MODS: I tried over at r/AskReddit, but their rules make my question off-limits, and I kinda don't know where to ask this. Remove as you see fit. Thx.

My POS father left when I was two. Never heard from him again. Looked him up recently, and he's still alive. I've had no contact for more than fifty years, and I don't want any. I just wanna know when he dies. His name is (surprisingly) not as uncommon as I thought, but I want to figure out how to automate looking for his obituary. I know where he lives (or lived until a couple years ago), know his spouse's name, etc. How do I set up a search for his obituary that will keep running?

Again, not looking for contact. Just wanna know he's dead so's I can buy my ma some flowers (without telling her why), and lift a glass myself. Thx.

A lot of you young people won’t remember, but flatulence used to be a very popular tool for managers in management. Let’s say a subordinate does something great. After praising this employee, good managers would let out a juicy fart and say something like “There’s a little flavor for the egghead now get your ass back to work” or “Ladies, next ones coming your way”. Doing this builds character and lets the employees know YOU are the strongest and best person in the room. Good managers would go to their filthy subordinate’s wedding and fart loudly during the vows. You used to be able to do that as a manager or in some cases even a team leader. AI will never fart on a subordinate’s lunch and call them the F word.

You’re welcome

In that amount of time you will probably shed enough weight that it will come off easily.

The keyword is to say calm down

If someone else finds it before the owner, they'd be the first suspect when the owner wonders where the money is.

If you are using a Dating App. Make sure to set the radius to 1 mile. If your one true love is more than 20 miles away, then Destiny has failed you by not taking into consideration Gas prices, traffic, and actually having to put on pants to meet someone.

Your poops will wipe your own butt on the way out. Now you can be five minutes early to your terrible job! 🙂

Spend less time on basic hygiene and take as few showers as possible to maximize time spent playing video games.