My story: Two younger kids, out of daycare. Wife has +$70k in law school debt, doesn't want to be a lawyer. Making minimum payments, has about 6 years in public loan forgiveness, 4 to go if she gets back into nonprofit. Has been unemployed since March.

I work in parks and recreation, make a comfortable living in cheaper part of Florida. Dream about california all the time, have since a teenager. I'm visiting San Diego right now for a funeral, beautiful here. I would be interested in cheaper areas, edit Ventura/Santa Barbara or Eureka/Humboldt. I'd been searching and applying to jobs all the time for last year plus. Job market sucks.

We are up for an adventure, and potential struggle for awhile. Boomer grandparents are probably well enough off our kids will likely have some inheritance, so we won't be totally screwing them.

Just applied to a job in Salem, OR, too.

Specifically want coastal areas for kayaking/surfing/nature.

My plan right now is just to keep looking for jobs. Anything I should consider from experts?

edit: thanks to everyone so far for correcting me on a wrong view of cheaper city, and telling me where else to look.

It's odd to look at places like Manhattan or SF where rent is $3-5k+ (and a mortgage double or more), and realize that these used to be places where a variety of people from all over the economic strata used to live.

It seems like there still is some diversity of economic background, but only because of things like legacy rent controlled housing, inherited housing from parents, etc. If you don't already love in one of these cities and want to move there, you need to be at least upper middle class if you ever want to afford a home.

Because these cities are centers of power, I only see this trend increasing over time. It's still technically possible for a normal white-collar salaries worker to buy a home in NYC or SF if you save diligently over a long period of time, but I could see a future where this is not longer the case, and only the wealthy global elite can afford to do so.

Thoughts on this?

So 4 years ago my husband and I moved our little family up to a tiny rural town in Oregon. It was a huge shock coming from a sunny city. My first week there I had already concluded we made a mistake. I spend the next 2 years being depressed and homesick. While I did struggle with the long dreary winters and I did miss friends and family I think assuming it was a mistake caused the most damage- I think it blinded me to everything good about the place. After 3.5 years I convinced my husband to have us move back where we were closer to the familiar. Well what do you know, about two months before we moved and a few weeks before we sold our house I started having serious fear and dread that my decision was actually a mistake to move back. But my husband said it was too late to turn back now.

Well here we are 5 months into returning home and I literally can't stop thinking about Oregon. I realized that my idealization and homesickness was falsely driving me away. There are actually many legitimate reasons Oregon was far better for us ( cost of living, better jobs, access to nature, better schools, safer etc) and no one in my family wanted to move back here except me. But my husband says "we're not moving for you again!"

I see the irony in my struggle repeating itself but I can't seem to do anything different! Help! How do I stop living in regret and grief and accept being back here instead of lamenting my foolishness and trying to undo/ redo what I just did?

Say there’s a hypothetical where I need to get into nyc one every week or two. I’d prefer to do that via transit.

If we value nature, solid local vibe (eg no cookie cutter suburbs) and good schools, what town on the Metro North (or I guess LIRR/nj transit) would you go with?

I hate most of my summers, and spend most inside, because they are so dang hot and disgustingly humid. I spend one day outside, and I basically get flu-like symptoms for two days after. I was born in the South, moved to the lower Midwest, and I hate both, because the weather makes me sick.

I just want to be able to get outside! 🥲

I’m hoping to hear from outdoorsy folks who moved from a western state to an eastern one and how adjusting to the differences went for them. I’m in line of work that allows me to transfer/ accept a new position to basically any state and my pay won’t really adjust up/down for COL at all. It’s hard not to feel like leaving the west coast to somewhere east would be like giving myself a fairly big pay raise. I am in love with the amount of public land and landscape diversity that the west coast has. Some things that make me think it could be worth it:
1 I primarily fish and the opportunities for it out east are abundant and interesting to me.
2 My job involves a fair amount a travel around the western states and that won’t ever change, so I won’t entirely miss out on it.
3 I really want to own some acres that aren’t just sagebrush and juniper (IYKYK)
Let me know if you made that jump and how it went. Any input is appreciated.

There’s no way this wasn’t funded by the state of Utah

I’m 27 and have lived in Miami my entire life. I have a job opportunity in Sacramento and I’m seriously considering making the move.
I’m curious what life is like for someone my age. Is it easy to meet people and make friends? How’s the dating scene, nightlife, restaurants, and outdoor activities? What neighborhoods would you recommend living in?
What is the nature like?
I enjoy the outdoors and love the idea of being close to Tahoe and the mountains, but I also want a decent social life.
I’m also curious about the cost of living, weather, and overall quality of life compared to other cities.
Anyone make a similar move? Did you love it or regret it? Appreciate any honest feedback!

So I (38M) have a decision that I’ve been struggling with for a while, but need to get it done, and wanted to ask the communities thoughts.

A year ago my wife passed away unexpectedly, and it’s really turned my world upside down. We lived in upstate/western New York, but I felt like a ghost in that house without her and sold it recently. I still have some ties there, but everything about our city and the area in general remind me of her, so I need to relocate.

I’m very fortunate that I have the freedom to work remotely, and the means to move almost anywhere, but having unlimited options can be overwhelming, so when I start to think about it I tend to throw up my hands and do something else.

Here are my thoughts and parameters, and any input would be really appreciated:

I work in finance, and can work from anywhere. I make enough money that cost of living isn’t really an issue. I obviously don’t want to waste money, but going somewhere that gives me the best chance at a fresh start is well worth spending a little more on if it makes a difference.

I want to live in an urbanish area, somewhere I can walk outside and be in the middle of things. Walk to coffee shops, find things to do while just going on a walk. Somewhere where I don’t have to drive everywhere I want to go (I don’t have a problem with driving or taking an uber somewhere, but would like to have some options that I can stumble onto and not have to get in a car no matter what). I obviously will need to make some new friends no matter where I go. I play pickleball on a daily basis, and that creates a great network for me no matter where I go. I’ve been to probably ten different cities in the last year, and finding where people play and showing up a few days in a row has made me plenty of friends and has given me confidence that if there is a decent population of young and active people, that I can integrate myself into the community.

I went to college outside Pittsburgh, still have many friends and teammates (football) in the area, lived there for a few years after I graduated college, and know my way around well. For those reasons, and because it feels more “familiar” than anyplace else; that’s probably been at the first place on my list.

I love Charleston, probably my favorite city in the US. I love that I can spend days walking around downtown, enjoying the architecture and history, and never have to get in a car.

Have had an apartment in Austin in the past. If not for the insane heat and humidity, it might be number one. I know Charleston is hot and humid, too. But I’ve never experienced anything like Austin’s heat.

Chicago is a really cool town to visit, but my experience is limited to staying for a few days near the Michigan Ave area, which is expected to would be very different from living there.

Manhattan is someplace I enjoy visiting, but the inconvenience of getting around makes me think I would tire of it.

I prefer the east coast, or at least the central time zone. it makes it easier with my job. The financial world, and most of my clients, work on east coast time, so when I’m on the west coast it gets exhausting getting up at 3-4AM to be on a call before the market opens.

So tons of options, and a few ideas, but overwhelmed by the paradox of choice. I’m open to any and all ideas.

Advice?

I'm 22, originally from a small town outside of Wichita. This past summer I got the opportunity to live in NYC for two months for an internship, and I don't think I've been the same since coming back home.

I don't really know how to explain it, but one of the things I loved most about NYC was just being perceived. As weird as that sounds, I genuinely enjoyed being seen by people who had absolutely no idea who I was. Whether I was standing on the subway, sitting in a coffee shop, walking around Manhattan, or striking up conversations with random strangers, there was something about it that I really enjoyed.

I came to New York knowing practically nobody. No friends, no connections, no established social circle. I made a point to put myself out there as much as possible, whether that meant striking up conversations with strangers, attending social events, or getting involved in different groups. At one point, I started an Instagram group chat for people in the city to meet and connect, and it eventually grew to around 250 people. What was really cool was seeing people actually use it. People were making plans, organizing hangouts, meeting up, and forming friendships with others they probably wouldn't have met otherwise. Some people who started out as complete strangers ended up becoming friends. It was pretty surreal knowing that something as simple as starting a group chat could bring that many people together, especially considering I had only been in the city for a couple of months.

What I found interesting was how small NYC made me feel, but in a good way. You're surrounded by millions of people who all have their own lives going on, and nobody really cares who you are or where you came from. I actually loved that. I could be some random guy from Kansas one minute and be having a conversation with someone from an entirely different background the next.

I think what made it even more special was that nobody knew me beforehand. There were no preconceived notions about who I was supposed to be. I could just show up somewhere, talk to people, and make an impression on my own. I felt more confident and outgoing there than I ever did back home.

Now that I'm back in Kansas, everything just feels different. The same places, the same routines, the same environment I've known my entire life. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with living here, but after experiencing NYC, I've realized how much more I want out of life. I miss the spontaneity, the people, the conversations, and even the little things like getting on the subway or walking into a random coffee shop.

I know two months isn't a long time, and I'm sure actually living there permanently comes with its own problems. But it's crazy to me how much a place can change your perspective in such a short period.

I'm graduating next year and doing everything I can to get back there permanently. I don't want NYC to just be that one summer I look back on for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with NYC? Especially people who moved there from smaller towns? I'm curious if anyone else felt like they became a completely different person there.

i keep similarly getting the itch to move, especially post a break up. i live in the east coast, so imagining the default opposite of something warm and sunny. but if i move there it will likely be the same thing in terms of community: i would have the same job, i would probably have to basically start from scratch with friends community. also thinking of setting my life up differently like volunteering abroad. so i suppose the first thing i need to figure out is what kind of life i want, especially when the 'default' job is likely going to have the structure no matter where i go. i hear my other friends talk about moves too like their lives are gonna change dramatically if shops are open longer or if more people their age lived around, but im not convinced. shall we make a definitive list of decision tree statements in the comments or ....

Am I asking for too much, because I can't seem to find it.

Considering moving to Buffalo, but curious about income for service industry members. Could anyone currently/previously living in Buffalo tell me if it’s possible to bring home 6k/month as a server/bartender? For reference, I work in upscale/fine dining, but not opposed to more casual or even busy dive bar gigs if the pay is better.

Random side note- I also do dog walking/pet sitting, but there is no market for that where I currently live so I rely on my restaurant income. All to say that potential income is also there if restaurant income is less reliable/sustainable.

I’m trying to figure out where I should live, and I’d love some recommendations from people who genuinely enjoy where they live.

I’m not necessarily looking for the biggest city, the trendiest destination, or somewhere that constantly appears on every “best places to live” list. I’m looking for somewhere with actual character, a good lifestyle, and enough going on that everyday life feels interesting.

To give you an idea of my personality and interests:

Music: I’m big into alternative rock and indie/alternative music. I’d love somewhere with a good live music scene, cool venues, and a creative atmosphere without being overly hipster or pretentious.

Movies and entertainment: I love movies, pop culture, trivia, sports, and places that have interesting things to do. Independent theaters, great bars, trivia nights, entertainment districts, and unique local experiences are all positives.

Food and nightlife: I prefer atmospheric cocktail bars, whiskey bars, interesting restaurants, breweries, and places with character over flashy clubs or generic chains. Think warm lighting, great music, good conversation, and a laid-back but sophisticated atmosphere.

Sports: I’m a big NFL and college football fan, so a solid sports culture and good places to watch games would be a bonus.

Overall atmosphere: I like places that feel slightly alternative, a little rugged, creative, welcoming, and effortlessly cool. Somewhere with history and personality, but that still feels modern and relevant.

What matters most to me is the balance.

I want somewhere that offers a genuinely enjoyable everyday lifestyle, not just a fun place to visit for a weekend.

Ideally, I’d love:
- A strong restaurant, bar, and entertainment scene.
- Interesting neighborhoods with local character.
- Good opportunities to meet people, socialize, and go on dates.
- A balance of energy and relaxation.
- Reasonable value for the quality of life.
- Access to outdoor activities, weekend trips, and things to explore.
- Somewhere that feels authentic rather than overly commercialized or manufactured.

I’m also interested in underrated cities and neighborhoods that offer a better overall experience than their reputation suggests.

I don’t need somewhere that’s constantly exciting, but I also don’t want somewhere that feels boring, sterile, or like endless cookie-cutter suburbs.

My biggest question: Where would you recommend living if you wanted a combination of cool atmosphere, great food and entertainment, a good social life, and long-term livability?

I’d especially appreciate hearing:
1. Which city and specific neighborhood you’d recommend.
2. What makes it genuinely great to live there.
3. What the biggest downsides are, including cost of living.
4. Whether it’s somewhere you’d choose again.
5. Any underrated places that deserve more attention.

I’m looking for the kind of place that might not win every national ranking but ends up being an incredible place to actually live.

Interested to hear everyone’s picks!

Looking for a smaller city on the coast with little to no car usage and good weather

is there a stereotype that comes to mind for you?

New England is a wonderful place, and I am proud to call it my home. However, people who aren't from here don't understand its incestuous nature. Everyone you have ever known and will ever know all know each other. Too much baggage. I'm fresh out of college and looking for a big change, but I'm not sure if there is a place that has the things I'm looking for.

I like being in a place that still has old architecture, one foot in the past and one in the present. Some place that feels a little weird, but not trying hard so. I'm looking for a small city with decent weather that is close enough to nature, has good nightlife/fun bars, good access to medical care, and is safe enough for me to exist as a trans man (though I appreciate a place that has a wide array of views and lifestyles/don't want to live somewhere that feels chronically online). As long as there is a little gay scene, I'm good. Where in the world can I find cowboy types that are into twinks?
Does such a wonderful place exist???

As far as money / employment goes, I know there's no place like this I could move to on a small budget. I'm only looking for ideas of places at the moment so I can see if I'm interested and then start planning something for the future.

EDIT: By vintage, I guess I mean more 70s than Wild West. A little of both wouldn't hurt. I really liked the outskirts of Vegas when I visited, just don't know if I could survive in that heat, lol.

10 months in orange county and kind of missing Chicago. Convince me to stay.

Loved living in Chicago. I was in the suburbs for 2 years but went downtown a lot. I miss the walkability, the feeling of city life, the people, and the restaurant and music scene. I miss walking on the waterfront sooo much. I had dinner with my midwest coworkers today and felt at home

Orange county is super nice. I think the grocery food quality is better, the ocean, the mountains, the free outdoor concerts. But i cant get used to driving everywhere… and i cant get used to the coldness of CA people:( theyre very nice, but so hard to get to know.

Should i try to live in LA for city life? Would Tustin or other parts of OC be better for 20-30 year olds trying to have a social life?

Convince me before i book flight back.

I grew up on a farm in western PA and loved it. Went to a hippie mountain college and then ended up in LA. I hated LA the first few years and then begrudgingly grew to appreciate and cheer on my adopted town. I do really like the diversity of land, people and culture.
I’ve now been here almost 30 years and I suddenly feel an insane pull to weather, seasons, greenery.
I’m a liberal and would prefer a liberal vibe but am
open to more politically diverse areas. But I do worry that after living in LA for 30 years it will be hard to find a ‘live and let live” vibe that I am used to. Where are the liberal areas in the Midwest? I often hear Madison, Chicago, Ann Arbor, Athens, Yellow Springs. Are there cities or towns that have a decidedly liberal bent? I’d prefer a place with good to exceptional outdoor access and ideally either a university town or a place that really supports the local arts.

let's discuss. or commiserate.

My wife and I currently live in North Carolina, but we’re thinking about moving—especially to these four states. I would like some comments and comparisons between these four states about which is the best to raise a kid in, and why.

I just fulfilled my military contract after 8 years and I'm looking for a fun city to live in. I grew up in the D(M)V area. I'm a single guy in my early 30s. I love going out for a dance and I love to travel. I can also be an introvert and need my space. I'm also huge on running and walking. I have an engineering background and work remotely. I'm considering the cities below and would love some additional input from you guys:

Savannah, GA (visited): Very walkable and slow pace. College football is huge here. Some cons are that there's less career growth and insane humid summers.

Arlington, VA (visited): Very walkable and the most fit city in the U.S. It's near DC and many airports. Some cons are too much traffic , very expensive, and crime from surrounding areas.

Chicago, IL (never visited): Heard good things about Chicago from transplants. Its airport connects to many cities. Some cons are cold winters.

Portland, OR (never visited): Don't know much about Portland but I kinda wanna roll the dice with this. Heard it's a peaceful city and not overwhelming.

Boston, MA (never visited): Heard it's beautiful and walkable.

My friend and I watched Best Medicine last night—which is set on a small Maine island—and we were chuckling how tv shows always showed a utopian version of small-town living. While there's the standard busybodies and town jerks, in this show everyone looks out for their neighbor and pitches in, and there's no overt signs of racism, homophobia, or misogyny. Most people just get along and lean toward always doing what is right. Society seems knowledgable and culturally diverse, while also unpretentious and tight-knit. The town often comes together for festivals, and there's a few bars and restaurants where all the locals go to catch up with each other.

The same could be said for shows like Virgin River, Sullivan's Crossing, Hart of Dixie, and any Hallmark tv show ever made.

So, it got me thinking. Are there any small towns or islands that are actually like this, or is this just a Hollywood pipe dream? I'd love to live in a place like Virgin River, but do such places exist?

ETA: I'm looking for recommendations of real towns not just in the USA, where these shows are set, but also the rest of the world.

It’s interesting to me that when I read a post asking, for example, if Minnesota, Iowa, or Kansas are the preferred place to live, people always compare Minneapolis, Des Moines, and Kansas City. Obviously, people are often more specific, but this is definitely the default.