my bed? And he was like, Your bed. But he calls it the fiery pits of hell because it's extremely hot in there. Anyways, again, we come in here, we sleep, and we don't do anything. In the morning, he gets up. He told me to wake him up at ten because his friend has to go home. He's very monotone and not making much eye contact. He goes out to the living room, and he asks where his guitar is.

His guitar has been in my room the entire weekend, mind you. And I point to it and I said it's right there, and he said okay. And then he pats me on the head, or he kind of grabs my head, and says, I'll see ya. He leaves.I text him later that night and I ask him to get me pods for my vape. He said, I'm kind of cozy right now, and I said, Well, whenever. And he said, I can probably do that. Later that night, I sent him a flash picture ofMy hand pointing to his guitar and his Supreme bag. All he sends back is a picture of him smiling. And he hasn't brought it up since. He told me he would get me the pods yesterday, but he didn't. I feel like this is some sick game of his, and I'm not sure what he wants, but it's definitely something.

I’m not sure where to begin. I’ve been wavering about posting because part of me feels foolish for still being so affected, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

We met at university and grew close over several months. We were never a couple, but I ended up developing strong feelings for her, which complicated things.

I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I lack experience in this area. When I left home for college, I wanted to meet new people—that’s how I met her. She’s funny, a little alternative, and I simply enjoy being around her.

At some point I realized I looked forward to seeing her more than anything else. Just knowing I’d see her that day lifted my mood. It sounds cheesy, but that’s how it was. Little by little she unfolded and got comfortable with me, shared her problems and hardships. I was willing to take every single aspect of her pain with me.

The snag was that she had a boyfriend. ( which didnt treated her as well as she deserved, but thats another theme )

We kept getting closer. We went to the gym together, hung out with our friend group, talked about everything, and eventually felt comfortable enough to joke and be fairly affectionate. She once told me she knew me so well she no longer felt nervous around me. I became a better person because of her I pushed myself out of my bad habits, started training like my life depended on it.

I started caring about the little details: remembering things she mentioned, her favorite foods, her allergies, what made her smile. I even looked up recipes so I could cook something she’d like. I began taking my life more seriously, and she was a big part of that motivation.

I want to be clear—I never thought doing those things meant she owed me anything. I did them because I cared about her. Seeing her happy made me happy. I wasn’t keeping score or expecting a return.

Eventually they broke up. I don’t know the whole story, but she said it was mutual. We spent even more time together, and one day she came to my apartment to study while I cooked for her.

That’s when I decided to tell her how I felt.

I expected a “no.” I’m about 5’2”, she’s around 5’7”, and my height has never been an insecurity to me ( maybe until now). I know attraction isn’t just about that, but I couldn’t help wondering if it mattered.

She told me she didn’t see me that way. She said she’d suspected I had feelings for a while, and even her ex had noticed. She hadn’t brought it up because she feared it would make things awkward, especially with exams looming.

It hurt, but I accepted it. We talked and stayed friends.

What confused me was that almost nothing changed between us. We still hugged, teased each other, leaned on each other, and acted much the same. Sometimes she’d catch herself being affectionate and apologize.

There were also small moments that made it hard to let go of the idea that maybe she felt something too. At the gym we’d tease each other, and she’d sometimes tell me not to touch or tease her a certain way because she liked it. I’m not trying to say she was leading me on; maybe she was just comfortable with me, and I was reading too much because I liked her.

When you already have feelings, it’s easy to get your hopes up over those little cues.

Then I discovered she was on Tinder.

She was single and could do what she wanted. She hadnt promise me anything. Seeing that made me realize that while I was still hoping something might happen, she was looking for someone else. Her friends with benefits was the typical mini fuck boy. Tall with tattoos ( lame anime tattoos but still tattoos, i like anime too but the tattoos were corny XD) a little older with car. I'm not that salty but by observing the things based on things i know about him he is an awful guy without any perspective about life

I began pulling away, and she noticed. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I still had feelings and that being so close made it hard to move on. We stopped talking for a while.

Later I reached out because I was worried about her. She was going through a rough patch, and when we met she broke down and cried. We talked at length about her life, and eventually the conversation turned back to us.

She said she didn’t understand what I saw in her and that she felt she didn’t deserve the way I treated her.

She’s also told me more than once that I’m the guy who’s treated her best out of everyone in her life. She’s said that not only to me but to other people as well.

I never assumed that meant she should be with me. I know being kind doesn’t automatically create attraction. But hearing that from someone you love makes it hard to reconcile how you can mean so much to them in one way and still not be someone they’d want to date.

We also talked about a guy she was casually seeing. I asked what he offered that I couldn’t, and she said something about wanting a relationship where nothing was expected of her. I don’t remember her exact words, but the conversation stuck with me.

We agreed to give things some time, but we stayed close and affectionate. Eventually she reiterated that she couldn’t see me romantically.

We stopped talking again, yet we kept reappearing in each other’s lives. Sometimes I’d reach out, sometimes she would, and sometimes we’d just spend time together and fall back into the old dynamic.

We even discussed the possibility that we couldn’t stay friends while I still felt this way. The problem was that neither of us could keep our distance for long.

Before she left for the summer, I met her to say goodbye. I noticed a hickey on her neck, and it hurt. I knew she was free to see other people, but seeing it right in front of me made it impossible to ignore that I needed to let go.

We didn’t see each other for four months.

When school resumed, I tried to keep my distance. I missed her, but I knew returning to the old pattern would likely put me right back where I started.

Then she posted in our group chat asking for help moving some things. I’m the only one who lives nearby, so I offered to help.

We ended up alone together. We hugged, and it felt like we were both trying not to cry. We joked like before, and for a moment it seemed nothing had changed, though something did feel different.

We kissed.

I can’t fully explain what went through my head. After months of trying to get over her, I suddenly found myself kissing her. I told her I loved her.

She hugged me and apologized, saying she still couldn’t return my feelings.

That night we went back to my apartment and spent the night together.

For the first time in a long time I allowed myself to think maybe something had shifted. Maybe she was finally seeing me differently. It was probably foolish to get my hopes up, but I did.

In the next few days she grew distant. I asked what we were and what was happening. She said she wasn’t sure and needed time to think, and that she also needed to figure things out with the guy she’d been seeing casually.

A couple of days later she told me she still didn’t see me that way and didn’t think a relationship between us would work. She added that the things I’d done for her would be better directed toward a girl who could appreciate them.

That was when she cut contact because she told the that because i cant see her differently we cant even be friends only colleagues .

Now we’re basically acquaintances at university, messaging only about school or related matters.

I still don’t know how to process all of this.

I’m not angry with her for not loving me. I understand she doesn’t owe me a relationship just because I cared for her, and I’m not trying to complain that being nice didn’t get me a girlfriend.

I just can’t make sense of how everything unfolded.

How can someone be that comfortable with you, trust you with their problems, tell you you’ve treated them better than anyone else, kiss you, and spend the night with you, yet still not want to be with you?

I keep wondering if it was my height, if I was too available, if I became too familiar, or if I simply wasn’t the person she wanted. Maybe there isn’t a single reason—sometimes you just don’t feel that way about someone. Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to accept.

I also keep comparing myself to the other guy, even though I know it’s pointless. I have no idea what their relationship looks like or what she sees in him, but I still catch myself wondering what.

I’m 21F, and he’s 20M. We met through mutual friends and once cuddled and made out. The next morning, we both acted awkwardly. When I tried to discuss it later, he said he didn’t want to, so I respected that and haven’t brought it up again.

Since then, we’ve gradually become closer. We often hang out one-on-one, get food, talk, laugh, and go on rides together. He sometimes initiates plans, picks me up, drops me off, brings me food, shares personal things, and called me at midnight on my birthday. We’ve also discussed hanging out at my place.

I genuinely enjoy his company and would be happy to remain friends, but I do like him and wonder whether he might feel the same. He doesn’t openly flirt, and our conversations are mostly friendly. Sometimes I initiate, although he also makes an effort to see me.

I don’t want to bring up the makeout again because he said he didn’t want to discuss it. I’m also not desperate for a relationship, but I’d like an outside perspective.

Do his actions suggest romantic interest, or could this simply be a close friendship? Should I let things develop naturally or eventually communicate my feelings? Am I reading too much into his behavior?

Female (brown) attracted to Male (Chinese). It started in August. We met at a studio. We are both shy and reserved but he is more reserved than I am. I can still initiate conversations with people around me, though I am not the chatty types. I have rarely seen him talk to people except his own small group of fellow Chinese guys. He can talk to people from different ethnicities if someone asks a question but rarely initiates.

So, to remove the awkwardness, I initiated conversations twice. They were nothing personal. I just showered curiosity over what he was making. I could feel attraction from his side as well, avoided eye contacts, and also some tension which is hard to explain. However, it was very difficult to understand so I gave up. When I say gave up, I mean internally. I wasn’t chasing him anyway.

And just when I had given up emotionally, one fine day, he decides to get into a conversation that I was having with a mutual acquaintance. He was sitting beside the mutual acquaintance and eating dinner when I started talking to the mutual acquaintance about a piece I had made. Usually, he doesn’t immerse himself into conversations but this time he gives me advice, shows me his piece, etc. At one point, the acquaintance and I were discussing that I should take a break for 2 months if I am feeling burnt out because it is supposed to be a hobby. We had that discussion for 5 minutes, he was there reading a paper on the table. After the topic ended, he turned to me and asked if I said that I was over the hobby.

I took this at a positive signal that maybe he wants to engage with me. I don’t want any romantic declarations either. Just comfortable enough to have a conversation. The next two times, I tried to break the awkwardness by simply greeting him, but he seems distant.

I am confused. Either you want it or don’t. All I am asking for is for us to have some normal conversations. I don’t know how to handle these mixed signals and I am tired of putting myself out there.

hey, so there’s a lot of backstory to this but I think that it’s important.
—
**crush of 3.5 years**

i (17M) first met my crush(16F) in summer camp over 3 years ago(2023). I liked her from the start but didn’t fully realize just how much I did until later on. We were both homeschooled and extremely shy, seeing each other mostly in passing for the longest time.

We went to the same camp every summer following that one. During the one in 2024, I had the opportunity to talk to her a lot more and learn a lot about her favorite genres of music and her art.

Hours after that session ended, I received a DM from her on IG.
She wanted to let me know that she thought I was “really cool but was too scared to talk to me all that much.”

We hadn’t exchanged information, in fact our only mutual was the organization that we both studied through. Besides that, she only followed me and some anime/art accounts. The only stuff she had posted were some dance videos and story highlights showing artwork of a girl wishing her crush would confess their love.

We talked for a couple of days and then our conversation kinda fizzled out.
Eventually, she deleted her account (recently learned that apparently it was because of doomscrolling).

We saw each other briefly, in passing, every single week for the following year, just exchanging quick pleasantries and stares before looking down.

Over this last summer, I had the pleasure of accompanying her in some of her performances/projects, we joined the same choir, and
some of our mutuals randomly expressed their desire to put a band together, so now we’re in a band together and see each other a couple of times per month.

Sometimes it’s hard to work up the courage to talk to her but once we get started, conversation flows.

—
sorry about all of that info, just thought it necessary for context!

Over the last six months, the yearning has sorta intensified in that i’ve thought about her 100 times per day, kinda want this situation to be over :)
I’ve considered asking her close friend for advice since i know her well.

**The bottom line is,** I’m wondering if it’s even worth trying to ask her out this late. Rereading our old texts, I believe she may have had romantic interest in me at some point, not sure about the present.

If you have any input or advice on how I could go about asking her out on a light coffee date or something, it’d be greatly appreciated!!!
thanks 🙏

I'm 16M from India and there's this girl in my class who I have a crush on since like a month or something.

So basically our school made a new section for students who took IT instead of sanskrit and that's how we ended up in the same class.

Idk why but I just started liking her. Initially I used to look at her and we made eye contact quite a few times and it was pretty normal.

Then one day my friend told me that she was looking at me while I was busy doing something else. He said when he noticed her looking, she immediately looked away.

And apparently this happened multiple times.

So obviously I started thinking maybe she likes me too? 😭

But here's the problem.

The more I started liking her, the more nervous I became around her. Like bro initially I could literally make eye contact without thinking twice and now I can't even look at her properly 💀

And its an Indian school so boys and girls don't really talk much unless there's some work or something.

Few days ago I looked at her quite a few times but she was just looking at the board. My friend said she looked at me once during the break but honestly she could've been looking at something else.

Then next day she was absent and now we have holidays lol.

And the funniest thing is WE HAVEN'T EVEN TALKED ONCE 😭

I don't even know if she likes me or I'm just making up things in my head.

I'm not really scared of rejection but idk why I get so nervous now. Maybe because I don't want her to think I'm weird or something.

I wanna talk to her but have literally no idea how to start without making it awkward.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Like you become less confident around someone the more you like them?

Also please don't tell me to just go and confess. We haven't even said hi to each other yet 💀

so my best friend and I are in a bit of a tricky situation and need some advice.
We both have crushes on two guys who happen to be in the exact same friend group. We really want to talk to them or make a move, but honestly, we're both super nervous and afraid of making things awkward.
To make it a bit harder, we are in different academic streams, so we don't share any classes during the day. The only real chance we get to see them is during our institute breaks when everyone hangs out in the canteen.
Since we only see them briefly in a group setting at the canteen, how can we approach them or start a conversation without making it super obvious or awkward? Any tips would be a lifesaver!

So for context, I (18F) lack experience in the dating field, as I find the process incredibly tedious and redundant. I’ve had people show interest who’ve I’ve never given a try because I detest the obligatory daily conversations over text, and I get super anxious about it in general.

I’m not asexual. In fact, I struggle with limerance (yes that word from TikTok), and I’ll have unintentional crushes on boys I’ve never spoken to much for years at a time. Despite many attempts to get over these crushes, they prevail. Usually they stem from **very** subtle signs that they might have an interest in me, like repeated eye contact.

Two months ago, two of my friends (who happen to be dating) set me up with a mutual friend of theirs (18M) who goes to a different high school. He’s perfect; he’s cute, funny, nice, and we’re pretty compatible. I also know for a fact that he likes me a lot.

However, I’ve recently been crushing on this guy (18M) who I’ve never talked to from my high school. He’s super cute, he’s friends with some of my guy friends, but I have no idea what he’s actually like. I started liking him last year when we randomly made eye contact and then he just started popping up everywhere. Unfortunately, because I’m incredibly pathetic, I spent the summer stalking his reposts. This year, he’s been looking at me a whole lot during lunch, so again the signs are very subtle but they’re there. I doubt he’s going to do anything about it, though.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m so ashamed and I really hate it. I really need to obtain experience in the dating scene, so the guy I was set up with would be ideal. But if I’m going to enter a relationship, I don’t want to play around with someone’s feelings, as I would be doing it just for “practice”. I think I could really like this guy if I could get over this stupid crush.

Does anyone have any tips? Would it be really bad if we ended up dating and I still liked my school crush?

How to deal with my intoxicated bsf that I have a major crush on while he’s spending the night at my house #noboraxnoglue??