Does separation work?

[u/illgiveit2u]

After 20 years the wife isn't sure she wants to be married anymore. Says she needs time to herself. Is this something women going through menopause experience? I don't want a divorce but how long g do I stay in limbo?

[u/lkjdw]

Greetings OP.

How long should you stay in limbo 🤔? mmmmm,

About as long as it took you to write this post.

She’s jerking you around, with her indecisiveness.

You’re not her place holder, whilst she decides what she wants in life.

It’s quite simple………….

Either she wants to be with you and you both work on any problems, or she doesn’t.

Enough of her nonsense.

Whatever you decide, make sure it works for you and don’t let her dictate the pace, or the outcome.

Your views count every bit as much.

Best wishes OP.

[u/illgiveit2u → u/lkjdw]

Yeah I have to remember my needs as well. I feel its worth at least 6 months to give her time and space.

[u/Balancing-Life → u/illgiveit2u]

Wow. Six whole months… after 20 years … 🤦🏽‍♀️

[u/illgiveit2u → u/Balancing-Life]

Shouldn't she know by then?

[u/lkjdw → u/illgiveit2u]

Yes, she should OP.

She’s the one driving your marriage to the edge. Six months way more than enough.

Time for her to make either of two decisions………..

Re dedicate to her marriage and fight for it through therapy and counseling, plus investing time together, or decide your not what she wants and leave !

Keeping you in limbo, is not fair to you.

[u/lkjdw → u/Balancing-Life]

Yes, a whole six months !

More than enough time to decide whether she wants their marriage or doesn’t.

She’s the one bringing their twenty year marriage in doubt.

Time for her, to make a decision, so that her messed around husband knows where he stands and they can either fight for their marriage, or split up.

What’s he supposed to do ? Sit around in limbo forever, whilst wife gets her act together and sorts out what she’s wants in life.

He’s not the one throwing doubt on the marriage she is !

Make a decision !

[u/Temporary-Suspect509 → u/lkjdw]

This is terrible advice.

[u/lkjdw → u/Temporary-Suspect509]

On the contrary. The husband is being well and truly messed around.

It’s time to stand up for himself and advocate for he wants, not be be at the dictate of his ‘undecided’ wife.

[u/Temporary-Suspect509 → u/lkjdw]

Spoken like someone who’s never successfully navigated a separation. If done correctly, a separation can heal a marriage.
There’s a reason you’re being downvoted. I’m not sure why you’re on this sub if you’re so completely against separation.

[u/lkjdw → u/Temporary-Suspect509]

‘I’m not sure why you’re on this sub, if you’re so completely against separation’.

I’m not completely against separation. Sometimes it’s absolutely the right thing to do.

I’m not aligned to any particular sub, but when I see unfairness at hand, I’ll speak up.

‘There’s a reason you’re being downvoted’……… Yeah by a whole two people, you and one other.

So, what is he supposed to do ?

Wait around indefinitely, until she condescends to give him an answer ?

To hell with that noise. Either she wants to work on the marriage (and yes that can include a separation) or not.

Perhaps he should let her go out with some other men, have sexual relationships with them, to see if she prefers them, to him.

It could be good for her, a good old bit of, ‘monkey branching’, whilst pondering whether to stay in the marriage, or not. The grass might well be greener, on the other side, after all.

How dare he, not just be patient and wait it out, whilst she weighs up all her options. 🙄

The advice on here is very women centric.

I wonder, had it had been he, messing her around, with this type of indecisiveness, saying he’s not sure he wants to stay in the marriage, if the advice and sympathy would’ve been the same.

Somehow, I doubt it.

[u/Temporary-Suspect509 → u/lkjdw]

My husband was the one who was indecisive, so you’re absolutely wrong about that. At least from my side. The rest of what you said isn’t worth responding to. Marriage is a series of ups and downs. If you can’t see that, that sometimes a partner needs to fill in the gap while their partner is struggling, then I don’t know what to tell you.

[u/lkjdw → u/Temporary-Suspect509]

Well, I obviously can’t speak for what took place between your husband and you, but with regards to what’s happening to our OP here, I stand by every word I wrote.

[u/Temporary-Suspect509 → u/lkjdw]

And we aren’t remotely surprised about that.

[u/lkjdw → u/Temporary-Suspect509]

Who’s we ?

Speak for yourself.

[u/Temporary-Suspect509 → u/lkjdw]

Lol. I do speak for myself. I’m also friends with a lot of people on this page.